Tag: peace

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Distractions enough peace

Distracted By Many Things

Single focus dog. Photographed by myself Cardiff April 2024

This week I have been distracted by many things. I’ve got 3 workshops I am running with funding from Creu Conwy which seemed to have taken ages to finalise but now are imminent. The first two are next week! Also they are in the evening – one from 5-7pm and the other from 6-8pm, times when I am usually in that downward curve energy-wise and just want to mooch about and watch TV. Though I have had a few nights where I have been functioning after my 6pm deadline – once with a new churchy-style group that we’ve started in my house and a couple of trips to the cinema with hubby. But I’m panicking about these workshops because I will have to be the one who is fully alert.

It has amazed me how quickly I get distracted. I’m also doing an online writing course which is great but again is making me worry about that old adage of “not having enough time”. How many times have I written about not having enough. Perhaps I need to be reading my writings not just writing them??

But it also means that, even though I have been reading my Bible meditations and thinking I’ve not been thinking deeply. Not letting things penetrate into my heart.

This week’s Henri Nouwen thoughts are about Celebrating and how one needs to be in that moment to really celebrate, how lots of what and when we celebrate is a going through the motions rather than actually celebrating. So the event is something that sits between the stress of planning and the anticlimax after the event, but that celebration should be a lifestyle thing. I need to remember that I am to enjoy running these workshops and not just caught up in the preparation and then the feedback.

So once again I am like Martha [Luke 10:38-42] where Jesus says “Martha you are worried about many thing but the better thing is to sit at my feet like your sister“.

I was worrying about things. Ok not little things. These things are quite big – running these writing workshops, not being too exhausted because of the time I am doing them, getting the work handed in for the writing workshop I have paid for, and the having enough sleep, time, ability!

Interestingly the other night I was awake worrying about, of all things, having enough energy and enough time, exasperated by being awake from 3.30-5.30am. I had a full day in front of me and a long list of planning not just for the workshop but other things that I had to do. But, as you’ve probably already guessed, I got everything that needed to be done on the list completed and even managed to stay up till 10pm with my husband watching TV as well has having walked my 10,000+ steps. It was as if God was saying “look you can do it. All will be well”.

Also I do know I have the ability to run these workshops. I do an amazing job every Tuesday fortnight with my regular group and can pull things from the depths of my brain when needed. I know I can do it but I get distracted and once I get distracted I move away from God and also move away from celebrating the joys of being alive.

As I’ve said before though, there is an order for how this comes about. To really be able to feel I have enough I need to be at Peace. From that place of Peace comes a deep Joy and only then do I believe I have Enough. And what has gone on this week is that I had to realign my autonomic nervous system back to a place of peace – which does just take a few moments of breathing and looking at the window, of remembering what I have to be grateful for, and forgiving myself and others. For me going through the Lord’s Prayer but an Aramaic translation, helps me.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/88875792626618323/

Only then do I start to remember that deeper joy that is a bedrock not a happy feeling. And it is then that I feel like I have enough. Today it means I can say “I have enough time to do a blog post – with many pictures – before going away for the weekend even though my first workshop is Tuesday”.

My whole thoughts have been consumed by these workshops to the point where a friend asked me for coffee and I said I was too busy!!! And also nearly didn’t go south with my husband to see his Mum which has now turned out to be a trip to see my Mum too. Goodness me! Fancy me thinking I don’t have enough time to see family or friends! As well as the Lord’s Prayer I did have to have a chat with my covid-bird to be reminded that friends and cups of tea are important.

Picture first shared on Relearning June 2023

Categories
control shame

The Need For Control

St Asaph Monday 15th April 2024 Photgraphed by myself

What’s your default mode? What’s the place you go back to when you are feeling tired, stress, anxious, attacked?

In some of the Josh Luke Smith “Speak into the Chaos” stuff he talks about how our shame causes us to want to control our situations. And the more we let go of our shame, forgive ourselves and others, accept as Gabor Maté says that lots of what we do was programmed into us before we had logical thoughts, forgive into those situations and take agency with them, the more we change our belief systems about the world, the more we can let go of needing to control.

I’ve had a few interesting situations over the last couple of weeks where I have firstly felt myself wanting to take control but have ANSed, let gratitude roll through me and let go of the need to control. But then I have spoken something that rock the boat a bit, unintentionally. I was just saying how I saw the situation. I have then been met with a barrage of the other person regaining control in a quite forceful way.

