Tag: faith

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lugnasa sow/reap

Lugnasa

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A random selection of photographs over the last year or so

Lughnasa is the Celtic festival to mark the beginning of harvest and time of gathering in. 

One could look at Lughnasa a bit like the end of a year review, a look at what was and what happened and seeing what comes next. For me this works because I don’t feel any pressure like one can get with New year’s eve and all that. And no one is telling me I “should” be doing it 🙂

Here’s a bit more about Lughnasa

Lughnasa is a time to gather in and to reap what has been sown. The other side of the wheel from Lughnasa is Imbolc, February 1st, when the very first signs of spring started to rumble awake on the earth. In these last six months, we have seen a cycle of flourishing and fecundity, both around us and perhaps also within. 

It is sometimes thought of as the time of “first fruits” and is when the grain is gathered in. One of the central rituals for this feast is cutting the first corn and making it into a loaf for the Mass at church on August 1st or 2nd. In the Hebrides in Scotland, it is recorded that families would celebrate Lughnasa on August 15th in connection with the feast of the Assumption of Mary. Each family member would take a piece of the bread and walk sunwise around the festival fire and sing a song to Mary. 

The other liturgical connection is the Feast of the Transfiguration on August 6th, tying Lughnasa with the appearance of Christ in glory to Peter, James, and John on the mountain. The Apostles are filled with an ecstasy from which they do not want to awaken. In some Christian traditions, the interpretation of the text is that rather than Christ changing, the eyes of the Apostles were opened so they could see him in his true form. 

Thank you to Abbey of the Arts for this. It can be found on their regular emails.

This opening from Abbey of the Arts email got me thinking – what do I have to gather in, and more importantly what have I sown over the past year.

Number one, in both sowing and reaping, I would say is our little Willow. She came to us in November – a week before my mum’s husband’s funeral – a crazy bundle of nervous snapping energy. She looked as if she’d been loved but not walked and not given boundaries, and possibly beaten. She appeared lacked confidence and being able to trust a human. Over the last 9 months I have walked her miles, persevered with putting in boundaries – sometimes not helped by Renly our old dog who seems to have decided this is an excuse to bring out his inner teenager!! Willow now has muscles in her legs and a trim waist from all the running she does. She plays in the park with other dogs like a normal 3 year old pup. Her recall is verging on excellent. Even when we encountered a horse on the beach the other day [Willow’s first] she came to me reasonably quickly and did stay close to me the whole time she was barking. Even the rider said she was impressed how quickly Willow responded to me. Yes she still barks when the door bell rings, but then so does Renly. But Willow will then run to the living room door and jumps up to be shut in there whilst I deal with the postman. She no longer thinks she needs to protect me from allcomers. She does allow friends of ours that she knows to come and visit but is still uncertain about visitors she hasn’t met before, and still barks hysterically at my writing group. But I think I am reaching a point with Willow that I am reaping what I sowed.

Other things I will list or this will be a huge post. These are in no particular order of importance

