Tag: alcoholics anonymous

Categories
faith suffering

Hope Inside

Baby seals at Angel Bay, Conwy. Photographed by myself Oct 2024

The seals, whether with babies or alone, always make me smile. There is something hopeful about them. I’ve been told that their numbers started to increase when the wind turbine were put in the sea because this made it harder for big fishing trawlers and so the fish population could increase and so things like seals could increase too.

At our last Upper Room gathering we finished up, after many roundabout routes, looking at the verse

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you – 1 Peter 3:15

But what is our hope? Is it just that we believe we’ll go to heaven when we die? I don’t think that’s what was meant. To be something that people will ask us about our hope has to be visible. It has to be a hope that we have enough time, energy, money but it has to be more than that. I know lots of people who don’t have a faith in God that believe that, especially after they’ve done some inner healing.

As I write this I can feel myself struggling to know how to put the hope I feel inside. It makes me realise why believers need to gather together. When we were all sat around the table together we could encourage each other and remind each other what our hope is, what goes on in our lives that we lean on God for, what goes on that we know without it we couldn’t make it.

One of the Alcoholics Anonymous steps is to give things to a higher power. Most addicts say that once they can pass things to a higher power, whether they call that power God or not [and sometimes names are not important] they let go of trying to fix things their way. Their hope for their future was placed in the hands of a higher power.

Someone recently suggested that even if we are not addicted to something noticeable we are too often addicted to our own way of doing things. They were working through the twelve steps replacing the word “drink” with “think” and handing over their thinking to a higher power.

I believe that hope comes when we fully acknowledge ourselves, fault, failings and all, and hand them over to a higher power. As I’ve said before we must not pretend we haven’t suffered because suffering is what produces the hope inside.

So if I was asked I could, hopefully say, that the hope I have inside comes from knowing that I can hand everything over to a higher power, to the Creator of the Universe, who will help and guide me, heal me and help me become all I was meant to be, and loves me unconditionally even if I get lost along the way. And that I don’t need to go back to those old ways of survival but am, is it says in the Bible, “born again“, which as I’ve said before I don’t think is a one off experience.

My hope is that even if I mess up I’ve not severed communication with the Creator of the Universe, I don’t have to go back to my old ways, but can grab on and hand things over again and again and again, and move to that place of acceptance of myself as who I truly am.

Categories
freedom yoke

Freedom From ….?

https://dailyverses.net/freedom

A moment to write between trips!

We’ve got our Upper Room house group tonight and I’ve been pondering what I’d like to share when this verse came to me. So as I walked the dog this morning I got to pondering about what that “yoke of slavery” really was.

Whilst away I’ve see a lot of people who are trapped, many of whom are Christians, trapped by many things; by holding on to hurts and hates from many years ago and having to regurgitate them; trapped by issues in their upbringing which makes them repeatedly behave in a certain way and where their response is to say “it must be my/our upbringing” even though actually they don’t like those characteristics both in themselves and in others; trapped by diagnoses of mental health or behavioral ways again with this “this is just what I’m like”. When challenged on all these things from the regurgitating hurts to the characteristics, etc the response can be quite aggressive and almost a “so you don’t love and accept me as I am”.

Now I believe totally that God loves us unconditionally just as we are [and from that we are to love others unconditionally] but I also think God wants us to be freed from the “yoke of slavery” that is the often the “this is just what I am, I can’t help it” especially if it holds us back from being content with ourselves and with our lives – good, not so good, bad and downright horrible.

I believe to be in the freedom that is talked about here is NOT determined by circumstance, situation, or survival [which I think is a lot of what brings on these “I can’t help it” responses]. I believe this freedom comes from showing ourselves totally to God and to ourselves as we are, warts, traumas and all, and allowing God to set us free in whatever way they see best; counseling, QEC, therapy, Alcoholics Anonymous type group, or just that touch of God without any human intervention.

As with the joy, peace and love, I believe Freedom is a gift from God that is set before us waiting for us to take hold of. This doesn’t mean we will always be safe from falling back into that slavery of comparing, of judging, of fear, of feeling inadequate unless …, but it gives us a rock, a safe place, to crawl back on to, a place to remember that we are not bound by the slavery of being pitched by the waves of thoughts and feelings and situations. But we are totally free.

https://dailyverses.net/freedom

I had a few times over the past week where I could feel myself sliding back into old patterns of behaviour which came from fear, from survival, from old habits, but I either reached to God or asked others to pray from me and that put me back on that rock of freedom away from those “yokes of slavery” that would have dragged me back into old patterns of behaviour which were not wholesome either to myself or to those I was with.