For each of us, until we can let go of our shame and need for control we will all have a default method of dealing with that.

  • There is the person who goes tight lipped and says nothing
  • There is the one who comes out fighting – either with fist or with tongue
  • There is the explain it all away
  • There is the person who will suddenly change tact and agree with everything their supposed attacker is saying
  • There is the person who just walks away and won’t talk about the situation again.

For each, and the myriad of other types, it is a way of keeping control.

My default rolled between going in with words to fight my corner or cutting the person out of my life. I have now come to see that a lot of the time I don’t care. Like with a meeting recently where I’d voiced an issue and the other person was defending themselves way beyond what my concern had been and they gave no hint to the issue I had raised and whether it was valid to me.

Before QECing my default would have been to no longer have anything to do with this person and their organisation. I would have dismissed the whole lot, bad mouthed them to other people, and ignored emails etc from them or emailed to tell them exactly what I thought of them. Instead, no longer needing to have that control over the situation, I allowed myself to feel sad and disappointed that they did not hear my concern, allowed them to waffle on till they had finished, and then went on to the next point I had on my agenda that needed dealing with.

Because I did not go into my old default way of keeping control I could let things wash over me, decide what was important, forgive them for not hearing me, and move on.

Too often we lose the most important thing because we “throw the baby out with the bath water” because we need to keep control, because we refuse to give ground to the other person.

I think Jesus did that. When challenged he didn’t come out fighting but would tell a story to emphasis the point. He’d bring the energy of the encounter down a notch or two. But I think that’s because Jesus knew and trusted his own heart. Too often our hearts are full of shames and hurts and wounds that we ignore them, we don’t see them as important. We don’t see they are trying to communicate with us. So we shut them away. We hold on to our shame, our hurt, our wounds.

For those old enough do you remember the “What Would Jesus Do” [WWJD] bracelets, mugs, etc used to help us know what to do? Well I think in any and every given situation that arises Jesus would breath, not rush to an answer, would check his autonomic nervous system was in balance and regulation, know he carried no shame, guilt or hurts, and would be able to respond with a gentle, strong, clear heart.

If we want to get to be more like Jesus that is the place we need to get to.

Version 1.0.0

Categories
seeing True freedom

Being True to Ourselves

https://www.sidetracked.com/a-delicate-line/

Exhausted but content. As she realises that the complete journey is almost at an end, that she has done it – and on her own terms, at peace with the choices she has made – she feels the bond with this mountain of spirit growing strong.

https://www.sidetracked.com/a-delicate-line/

This article on Sidetracked is amazing. Not just that Anna Tybor climbs the 8th highest mountain in the world without oxygen and then skis back down again collecting all their equipment from the three camps her and her three companions made between base camp and the summit, but it is that she did it on her own terms. She made choices, like not using the oxygen and collecting their detritus which other climbers would not have done, and it is this that give her peace. It would seem that because of this she feels a bond with the mountain. Read the article because this mountain doesn’t work with her on the trip.

Not all of us are called to climb mountains, even little ones, but all of use are much more at peace when we do things on our own terms.

The more I find my true self the more I know what my terms are and the more I can let those things happen not with force but with gentleness because I know it is what I want deep in my heart. Sometimes that might make things harder for me – like with Anna’s thing of clearing up the mountain behind them – but when I go the way I know my heart feels is right then I connect with something higher/greater than me – whether that is God, The Universe, the environment I’m in or the people around me.

I think when we don’t do what we know to be right for us – and again this comes down to seeing ourselves truly and not seeing ourselves as we think others want us to be – we feel a hurt. Often we dismiss this hurt and move on but it stays with us building into something bigger. Then we scream at someone for pulling out in front of us, leaving the top off the toothpaste, etc etc. Often it is that we’ve let those things that aren’t right for us build.

I’ve been running writing workshops for the last 7 1/2 years. Over that time I’ve learned that the ones that work best for the participants are the ones where I am true to myself in them. I run the writing groups that work for me. I do them on my own terms and that gives me peace and causes harmony within the group. When I try to run a group to please someone else then I feel the tension in me and those groups fold.