  • I have sown regular postings on Substack especially encouraged by the lovely MJ Polk of Stories From the Jukebox prompts, which have included me being a featured writer some weeks and even getting to pick a song one week [first of many there] I have read negative comments about Substack in some corners but I have found a group I have sown into to have helped me reap support and are a group of really encouraging writers who love my work and I love theirs. Win-win.
  • Over the last couple of years I have been sowing into a local church youth group via discussion groups, hanging out on the beach and being me with them. I am reaping friendships from that as well as a deeper trust between myself and the newer clergy there making church a joy to attend.
  • 8 months my diary entry says I would not drive again. Into this time I sowed prayers for healing, QECing around good sight, and some positive thought. This led me to had my eyes rechecked and I am back driving again, which is so lovely, especially during the really hot weather when I could take the dogs to the beach at 6am so they could run before it got too hot, and so I could get in a good walk too before hibernating.
  • I have been sowing into this lovely home we bought 10 years ago and this year it was the turn of the hall and stairwells. It got off to a shakey start when I was let down by the friend of a friend who started the work back in February but then had issues of his own so never finished. After taking a breath a neighbour told me of other decorators and now I have a glorious entrance to my home. Kitchen comes next!!!
  • I love sowing into creatives that I know and am proud to say that most of the art work in my house comes from people I know
  • I have been sowing into my continuing healing journey for years now. This has made me more self-aware when I’ve overreacted. Though doing a mix of QEC and healing in Christ and prayer and forgiveness I am reaping the rewards. I feel more at peace with myself and others, feel safe and not needing to hold control, and have a deeper love of my own company and just hanging out with me – oh and my dogs.
  • I also learned that I can’t sow into everything. I jumped in to a role with an organisation, my enthusiastic labrador tail wagging, only to discovered this was not the place I was meant to be. The joy of being able to say “I’ve made a mistake” and to step away was amazing. I know it will stop me leaping in like that again. Definitely something I’ve reaped from doing the work on myself I’ve done.
  • Also I reaped, from making this mistake, from the regular Substack posts and from doing the healing work, is that my memoir project is coming together slowly and in a way I would never have imagined when I started on it a couple of years ago.

So this is a snapshot of the things I feel I’m harvesting. I’m sure there are more. It would be interesting to hear from yours at this mid point in the year rather than wait till 31st December 🙂

Didi Design
Shop Art | Rossie Henderson-Begg

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faith important

Being Prioritised

With dogs, so I’ve been reading, when you introduce a new dog there has to be a new pecking order sorted, a new claiming of who is top dog. With Renly being 11 years older than Willow, and being the more easy-going, I’ve had to work on making sure he is top dog and she doesn’t bully him. So he gets treats first, gets to choose his place on the couch, etc. I prioritise him over her. Also to get her to behave I have to be top dog so she does as I tell her, and so she feels safe and secure.

That isn’t how it works with God. God doesn’t prioritise any of us. God doesn’t have any of us as “top dog”, care for more than anyone else, have anyone more special than someone else. [Though if we stick with the dog analogy then to feel safe and secure we need to know that God is top dog!]

That isn’t to say we shouldn’t treat people with care and respect – but then I think that might come back to the “if you fully love yourself then you can love your neighbour fully”.

Many of us, especially in childhood, were not prioritised, or it felt like we weren’t prioritised. It could be due to a demanding younger sibling, a major trauma that happens in the family where the parents fold in on themselves and forget about their children, not from abuse but from survival. But even if we can rationalise out the whys we have still be hurts, still felt unloved and unsafe, still felt unprioritised. We were living with an often unseen wound that needs healing; a wound that would appear as a temper tantrum or a shutting down or a sulking or a walking away from a relationship or an addiction.

Though of course with all wounds we need to identify it first.

I think though many of us, because we haven’t acknowledge and subsequently haven’t been healed of this wound of being scared because we felt we were pushed to one side, we don’t believe God will care for us. Rationally there are loads of people so much more deserving we can tell ourselves. Why would God care about my life, my problems, my job, how I’m going to pick up my shopping, etc? We have learned that we don’t come first, that others do and should, but also we feel unsafe when we feel we aren’t prioritised.

But God does care. God doesn’t have “top dogs”, doesn’t have those they care about more than others, those who take priority.

Yes there are people who seem to have more and those who seem to have less and I don’t understand why, but I do know it isn’t because God cares more for one than the other, or thinks some people are better than others. It is a question I plan on taking up when I get to heaven as God and I sit chatting on the side of the River of Life, but till now I’ll keep it as a mystery.

Each and everyone of us comes first with God, which is dead hard to get your head around. I believe this because I have seen my wound, have been healed of it and now can fully accept that God loves and cares for me as much as they do anyone all at the same time. The mystery of faith!

