Author: dianewoodrow

I married Ian in 2007. I have two grown up children, who I home schooled until they were 16. My son has just joined the army, my daughter has just moved to Cardiff.
I have a degree in History and Creative writing and a PGDip in using Creative Writing for Therapeutic Purposes.
Until Feb 2016 I lived in a beautiful part of England and now I live in a beautiful part of North Wales where my time is filled with welcoming Airbnb rental guests, running writing workshops, writing, serving in my local Welsh Anglican Church, going for long walks with my little dog, Renly, and drinking coffee and chatting with friends

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The Jesus Way truth

I Am The Way, The Truth and The Life – Part Two

Early morning beach walk photographed by myself January 2025

Of course part two is “Jesus is the Truth” but what does that mean in our post modern world?

Again ask different Christian groups, especially on subjects like same sex relationships, sex outside marriage, abortion, even how much and how to tithe, what is the truth that Jesus want for us in these areas, and each group would give different answers.

My friend was telling me the other day how her 11 year old niece is now idenitfying as a boy. That is the truth, they say, about themselves.

In the Alpha booklet it says about intellectual truth [head knowledge] and experiential truth [heart knowledge]. I think even that is open to interpretation since learning all these things through Gabor Mate [Body Keeps The Score], other doctors exploring that field, and through what I’ve learned about myself through QEC and writing my story. Both our intellectual truth and our experiential truth are faulty. They are open to interpretation depending on how we have remember situations, how we’ve dealt with things, what has been hooked on to our DNA, who we are trying to please.

So what does Jesus mean by this?

I think firstly we do need to do work on our own hearts and our own ways of looking at life. I was with a group of people the other day and at one point I took a breath because I realised we were all trying to put our truth forward and our truth, even our truth about how we see Christianity worked out, was all to do with how we had reacted to certain things because of the traumas and worldviews we all had.

An example comes to mind of how, many years ago, at a large charismatic Christian event the speaker said something along the lines of “I can see Jesus wanting to enfold you in his arms”. Well the person I was with walked out. Turned out she’d been abused and the idea of Jesus just randomly coming up and wrapping arms around her frightened her. Now if someone had said Jesus wanted to come and have a gentle chat with her she would have been up for that. I’m sure the speaker would have been very upset to know they had upset someone like that. So again one person’s heart truth is not the same as another’s.

Do I have a rounding-off final paragraph for “what is it Jesus means when he says “I am the truth”?” No I don’t. But what I do think is that we all need to take our hurts and our traumas to God, to Jesus, and be willing to let them take our traumas, etc. We need to let got of our idea of what is truth and what is right because we don’t know because we have all been hurt. And I think once we are ready to do that then we might get close to know what Jesus means when he said “I am the Truth”.

Categories
The Jesus Way Way

I Am The Way, The Truth and The Life – Part One

Near Capel Currig, photographed by myself December 2024

I have the privilege to meet with two 15-16 year old girls in McDonalds on a regular basis to discuss things from the Bible. We’re using the Alpha guide “Why am I here?” as kick-starts to discussions.

We’re starting with the verse

Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life”

John 14:6

One of the sentences in the booklet is “Jesus is the lens through which we see God” but that got me thinking “how do we see Jesus?”

If you listen to the evangelical American right then Jesus is brutal, full of rules and knows best. If you listen to those who have left organised religions then you get a very different picture. But are either “correct2?

My mum sent through a reflection from her vicar for this Sunday and in that he talks of how we need to see God in creation and also in the troubles of the world; in the good, the bad and the inbetween; to see Jesus turning water in to wine and in gifts of the Holy Spirit, which he lists as

Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety, and
the Fear of the Lord.

Jesus is found in the miraculous and the ordinary, the individual and the community.

Interestingly another verse on the first page of the Alpha booklet was

Jesus said, “I am the bread of life.”

John 6:35

And the immediate response from my girls was that Jesus is sustaining and filling.

So if we take their thoughts and other bits from our discussion then, I think, if following Jesus isn’t sustaining and filling is it really the Jesus Way? [and remember that the early followers were called “Followers of the Way” and the term Christian was used as an insult] If following Jesus doesn’t encompass the troubles and the joys of this world is it really the Jesus Way? If following Jesus can’t be done in a group and alone is it the Jesus Way?