Even today I had to stand on this rock because instead of the regular 10-12 people coming to our Upper Room evening there are only 6, 2 of which are myself and my husband! I heard the “old me”, the “enslaved me” saying things about how it wasn’t worth preparing for, how we ought to have invited more people to allow for there always to be a “crowd” coming, and fear of how it might not work out. Because I had already had to deal with these thoughts in regard to my writing groups – where I used to cancel if only 2 people were coming but now happily run them even if only 1 person is there, so long as that one person is happy about it – I was able to bonk these thoughts on the head very quickly. Or as the Bible says “take these thoughts captive”, which seemed to release this blog and so bless many more than those who will turn up tonight.

Son and dog safe on a rock – March 2018

Categories
leaders to boldly go

Zacchaeus

Trees over the road from my house. Were the people of Jericho lined up on a street siilar to mine? And did Zacchaeus climb a tree similar to one of these? Photographed by myself May 2024

As you can tell from previous posts I like to imagine myself in the Bible stories. For me it helps me to ask questions of what was really going on, which leads me to question many of the things that get taught from “up the front”.

The story of Zacchaeus [Luke 19:1-10] did this to me along with something my husband said about a talk that he’d heard on this story, amongst other things.

The story in a nutshell is about a greedy tax collector climbs a tree to see Jesus. Jesus sees him and invites himself to Zacchaeus’s house, which upsets the local people and then Zacchaeus repays the money he has exhorted from the people.

Note –

  • Zacchaeus was a Jew working for the Romans and not just taking taxes but ripping off his countrymen, some of whom would have been his relatives. That’s something we forget in our society where so many of us live so far from our parents, children, relatives.
  • When Jesus says “I want to stay with you today” or in some versions “eat with you today” it wasn’t just Jesus. It would have been his whole entourage. Imagine says the King coming to your town, noticing you and saying he was going to eat with you. You would then be having to provide food for about 20+ people not just a tete-a-tete with King Charles
  • Many sermons talk about how amazing Zacchaeus was to give back for times what he had taken. That wasn’t a revelation to Zacchaeus. That was him fulfilling the law. The giving half his wealth to the poor was the awesome bit. – Do you ever wonder what those people who were repaid did with the 4 times repayment? Did they then squirrel it away or were they generous with it?

As I pondered this story I wondered how much time Jesus and Zacchaeus actually spoke to each other. I got to wondering whether as the entourage of disciples, etc were settling into Zacchaeus’s house whether Matthew [an ex-tax collector] came along side Zacchaeus and had a chat about Jesus, forgiveness, a freer way of life, and all the other benefits he had discovered of letting go of that old life of cheating, of fear, of being ostracized, etc. I wondered if it was through that conversation with someone who had “walked the walk” that converted Zacchaeus?

By this point Jesus had sent out the 72 in groups of 12 [Luke 10:1-23] – 2 disciples and 10 others possibly – to “heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’” [Luke 10: 9] So all the disciples and at least 60 others from the group were evangelising and healing. So why would Jesus then take back the reins when he had already sent them off on their own?

Well I don’t think Jesus did take back the reins. I believe he was secure in his identity and his calling that he didn’t feel the need to always be in control. I really do believe that he allowed the conversation to flow and to see what happened. It was obvious Zacchaeus was starting on that journey of wanting to change when he climbed the tree to get a better look at Jesus and, I think, Jesus knew that.

But I also think too often we have church leaders who want not just be the one who says “wow that is awesome. This person has found freedom in Jesus” but they want to control the whole thing. They want to be the ones to take the credit and to make sure things are done “the right way”. I don’t think Jesus cared about “the right way” at all. I believe Jesus was all about the “heart way”

I think Jesus knew we can only fully change and fully come to know him and truly following him if we chat and get to know people who’ve been in our position. The reason that Alcoholics Anonymous is so successful in helping people be free of alcohol is that it is run by those who understand the problems that come with alcohol and how easy they found it to be addicted. It also works because there are no leaders. Each person is encouraged to lead a meeting after a certain period of being “dry” and all are always able to tell their story and their journey. And it is that which helps others in the group, no matter what stage they are at, to continue in their healing.

I can support friends who’ve been through similar journeys to myself and can be supported by friends who “get it”. All of us struggle when someone comes in to “put us right” or as Christine Sine says “to demolish rather than renovate” us

I also think we too often hide behind leaders and will say “they didn’t say to do it” rather than be led to do it. Sue Sinclair of Christian Watchmen Ministries says “An intercessor … actually a ministry for every one of us.” but how often do we bemoan that there’s “no one praying” or “no one telling us to pray”.

I don’t think Jesus told his disciples what to do. I think he showed them the way but let them outwork it within their own personalities and own recovery and own life experiences. But I do think he expected them to do. As I write this I wonder if when he picked “the 12 apostles” he picked them from a larger group who had been following him because they were the ones who didn’t wait to be told to do but just got on and started talking to people because they had picked up Jesus’s heart?

So from this I know I need to walk out in who I am and talk to those that I connect with, who understand me and I understand them, but also I need to always be connecting with Jesus so I know his heart for each and everyone of the lovely people that pass my way.

So let us all be bold and step and stop waiting for some leader to tell us what to do!