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Categories
encouraging Freeing

Mary Jones

Mary Jones Pilgrim Centre

Mary Jones was an amazing young woman. She comes from a time before teenagers when by 15 you were a woman, almost married, an adult, expected to pull your weight. But it is her tenacity that stands out in the story. It is said she saved up her pocket money, possibly what was left of her wages from whatever job she did after she’d give her parents her keep. So she saved this up for two years. Then she walks 26 miles from her home in Llanfihangel-y-Pennant to Bala to buy a Bible, a book she was longing to have for herself. The Rev Thomas Charles told her he had no Bibles but could get one for her in two days. So she waits, gets a Bible and goes home again. End of Mary’s story.

This inspires Rev Charles to start up the Bible Society which is still influential and still going today giving Bibles to the world. Read more here – Mary Jones Pilgrim Centre

Whenever I’ve heard Mary Jones’ name mentioned the focus always shifts to the Bible Society story, which is great. But what struck me this Sunday when our preacher mentioned her was that here was a young woman who was probably from a devout Chapel family, heard the Bible regularly, even had ones in the chapel she attended and could possibly have borrowed one at any time. But she wants to read God’s word for herself, wants to study it for herself, possibly wants to sleep with it under her pillow. So she doesn’t moan about what she hasn’t got but is proactive and goes and does something about it. It gave me hope from my children who were brought up knowing God but for whatever reason have walked away. These children of mine, or of any of ours, don’t have to walk 26 miles in the hope that someone has a Bible, don’t have to save up for 2 years, don’t have to wait a few days to get one. There are Bibles in most major high street booksellers or online.

God convicted Mary Jones to get her own Bible [as maybe God did with many other young people who didn’t heed the call] and she went. I am now going to be praying that when God convicts my children to get a Bible and return I will keep well out of the way and let them walk their own path to get there.

I was so encouraged by thinking of Mary Jones as the person not as the inspiration for something bigger.

As our preacher the week beforehand said “we don’t know what little seeds we are sowing in the dark”.

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perfect love without fear

No Fear

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

July 9, 2026 – Bible verse of the day – DailyVerses.net

I haven’t written on this site for a while. I’ve been concentrating on my Substack and poems and stories but this verse has been pottering away in the background of my mind even before I read it on Daily Verses.

It is that last bit “the one who fears is not made perfect in love“. Now I know that John is saying this is perfect love in Jesus, or that’s how we are taught it in Church and Bible studies. But what if it has a lot to do with not fearing because we have been healed of our past traumas. I think Paul meant something like that when he said

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

Philippians 3:13

I believe when we full heal we might be able to remember the event but we forget the deep pain, forget that part that dives deep into our core, into our bodies. When fully healed we no longer react automatically, no longer are open to stomach pains, headaches, and other bodily pains that we often don’t know where they come from. When we are fully healed our bodies can forget the pains, forget the traumas, forget the automatic responses.

But I think we can often only do that when we fully love and know we are fully loved – whether that is by the God who created the Universe or by The Universe, or even by ourselves.

The more I think about it the more I don’t believe we can fully know the love of God/The Universe unless we fully love ourselves and fully see ourselves deserving of love. Until we believe we deserve that perfect love we will always be fearful. Fearful that we’ll spoilt that friendship, lose that job, not have enough money, not be liked, not be a good enough Christian. etc. I’m sure you can add more to that.

But if we believe we deserve that perfect love then we are not fearful, not expecting to be punished, have let go of the past. Only then are we ready to strain towards the future – whatever that maybe – hand in hand with perfect love.

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downcast Encounter

Why So Sad?

Photo by Dr Photographer on Pexels.com

Today in church we had the reading from Luke 24 about the disciples on the road to Emmaus. I’ve pondered this before in Presumption and Emmaus Road but for me I find a lot of the time these familiar stories have a new question or a new meaning appear. Today’s is a question.

Jesus catches up with these people – two, more than two, male, females, family, friends, strangers. Who knows! But remember it was dangerous to travel in small groups back then because of robbers, etc.

