The Look of Love – photographed by myself March 2025
I was listening to these words from John 21:15-17 where Jesus asked Peter if he loves him more than “these”. If acted then Jesus is shown pointing to the other disciples on the beach. Often this has been taken as a counter to Peter saying before Jesus got arrested that even if the all the others denied Jesus he wouldn’t and then he goes and denies him three times, hence why Jesus asks if he loves him three times in the redemption part. So basically a “do you love me more than these other disciples do?”
But what if Jesus is asking “do you love me more than these earthly things that are important to you?” in the sense that does Peter love Jesus more than he loves his friends, more than he loves fitting in with everyone else, more than he loves being a part of this clique? Would that make a difference?
I think it can be easy to try to love/care for/honour/do better than/follow someone more than someone else. But also that is a judgement and is one of those things in self-care and mental health one is encouraged not to do – not to compare. Comparing comes with the word “enough” and then there’s some oughts and shoulds thrown in.
I could never know if I loved Jesus or even another human more than someone else because I don’t know what’s going on inside their heads. But to love someone more than loving fitting in/ being part of something/being in safe tribe now that is hard and sacrificial.
Interesting that often this is then used to encourage us to judge and compare rather than to sacrifice!
This is a regular beach walk of mine but often, when there have been big storms, of which we had many over the last few months, the stones and gullies have been changed. It can be a very different walk. I need to remember that we are all different as people depending on our personalities and maybe too the storms we have ridden.
Last night was youth group night. It was a new group and I didn’t want to presume that just because they had come to a church youth group that they all believed in God so our first question of the year was “Would you identify as a Christian? If yes why? If no why?”
Only three young people came and all said they would tell their friends they were Christians or that their friends knew this already. It was the “why?” question that challenged me the most.
For myself, I had a very powerful experience which brought me to really want to follow God in the big way. I would say I “became a Christian”. So for myself it is all about the experiential experience. One of the group said that when she prayers she can feel a presence sat beside her. But the other two, and the vicar, all said they just believed and struggled to say why they believed. The answer from all three of them was “I just do”. No wavering. No changing.
When we talked about what things it meant to be a Christian the main one was that God was centre of our lives. We didn’t get into tenants of faith. Nothing about what you had/had not to believe or do to be a Christian but just that God and Jesus were a major presences in our lives who encouraged us to think and behave in a different way.
The first church I attended, and many others I have been to that have shaped my beliefs, have been very much of the ilk that to be a Christian one had to do and say certain things, believe in certain things, accept certain things.
I’ve also studies not just the Reformation but many of the points in history where Christians have persecuted Christians because they have done things in a different way. Things we would now see as trivial. But as the vicar reminded me, even now [and I experienced in other churches] though there may not be actual burnings at the stake, there can often be judgements against those not have “prayed the prayer”, been “properly” baptised, and also the issues of gender and sexuality, care for the planet, who leads the congregations, etc, etc.
What struck me greatly was that we are all different in who we are but that makes us all different in how we approach God, how we behave about God and with God. For me I needed that experiential experience, something tangible to hold on to as I unraveled and rebuilt my life. But for others it is just that believing and that knowing that that is enough.
But what came out of if for me is that however we experience God and however God is out worked in our lives, that important bit is that we keep God and Jesus central and trust them enough to lean on them no matter what is going on around us. Through that can we show God in our lives to others. Then when we take God’s love to others it is something tangible not something we are just saying.
A nice piece of Medieval art work. I wish the Openverse [which is where I got the picture from using the “openverse” button on WordPress] would give a reference!!
Anyway why the Four Horsemen on this pleasant Monday morning? Well it comes about because on Saturday night we watched Now You See Me 2 on Netflix. A nice bit of easy listening with good morals, a bit of fighting but no horrid stuff and no sex. Yes there are only two female actors in the whole main cast, only three ethnic characters in the main cast, and other issues but that aside I found it a good easy Saturday evening watch.