So practically how can we be true to ourselves and be at peace with our decisions and choices? I will always say that the first way is to get some healing and see what the blocks are that stop us from being true to ourselves, and sometimes that can be not knowing ourselves. Think back to those times when you felt totally at peace and see what you did/didn’t do.

I also think we need to slow down and not just into things. Emails and text messages and phone calls shout at us to do something now but it is ok to wait, to say to the caller “I’ll get back to you” or just leave the text or phone call. I find even if my heart says “yes” I will still wait in case actually I’m going back to people pleasing rather than my own terms.

As a Christian I would say that my final thing with making a decision is that I allow “the peace of God that transcends all understanding to guard my heart and mind” and from there I can go with my peace.

Important note – what I believe to be the right decision is the right decision, the right choice for me, and the more healed I become, the more at peace with myself I become, I can let other people find their own peace and make their own choices on their own terms.

Categories
enough joy peace

You Don’t Need To Do It

My dog’s biggest decision/resolution for any day of the week is what toy shall he play with from his two new ones. And each decision is “new every morning”

On a Facebook group I’m part of my QEC practitioner suggested instead of feeling like we are being forced into New year resolutions – that most of us feel guilty about breaking by mid-January – why not QEC a vision of Peace, Joy and Plenty for 2024. This is working with that principle that what we believe will come to pass will come to pass. This isn’t a “pollyanna” “pie in the sky” way of thinking. This isn’t saying that we will be protected from bad things happening. But it is saying that we will ride through them with peace, with deep joy [not the silly giggles but something deep and fundamental] and that we will know we will have plenty/enough of whatever we need to see us through.

All this is what God says to us through the Bible – that “the joy of the Lord is our strength” [Nehemiah 8:10], “my peace I give to you” [John 14:27] and Matthew 6:25-34 which tells us not to worry about anything because God has it all for us. God has what we need in abundance. Though too often we do not see Christians living this out so find it hard to believe. But it is there!

But I realised as I was free writing around this that there is an order to have this happens. I felt that one couldn’t just dive into believing there is plenty/enough/an abundance because it is so hard to believe. It is why we have to QEC things and put in new beliefs so we can start on that journey.

  • But that QEC journey starts, I think, with us having peace with our past, with our upbringing, with our mistakes.
  • From this place comes deep joy that we are such amazing people, even if that has been lost in things that have been said to us as children.
  • Then once we are at this place of deep joy and gratitude, then we can believe we have plenty for what lies ahead each and every single day.

To succeed with this we need to be like those who go to Alcoholics Anonymous believe, that what we have this for each day and we rejoice in the dailiness of it and not have to stake it up for longer than today.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
…
Amen.

The Serenity Prayer

Note the “living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at at time” or as Lamentations 3:23 says God’s blessings are “new every morning” because “great is your faithfulness”

By not trying to put it in resolutions – that we aren’t doing at the moment anyway and so won’t stick to because there are reasons why we didn’t start now – but listening to our hearts and going day by day doing our best to live in peace, from which follows joy and gratitude, givings us the hope of living in plenty/enough then we can move in harmony with ourselves, with God, with The Universe, and with each other.

Categories
Encounter prayer

Cart Before The Horse

New Forest ponies photographed by myself June 2021

Too often we put the proverbial cart before the proverbial horse and wonder why nothing happens.

For instance we pray for world peace, for people groups to forgive each other, for people to consider the earth and the climate change issues, for people to stop abusing each other, yet I have realised that with the stories I read with my youth group Hagar and Gideon only changed when the had an encounter with God.

Hagar could only forgive Abraham and Sarah for their abuse of her and let go of her own anger and pride when she had met with the God who fully saw who she was. Gideon could only go and do what God asked of him calmly and without anger when he had met with the God who calmed his fears.

I think too often we expect ourselves and others to forgiven, to do just as God says and no more or less, to walk in peace and deep joy, when they had not had an encounter with God. I also think it often needs to be a regular different facet of God we encounter to fit with the things we are dealing with at the time.

So I am going to try to start praying for my friends, my family, world leaders, situations, and asking if these people will have an encounter with God. That sort of encounter that makes them feel fully known, as Hagar did, fully trusted as I think Gideon did, fully loved just as I am as I did and do regularly.