It says later that these people say they knew that there are witnesses to say Jesus has risen and yet in the Bible the encounter starts with

17 Jesus asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?” They stood still, their faces downcast.

Luke 24:17

And then they go on to say that they thought everyone knew about Jesus being crucified and they also recount the witness accounts of him not being in the tomb.

But why if they have been told Jesus has risen are they still “downcast”. That doesn’t make sense to me. I could understand if they were pondering things, thinking it all through, but to still be downcast when they’ve heard Jesus has risen seems a bit odd to me.

But then I got to thinking of all the miserable worried looking Christians I know who don’t appear to believe they can slide into the peace of God via Jesus. As if deep down they don’t really believe all the things they sing and read and hear preached.

I’m leaving this with a question because I could get judgemental and I really don’t want to. But I would love to know why were Cleopas and crew downcast and why are some 21st Century Christians downcast?

I really would love to know because for me, even on those horrid days when I’ve screwed up big time and would just love to hide, to sleep, to not get involved in the world, I still don’t feel downcast. I can still feel that deep joy of knowing the Creator of The Universe loves me uncondtionaly and has my back – whatever that may look like. But maybe to others they can’t see that in me so maybe I do look downcast then?

I was blessed when I “converted” because I had an amazing encounter with Jesus and knew at that moment I was loved even though my life was a mess – and caried on being a mess for a while after! But it was a very powerful God encounter. Perhaps that is what happened with Cleopas and crew and maybe from then onwards they were no longer downcast.

Wonder what happened to them?

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something more teachings

A Missing Book?

Photo by Nicole Finkel on Pexels.com

This morning in the 24-7 Prayer Lectio 365 they were sharing on Jesus risen with this verse

1 In my former book, Theophilus, I wrote about all that Jesus began to do and to teach 2 until the day he was taken up to heaven, after giving instructions through the Holy Spirit to the apostles he had chosen. 3 After his suffering, he presented himself to them and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God.

Acts 1:1-3

Because it says “Theophilus” at the start of both Acts and Luke it is presumed that these books were written by the same person, and that Luke was a historian as well as theologian and wanted to get things accurately shared.

The more writing I do and the more I get into editing to enter my work in competitions, etc, the more I’m looking closely at things and seeing if they make sense.

Take note here – Luke says that in his “former book” he talks about all the things Jesus did and taught till he went up to heaven and verse 3 says that over a period of forty days he “spoke about the kingdom of God”. Jesus doesn’t go up to heaven till after those forty days. According to Luke Jesus taught the disciples over this time and that he, Luke, had shared this in his former book.

The Gospel of Luke finishes with a quick summary of Jesus telling the disciples what they must do and then of him going up to heaven but to me that isn’t “all Jesus began to do and teach”. Yes there is lots in Luke’s gospel about what Jesus did before he was crucified but the 40 days after resurrection???

To my mind, if Luke was such a dedicated historian and theologian, why would he write that if there isn’t another book out there somewhere filled with the conversations and teachings that went on between Jesus and his disciples and, I think, those new followers who missed out on so much by not hanging out with Jesus before crucifixion; words and teachings that would be so helpful to us all in knowing how to live post-resurrection.

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being peace

Who Rules?

Taken on the outskirts of Frome back in the summer of 2025 on a walk with my mum. Love the definitions of this dead part of tree.

I’m still doing the daily readings with the Bible Society for Lent, and on the whole enjoying it. The other day we read Psalm 110 and this jumped out at me

The LORD says to my lord: 

‘Sit at my right hand
    until I make your enemies
    a footstool for your feet.

Psalm 110:1-2

When this verse has been preached on, and even in the commentary on Bible Society, it is said that the lower case “lord” must be Jesus with the uppercase LORD being Yahweh, but I’m wondering if it isn’t. I’m wondering if it is that part of ourselves that lords it over our behaviour and decisions.

