I love the two girls I explore the Bible with on a Wednesday evening in McDonald’s. We spend an hour eating burgers, talking about their lives and pondering bits from the Bible. And I more often than not come away with something that renews my faith in God.
Yesterday we started on what are commonly known as the Beatitudes
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:3 NIV
Or as the Contemporary English Version says
God blesses those people who depend only on him. They belong to the kingdom of heaven
Even looking at “poor in spirit” the girls were very much “it means those who depend on God” and they get heaven, or if we’re sticking to the CEV they “belong to heaven”.
To me it just followed on nicely from Tuesday’s post about wondering what makes Christians different and to me it is saying that God will give blessings to those who know they can’t do it themselves, to those who choose to lean on a higher power. These are the people who understand what they can and cannot do, are ok with their strengths and weaknesses, know how to say a full Yes and a full No to things. These are the people who know they can’t do it themselves – and who I suspect also lean on other people and know how to ask for support from trusted friends too.
This is so unlike the superior Christians who imply that once you’ve got Jesus it is all systems go and you are almost better than anyone else. Whereas these verse seems to say that once you’ve connected with something beyond yourself – whether you call it God, The Universe, a Higher Power, Creation – then you know you haven’t got what it takes but in a positive way.
So it isn’t “poor little me how can I cope” but “I struggle with things and need a bit of help from something beyond me”. It is a strength thing. And it is from that that Jesus says those people belong to heaven/have the kingdom of heaven.
These verses then go on to talk about people who are humble, who mourn, who are merciful, who want to make peace, etc. which hopefully the girls and I will unpack after half term.
first snowdrops. Early Feb 2025. Photographed by myself
I’ve had the above question buzzing round in my head since a post came up on Facebook from someone I admire who slipped in about her parents being stressy, angry, not wanting to heal of their trauma, but also of how she was “dragged” to church every Sunday. And I was like “how can I show her that Christians are different?” And I’m not sure that I can because every thing that I’m told Christians should be – kind, generous, supporting others, at peace, filled with joy, sure of their direction and decisions, know they are totally loved, know they are fully forgive, fully forgive others, etc – I see in those who are not Christians and often’ don’t see if Christians.
This isn’t a crisis of faith but I think that is because I had the most amazing conversion experience where I was totally swamped by God’s love for me even when I was a total mess and didn’t even like myself. There have been many times over this 33 year journey where I’ve not stayed under that safe motherly wing of God’s love, of where I’ve not given God all my sh*t to deal with, where I’ve been afraid, angry, totally out of order, but always known deep down that I was loved.
So what is my issue?
Well I think what I want is so that people like this person on FB, others that I know, will be able to see the difference in those who profess to being Christians but I don’t think that will happen.
Like I say it has been 33 years since I had that first amazing God encounter and I’ve been lucky enough to have others since but I’ve been on this Following Jesus journey for over half my life, have loads of Christian friends of all different persuasions. I think I’ve “got used to it”. It is now my norm and I often forget where I was beforehand. Perhaps I also want to see a bigger difference in my life???
I think I have to go back to why I became a follower of Jesus and it wasn’t because of any person but was because of meeting with God in a way that worked for me. I know others who it has happened to differently. Just last weekend one of our Upper Room ladies said she’d taken a woman to church who had gone up to make Jesus her Lord and Saviour at that church meeting. The Upper Room lady is amazing but also she was faithful to take this woman to church at the right time.
And the more I ponder this the more I think that there is nothing noticeably different about being a Christian – even the “having Jesus to talk to/to know how to follow” is a bit tenuous at times and I know others, including the FB person who started my line of thought, who would say they listen to their heart or to the Universe for guidance, for peace, for healing, etc.
But what I do think is that we need to be faithful to God’s leading and be willing to do things to help put people in the way of God. It is actually quite egotistical to think we have to “lead people to Christ” even though that is how a lot of us were brought up in evangelist/charismatic traditions.
In these traditions, a lot of the time there is either openly or subversively that idea that we have to be different to draw people to Jesus. I think that’s why there can be so many “don’t” rules, because there is that underlying idea that it is our responsibility whether people want to follow Jesus or not.
Jesus told his followers to heal, to cast out demons, to share the good news [though that can be vague at times] and to make disciples. We should be making disciples not converts too. We should be putting in the hours to help people heal from their traumas as well as their physical issues, helping people work out their journey with God, walking with people as they stumble, even calling them out when they do and say and act a certain way, and be willing to be challenged ourselves.
