I married Ian in 2007. I have two grown up children, who I home schooled until they were 16. My son has just joined the army, my daughter has just moved to Cardiff.
I have a degree in History and Creative writing and a PGDip in using Creative Writing for Therapeutic Purposes.
Until Feb 2016 I lived in a beautiful part of England and now I live in a beautiful part of North Wales where my time is filled with welcoming Airbnb rental guests, running writing workshops, writing, serving in my local Welsh Anglican Church, going for long walks with my little dog, Renly, and drinking coffee and chatting with friends
I’ve been trying to plan a blog post because I’ve not posted since before we went on holiday but I went down with a fluey sore throat as soon as I got back which has stopped the writing. And when I tried to put something in today I found I was going into rant mode, which is not good for any of us so I’ve saved it to edit after the weekend when I know I will be better. Though who knows with an Upper Room tonight anything could come from it!
I’ve got loads of stuff “proving” like sourdough in my head which I know will be amazing when I’m well enough to share it properly so instead, for today, I’ll share some of my holiday photos of the beautiful Trossachs, Scotland.
Wild flower meadow by a housing estate County Durham. Photographed by myself
I’m off again. This time for a week’s holiday just myself, hubby and dog walking and chilling near Loch Lomond and The Trossachs. Hopefully lots of time for reading, writing and eating too.
I have started the month long “Writing as Resistance” festival with Writers HQ which is looking at climate justice and how we as writers can be radical in our writing. It is only £20 for the month and I would suggest checking it out because, even though I’ve only caught two workshops so far, I’ve been very challenged in both my writing and reading.
And, even though it is supposed to be laptop free week I will be doing the first session of The Write Club led by Josh Luke Smith, a series of workshops I’ve been trying to be part of for a couple of years and this one seemed to just fall into place. So at 8am every Wednesday morning for 11 weeks I’ll be joining other writers with a desire to write and connect.
Then when I return I’m doing a day’s mythical beast sculpturing with Pea Restall so I might be a few days into my week before I resume blogging. Though at the end of the week I’m back is our Upper Room gathering so I might just wait to see what emerges from there.
Have a great couple of weeks and enjoy the coming of autumn. [Oh there’s a whole blog series that could be written about going with the seasons but …. :)]
My friend’s daughter adores Renly and, as you can see from the photo, he’s keen on her. She just wants to be with him, to have him all to herself, to sit, snuggle, lie with him. And she kept saying “I love Renly”.. Photographed by myself August 2024.
I love having friends who are open and who chat and challenge me and make me think. My friends might be very diverse in many things [eg the troll/tinkerbell image] but what they have in common is the way they challenge me – and also inspire this blog! The majority of posts come from thoughts others have inspired in me. I am constantly evolving and morphing as I have open, free conversations with people who I love and trust and who love and trust me!
So here is one that grew from the other day –
We’re struggling with someone and we say, in our heads, “Jesus go and sit with them” when really we could do with Jesus giving us a hug because we are the ones struggling. The “difficult” person could be fine in their own eyes. Yes they do also need Jesus to sit by them and give them a hug but so do we. Too often, I think, we offer Jesus to others and don’t grab him for ourselves.
I got me thinking about my friend’s daughter with my dog. What if we were like that with Jesus?
I think that one of the reasons we do the “sit with that difficult person, Jesus” is because Church tells us that. So many sermons are about asking Jesus to go comfort someone else but very few on asking him to comfort, be with, encourage us. So, I think, we get to a place where we don’t think it right that we should ask Jesus to sit by us when someone else is struggling.
The other reason, I think, is because we don’t think we are “worthy” enough – the enough word again! – for Jesus to want to be with us. And sometimes I think that is because we think we should be the “sorted” ones and we should ask Jesus to be with those we don’t think are sorted.
I wonder if we think that if people we are “reaching out to” saw that Jesus was sitting beside us and giving as a hug of reassurance then they would think we weren’t up for the task of supporting them? A thought!
So we, not so much push Jesus away from ourselves but we do keep pushing him towards the “needy” person when in fact we could be much more supportive, much more helpful, much more giving if we had that support with us.
[Also – and I don’t get how this works – Jesus can be holding our hands and holding the hands of the person we are talking to – and many many other people – all that the same time. Now that is an awesome mystery!]