In doing QEC healing and also watching Awakening With Brian and reading books like The Body Keeps The Score etc etc etc I am wondering if the “lord” in this psalm [and possibly in other places] is our subconscious, which is often led by our childhood traumas, our conditioning, our expectations, and lots of unspoken stuff, for instance Jung’s shadow selves.

We all do things that we don’t like doing or are surprised that we do. We react in ways that we don’t want to. I was really tired last night and was being really needy but in an antagonistic way. I knew I didn’t want to be behaving like that but I was. When I handed it to God I realised I was looking at things through the little child who got looked over and had to take charge.

So I all I had to do was sit at God’s right-hand, that place of honour, and allowed God, who loves me unconditionally, to bring those parts of me that were being my enemy under Their care. Those niggles and issues then became something I could rest my feet on and let go of.

By doing that it stops me then from doing those things we can all be guilty of doing [1] trying to rationally sort out why I was feeling that way, [2] feel guilty about acting off and go into a further sulk, [3] dismiss it all and blame the other person.

So if I put “my lord” into THE LORD’s hands then LORD [as in Creator God] can deal with my enemies – which are more often my own thoughts, fears, deep seated insecurities, and things I don’t even know about but which keep me in that flight, flight, freeze, fawn place – and I can be at peace.

I do wonder if, too often, we over spiritualise the Bible, trying to make lots of things in the Old Testament be by about Jesus, when often they are about the human condition, and how God wants to support us and help us through the hard work of being human. Maybe if we took it like that then we could spend more time being than rushing round doing.

Here’s my dogs on this morning’s walk enjoying just being rather than having to sort the world out. They trust me to do that for them.

Categories
chaos freedom

Psalm Sunday

Today at church we were pondering Psalm Sunday. After I had given a talk at youth group last Sunday about how Jesus turned his friends and followers heads regarding the Passover at the Last Supper he shared with his friends. I ended it by saying how we have to be careful not to get caught in just going through the motions with our services. So I thought I ought to be listening today for a new revelation.

Firstly, as we know as Jesus came in through one gate into Jerusalem Pontius Pilate and the might of the Roman army came in through the other. The Romans were expecting trouble. They knew about Jesus. They knew something was going on. They would have heard the followers cheering and shouting because the city wasn’t as big as our cities. It was probably the size of a small town. But also as we realise at Jesus’s trial, there had only just been an insurrection led by Barabbas where people had been killed. Probably Romans! So Pilate was prepared. I wonder too if he was miffed because Jesus had attracted the crowd he was expecting?

Roman had come in to take charge. But Jesus had other plans. He was going to let go of there needing to anyone in charge.

One of the questions our preacher this morning asked was “how does one see governments?” and people shouted out the negatives – warmongers, greedy, untrustworthy. But I think we also like government. I think we like the order it brings, how in the good time it brings stability, rules, security, as well as, in Europe schools, hospitals, Police, fire services, etc. We know what to expect from our govenments on the whole, and most of the time here in the Western world we can march [as with the American #nokings marches] and mainly get away without coming to harm.

But what does Jesus bring? Well he brings freedom but with freedom comes choice and choice leaves space for disagreement, for disorder, for chaos, for uncertainty.

To have to forgive each other and ourselves, and God and circumstances, is hard work. It is easier to blame, to pity, to take control. It is why we like our churches to have leaders, to have wardens, to have regular ordered services, to know what to expect and what is going to happen. I don’t think Jesus is like that. As with the Passover supper he goes and does the unexpected – from saying that a specific piece of bread is his body to washing his disciples feet, something a rabbi would never do – he turns things upside down.

Also unconditional love, as well as giving security and confidence to those who grasp it, also leaves the door open to do the unexpected, to give things a shake because we know God loves us even if we make a mistake.