So as I’ve pondered it, as I’ve wound up my lovely Christian friends by throwing this into as many conversations as I can, and now as I write it, I believe we need to get out of the way and let God in.
So how will I respond to my FB friend? I won’t. I won’t try to argue God’s case for them. I will step out of the way. I will keep on praying and keep on hoping that one day God gets them to turn and face God’s way. Also I will live out the good news of God as best I can, will continue on my own healing journey with God, will be willing to disciple others, and be the fallible human being I am.
“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
Matthew 6:24
I’ve been pondering this. In sermons and when we talk about this verse too often the fixation is on the “God and money” part but what if Jesus had said, “for example God and money” because I don’t think it is just money that can be something we shouldn’t devote our time to. Even before I knew God I always trusted I would have enough money to do whatever I needed to and I’ve been on anything from the lowest social support income to now have a husband who, in my opinion, earns lots. I’ve always desire what is within my means. But that doesn’t mean that I’ve not had other “masters” who’ve taken me away from God.
Think of the things we all serve, good and not so good, – our own time/space, family, reading a good book, work/ministry, feeling valued, our animals, worries, caring for the environment, standing up for others, chasing our dreams and desires, etc etc. The list is endless. And all these things are good and important but once they become our masters then God moves into second place and things can go a bit awry.
As I was pondering the above I came across this on Facebook
I think this is another example of serving a master that isn’t God and letting our attention move in that direction. As with what is quoted in the Bible he says here that we become disorientated and cannot love as we should. We aren’t able to be who we are meant to be as followers of Jesus.
When we put caring for our family or our ministry or our jobs or our desires or even our quiet time as a thing before God [when we serve another master] then we turn that thing into a god.
Let’s try not to get caught up on the literal but wonder if the short phrase “for example” was left out. Maybe too it is easier to focus on not serving money than look inside our hearts at all the other things we try to serve.
Who do we want to bear fruit for? I think often it is so we look good, so people will say “What at good person” or even better “what a good Christian” or even “I’d like to be a Christian because of the example that person lives.”
I think all those are admirable but to me this verse says we should be bearing fruit for God the Father’s glory so that God the Father can delight in us being God the Son [Jesus’s] followers.
So we are doing and being and “bearing fruit” [whatever that means] not for any egocentric reason but because we just delight in God.
I remember when my kids were little we would do craft projects or snuggle on the couch to read from the latest Horrible Histories magazine not because there was some great educational benefit but because we loved being together. Our “fruit” was in hanging out together being family. I do think too often now when either my adult children visit or we go to visit them we feel we should “do something” so we can say there was purpose [fruit] in traveling all that distance, when maybe we’ve actually missed the point.
I think too often with God we put on events, do church, have meetings, talk to people about God, because we think that is what “bearing fruit” is all about. But that isn’t bearing fruit for God’s glory or showing we are Jesus’s disciples. I think “fruit” isn’t something tangible, not something we can say X number of people attended this event, made this commitment, took Bibles, even got healed. I think the fruit being talked about here is that deep stuff where we learn to trust God more, even when things go wrong; when we can live in a place of deep joy and peace no matter what; when we can accept ourselves just as we which is what God does with us; when we can believe God, the Creator of the Universe, loves us unconditionally and we can love ourselves and others unconditionally.
I truly believe this “fruit” Jesus is talking about here doesn’t come with targets, attainments, no new converts but is a deeper love of self, others and of trust in God, the Creator of the Universe, loving us unconditionally. Then we are truly disciples of Jesus and would be willing to go anywhere, do anything, know our end goal but not have to put in boundaries to get there but be able to go with the flow.
I think “going with the flow” is another fruit of being a disciple of Jesus.
So bearing the fruit that is the glory of Father God, I think, involves sliding into a deeper place with them and no longer trying to achieve, attain and be noticed.
My local park Christmas day 2024 Photographed by myself
I’m always amazed at God’s timing [and do need to learn to trust it more in my daily life] and also God’s subtlety.
I’ve just been reading the reflections my mum sends me from her church and of course, as all good Anglicans know, this is the week where Jesus reads the piece from Isaiah in the synagogue.
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me. He has sent me to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim release to the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to liberate the oppressed, and to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.
