I feel led to write this post today, Pentecost Sunday. A day when we remember the Holy Spirit landing in tongues like fire on Jesus’ follower gathered in Jerusalem. What we often fail to celebrate is the patience of these 120+ people. We don’t know for sure how long they had been in Jerusalem but they had all gathered. It was a special day in the Jewish calendar, so not unusual for them to be gathered. But they didn’t know what was going to happen. Jesus had told them to gather in Jerusalem for the Holy Spirit to fall but they didn’t know what would happen or how or what next.
Imagine this – they have all been gathered together, chatting, praying, eating, sharing their stories of the last 3 years or so and, I suspect they’d “got it” almost by now. I wonder if they thoughts “well life is short. There isn’t much time, we understand the whole thing Jesus was on about. We’re ready to go.” But they waited And to me that is the miracle. How often are we willing to wait? Wait until God really tells us it is time to go?
But this post isn’t just about waiting it is about accepting we have “enough” time, like we have “enough” of everything really.
The followers of Jesus knew their time was limited but, I hoping, that when they looked back on that time of waiting in Jerusalem that they saw it as special. A time of hanging out together. Of being together. Of, as well as hearing stories also hearing hearts.
So much at the moment is about not “wasting time”. We are brought up with it. How many of us have been told “go and do something useful. Don’t waste time.” Or as we’ve got older instead of being able to relax we are hold, or fear, that we “haven’t done ‘enough’ with our lives”, that we need to do things, “keep busy because we’ll be dead soon”.
We fit in “down time” but it is as an activity rather than a nothing time.
Many of today’s Pentecost sermons will point at how once the Holy Spirit fell all the followers were then busy and doing as if not doing that one isn’t being a “good Christian”. Yet I remember reading a book [can’t remember who it was by now] by an American charismatic preacher who was rushed to A&E with a heart attack. When he was asked his profession the medical staff said “we could have guessed. We get lots like you in here.” and went on to say how, from their experience Christians in ministry was that they were all overworked! Not a good look! Especially when you note that the early church was started by a large group of people waiting. Waiting till power came to them because they knew there was “enough”time to do all God wanted them to do
I’m going to finish with the the whole of Saturday 18th May’s post from Henri Nouwen because to me the whole of it says how hard it is for us to find 10 minutes minimum to just listen to God. Not as an activity but as a joy to be with the one you love and the one who loves you unconditionally
An aside before you read the quote – my husband and I spent yesterday afternoon and evening not doing anything other than hanging out chatting, drinking tea, drinking wine, eating, not planning anything but sharing thoughts and hearts and it was a wonderfully afternoon and evening. We need to be doing that more often with Jesus.
Listen to your heart. It’s there that Jesus speaks most intimately to you. Praying is first and foremost listening to Jesus who dwells in the very depths of your heart. He doesn’t shout. He doesn’t thrust himself upon you. His voice is an unassuming voice, very nearly a whisper, the voice of a gentle love. Whatever you do with your life, go on listening to the voice of Jesus in your heart. This listening must be an active and very attentive listening, for in our restless and noisy world God’s so loving voice is easily drowned out. You need to set aside some time every day for this active listening to God if only for ten minutes. Ten minutes each day for Jesus alone can bring about a radical change in your life.
You’ll find it isn’t easy to be still for ten minutes at a time. You’ll discover straightaway that many other voices, voices that are very noisy and distracting, voices that do not come from God, demand your attention. But if you stick to your daily prayer time, then slowly but surely you’ll come to hear the gentle voice of love and will long more and more to listen to it.
We got our cat, Damson, on 1st January 2010. She was a rescue cat and the rescue centre said they thought she was about 6-8 years old. The vet says she has a juvenile personality which is why she still plays like a kitten rather than the old lady she should be. So she is between 20-22 years old, roughly! She can’t jump like she used to so she climbs on to the furniture with her claws out sounding like someone climbing with crampons. It also means her claws get caught occasionally and she is just left hanging!!!