The whole Jesus, unconditional love, forgiveness, I think, can make people feel unsure, confused, and in need of some order they can recognise. I also think that’s why there is so much talk of doing rather than being in Christian circles. It is much easier to search for the right job/ministry/place to live/person to live with etc than it is to step out into the world not knowing where we are going and what we are doing, Yet we can do this when we know we are fully forgiven again and again and again because we are love unconditionally by the Creator of the Whole Universe. It was this Creator who became human to show us how much we are loved and forgiven and to reunite us with these truths of what we were created for; to love and be loved, to forgive and be forgiven.

So let’s start living as free, forgiven, loved people and stop trying to “get it right”.

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crucified passover

When The Sky Turned Black

From Openverse but seems to have come without a credit!

Yesterday at our family-type service we taught on the link between Passover and Communion and then told the story of Good Friday.

I’d done a story type piece about the lead up to the Passover with all the plagues – all the water turning to blood, loads and loads of frog, then loads and loads of gnats followed by flies followed by the Egyptians all getting covered in sores, then covered with boils, then there was a plague of locusts, followed by the daytime turning pitch dark. [Exodus 7-11]

As we were all watching the Lego version of the Crucifixion I had thought.

Jesus is crucified and when the sky goes dark he is recorded of crying out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” [Matthew 27:46].

Common teaching is that Jesus was in so much pain that he felt God had forsaken him. Or that God couldn’t look on what was happening to Jesus and so God did look away. Or that because Jesus was carrying the sins of the world God looked away because they couldn’t look on all that sin. But what if it was connected to the Passover?

In Exodus 10:21-23 if says that God would cover the land of the Egyptians with a darkness so thick they couldn’t see each other but that there would be light where the Israelite’s lived. It was after these three days of darkness that the whole Passover happens with the blood on the lintels and the Angel of death taking the firstborn of all those who didn’t have faith in the blood of the lamb.

At this pivotal moment of what we now know as Holy Week God makes all the sky turn dark and it stays that way for three hours [Matthew 27:45]

We will never know for sure if Jesus really did say these words or something similar. Or maybe they were added by Matthew for part of the narrative he wanted his readers to hold on to. By using these words the Jewish reader will be remembering the Passover story. It is said that Matthew was writing for a Jewish readership. It would remind them that after the sky turned black the lamb was killed and it was the blood of that lamb that brought their salvation from slavery in Egypt.

But here was an even bigger release from an even bigger slavery – from those things within us that keep us from knowing we are loved by the Creator of the Universe, that we are forgiven and that we can trust even when the sky turns black.

We are not forsaken no matter what happens around us.

Categories
psalm trust

All About Trust

Those who know you, LORD, will trust you;

Psalm 9 shared by Bible Society’s Lent readings

Renly and Willow assisting with my writing!!

I have noticed the more our new rescue dog, Willow, hangs out with us the more she trusts us. But it isn’t just that. The more she hangs out with our old dog Renly, the better they get on with each other. We are all getting to know each other and learning to trust each other.

With Willow too, the more often we go round the park the more she gets to know it and the regular people and dogs who walk there and so the more she is comfortable and trusting there. There is also the thing that the more she trusts me on a walk the more she trusts where I take her.

It is the same with God. The more we hang out with God the more we learn to trust God and the safer we are. I can’t remember who it was, maybe Henri Nouwen, who said that we need to get to know God in the calm times of our lives then we can trust God in the rough times.

Fourteen years ago now we went through a very tempestuous time and I know if I hadn’t built up my hanging out time with God before then, spent time devouring my Bible, praying, worshiping, reading about God, then I know I would not have been able to trust God during that time. Like Willow I build up my “hanging out getting to know God” time and knew then that I was safe with God wherever.

Again it is not about throwing requests at God, not about being busy doing things with God, but it is hanging out with God and just “doing life” with God, which is how the trust is built up.

[Though back on the Willow front – it is now 4.30pm and she still doesn’t quite trust that I will remember to feed her and Renly, which just goes to show we all need to work on trust 🙂 ]

this is the first stage of looking longingly
but by this one she’s talking to me