Luke 4:18-19
I’ve often heard it preached that the reason the people got upset was because Jesus was being a bit of a smart-arse and saying “look this is me and what I’m all about”. But this reflection says to look at the verses around it and the verses around when this was first said in Isaiah. In Isaiah it talks about the congregations looking after the poor, the prisoner, the blind, the oppressed.
It is very much what Right Rev. Mariann Budde was saying at President Trump’s inauguration ceremony. We’d all like it to be to Trump and also to those billionaires on his front row. But what if it isn’t just the President Trump, those billionaires, or to include the cabinet people on the second row? We’d like that. We’d like to say “they need to do that” – and oh yes so they should as they are in power.
But what is she is actually saying it to each and everyone of us? To all of human kind?
We need to do whatever we can to give the poor dignity [which is more than leaving food in the box for the Foodbank] by not letting those who have not feel like charity cases. We all need to be helping those who are blind, and who we don’t seem to be able to miraculously heal, to be able to see and understand the life out there, and I think, this includes those who might have physical sight but miss out on really seeing the world in all its glory. We all need to be helping those imprisoned by circumstances and life choices to be freed from their mistakes, their addictions, their limiting ways of thinking. All of us not just those in leadership – though I do also think they should be leading the way, hence why they are called “leaders”!!
What I love though is the timing of this as well as the challenge. It is so easy for us all to point the finger but it is much harder too look inside out hearts. But that amazing timing where these are the verses in the lexicon for this season and there is the opportunity for us, for our leaders, for the rich and famous, to all live out what Jesus calls us to do in all the mystical, diverse amazingness.
The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me. He has sent me to preach good news to the poor, to proclaim release to the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to liberate the oppressed, 19 and to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.
Don’t point the finger at others but look at yourself!
A cafe somewhere in the UK. Photographed by myself sometime in 2024
A group of us were talking about our relationship with God and someone had heard a couple of stories from nuns who say that they are so encouraged to think of other people and other people’s needs that they forget that they have a personal relationship with God.
So does that mean we need to be self-centred to have a relationship personal relationship with God?
Well, as I’ve explored before, it does say that we are to “love our neighbour as ourselves” which, I believe, means that we can only love our neighbour as much as we can love ourselves. We can really only give to others what we can give to ourselves. I know many who would say that you see people doing good things for others who are then hard on themselves. But my question would be, firstly, why are they hard on themselves? And also wonder what their motive for being kind to others is?
For some people, and I know because I’ve been there, we are kind to others in the hope that they will like us more, will be kind back to us, others will think we are good people when deep down we know we’re not. For others, like the nuns, they have been taught to value others higher than themselves, even though this isn’t what God is saying – possibly isn’t walking in “The way, the truth and the life”
I got a great example of how we should be with God from my dog. I’d done some housework and was taking a break to finish a book I’d been reading. So I gave him a shout and said I was going up to lie on the bed and read. Well you have never seen anything so excited. He bounded up the stairs, leapt on to the bed, jumped on me when I sat down, and the curled himself up between my legs and was asleep snoring gently perfectly surrounded by me.
Now I think that is what God wants for us, for us to be excited when God says “let’s go hang out together and do nothing”. We should then be rushing to be in that place on God’s lap and then we can just let go of what is going on in our world, trust that God has it covered, whatever else God might be up to. We don’t need to talk to God, ask for things, do things. We just need to contentedly lie with God just like my little dog does with me .
As those who know my dog will know that he is at his most content when he is with me. My husband says if I go out without the dog then he’ll stand and look at the back door and he has to really encourage him to come upstairs and wait somewhere more comfy.
To have this personal relationship with God we need to remember that God doesn’t go out without us, is always there, and for a lot of the time really does just want us to snuggle close and enjoy being together.
Small dog full of life in the snow. Photographed by myself January 2025
So yes as you would expect part three is looking at Jesus saying “… I am the Life”
I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full
John 10:10
I think this is another one that means different things to different people. What I see as having life to the full is not the same as others.
I’ve written a couple of pieces around thoughts of what doing life meant to me back in 2015 – here and here Just glancing back at them I would say my thoughts haven’t changed much, though I have because of the QEC work I’ve done, the clearing out of traumas rather than just regular counseling.
The Alpha booklet says Jesus came to deal with things that spoil our lives and deal with our guilt, and I would add that he also came so that we would know that The Creator of the Universe loves us unconditionally, which I think we can often only fully see when we have cleared out the detritus from our childhood.