Because she is an indoor cat in our three story house she has lots of fun and exercise and when we go away someone pops in to feed her and empty her litter tray.
She misses us when we’re away and, instead of like cats I’ve owned before who will ignore you for a few days when you’ve been away, Damson charges at us meowing loudly and wants so much attention.
Well it also means that instead of sleeping at the foot of the bed she has decided over the last four nights she needs to be close to me. So she claw-climbs up on to the bed and then presses herself as close to me as she can. For the first two nights she was sleeping under my chin. Temperatures have risen in the UK so this is not a good place for me to get a good night’s sleep. Also if I turn over so I’ve got my back to her she climbs across my back and chest so she is back curled close to me.
So whilst I was not sleeping the other night I got to thinking. We often talk about there being a God shaped hole in our hearts that we fill when we let Jesus in but I got to pondering as to whether God has a “me” spaced hole in them that needs to me to snuggle close to. That God’s desire is for me and you and all of us to snuggle up under their chin, close to their heart, in the warmth of their body and rest there.
Once Damson is tucked up close to me she purrs away loudly and contentedly. Perhaps that is God’s desire for each and everyone of us. Maybe too we would feel like my cat – safe, loved and content and would not feel like we have to do anything to claim that love of God apart from to be close?
St Asaph Monday 15th April 2024 Photgraphed by myself
What’s your default mode? What’s the place you go back to when you are feeling tired, stress, anxious, attacked?
In some of the Josh Luke Smith “Speak into the Chaos” stuff he talks about how our shame causes us to want to control our situations. And the more we let go of our shame, forgive ourselves and others, accept as Gabor Maté says that lots of what we do was programmed into us before we had logical thoughts, forgive into those situations and take agency with them, the more we change our belief systems about the world, the more we can let go of needing to control.
I’ve had a few interesting situations over the last couple of weeks where I have firstly felt myself wanting to take control but have ANSed, let gratitude roll through me and let go of the need to control. But then I have spoken something that rock the boat a bit, unintentionally. I was just saying how I saw the situation. I have then been met with a barrage of the other person regaining control in a quite forceful way.
For each of us, until we can let go of our shame and need for control we will all have a default method of dealing with that.
There is the person who goes tight lipped and says nothing
There is the one who comes out fighting – either with fist or with tongue
There is the explain it all away
There is the person who will suddenly change tact and agree with everything their supposed attacker is saying
There is the person who just walks away and won’t talk about the situation again.
For each, and the myriad of other types, it is a way of keeping control.
My default rolled between going in with words to fight my corner or cutting the person out of my life. I have now come to see that a lot of the time I don’t care. Like with a meeting recently where I’d voiced an issue and the other person was defending themselves way beyond what my concern had been and they gave no hint to the issue I had raised and whether it was valid to me.
Before QECing my default would have been to no longer have anything to do with this person and their organisation. I would have dismissed the whole lot, bad mouthed them to other people, and ignored emails etc from them or emailed to tell them exactly what I thought of them. Instead, no longer needing to have that control over the situation, I allowed myself to feel sad and disappointed that they did not hear my concern, allowed them to waffle on till they had finished, and then went on to the next point I had on my agenda that needed dealing with.
Because I did not go into my old default way of keeping control I could let things wash over me, decide what was important, forgive them for not hearing me, and move on.
Too often we lose the most important thing because we “throw the baby out with the bath water” because we need to keep control, because we refuse to give ground to the other person.
I think Jesus did that. When challenged he didn’t come out fighting but would tell a story to emphasis the point. He’d bring the energy of the encounter down a notch or two. But I think that’s because Jesus knew and trusted his own heart. Too often our hearts are full of shames and hurts and wounds that we ignore them, we don’t see them as important. We don’t see they are trying to communicate with us. So we shut them away. We hold on to our shame, our hurt, our wounds.