But what struck me is the four key characters are known as The Four Horsemen – and automatically I’m thinking “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” from the Bible – the white horse often interpreted as Pestilence carrying a bow, the red horse of War carrying a sword, the black horse of Famine carrying scales, and the pale horse which is Death. One of the interesting things that the leader of these Horsemen in Now You See Me says as they are performing their final tricks of the film – [paraphrased] “We are the four horsemen. Our job is to reveal what is“
That really struck me. Often it is interpreted that the biblical horsemen are sent as a punishment, a judgement but what if they are there to reveal what is, to reveal what is really in our hearts. There are multiple interpretations even in the short piece from Wikipedia that I’ve shared. So I might be as “right” as anyone else.
We live in a time when we see the horrors of pollution, over mining of our plants resources, mass scale farming with its pesticides and fertilizers, plastics filling our oceans, climate change. There are wars and the mass migration of people groups caught in the horrors of war which are then rejected from the countries they run to. Again there is the migration of people due of famines which have come about because of over farming, climate change and wars. The scales are very much tilted towards those with money and not to a fair shared world. All of this leads to death. There are many colours that death can be but I like pale best because it is insipid and can fade into the background. But as well as those who die in wars, from famines, from trying to cross to safer countries, there are those who feel so hopeless they take their own lives, who die of cancers because of the lifestyles now led, who get killed by cars, planes, etc. Death is all around and much of it is violent and unnecessary.
Ok so The Four Horsemen in Now You See Me were not just about revealing corruption and bring things into the open but were about putting things right. So we can sit and bemoan the state of the world. And if you come across any group of people in the pub, on a dog walk, in a cafe, at home with friends, etc they/we are bemoaning the state of the world. Bit by bit it is revealed to us. But we need to do more than moan.
A while ago I wrote about how the world is caught up in logic and not listening to the heart, the deep heart. [Check out this post but also search “logic” on my blog page to get other posts that all roll together] And I think that is where the problem lies. Logic causes us to panic, to become overly anxious but kicks in the “freeze” mode of our automatic nervous system. So we don’t act. We get increased mental health and learning difficulties because we are focusing on logically trying to sort the situations and so our anxieties levels are running on an all time high and then we are logically trying to get them turned off!!
So how do I listen to what I hear these four horsemen reveal in my quiet little North Wales seaside town and know where I fit into the picture of not only revealing but of changing?
Firstly I can breath, ANS regularly, and keep my energy levels calm so that when I go out into the world I take a pool of calm with me.
Secondly I can pray. Not telling God what to do but by quietly listening to what God is saying. Quietly really hear in my heart not what I want the answers to be but what God, the Creator of this Universe, really wants in these situations. Some of what I hear won’t make sense to my logical brain but I have to trust the Creator that they know what they are on about.
Thirdly I can do those things that will help; turn off lights, think sustainably, buy ethically, be kind and generous to others, love my neighbour as I would like to be loved, believe I have everything for my daily needs, forgive and know that I am forgiven, not put things into judgemental good/bad boxes, etc. [ I say “etc” because I know there are so many other things that are relevant for each of you reading this. For some it is to write what they are called to write, to paint what they are called to paint, to work at the jobs they are called to work out. And sooooooo much more]
I just want to share this YouTube video from The Grays Haven Music called REST. God’s work is done and we just need to Rest, to know our part and to trust in them. I don’t in anyway think this means do nothing but, I think, it does mean don’t fuss, don’t worry, trust and listen to what your part is in the already done work of God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.
Photographed on a beach in Cornwall by myself August 2022
There are some talents that are noticeable and some that aren’t. If you can sew, knit, etc then people notice what you do. We’re having two rooms in our house painted this week and next and our painter has talent.
Other people’s noticeable talents made me a bit insecure. I thought I had no talents, which is a blatant lie. I have many talents but they aren’t things that can be noticed. I wonder how many of us can be like that; that we only see ourselves as talented if it is something that can be noticed, gets published, wins prizes, and now in this digital age, has lots of followers and likes.