I am very proud of myself and so I thought I’d share mainly because as Brits we aren’t very good at sharing what we’ve done. We almost think it is a huge sin to say we are proud of what we’ve done. We think being humble and meek is saying we’re not really good at the things we do well.
This summer I’ve got lots I’m proud of for my own achievements – of self-publishing the booklet on my reflections on Psalm 23 – which you can find on Amazon if you wish; hubby and I went Raku glazing at the edge of Snowdonia and I came back with a couple of really cool pots; co-ordianted a Messy Church event in our local group of churches and didn’t come away thinking I had to do more than; ran dragon themed writing workshops in my town; and made this amazing sourdough loaf.
But also whilst doing the sourdough loaf, especially, I learned about me and how I learn.
So I’ve tried sourdough many times and never know quite how to get it to look good. When I was with my friends helping to declutter their loft my friend made a sourdough loaf and I watched right from the start where she started feeding the “mother”. As she did each step I thought “I can do that”. So when I got home and looked at the recipe I could see her doing each step and so was able to produce this amazing loaf.
I need to watch someone so I can learn. Tell me or showing me on YouTube or reading it from a book doesn’t work for me. I need to watch someone else do that. It explains why, no matter how many times I read a book about crochet or watch a YouTube video I still get my hands muddled and nothing happens. This doesn’t mean I’m not going to be any good at crochet but it means I need to watch someone doing it.
Also with regard to the recipe, I am not a recipe follower. To me a recipe is a guideline to give me a bit of a form of reference to see what goes with what. I skim read it and then just go for it. I change ingredients, change amounts and make it up as I go along. I can open the fridge and work out what to cook from what I see there. This of course explains too why i wouldn’t be good at making sourdough because I could potentially skip steps. But because I’ve been shown how to make it I won’t skip the steps.
Though this guidelines stuff is what does make me an awesome cook. It is also what makes my writing workshops fun – because I give myself a rough plan and then make it up as I go along. This week, in the morning of the workshop, one of the group told me it was National Welsh Rarebit day so I just reshaped the session around that – because I’m not set in stone on these things.
Flexible is good at times but with other things, like making the sourdough loaf it isn’t. But this doesn’t make me a good or bad person or for those who are the opposite doesn’t make them good or bad either.
Talking of good/bad – I hung out all yesterday afternoon with a lovely friend who says her natural resting mode is “troll” whereas I would say mine is “Tinkerbell fairy”. We are total opposites and yet we encourage and motivate and adore being together.
So I do think we should accept what we aren’t good at and be honest about it, but also, and more importantly, we should celebrate our strengths, boast loudly about what we can do. Show off a bit. After all the God who Created the Whole Universe thinks we’re amazing so what right have we to judge. So I’ll still be flexible on many things but learn that with others I need to watch those who know and then follow their example whether with sourdough or with crochet .
I’ve been staying in County Durham, UK for a few days helping friends clear out their loft as they prepare to move. It also meant staying with my little dog’s bestest friend ever. These two dogs have loved each other since they were puppies. Even if they go over a year without seeing each other they greet each other like long lost friends and just want to hang out together. This does mean that they want to get up early to be together all day so for four mornings I was getting a gentle knock on the door by Djola asking if Renly could come out to play. Of course I indulged and we were walking at 6am most mornings.
Well one morning we were walking down the path when I could hear mooing. A load of bullocks/heifers/young cows had broken out of their field and were moodling about in the wood beneath the path. Some were starting to attempt the climb up from the woods to the path we were on. Anyway I prayed and asked God is they could sort out these cows so it was safe for us when we came back.
Half an hour later we’re on our return journey and 5 cows, one a very large black one, were on the path. So I prayed again! As I walked back towards the village the cows stayed in front of us. I was concerned because I was walking them towards the village and the road. But I also had two dogs with me, and because the footpath is right by my friend’s house I didn’t have leads for either dog!
So I’m praying but also doing what may of us often do when we pray, thinking through solutions that I could do. Interesting how we do that – say we are handing problems to the God who created the WHOLE Universe but then spend lots of headspace and energy trying to think what we could do. Not really handing it over, is it?