For those old enough do you remember the “What Would Jesus Do” [WWJD] bracelets, mugs, etc used to help us know what to do? Well I think in any and every given situation that arises Jesus would breath, not rush to an answer, would check his autonomic nervous system was in balance and regulation, know he carried no shame, guilt or hurts, and would be able to respond with a gentle, strong, clear heart.
If we want to get to be more like Jesus that is the place we need to get to.
No connection to the post but a cute picture of my dog taken Saturday 13th April 2024 exploring the storm swept beach close to our house
I will put enmity between you and the woman, between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will bruise his heel
Genesis 3:15
I have been a follower of Jesus for 32 years now and I’ve never understood this verse until Sunday night a youth group. I’d sort of knowing it was Jesus crushing the serpent’s head and brutally destroying sin – though of course the brutal bit hadn’t occurred to me until Sunday night.
I might be telling you something you already know but if I am humour me. For me this was an awesomely exciting moment.
My lovely vicar friend pointed out to me, as I openly struggled with this verse and slowly gained realisation, that Jesus’s heel was bruised by mankind’s sin which of course the serpent represents here.
I’d often wondered if it had been the serpent/sin having a nip at Jesus as he was on the cross which is why he said some of the things he said. But know it was my sin, your sin, the world’s sin, that was causing the bruising to Jesus. And … now here’s the really exciting bit that I knew anyway …. Jesus took all that sin – mine, yours, the worlds – all those bits where we had missed God’s mark, gone our own way, done hurtful things to others and ourselves. He had taken that. But he was hurt by it.
It was not a blase-this-is-my-role sort of thing. And it wasn’t just the nails and the beatings etc that hurt. It was taking those things that came in through the serpent, thought the deceiver, that have then caused our world to be filled with wars and pollution and greed and selfishness and fear and [add your own because there are so many more]
So Sunday night I went from “that’s an odd verse and I don’t get it” to “oh my I can understand now why we need to memorise this verse”. The Six Beats One Story even suggests the young people colour in the verse to help them remember. Well now I can understand why they suggest that.
And again Sunday’s youth group just showed me that the Bible always has new things to reveal to us!
I’m just back from my visit to my Mum’s and have lots to catch up on but yesterday was youth group night. It has been a while since we’ve done youth group due to people being away and what not. As always it was a breath of fresh air.
We’ve decided to work through a booklet by from the Bible Society by Dai Woolridge called Six Beats One Story. That’s always a challenge for me. I’m a bit of a one for going off on tangents but also can get a bit task orientated and rush through it. Thankfully the vicar I work with is great at slowing me down or stopping the tangents going too far off piste.
Yesterday we were at the beginning – Genesis 1-3 where God makes the world, God makes humans, the serpent tempts the people and people leave the perfect place with God, sin goes wild, Noah and the ark!
In every part of this study there is a spoken word poem to go with it. I think you might be able to listen to “Beat 1” if you click on the link! After telling the tale and reminding us the Genesis 3:15 foreshadows Jesus it finishes with
Where the raucous chant of evil gets hushed
as the seed’s heel gets bruised
but the serpent’s head … gets crushed
There was silence at the end then one of our girls says “that was brutal”as to the serpent having it’s head crushed in this age of David Attenborough, etc and caring for animals. There then followed a great discussion of how we do need to be harsh and brutal in crushing sin in our lives and helping others to do it in theirs. As someone’s son said in the family service previously he doesn’t like it when his dad says No but actually sometimes saying No though harsh helps!
But what got me thinking was how attractive the serpent must have been. Imagine you are living with God, you are fully understanding of what unconditional love truly is, you want for nothing. What would tempt you to turn from that? What would tempt you to do what was asked for you not to do?