So to me when Jesus says “I am the Way” he is talking about a life that is sustainable, filling, can be found in the troubles and the joys, and is something I love to do alone and also love to do with others. To me this is the The Way Jesus talks about here.

Categories
fire good

Use of Metaphor

Photo by moein moradi on Pexels.com

With all that is happening politically in our world many of the first posts of the year started with “World on Fire” and then large chunks of California have either been burned away or are being burned; for which reasons are being given to do with climate change but also that the undergrowth is growing faster, not being cleared and so fire fighters couldn’t get through to deal with the fires. Those fire breaks had gone.

Then yesterday I was at church and we were talking about the Baptism of Jesus and sung songs with lines like “let your fire come”, “set your church on fire”, “set our hearts on fire”.

What do we mean by these words? Do we really want that all consuming out of control fire that has raged through Los Angeles recently? Do we really want that in our streets, in our homes, in our churches?

Having heard stories from a friend who lost her house in a massive fire Ventura, California in November, which we didn’t hear about because the media was caught up in the US elections, seeing a fire race over the hills towards a home you have designed and built yourself, have untold memories as well as possessions inside and you just stand there in the clothes you have on, it is a horrid experience, and one I would not want to face. So I do wonder if that is why when we sing these songs about God sending fire we have a mental picture in our heads of something contained and safe.

Like it says in the Chronicles of Narnia when Susan asks if Aslan is safe, Mr Beaver says

“Safe? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good.”

I wonder when we sing these songs about God’s fire coming if we really want a safe fire like the candles we burn or the fires we have in our grates at home where they give out warmth but are contained. I don’t think we really want a wild raging fire sweeping where it chooses to destroying things we hold dear in its path.

I think we are really singing songs asking God to send a calm, cleansing, controlled fire that will get rid of the bits we don’t like but we’ll be able to keep an eye on where it is going and what it is doing.

But as Mr Beaver says God isn’t safe. Good but not safe. Do we pray to a safe God rather than a Good God? Do we even believe God is good all the time?

Are we willing to let go of what we think is important and let God have free range to cleanse and destroy and change what we hold dear in our lives? Are we willing to look for a Good God?

As I sat there in that lovely Victorian building singing a song I’ve sung in many other places I know I didn’t really want something I couldn’t control raging through the routines of church, the routines of my life, the norms as I see them. Oh yes I would like to choose what gets burnt away because I think I know best, but I am suspecting my “knows best” is different to other peoples “knows best”.

So I think we need to be careful with our metaphors, careful with what we wish for, careful with what we pray. What we need to do is spend some time alone with God getting to that point of really being able to pray “Your Will Be Done” because that is a real letting go and takes us to a place of really being able to say “Ok God I trust you. Have your way in our land”. And believing, as my friend in Ventura still does, that God is a good God no matter what.

Categories
growing learning

Is Everything Really a Lesson?

Renly relaxing on Boxing Day after a big hike. Photographed by myself December 2024

Ok yes I know dogs get trained to sit, stay, wait, and random things like roll over, etc but I don’t think dogs see everything that goes on in their world as a lesson but too often I hear it from people.

I read an interesting article and when I commented on it the author of the article said he’d been waiting to share as he couldn’t work out what the lesson was. My reply to his reply was “did there have to be a lesson?”

I think too often we humans think every thing that goes on is meant to teach us something and I’m sure some things are, but really is everything?

In 2012-2013 we went through a series of untimely deaths and other random changes in our lives. Was that a lesson? If so I’m not sure what it. Or was it just “things happen and sometimes they happen at the same time”?

The more I’ve seen and done and prayed and pondered the more I think that even though not everything is a lesson per se – because God isn’t some great big teacher wanting us to pass tests all the time – I do think that I have learned things from them and have changed as a person.

It might sound like splitting hairs but I think there is a big difference between learning things and things being a lesson. I think that we can choose to learn things but if something is a lesson there is a specific “thing” to be gained from that.

Also I think if we are open to learning things then yes “every day is a school day” but also it doesn’t mean that we are waiting for a specific something to happen to learn something.

It also means that we have no fear of what the “teacher” is going to say or if we miss the point being made. There is no worrying about what that lesson was.