The cows are almost at the turning to the track behind my friend’s house when this man appears round the corner with his dog and phone to his ear. He starts to herd the cows back in my direction. I grab both dogs so none of the animals, cows or dogs, get spooked. The cows give us a wide berth and skitter back to where they came from.
The man says “I’ve just phoned the farmer” and we have a chat about cows and that they all seem to be out and he says they’ve probably broken down the fence again.
When we went out in the afternoon for a walk there was no sign of the cows. Problem fully sorted. That local man and his phone were the answers to my prayers.
Simple.
Hopefully that will help me learn to let go totally when I do pray, not hold on a wee bit and see what I can do, and allow God to find the answers as they know best.
The dog with my daughter and her boyfriend with me in his sights. For Renly this is truly something to be wonderfully thankful for. Photographed by myself August 2024
Another one for me to ponder from our Upper Room gathering.
We cover so much in these times on a Friday that I’m sure God makes the time stand still. So we moved on from freedom to Gratitude, which is a big thing in self-care circles. One of our number had been told she needed to do more self-care – which to be perfectly honest I feel is a bit of waste of time if you haven’t started on the healing of childhood traumas and ways of surviving that are buried deep in the subconscious. Self-care has the potential to become just another thing to please, to survive and often to feel a failure at.
So as Christians on that healing journey with God what does it mean to “give thanks in all situations”? [1 Thessalonians 5:18]
For one I don’t think it means to say thank you God for my shitty situation, for someone still being sick, for always having to step in to help my children/grandchildren/spouse/friends/my community/the world, for someone dying horribly, for not having enough money, for seeing those you love not coping, …. [fill in your own], etc, etc, etc.
I think God wants us to cling to God in the hardness of our lives and the times when things are sad, upsetting, down right awful, but I don’t think they want us to thank them for that situation. I don’t think they want us to be all pie-in-the-sky-God’s-in-control about it all.
But what came out of the discussion was to be able to acknowledge God in the situation, to talk to God in the situation, to know that you are not alone in all this but that the Creator of the Universe is right-by you holding you through all of it, to allow you to rant and rage and cry and doubt, but at all times keep talking to them. It is to say thank you that within all this mess the Creator of the Universe loves you unconditionally, and loves all those who are involved whether they are doing harmful hurtful things or victims of their circumstances or whatever.
So now when I wake I thank God that I’m awake and have another day before me to walk through. And when I go to sleep I thank God that I’ve made it through another day even if I’ve made mistakes, been hurt, hurt others, and found things tough or easy, fun or hard. I have had the gift of life that I have been able to walk through with my Creator. And that to me is more than enough to say Thank you for, even if things haven’t worked out as I’d have liked, even if people I love had still died, are still struggling, are distant, or whatever.
To me it is the honour of walking through another day with The Creator God by my side.
This dog always has faith that I will be there for him. Photographed by myself June 2024
Of course our Upper Room group gathering was awesome with 5, then an unexpected arrival of one who said she might not make it. We talked of all sorts but two things remained with me. One is around thanking/gratitude, which I will try to do tomorrow, and the other was the verse from James
…. faith without works is dead
James 2:26
This came from a discussion about doing and what should we be doing and can we say No and the whole “yoke of slavery” verse that I was chewing over. If we take James 2:26 literally then if we aren’t doing and working then we don’t have faith, surely?
But how does that fit into the verses about resting in God? What is this verse really means “faith without outworkings is dead” – and those outworkings being trusting in God for all things and not having to do everything for everyone ourselves?
What if it is about showing we have faith by not worrying, not getting anxious, not fearing anything, knowing and showing we are loved unconditionally, being open and honest without fear, walking in freedom as I’ve mentioned in previous posts? What if this verse on faith has nothing to do with what we do but has all to do with how we are inside? All to do with the energies we give out to others?
If I truly have faith then I will do and not do what I believe God has for me to do and not do.