So when I am feeling lonely I am not living the fullness of life. When I get angry about something someone said that hurts me then I am not living the fullness of life. When I am trying to people please because I want to be loved then I am not living the fullness of life. When I am doing things because I ought to or should do, whether that is a job, a hobby, a way of dressing, an acceptance of something, then I am not living the fullness of life.
I do think we can still be angry about somethings but then we need to check in with God to see if there is anything they want us to change, either with ourselves, with the other person, with the situation. I think we can still work and do hobbies and dress in a certain way so long as we are doing it because we get a feeling of contentment from doing it but not because we ought to. Even with loneliness we can still stop and ask God what it is that this feeling is saying to us.
Actually any feelings we get – whether those we label as positive or those we label as negative feeling – I think, we need to take them to God and ask what these are showing us about ourselves.
And as I wrote this last paragraph I realised that alwasys taking what we feel, think, say, back to the God who loves us Unconditionally then we start to walk in the truth.
Revelation – it is not Jesus is three different things – Way, Truth and Life – but that Jesus is all three of these rolled in together. Jesus is the WayTruthLife and if I can walk in going back to God to find out the Truth of my thoughts and actions then I can be fully alive and can then be walking in the way of God.
When I do this I realise that I am a writer and very often I think through my pen or the tips of my typing fingers, that truths become revealed as I write rather than beforehand. So for me that is my Way,Truth,Life. What is yours?
Near Capel Currig, photographed by myself December 2024
I have the privilege to meet with two 15-16 year old girls in McDonalds on a regular basis to discuss things from the Bible. We’re using the Alpha guide “Why am I here?” as kick-starts to discussions.
We’re starting with the verse
Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life”
John 14:6
One of the sentences in the booklet is “Jesus is the lens through which we see God” but that got me thinking “how do we see Jesus?”
If you listen to the evangelical American right then Jesus is brutal, full of rules and knows best. If you listen to those who have left organised religions then you get a very different picture. But are either “correct2?
My mum sent through a reflection from her vicar for this Sunday and in that he talks of how we need to see God in creation and also in the troubles of the world; in the good, the bad and the inbetween; to see Jesus turning water in to wine and in gifts of the Holy Spirit, which he lists as
Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety, and the Fear of the Lord.
Jesus is found in the miraculous and the ordinary, the individual and the community.
Interestingly another verse on the first page of the Alpha booklet was
Jesus said, “I am the bread of life.”
John 6:35
And the immediate response from my girls was that Jesus is sustaining and filling.
So if we take their thoughts and other bits from our discussion then, I think, if following Jesus isn’t sustaining and filling is it really the Jesus Way? [and remember that the early followers were called “Followers of the Way” and the term Christian was used as an insult] If following Jesus doesn’t encompass the troubles and the joys of this world is it really the Jesus Way? If following Jesus can’t be done in a group and alone is it the Jesus Way?
So to me when Jesus says “I am the Way” he is talking about a life that is sustainable, filling, can be found in the troubles and the joys, and is something I love to do alone and also love to do with others. To me this is the The Way Jesus talks about here.
Sunrise Christmas morning over my park December 2025 Photographed by myself
I was led in bed the other morning thinking about praying when a thought struck me. What if I really believed God was with me all the time? How would that change my thoughts?
It took me back to those thoughts around why organised religion likes the idea of Jesus being born in a stable away from the family so that one would have to go to him to worship him. But it is probably Jesus was born in a safe warm place with family around him. Yes the shepherds and wisemen went to him but for everyone else he was just there.
What if I believed that the Creator of the Universe was just here with me as promised?
The first thought is “I would behave ‘better'” whatever ‘better’ means.
But actually if I really believed that the Creator of the Universe was fully with me it would change my thoughts. How could I not like myself if God loves me? How could I think negative thoughts about myself when God wants to be with me? How could I regret the life I have if God is here with me?
That doesn’t mean my life is perfect, or for that matter has ever been perfect. I have made loads of mistakes, doing things I wish I hadn’t, had things done to me I wish hadn’t been done, but as and when those things cross my mind I repent and forgive – forgiving myself as much as others. Releasing myself and others from any hold that our pasts might have on us [and past can be in the last 10 minutes!!]
I am now working on getting my head round fully believing that God is with me all the time not in some place I have to go to; that I can talk with them all the time because they are here with me and not is some far off place.