I home schooled my children up till they were fifteen and people used to often ask what “lessons” we did and how we worked in school holidays. Well because every moment of every day was a chance to learn something all of us, myself included, were always open to what was going on around us, always curious, always expecting something to show up. Not every moment was a lesson that came with outcomes and things that I could tell the home schooling inspector but, on the whole, we learned and changed and grew and explored things on a regular basis.

So I don’t think God is up there with a lesson plan for us but I do think they want us to be open and aware of what is going on around us. They want us to become more who we are called to be, to know and love ourselves, those around us and of course them more and more.

So not everything is a lesson but everything is an opportunity to be open to learning and growing.

Categories
new year poem

Another Year Passes

Capel Curig Boxing day 2024

I wasn’t going to do an end of year post but then came across this poem that was shared by Feasts and Fables because it sums up my year and not just this year. And also to share my response to it.

Responding to poems is something we do in the journaling group I attend once a month and it is a great way to get into those subconscious alpha waves

So here first is Brian Bilston’s “This is the year that was not the year”

This was the year that was not the year

This was the year that was not the year
I repaired the bathroom tap
and emptied out the kitchen drawer
of a lifetime’s worth of crap.

This was the year that was not the year
in which I launched a new career.
A West End hit eluded me
as did Time Person of the Year.

This was the year that was not the year
I became a household name.
Action figures were not sold of me.
I wasn’t made a dame.

This was the year that was not the year
I spent less time on my phone.
Nights of passion did not happen
in boutique hotels in Rome.

This was the year that was the year
I didn’t get that much done –
much the same as the year before,
much like the one to come.

(Brian Bilston)

And this is my response

This was the year that was not the year

I cleaned and sealed the tiles in the hall

decided what colours to paint said hall

and revamped the kitchen

This was the year that was not the year

I made a plan for the garden

removed the crap from the pots

and remembered to weed regularly

This was the year that was not the year

I cleared out the old paint tins under the stairs

took them and other detritus to the tip

and planned in the downstairs toilet

This was the year that was not the year

I chatted with some kitchen fitters

finally got rid of the dark and blistering work surfaces

and brightened up the kitchen.

This was the year that was not the year

I read more and played less on my phone

finally learned to crochet and paint

and became a household name.

This was the year that was the year

I learned to be content with myself

got motivated on my Substack account

and let myself off the hook

This was the year that was the year

I made some new friendships

did a ten week series with Write Club

and wrote the first draft of my memoirs

This was the year that was the year

that I shared some good pieces – poems and stories

self-published a book on Psalm 23

and am practising gratitude as a way of life

I’ve loved the way this poem evolved. It refused to let me finish without those three positive verses at the end. I do find writing is how explore what I’m thinking, like many well-known writers also say.

These posts are free but you are welcome to Buy Me A Coffee or similar

Blessings and peace to you all as we transition smoothly into 2025

Categories
Believe present

God is with me ALL the time

Sunrise Christmas morning over my park December 2025 Photographed by myself

I was led in bed the other morning thinking about praying when a thought struck me. What if I really believed God was with me all the time? How would that change my thoughts?

It took me back to those thoughts around why organised religion likes the idea of Jesus being born in a stable away from the family so that one would have to go to him to worship him. But it is probably Jesus was born in a safe warm place with family around him. Yes the shepherds and wisemen went to him but for everyone else he was just there.

What if I believed that the Creator of the Universe was just here with me as promised?

The first thought is “I would behave ‘better'” whatever ‘better’ means.

But actually if I really believed that the Creator of the Universe was fully with me it would change my thoughts. How could I not like myself if God loves me? How could I think negative thoughts about myself when God wants to be with me? How could I regret the life I have if God is here with me?

That doesn’t mean my life is perfect, or for that matter has ever been perfect. I have made loads of mistakes, doing things I wish I hadn’t, had things done to me I wish hadn’t been done, but as and when those things cross my mind I repent and forgive – forgiving myself as much as others. Releasing myself and others from any hold that our pasts might have on us [and past can be in the last 10 minutes!!]

I am now working on getting my head round fully believing that God is with me all the time not in some place I have to go to; that I can talk with them all the time because they are here with me and not is some far off place.