I love to write and it is one of my gifts. I’ve only had two books published – one that I self published and one that I paid towards being published. I have won a few competitions, interestingly with poetry rather than stories. But I am not going to be a renowned author because I don’t have the push and drive to get to that place, and I am not good at marketing myself. But I have many hidden talents.
I am great with teenagers, that species that many adults avoid. I love going into schools or running youth groups to chat, challenge and encourage young people. I have also been told I am a good listener, which means my walks round the park can often take much longer than the 45 mins they should . When I’m in the mood I am a good cook and do enjoy feeding people. I also love doing these blogs and have been told they encourage other people too. I love taking photos and writing poems about what they make me feel, which is where the Inspirations From Walking In Wales book came from
But it is hard sometimes not to compare ourselves to others, to see talents as a hierarchy rather than gifts we’ve been given. Again I think it comes down to wanting to put things in good and bad boxes rather than look at what gives us life. Once we get into comparing ourselves to others we are saying this is a good talent and this is a not-so-good talent. We have then judged ourselves and found ourselves wanting. Would God do that? Also once we have seen ourselves as not-good-enough we don’t allow ourselves to just be.
We need to know that what we have been given is good enough for who we are and what we are to achieve with this “one precious life” [Mary Oliver “The Summer’s Day”] and then go for it, be our true selves and enjoy it along the way.
Note this is not one of the people I am talking about but a free Pexels.com image to I don’t show real people.
On the weekend a message came up on a local neighbourhood group about “dodgy men” going door to door in various streets. Well two of those “dodgy men” came to my door. They were actually boys not men and were very honest about the fact that they were ex-offenders and were doing this for a charity to gain credits for careers advise and driving lessons. Now my main worry was that they were being made to do this against their wills as a form of human trafficking/slavery. And I did talk to the boys about this and said I could put them in touch with people who would help.
I did buy some stuff from them and had to pay by cheque as we don’t have cash any more. One of the lads gave me his name and I did google him afterwards. He came from the town he said and yes he had been in prison for fighting. But actually some of the young people I work with in Youthshedz have criminal records. It is often very much a case of “by the grace of God/good luck/being born with different parents in a different part of the country” it could have been me.
But too many people are brought up to be fearful, to panic when they see young men with large black bags door knocking. They worry for themselves and not for the young men. Of course I did not let these boys in my house or do any thing that would endanger myself or my home. But actually that is wise and fair to them as much as to me. It is like not leaving the alcoholic to take charge of the wine cellar. I would be wrong to put temptation before these men but they need my/our support as much as anything.
But also what makes us in a place to judge? We see where someone is at that moment in time but not how they were or how they could be. I have to laugh because I am now running lots of youth based activities but in my youth I was into all sorts of things and was not a “good person” as some would say. But for those I work with and for and who see me dog walking I am a good person now. And yes I am a good person now but when I was in my early 20s the same could not be said.
I think with these “dodgy men” and other people that many fear we need to give them a chance, see the good that is in them, realise they have made mistakes due to circumstance, personality, home lives, and so much more, but they can, with help, support, determination and expectation become more than you see at the moment.
For myself the turning point was giving birth to my son, wanting to change my lifestyle for my boy and then meeting with God in a very powerful way. But for other people it is different things but all seem to include meeting with something bigger than themselves.
Let us all try to give these “dodgy men” and women a chance to desire to meet with something bigger than themselves, to tell their stores and to find a place of belonging.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone – Jesus
Post first published on Saturday 30th October 2021 on GodspaceLight.com
When I was a child Guy Fawkes night on 5th November was the big fireworks thing. Halloween was not really on the radar at all in the UK. When I started going to church I got introduced to the “Festival of Lights” children’s parties on 31st October, but it was still not a big deal really. Then when I moved to Belfast in 1996 I met Halloween in a big way. The road outside my house exploded with fireworks as soon as it got dark on 31st October and kept going for hours. We had only arrived three weeks earlier and wondered what we had let ourselves in for! There the Baptist church saw it as just a thing, though it was very much just an overload of fireworks.