I also think that to be able to have those true encounters we need to be healed so we can truly see God when they come visiting. As you know I’m very pro QEC and also Sozo, but there are other ways of allowing those false beliefs of self-doubt, unworthiness, expectations of life, etc, changed and replaced by Godly freeing ways. For Gideon it was giving a sacrifice. For Hagar it was believing God say her.

So let’s get praying for people to have God encounters and then trusting God will change them, will speak to them, will be with them, in the way that is right for them and their situation rather than telling them and God what they should be doing.

Categories
let go of fear peace

Calming Fears

Last night’s youth group was a great follow on from my blog yesterday and, for me, helped me know how to move in this crazy world we live in.

We have been looking at the names of God and last month I was encouraged to note that it appeared that Hagar could only forgive Abraham and Sarah and go back once she had seen a side of God.

Last night we were looking at Jehovah and one of the verses was Judges 6:23-24 – The LORD our peace. Although in my version, the English Contemporary Version, it says “The LORD who calms our fears”. Now to me that really says something.

Gideon has just been told by God that he has to go off and tear down the idols to Baal and then kill the Midianites [of which if you read on in chapter 6 God has an awesome plan on how to do that]. Gideon has told God that he is weak, his tribe is weak, and basically he’s not up for this. God responds by say “oh yes you can” and Gideon’s response is to make a meal for God. Then when God consumes the sacrifice Gideon is terrified but God says “Don’t be afraid” and Gideon believes God.

Again there is this encounter with God; this meeting with God; this knowing God is who God says God is. The reassurance and the knowing comes from meeting with God. Once Gideon has met with God and been told not to be afraid he can say he has met with “the LORD who calms our fears.”

Now my youth group aren’t really afraid of world wars, of poverty, and at the moment they are not quite concerned about making the right choices, but they are afraid of grandparents dying, of pets dying, of fellow pupils on the bus with them and how to handle certain remarks, of coming to new things, etc. These are important to them. It was great to be able to say that God will calm their fears of this because it says so in the Bible.

So in follow up to yesterday I think what we need to remember most of all that in the midst of this chaos, in the midst of our fears, whether about world events or personal events, God promises to calm our fears. Let’s claim that. Let’s live in that. And then show the rest of the world that God has something to offer to our hearts, to our peace of mind, to ourselves. And once we do not fear then we can go and do as God wishes us to do.

Categories
Contentment joy

What Should I do With My Life?

I often hear people say “What should I do with my life?” or “What is God’s plan for my life?”. There are loads of courses on how to find out your giftings, your motivations, your best traits, your career prospects, and that doesn’t include the many life coaches out there to help with this. But this quote from a story posted on Fictive Dream really struck me. I’m not sure if this is what the author intended but it is what I got!

The basic story is of a young woman talking to a wizard to find out what she should be doing with her life as she feels like she is at a crossroads, and of how her intention is to be happy.

‘Your work is all that you do, while you’re here. The price of happiness is to remember this each day of your life.’

The Wand Maker by Mike Fox Read more by Mike on https://www.polyscribe.co.uk/

What struck me was that it isn’t what you do but knowing that all you do is what you do. “Your work is all that you while you are here”. Everything we do, whether we intend to do it or not is the “work of our lives/the plan God has for us/our destiny“. And that if we can remember this we will be happy.

So we roll out of bed in the morning and know that from this moment on what we do is our life’s work whether that is writing a blog, walking the dog, chatting with the woman in the shop, gazing out the window, solving the climate crisis, sending that email, doing nothing, reading a book, [add in whatever you’ve been doing this morning/afternoon/evening/yesterday/last week/tomorrow].

EVERYTHING WE DO IS THE WORK WE ARE TO DO WHILST WE ARE HERE ON THIS EARTH.

And if we can remember this then we can be content and happy.

I’ve put the two photos of my dog at the start of this post because whatever he does he is happy whether is it running on the beach or sleeping on the floor cushion he does it wholeheartedly, with joy, with happiness. I’ve just taken him in the car to the pet shop where we got out, bought dog food and bird food and came home again. He was so happy to be out with me in the car. He is now snoring on the cushion with happiness.

So without thinking, without planning, can I just accept that what I do is the work I’ve been sent to do? Can you? Can we all accept that there is maybe not grand plan for our lives accept to be content in all things?