God is amazing because I’ve been pondering this post for a couple of days and it seemed to get into a bit of a rant about people doing too much and not resting, etc so which I could feel in my heart was not right. So this morning whilst I was walking the dog I asked God how they wanted this post to go and God reminded me of this song by Bananarama and Fun Boy Three song says “It Ain’t What You Do It’s The Way That You Do It! with that lovely line “and that’s what gets results”
I’ve just listen to the song and it has brought a tear to my eye. It is all about how the heart is and how we need to know the whys of why we do things. If we go in with the right energy, the right heart attitude, leaving our issues, our motives, our needs behind then we can truly do what God wants. Then we are free from that yoke of slavery but if we do good deeds with the wrong motives, with the wrong heart, with the hope that it meets our needs then we won’t get the God results, or as Isaiah says somewhere “our deeds will be like filthy rags“
So it is not about whether you’re busy or resting or saying yes or saying no but it is the way that you do it that will get the results God wants. If our hearts are right then people will look at us and say “wow! whatever they have I want because they know the why of what they are doing”. Then we will be free from that yoke of slavery and able to worship God in Spirit and in Truth!
It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it And that’s what gets results
It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it And that’s what gets results
You can try hard (aah-ahh-ah) Don’t mean a thing (aah-ahh-ah) Take it easy (aah-ahh-ah) And then your jive will swing (aah-ahh-ah)
It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it And that’s what gets results
I thought I was smart but I soon found out I didn’t know what life was all about But then I learnt, I must confess That life is like a game of chess
It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it And that’s what gets results
We’ve got our Upper Room house group tonight and I’ve been pondering what I’d like to share when this verse came to me. So as I walked the dog this morning I got to pondering about what that “yoke of slavery” really was.
Whilst away I’ve see a lot of people who are trapped, many of whom are Christians, trapped by many things; by holding on to hurts and hates from many years ago and having to regurgitate them; trapped by issues in their upbringing which makes them repeatedly behave in a certain way and where their response is to say “it must be my/our upbringing” even though actually they don’t like those characteristics both in themselves and in others; trapped by diagnoses of mental health or behavioral ways again with this “this is just what I’m like”. When challenged on all these things from the regurgitating hurts to the characteristics, etc the response can be quite aggressive and almost a “so you don’t love and accept me as I am”.
Now I believe totally that God loves us unconditionally just as we are [and from that we are to love others unconditionally] but I also think God wants us to be freed from the “yoke of slavery” that is the often the “this is just what I am, I can’t help it” especially if it holds us back from being content with ourselves and with our lives – good, not so good, bad and downright horrible.
I believe to be in the freedom that is talked about here is NOT determined by circumstance, situation, or survival [which I think is a lot of what brings on these “I can’t help it” responses]. I believe this freedom comes from showing ourselves totally to God and to ourselves as we are, warts, traumas and all, and allowing God to set us free in whatever way they see best; counseling, QEC, therapy, Alcoholics Anonymous type group, or just that touch of God without any human intervention.
As with the joy, peace and love, I believe Freedom is a gift from God that is set before us waiting for us to take hold of. This doesn’t mean we will always be safe from falling back into that slavery of comparing, of judging, of fear, of feeling inadequate unless …, but it gives us a rock, a safe place, to crawl back on to, a place to remember that we are not bound by the slavery of being pitched by the waves of thoughts and feelings and situations. But we are totally free.
I had a few times over the past week where I could feel myself sliding back into old patterns of behaviour which came from fear, from survival, from old habits, but I either reached to God or asked others to pray from me and that put me back on that rock of freedom away from those “yokes of slavery” that would have dragged me back into old patterns of behaviour which were not wholesome either to myself or to those I was with.
Even today I had to stand on this rock because instead of the regular 10-12 people coming to our Upper Room evening there are only 6, 2 of which are myself and my husband! I heard the “old me”, the “enslaved me” saying things about how it wasn’t worth preparing for, how we ought to have invited more people to allow for there always to be a “crowd” coming, and fear of how it might not work out. Because I had already had to deal with these thoughts in regard to my writing groups – where I used to cancel if only 2 people were coming but now happily run them even if only 1 person is there, so long as that one person is happy about it – I was able to bonk these thoughts on the head very quickly. Or as the Bible says “take these thoughts captive”, which seemed to release this blog and so bless many more than those who will turn up tonight.
I know I’ve not been posting too much recently – since the end of Psalm 23’s run – but I’m going to be posting nothing for a while as we’re going away. And as the mug says “this is the main event” – hanging out with my family in different permutations for a week in different places. Then back for a few days, when I might have time to post, before going off to help friends declutter their house before they move across country. Then it is holiday time for just me, hubby and dog. So if things are quiet on here for the next month just remember ….
Aspirational Adventures 