I need to be aware of what I think and feel about myself then that good energy can go outwards and onward to others. Remembering always that we can only love others as we love ourselves, only forgive others as we forgive ourselves. And all this is possible because the Creator of the Universe is not just walking with us but is in bed with us, watching TV with us, eating with us, going to work with us, going for a walk with us, and even going to church with us. This not because they are some creepy voyeur but because they love us so much they cannot bear to be apart from us because we are AWESOME just as we are.

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christmas faith Mary

Faith and Action

Cute picture of my dog and cat being inactive – photographed by myself Dec 2024

James says “faith without works is dead” [James 2:26]

After yesterday’s Upper Room gathering and rehearsing with the young people for the Nativity play, I realised God works this way too – sharing deeds to help our faith. Probably if one looks properly all those things we say the Bible says God wants us to do God’s doing them anyway.

In the Upper Room we got into talking about ways we had really seen God show up – a nurse suddenly appearing to suggest a treatment which saved a dying mother, a head on crash being diverted by the car suddenly being in a lay-by, a vision of a car which slowed the driver down and stopped her being hit, etc, etc, etc. We all had some story or another. But I also wonder how many more things had happen to us that were God’s intervention but we didn’t see because we weren’t being observant enough?

When we are fully present in the moment we see the things God has for us, I believe. Then instead of worrying about our circumstances we can be in that place of openness, observation and deep joy. But we do need to be in that place.

With the QEC work I do our practitioner talks a lot about keeping one’s autonomic nervous system in a place of calm which we learn to do by saying things like “I’m safe, your safe, we’re safe” or “my ANS in a calm and stasis” or for me spending time free writing and letting my heart seep out of my pen then adding in some different beliefs.

So where am I going with this? Well for me I like QEC because not only do I see it work in myself but I see it working with my practitioner. She isn’t just talking the talk she’s walking the walk. [Faith and deeds]

The reason I like God [and struggle with much of organised religions] is that I see things that align with what is being talked. Like with the stories from the Upper Room community – God in action.

So back to the Christmas story. The other day I said that people believed Mary because they had faith and trust in her; that she was the only human who really knew how she got pregnant. But actually if one reads the Christmas story then there is more to it than that.

Firstly we have to let go of all we have been preached and also all of modern life. Jewish communities did NOT have a stable on the edge of town where Jesus would be born away from prying eyes. He would have been born in the town. Even if there were people who did not believe Mary’s story about how she got pregnant they would still have taken her and Joseph into their home because there was no where else to go.

Jesus was born into a home not away from everyone though much of what we hear preached and are encouraged to believe now is that Jesus was born on the outside. As I read recently [but have lost where] religion, and so ourselves, likes the idea of Jesus being born in a stable on the edge of town where we can go and visit him rather than being in our homes where we are stuck with him all the time.

Next angels appear to shepherds. It says “the brightness of the Lord’s glory flashed around them” [Luke 2:9 CEV] So you’ve got shepherds on a hill above the town. Close enough to run into the town to see the baby. It wasn’t like we are now with light pollution and whatever. The place was in pitch darkness so even a small fire would be seen for miles and miles. Suddenly, up on a hill, there is light. Someone in the town would have seen it.

Then these shepherds hurry down from the hill to see Jesus. It doesn’t say they wait till daylight. So they’ve got torches and all sorts and I suspect they weren’t being quiet.

Also remember now we’ve got Mary, Joseph and Jesus in someone’s house not in a stable on the edge of town. I’m suspecting those shepherds didn’t get the right house the first time. I suspect they knocked on a few doors before they found the right one. But also I am suspecting because of the light and noise of the angels that people in the town were up.

This was no secret on the edge of town birth. This was big. This was noticeable.

God asked for faith and then gave deeds to help with that faith.

As I’ve pondered it this year I would love to think of Joseph and all his relatives in Bethlehem thinking that they would love to believe Mary because she is such a sweet person and so reliable and trustworthy, but then God comes along and does the deeds thing and they go from that small seed of faith to that tree of full blown belief.

Maybe too it is how those of us who accepted Jesus by faith have been able to hanging in there during the tough times because God gave us something more tangible too?

Faith without deeds is dead – and because God knows our fragile hearts they are able to give us deeds to help us with our faith.