I often think the greatest witness a Christian, or a follower of any other way of life, can show is not their preaching or evangelising but that they love where they are, what they are part of, radiate an inner peace and contentment and don’t have to keep arguing it and expecting everyone to agree. I know I started walking towards God because of what I saw in others not because of what they preached.

So whether it is following Jesus, being a vegetarian, moving to another part of the country, doing what we do, do it with happiness, with contentment, with peace, with job. Because this life is all we have, let us enjoy walking in it.

Categories
peace Tolerance

The Twelfth of July

First appeared on GodspaceLight The Twelfth of July

I find days where one remembers things fascinating. The mixture of things that different people remember on different days. Like the post I did back in February where cleaning out for Lent, loving your pet and social justice were all “celebrated” together.

A strange juxtapose happens again every 12th July, or has since about 2014 when it was decided to use this day to celebrate/commemorate Malala Yousafzai, the amazing young woman who at 17 was shot by the Taliban for advocating and encouraging female education in Pakistan. From around 1795 within the Irish Protestant communities 12th July was the day to celebrate William of Orange’s defeat of the last ever Catholic king of Britain, James II. A victory that is best remembered for passing that law that “no future monarch could be a Catholic or be married to a Catholic” as opposed to the establishment of a parliamentary democracy, representing a shift from an absolute monarchy to parliamentary monarchy.

I had written quite a ranty post about oppression, freedom, holding on to fears and hatreds but after reading both Lily Lewin’s post on Friday 30th June about praying for one’s country and Steve Wickham’s post about tolerance and hospitality in reconciliation I had a change of heart.

I still think that even those commemoration dates might look random God, somewhere in their infinite wisdom, wants to teach us something. Also, I believe, things don’t just happen by coincidence. So I was meant to read those two Godspace articles and I was meant to be wanting to write about 12th July and I know about both the events of the 12th July Orange marches and Malala Yousafzai. So what is God trying to say?

I think it is about praying with an open heart and not a closed heart. We need to have tolerance and hospitality within our hearts w hen we pray as much as when we open our homes to others. I wonder when Jesus said about letting in the beggars etc for a meal that he may have meant having our hearts open to those people rather than having already judged and boxed them into what we think we know already.

What if with the Taliban instead of praying that they cease to exist we prayed not just enlightenment but a full realisation of God and all that means in their land, in their culture. We must remember that is wasn’t that long ago that women in Western countries were deprived of education, of voting rights, of rights with their own money and property, were seen as second-class citizens. Also it was not that long ago when slavery was thought of as just part of God’s plan. And even though most Christians don’t advocate slavery hope often do we turn a blind eye?

So instead of condemning let us ask God in prayer, what is the real desire for these peoples who are remembered whether through Orange marches, through thinking of Malala, and of all the other “celebrations” that occur during July.

I often get a little pang in my heart when I am with Americans who are celebrating 4th of July and wonder what things would have been like for the UK, the US and rest of the world if a form of interdependence had been sort then rather than independence.

I often think that instead of being triumphalistic at this time, whether with the Orange Marches, the remembering of Malala and feeling superior to groups like the Taliban, of the various Independence Days that occur in July, we humble ourselves and pray.

As God clearly says in 2 Chronicles 7:14 that if we, God’s people, who are called to pray for the nations, for ourselves and for others, really humble ourselves, pray, seek God’s face, turn from our self-righteous, know-it-all, fearful, greedy, self-seeking ways, then God will hear us, will forgive us and then will heal the land, whether this is just our town, our country or our whole world. Remember our land is this whole earth we stand on.

When it comes to anything from Northern Ireland’s marching season, the Taliban and their issues with female education, and all the other issues that cover our earth, are we willing first and foremost to humble ourselves and say “God what do you really want me to pray?” Then are we prepared to be silent, to listen, to allow God’s tolerance, generosity and hospitality sweep over us and so it can then pour forth to the nations?

Categories
Coronation Cultural Diversity

Cultural Diversity

I’ve been writing a piece for Godspace for World Cultural Diversity Day on 21st May but realised, after having my daughter to stay this past week, that this weekend in the UK is going to be quite culturally diverse.

It is the coronation of King Charles III. There are mixed reviews on what sort of person he is but also there are people coping with getting used to change after having Queen Elizabeth II for over 70 years. Most of us have not known another monarch.