On returning to England three years later Halloween had grown and “trick or treating” was becoming a thing. The charismatic, evangelical churches were saying Halloween was wrong, evil, satanic, demonic, etc. Then I joined YWAM and lived in a community house filled with mainly American evangelical Christian families and was introduced to a different take of Halloween, where children were encouraged to dress up as scary creatures, garner sweets from strangers and see it all as a big thing. Without this introduction twenty years earlier my reaction to Lily Lewin’s post FreerangeFriday: Halloween Candy Prayers would have been that she was not a “proper” Christian. Knowing Lilly as I do, I know she definitely is a Proper Christian with capital P and C. 🙂
This got me thinking of how we box and judge other things and other people without taking time out to know the heart behind them; “signed and sealed” as either good or bad. This led me to Matthew 7:1&2 where Jesus says “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged ...”, which I thought I would look at in context. In the preceding verses, Jesus says that God cares for us so much that we are not to worry about anything. ANYTHING!! Then he goes on to say not to judge. Coincidence?
My suspicion is that God knows we judge because we worry about things, about how we’ll be perceived, whether we’ll “get into heaven”, be “good” witnesses, etc, etc. We think we’re looking at others to “help” them but actually, we’re also looking and judging ourselves. Jesus says “in the same way you judge others you will be judged”. Many sermons talk about it being God who judges us by the standards we judge others, but I think Jesus might just be saying that in the way we box and judge others so we are boxing and judging ourselves. And living in fear because of that.
As Christianity swept through Europe and into Britain many early Celtic Christians saw the pagan practices of the people of the lands they were engaging in. They were not afraid of what was going on or how they would be judged. They also did not judge the people but showed that they were “missing the mark” [which is what the word sin really means] then showed how to adapt what they were doing to show Jesus in all fullness.
So for me this Halloween I am going to use it as a time to see where I am judgemental, where I miss the mark, and work out how I can change myself rather than looking outwards judging and trying to change my fellow human beings–whether professing Christians or not.
A Festival of Light for myself that will sparkle out to those around me rather than the darkness of judgment.
Is it just me or when you go out or look through your window or read Facebook or Instagram does the thought pass through your head of whether those people are obeying lockdown rules?
Maybe it is just me 🙂 But I know when I’m out walking my dog with my daughter I look at groups of people and ask myself “are you all part of the same family and living in the same house?” When I watch cars driving past I often think “is that journey necessary?” When I see all the cars in Tesco carpark I ask myself “how often have you been there this week?” All the time I’m judging people. And actually not in a good way.
What if those people walking together are from different families is it for me to judge? If people are walking for 2-3 hours rather than the one allotted for exercise, or going out 2-3 times a day instead of one, is that for me to judge?
Is it for me to judge? No it is not. I must follow the rules and guidelines as I have interpreted them but not judge others who see it differently. Yes they might get sick – but I must not say “serves the right”. They might die and that would be sad. They could stretch the NHS and that would not be good. But all in all it is their choice, as it is mine, how to interpret this whole situation that we have never been through before.
But it got me thinking of how much I judge others but the things I see them doing. And this can be good or bad, better or worse than me. Do they go to church more/less than me? So are they are better/worse Christian than me? Do they spend more/less time writing than me? Are they a better/worse writer than me? Etc, etc. Who am I to judge???
If nothing else lockdown has taught me how much I judge others by what I see and what I want to see. So today when I look at photos on Instagram or see people walking together outside or driving their cars I will just let it go and continue doing what I do. And trying not to judge myself!!
Maybe it is just me 🙂 But I know when I’m out walking my dog with my daughter I look at groups of people and ask myself “are you all part of the same family and living in the same house?” When I watch cars driving past I often think “is that journey necessary?” When I see all the cars in Tesco carpark I ask myself “how often have you been there this week?” All the time I’m judging people. And actually not in a good way.
Aspirational Adventures 