Peaceful Christmas to everyone who reads this. And keep your eyes wide open to see what really is going on around you.

My hallway with and without extra lights – December 2024

Categories
faith trust

Mary

Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

I love working with children because they come with no presumptions about anything and are willing to listen and learn, but through explaining to them something we adults have known for ages I get a new perspective.

I’ve written a version of the Nativity story for the Christingle service for the church where I co-run the youth group because the young people who read the Bible verses last year wanted to act it out this year. It is bonkers and crazy and like herding cats but way more fun.

Anyway I was trying to get some method acting into it and was telling the 10 year old girl who was playing Mary why she was scared to tell Joseph she was pregnant – the whole thing about being stoned to death if he didn’t believe her [yes I’m a no holes barred youth worker :)] .

What struck me as I was telling her was that actually Mary, if we take what we are told in the Bible, is the only human being who knows how she got pregnant. The Bible doesn’t mention anyone else there or anyone overhearing. From that point onward the main characters in the Jesus story believe what Mary says to them but none of them know for sure.

Over the years there have been many preachers who have filled in the gaps, said how people “knew for sure” but all of it fits in with the last two blog posts around not knowing for sure what people are thinking, etc – of mind-reading, fortune-telling, presuming.

But also it talks of trust and faith. Mary knows what happened. Joseph trusts her and the dream he has. Luke, the only one of the gospel writers who mentions the virgin birth, obviously trusts whoever told him or believes it by faith as do then many the people who read it from then onward

.[There are also many people who choose not to believe and that is something I might pursue in another post? Maybe!]

How often have you trusted what someone has said because they are trustworthy? Even things like when you make an arrangement to see someone both of you are trusting that the other people will turn up. You trust them because when they have said they are going to be somewhere at a certain time they do. We all also have people that we have learned not to trust because what they say they often don’t mean. And of course we need to take captive those thoughts when we try to mind-read as to why they are like they are. Sometimes we just have to say we don’t believe what they say but not turn them into monsters.

I think Mary must have been a very trustworthy person for Joseph and others to believe what she says. Try to forget all the icon images we have of her as something special. She was just an ordinary teenage girl – though with an extraordinary trust in God – but she wasn’t any more holy than you and I.

Who do you trust when they tell you something extraordinary and why?

Categories
Feelings Thinking

It’s About The Thinking!

A continuation from yesterday’s post – because I found the picture I was looking for. Interestingly it came to me when I’d stopped thinking about it and was walking the dog. Just popped into my head. I find lots of my ideas do that – just pop into my head. But I do forget that. Yesterday I spent the morning pondering what to put on my Substack for the coming week and then was sorting supper and it popped into my head so I wrote a 500 word pieces around memories of Christmas.

I also had more thoughts, after find the above, and from comments by Matt on yesterday’s post around the “How do you know?” thought which is similar to the fortune telling idea.

Too often we “know” what someone is thinking or why they have done X,Y or Z. But we don’t. We often don’t really know why we are doing what we are doing because much of it, I believe, is around triggers. For instance we suddenly lose our temper with someone, or a friend that we don’t lose our temper with but have horrid thoughts about, but we don’t really know why. Oh we do all the pondering and putting forward ideas to ourselves, generally that revolve around blaming them or ourselves, but it can be because what they said or did reminded us of a hurt from a parent, a teacher, a situation we were scared it. But instead of accepting we feel hurt, sad, whatever, we try to justify it.

Take this morning – I woke up feeling sad. Like really sad. And a bit snarky and looking for a fight. Thankfully it was only me, the dog and the cat about at that time. Though the cat can wind me up greatly at times!! The dog is an angel. Anyway I left the cat at home and took the dog for a walk in the dark just as the sun was waking behind the hills. Instead of trying to work out why I was feeling as I was – that whole thinking thing – I just accepted that this was how I felt and let it go.

A feeling is just a feeling. It is a chemical reaction in your body which, apparently takes only a few seconds to go through you unless … you decided to hold on to it and think about it.

So I’m not sure what was causing my feelings of sadness and crankiness but I know they’ve gone now because I didn’t chew them over and think about them I just accepted that was how I felt.