There are some people lining the route of the coronation parade already. Some have been there for a few days so they can get a good space. The mood is joyous and hopefully they won’t get too wet. But then there are others putting up angry tweets about fascism, some angry that a country struggling to support those on low incomes can afford this pageantry, others who are still angry about the ending of his marriage to Princess Diana. There are also some who don’t really care one way or the other. For them is it another public holiday in a month that had two public holidays already so they are either pleased about that or frustrated at having to fit things in to a shorter working week, or having to work harder over the weekend because they are in hospitality or various support services.

The division of those excited by, those angry by and those indifferent too covers all ages, races, religions, genders. There is no one group who can say “all our people think x”. There is a diversity within the diverse groups.

But what I have noticed is that there is not chatting between the groups. Each are putting their stuff up on social media or doing their thing without a thoughts to why others think and feel how they do.

Bunting knitted by my Mum outside her house

This would be a good place, a safe place, to start a conversation about diversity, but it won’t happen. I wonder why not? A thought from my QEC practitioner about something else but that fits in with this is that sometimes people feel so unsafe due to unresolved issues that they would rather keep the other person in the “bad box” by whatever means than chat through differences.

I agree but also even if you are the calm one it can be difficult to talk to someone because the other person is so scared that they can come over as violent, angry, not willing to talk, or maybe not even sure what they really think. If we are too anxious we are in defense mode and so cannot hear anyone else because we need to keep our barriers firmly in place. The only way that will change is if each and everyone of us can admit that we should not be in this highly tense state and be able to heal.

Wouldn’t it have been lovely if this had been the weekend to start on this healing process but instead the dysfunctional British royal family has its own issues it needs to sort. Much of which came out in Prince Harry’s book. And many of these issues are fueled by the media across the globe who like to report the bad rather than the good.

So I pray and leave it to God to work on each and everyone of us to let go and find that true inner peace that is so important to the healing of this world.

Categories
forgiveness freedom

Forgiveness Part Two

Woodland walk. just me and my dog. A space to think. April 1st 2023. Photographed by myself.

I was going to write a post about another thing that keeps niggling at me but I felt I wanted to revisit Forgiveness before I can really let it go.

I’m not sure if it is forgiveness or the things that one needs to forgive that start to loom large once God hooks one onto a topic. But just recently it has felt like there are things with spikes, like those seed cases that stick to one as one walks through a wood, or have to be tugged from the dog’s fur, things that I thought I’d “dealt with” via various QEC and inner healing journaling stuff but that nip at me when I’m not quite noticing.

A thing that not only QEC but other inner trauma type healings talk of doing is to be aware of one’s vagus nerve and how one is reacting – fight, fight, freeze, fawn – and how to bring it back to feeling calm, peaceful and filled with deep joy. Not happiness but contentment and something 100 times deeper than happiness.

But these little sticky seed cases aren’t heavy. The dog can continue his walk when he has them. They don’t slow him down. But these small sticky things that I need to forgive for the millionth time do slow me down. They make me grouchy, which makes me tired, which makes me uncreative. And I really don’t like to be uncreative.

And that for me is my awareness; when I feel uncreative, when I don’t want to write anything at all. Sometimes I write angry pieces which I don’t share but that helps me look at what I need to forgive so I can move onward. We each have different things that show us we are out of sync with the calm, peacefully, pure, safe joy we should be working if we are aware of ourselves. So when we don’t enjoy or want to do the things that make us who we are that is the time when we have to stop, reset our vagus nerve, breath, and forgive – often ourselves for still reacting with that hurt as much as forgiving the person who hurt us.

Forgiveness is NOT something with sharp teeth, which is what I was going to write. Forgiveness is the the true MUST DO that is the only things that is going to keep us in good relationship with others and with ourselves. If I don’t forgive me then I forget who “me” really is.

It isn’t easy forgiving but it is essential but too often we get used to those sticky seeds, to those sharp teeth. Too often we are afraid to brush them off, to release ourselves and others. Fear stops us doing many things but most importantly it stops us being ourselves.

So as we enter into the season of Easter, into Holy Week, whether that is your faith or not, just ponder some of the things that are recorded of what Jesus did – the Ultimate Forgiver.