I really don’t think some slimy snake [ok yes I know snakes aren’t slimy but I mean so low-life] just popped up one day and say “hey eat that thing you were told not to do”. I don’t think you would just say “yes ok”. I think the serpent deceiver was about chatting with Adam and Eve, whispering things to them, chatting away. Hanging out with them when God wasn’t about. It does say God only walked with man in the cool of the evening. So maybe Mr Cool Snake was hanging around during the day.
Also I think that deceiver did what it is still doing now – told us that actually we didn’t need to wait to ask God whether this was not so much a good/bad idea but whether it was what God had for our lives. The attractive wily deceiver suggested that we knew best, that we could just plough on and do this because it was a good idea. Like I said it doesn’t matter whether it is a good/bad idea but whether it is right for us.
I’ve just had recently a really great thing put to me that sounded perfect for who I am. I did the thing of saying Yes and moving forward with it without checking in with God. All the bodily things that happen to me when I’ve done thing that isn’t right for me started going on so then I took it to God. And of course now I have to slowly slide out of that thing that seemed to good.
Yes there are a lot of really evil, wicked, sinful things that people do that need to be brutally crushed. But I think we also need to brutally crush that tendency inside of each and everyone of us to do things our independent way instead of God’s way.
Sin is missing God’s mark and going our own way and we need to crush that serpent brutally each and every day!
Abergwyngregyn Nature Reserve, Gwynedd, North Wales. Photographed 2nd April 2024
I want to say a huge thank you for journey with me and my random thoughts through Holy Week and beyond. I don’t know about you but I’ve really enjoyed marking this space and looking at things a bit differently. I’m not sure about you but for me, sometimes, to turn things on their side helps deepen my faith, whereas looking at things the same way as I’ve always done can make things a bit stale.
This morning I cemented my Holy week and beyond thoughts by taking myself for a walk at one of my favourite places. It is a walk of about 3-3 1/2 miles and takes about 90 mins. It is by the sea looking across the Menai Straights but with the sounds of the A55 North Wales Expressway and the main Holyhead to Cardiff railway line running always to the other side. It is a place where my dog can be off the lead for the whole 90 mins which I enjoy for him as much as for myself. Also a 3 min drive from the walk is the most wonderful community cafe where the dog gets a free sausage and I get a wonderful breakfast so very much a win-win!
I saw one other person on the whole walk and he was standing peacefully looking out to sea and we just exchanged that polite “Morning” before going back to our own thoughts. I have lots of thoughts from it which I will share later on, maybe.
But I will end these Holy Week and beyond ponderings with a prayer by Walter Brueggemann that Joshua Luke Smith shared on yesterday’s The Main Event email
On Generosity
On our own, we conclude:
there is not enough to go around
we are going to run short
of money
of love
of grades
of publications
of sex
of beer
of members
of years
of life
we should seize the day
seize our goods
seize our neighbours goods
because there is not enough to go around
and in the midst of our perceived deficit
you come
you come giving bread in the wilderness
you come giving children at the 11th hour
you come giving homes to exiles
you come giving futures to the shut down
you come giving easter joy to the dead
you come – fleshed in Jesus.
and we watch while
the blind receive their sight
the lame walk
the lepers are cleansed
the deaf hear
the dead are raised
the poor dance and sing
we watch
and we take food we did not grow and
life we did not invent and
future that is gift and gift and gift and
families and neighbours who sustain us
when we did not deserve it.
It dawns on us – late rather than soon-
that you “give food in due season
you open your hand
and satisfy the desire of every living thing.”
By your giving, break our cycles of imagined scarcity
So maybe this happened Easter Sunday but there’s enough going on I thought I’d share this to. Found in Luke 24:12-35
Scholars like NT Wright and Wayne Grudem have argued that maybe Cleopas was walking home with his wife Mary The artists are Sr Marie-Paul Farrar OSB and Maximo Cerezo Barredo who painted several versions of the meal. Thank you to David Pott for bringing this to my attention.
How often does someone take something, decide they are seeing it as it should, gone on to tell others and that has become fact? It isn’t just in preaching from the pulpit but in many areas of life.