I need to be aware of what I think and feel about myself then that good energy can go outwards and onward to others. Remembering always that we can only love others as we love ourselves, only forgive others as we forgive ourselves. And all this is possible because the Creator of the Universe is not just walking with us but is in bed with us, watching TV with us, eating with us, going to work with us, going for a walk with us, and even going to church with us. This not because they are some creepy voyeur but because they love us so much they cannot bear to be apart from us because we are AWESOME just as we are.
Cute picture of my dog and cat being inactive – photographed by myself Dec 2024
James says “faith without works is dead” [James 2:26]
After yesterday’s Upper Room gathering and rehearsing with the young people for the Nativity play, I realised God works this way too – sharing deeds to help our faith. Probably if one looks properly all those things we say the Bible says God wants us to do God’s doing them anyway.
In the Upper Room we got into talking about ways we had really seen God show up – a nurse suddenly appearing to suggest a treatment which saved a dying mother, a head on crash being diverted by the car suddenly being in a lay-by, a vision of a car which slowed the driver down and stopped her being hit, etc, etc, etc. We all had some story or another. But I also wonder how many more things had happen to us that were God’s intervention but we didn’t see because we weren’t being observant enough?
When we are fully present in the moment we see the things God has for us, I believe. Then instead of worrying about our circumstances we can be in that place of openness, observation and deep joy. But we do need to be in that place.
With the QEC work I do our practitioner talks a lot about keeping one’s autonomic nervous system in a place of calm which we learn to do by saying things like “I’m safe, your safe, we’re safe” or “my ANS in a calm and stasis” or for me spending time free writing and letting my heart seep out of my pen then adding in some different beliefs.
So where am I going with this? Well for me I like QEC because not only do I see it work in myself but I see it working with my practitioner. She isn’t just talking the talk she’s walking the walk. [Faith and deeds]
The reason I like God [and struggle with much of organised religions] is that I see things that align with what is being talked. Like with the stories from the Upper Room community – God in action.
So back to the Christmas story. The other day I said that people believed Mary because they had faith and trust in her; that she was the only human who really knew how she got pregnant. But actually if one reads the Christmas story then there is more to it than that.
Firstly we have to let go of all we have been preached and also all of modern life. Jewish communities did NOT have a stable on the edge of town where Jesus would be born away from prying eyes. He would have been born in the town. Even if there were people who did not believe Mary’s story about how she got pregnant they would still have taken her and Joseph into their home because there was no where else to go.
Jesus was born into a home not away from everyone though much of what we hear preached and are encouraged to believe now is that Jesus was born on the outside. As I read recently [but have lost where] religion, and so ourselves, likes the idea of Jesus being born in a stable on the edge of town where we can go and visit him rather than being in our homes where we are stuck with him all the time.
Next angels appear to shepherds. It says “the brightness of the Lord’s glory flashed around them” [Luke 2:9 CEV] So you’ve got shepherds on a hill above the town. Close enough to run into the town to see the baby. It wasn’t like we are now with light pollution and whatever. The place was in pitch darkness so even a small fire would be seen for miles and miles. Suddenly, up on a hill, there is light. Someone in the town would have seen it.
Then these shepherds hurry down from the hill to see Jesus. It doesn’t say they wait till daylight. So they’ve got torches and all sorts and I suspect they weren’t being quiet.
Also remember now we’ve got Mary, Joseph and Jesus in someone’s house not in a stable on the edge of town. I’m suspecting those shepherds didn’t get the right house the first time. I suspect they knocked on a few doors before they found the right one. But also I am suspecting because of the light and noise of the angels that people in the town were up.
This was no secret on the edge of town birth. This was big. This was noticeable.
God asked for faith and then gave deeds to help with that faith.
As I’ve pondered it this year I would love to think of Joseph and all his relatives in Bethlehem thinking that they would love to believe Mary because she is such a sweet person and so reliable and trustworthy, but then God comes along and does the deeds thing and they go from that small seed of faith to that tree of full blown belief.
Maybe too it is how those of us who accepted Jesus by faith have been able to hanging in there during the tough times because God gave us something more tangible too?
Faith without deeds is dead – and because God knows our fragile hearts they are able to give us deeds to help us with our faith.
Peaceful Christmas to everyone who reads this. And keep your eyes wide open to see what really is going on around you.
My hallway with and without extra lights – December 2024
Aspirational Adventures 