It saves so much time too. I’m not going over who might have said, or not said, done or not done, anything to me, or imagining what they are “really” thinking about me. For all I know my sad feeling this morning could have been because of a chemical imbalance that changed when I got out walking. Who knows? And I’m getting to the point of “Who cares?”

Though with all things, as Matt says about “How do you know?” it is “really hard in practice, though, because our brains are hardwired to make assumptions”. Though now there is a part of me that is going – is that our brains that are hardwired or is it our conditioning?

A thought for another time 🙂

And picture of the dog to finish with – especially for Gina who I know, and am not presuming, seconded guessing or fortune telling, loves my posts if I put a picture of Renly on them 🙂

Categories
bonfire Captive

Take Every Thought Captive

Image from https://hgc.org.my/sermons/take-every-thought-captive/

It’s been a while since I’ve posted . Not because I haven’t had posts in my head but because it is that time of year – that time when one’s head if filled with Christmas stuff; what to get for who and when to send, and what Christmas cards to send to who and why, the whole food and drink thing, and what to do with the long enforced break for some. Head full of thoughts. I’ve also decided to start a Substack with my writing on it which I’ve told people I’ll post 2-3 times a week. I’ve done one week and got a growing following, including one paying subscriber so I probably need to do regular postings. Perhaps should have waited till the new year but ….

This post came from a picture on FB about taking thoughts captive, which I cannnot refind so can’t share the source of this thought with you but did find the lovely picture above. I’ve not read the post/sermon that accompanies it but do feel free if you wish.

Here is the whole Bible verse

We demolish arguments and every pretension …, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

How often do arguments occur because we have let our minds wander off on their own coming up with all sorts of scenarios for what the other person is thinking/feeling/intentions are? I’ve had it with the Christmas present shopping. Once I’ve bought something I go down the rabbit hole of “they won’t like it” “it is too much” “I should have bought X instead”.

I had a lovely challenge over the weekend. A friend had message to say she was off to the park and would meet me there. She was late and I’d bumped into another friend who’d suggested going to see the waves [it was the tail end of Storm Darragh]. Whilst I was on the beach with this friend the other friend phoned to say she was at the park. I told her where I was. It is a walk that leads back to the park but when I got back and phoned her she didn’t answer. I then messaged to say did she want to meet for coffee the following day. No answer. So my mind started its journey of “she doesn’t like me any more” “she’s scary when she’s angry” right the way through to “I’m not sure if I want to be her friend any more”. I then pulled myself together and started taking every one of those random thoughts captive. Because I like visual stuff I imagined these thoughts running like fish along the river of my mind [I think I’ve heard this in a sermon somewhere] and I speared them, gave them a quick look over, then throw them on to a bonfire. Eventually those random thoughts stopped coming and I was at peace with my decision to go to the beach instead of hanging around in the park and felt that all would work out as God/The Universe intended. The following day I got a text from her saying she wasn’t free when I’d said but what about later in the week. When we did meet she didn’t say anything about me going to the beach. It was all over.

How often though do we waste time on those random thoughts? How often do we take things and blow them up out of all proportion?

I could easily have built up arguments in my head about this friendship, built up pretensions. In a course I did about relieving stress this was called “fortune telling” – imagining a future when none of us know what the future looks like. Although this does seem to be what our media and much of social media focuses on – fear of what might happen. Capture those thoughts and throw them away. None of us knows the future. And we build up stress and stress leads of falling out with each other because we aren’t living in the reality that is now.

A couple of nights later I’d had too much sugar before going to bed and woke up with that whole worrying about X,Y and Z. I did the “taking every thought captive” and throwing it on the bonfire and as I did it I cleared the water of my mind, realised that it was a sugar rush going on, went to get a drink and accepted that this was what it was. I didn’t even do the “I shouldn’t have done eaten those sweets so close to bed”. Instead I just accepted that what was was.

I’m learning more and more to do this with other things. So with the presents and the Christmas cards I’ve written, I’m sending with love and a belief that they will be received with love. Because also all thoughts are not to be thrown on to the bonfire and got rid of. Some thoughts are lovely and need to be savoured. That is why it says to capture them but then make them obedient to the mind of Christ which is calm, peaceful, and filled with love.

River at Betws-y-coed September 2023 photographed by myself