In this story it mentions “that same day two of Jesus’ disciples were going to the village of Emmaus”. It then goes on to mention Cleopas by name. Cleopas has never had a mention in any Jesus stories up to now but he is named by Luke the historian as a disciple. The other disciple never gets a name. It also never says if they were traveling just the two of them. They may have been with a crowd of friends who were not classed as disciples by Luke. So to just says “two of Jesus’ disciples” is accurate but not necessarily the whole story. It could have been just Cleopas and a friend; just Cleopas and his wife, who was also a disciple; Cleopas, his wife and a friend, two of whom were disciples; Cleopas with a small group of people heading home dejected after what had gone on, where Cleopas and someone else were disciples.
It amazes me how we are so quick to make assumptions, which with many of the Bible stories then get “set in stone” by years of preaching. And even with this new thought with these paintings and two amazing scholars making us look at it differently. We do still have to be very careful we don’t take this as the true and accurate picture.
The other day a friend of mine was talking about someone who was self-harming. God led me to pray for this person and I was able to suggest an idea to help my friend help her friend. My friend said this was very helpful because this friend of hers was very intelligent and was a retired professional. Well because I’d been told this person was self-harming I had a picture of her in her 20-30s, brassy blond hair with money problems. My friend hadn’t said that. There was nothing in her narrative that told me that but that was my stereotype from the information I have bubbling around in my brain.
So this is why I think we have to be really careful about how we stereotype and pigeon-hole things. Just because the person in authority in church has been telling us this for many years does not make it true.
But as I was reading this story and writing this blog it suddenly struck me – why did Jesus go and meet up with these people; be they 2 or many? What was it about them that was special?
In Luke’s account we have the women going to the tomb with spices and being told by the angel that Jesus was risen. They then go back to tell the “eleven apostles” [Luke 24:12] who think it is nonsense. Though Peter does go to have a look for himself. So why is Luke’s next scene of the risen Jesus with these two disciples on the road to Emmaus – a place that is not named previously and a disciple who is not named previously?
I think this is why we need to really get lost in the scripture. Most of the Bible is not a great way to learn about storytelling because it comes with many plot-holes. But it is an amazing place to not take things as given, to spend time listening to many different opinions but also spend time exploring it for yourself.
And the exciting thing, because the Bible is called the LIVING WORD of God then it will keep changing depending on how you read it and what God needs to highlight for you. Now that is exciting.
Would you have got up at dawn on Easter Sunday to anoint a body that had been dead for 3 days?
I’ve only ever seen one dead body and that was of my sister who had been dead only two days and had something done to her that made her look like she was sleeping. I know there are some traditions where burial is an open coffin but again the body had been preserved and made to look nice. This was Palestine in spring. I’m presuming the women knew Joseph of Arimathea had taken Jesus’ body and laid it in the tomb was because they did know where to go.
I still think they were really brave to be willing to go to deal with that level of decay, to speak with Joseph of Arimathea- not just a man but who was probably above their station. Jesus is continuing his ministry, even in death, of breaking down gender, cultural and class barriers.
Now as we know from an article I wrote a while back, I love a good sunrise. But I like that because it is my time out, my time to connect with the world, my time alone. Would I have wanted to visit the tomb of my friend who I had seen murdered on a cross for all to witness knowing there would be guards around? But also I think there would be other people there too. I don’t think the women who went to Jesus’ tomb were the only people to go to their loved ones to either anoint their bodies or just be visit their grave.
I do think we often think it was just the women, however many of them it was, who were there. Like no one else would have died over that period. Like no one else would have had to be buried quickly because of the Passovers.
We build up this serene picture of the Marys and maybe a couple of other women, going to this garden type place, as the sun rose and there being no one else about.
I think Mary didn’t recognise Jesus because she wasn’t looking at him because he was one of many others there. She was not surprised or perturbed that there was a gardener in this graveyard. I do think she only spoke to him because he was walking alone. I don’t think she even looked him in the face. It was him speaking her name that made her look up at him and really see who it was.
