traumas – Aspirational Adventures

No Fear

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18

July 9, 2026 – Bible verse of the day – DailyVerses.net

I haven’t written on this site for a while. I’ve been concentrating on my Substack and poems and stories but this verse has been pottering away in the background of my mind even before I read it on Daily Verses.

It is that last bit “the one who fears is not made perfect in love“. Now I know that John is saying this is perfect love in Jesus, or that’s how we are taught it in Church and Bible studies. But what if it has a lot to do with not fearing because we have been healed of our past traumas. I think Paul meant something like that when he said

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,

Philippians 3:13

I believe when we full heal we might be able to remember the event but we forget the deep pain, forget that part that dives deep into our core, into our bodies. When fully healed we no longer react automatically, no longer are open to stomach pains, headaches, and other bodily pains that we often don’t know where they come from. When we are fully healed our bodies can forget the pains, forget the traumas, forget the automatic responses.

But I think we can often only do that when we fully love and know we are fully loved – whether that is by the God who created the Universe or by The Universe, or even by ourselves.

The more I think about it the more I don’t believe we can fully know the love of God/The Universe unless we fully love ourselves and fully see ourselves deserving of love. Until we believe we deserve that perfect love we will always be fearful. Fearful that we’ll spoilt that friendship, lose that job, not have enough money, not be liked, not be a good enough Christian. etc. I’m sure you can add more to that.

But if we believe we deserve that perfect love then we are not fearful, not expecting to be punished, have let go of the past. Only then are we ready to strain towards the future – whatever that maybe – hand in hand with perfect love.

I Am Not An Onion

Photo from October 2023. These were the last locally cut flowers of the year

The reason for the photo is because it shows the inside wall of my house which is in need of redecorating. We’ve been in this house for eight years now and the hall is one of the rooms I’ve not yet started on.

I have just booked another session of QEC counseling/healing for next week and was free writing around it. As I did that more and more things came up and I started to feel a bit fed up with it. I have been doing this “inner healing” stuff for soooooo long now. Not just QEC but other forms. And yet still there is more.

Someone once compared inner healing to taking off the layers of an onion; that just because you had taken off one layer there were still more to come. I’ve never settled well with that analogy because if one kept on with the healing and taking off the layers soon there would be nothing left.

I know that can be a Christian way of looking at things – to get rid of “me” and just be Jesus. But don’t think there would be verses in the Bible like

“Come to me, all who labour and are heavily laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:29-30

if we were meant to be in the picture at all. I think Jesus is saying that the whole healed me is walk in tandem with the whole Jesus and it won’t be a big deal.

So I am not an onion where eventually there will be nothing left of me.

Whilst free writing this morning what came to me when we do QEC or similar types of healing is we are stripping off the wallpaper that we have used to cover up the walls of who we are. Often whether in the Bible, in dreams, etc “house” or “home” represents ourselves. So what we often do, or let others do, is paper over things in our lives to make us seem more acceptable, to fit in better, to keep us safe. But to be wholly me I have to strip those walls right back to the original plaster and see what cracks are there. Then not paper over the cracks but heal those cracks.

Have you ever stripped wallpaper from an old house where previous occupants haven’t done it? That old wallpaper paste was more like superglue than modern wallpaper paste is. That stuff is rock solid. Sometimes too you come across old newspapers which for some reason were used as lining before putting the wallpaper on. That is then like trying to remove papier mache. It was meant to stay.

Sometimes some of the things we’ve put in to keep us safe after childhood traumas, or even grown up traumas, we’ve put on to last. We don’t want to revisit that. But it makes a bulge in the walls.

So I go back again and again for more healing not because the first lot didn’t work, not because I am an onion, but because I am an grand house that is being renovated room by room.