How often do we walk around and not really see? We don’t see the pain, the love, the fear, the masks, etc on people because we have our heads down dealing with our own sh*t, our own losses and grievances, wanting our own questions answered – which is where Mary was when she asked this man if he knew were Jesus was.
The other day I bumped into an older lady I hadn’t seen in ages and as we were chatting. I don’t know how it came about but said something along the lines of how her eyes are dry where she is crying often. [She lost her husband 4-5 years ago and her daughter 2-3 years ago] and I just made some joke about how when I laugh I cough. I was thinking of something else, wanting to get to the park in the hope of bumping into a friend, and had just stopped to make polite conversation. I was not really looking at her. I was not really listening to her. I wonder how often I do that and God doesn’t highlight it for me?
We all are busy. We all are caught up in the moment. I think we are often too frightened to be vulnerable ourselves so we hide behind our control.
To me this whole scene around Jesus’ tomb talks about going where we feel called no matter who else is about, not being afraid to ask the questions even if we don’t know who we are really asking them of, but then being willing the whole time to keep our heads up, our eyes open, be really present in that moment and who knows what or who we might really see.
In churches across the country today the person at the front will say “He is risen” with the congregational response of “He is risen indeed” but I have started doing my best to say that every morning. Jesus did rise on Easter Sunday but he is now fully risen all the time which means for me to really see him and all his amazingness I need to be continually in the moment of knowing “He is risen indeed” and being able to be vulnerable, to not need to control the situations but to just see what happens.
Taken at Easter 2022 on my local beach and in my local park. Abergele, Conwy. Photographed by myself
Easter Saturday is the day in churches where the altar is stripped, where the church is laid bare, where things wait. But I believe during that space between crucifixion and resurrection Jesus was really busy. As Henri Nouwen says in a recent mediations
I don’t think you’ll ever be able to penetrate the mystery of God’s revelation in Jesus until it strikes you that the major part of Jesus’ life was hidden and that even the “public” years remained invisible as far as most people were concerned. Whereas the way of the world is to insist on publicity, celebrity, popularity, and getting maximum exposure, God prefers to work in secret. You must let that mystery of God’s secrecy, God’s anonymity, sink deeply into your consciousness because, otherwise, you’re continually looking at it from the wrong point of view. In God’s sight the things that really matter seldom take place in public. . . . Maybe, while we focus our whole attention on the VIPs and their movements, on peace conferences and protest demonstrations, it’s the totally unknown people, praying and working in silence, who make God save us yet again from destruction.https://henrinouwen.org/meditation/ 26th March 2024
One of those “majorly hidden” parts was during those three days.
As a child I found the whole thing that Jesus says he’ll be in the tomb for three days and three nights but that the church calendar had him only dead for two nights and a half day on Friday, a full day on Saturday and then he was up really early on Sunday. That is not three days and nights at all.
Apparently as the church got more organised it decided to have Jesus crucified on a Friday and risen on a Sunday to stop people being idle for too long.
Until the 4th century, Jesus’ Last Supper, his death, and his Resurrection were observed in one single commemoration on the evening before Easter. Since then, those three events have been observed separately—Easter, as the commemoration of Jesus’ Resurrection, being considered the pivotal event.
I heard one time that when Jesus died it was a time when there was more than one Passover at the same time. So the regular Passover to celebrate the exodus for Egypt but also the Jubilee Passover when slaves were set free, land was allowed to lie fallow, debts were cancelled, etc. – which seems about right with what Jesus was saying he was all about. As well as a regular Shabbat.
So if we move Jesus death forward by a day – at the start of the Jubilee Passover – then get the three nights before he rose again. But we also get the Jewish peoples thinking about not just being freed from slavery but the whole redemption thing that goes on with Jubilee. As well as the whole resting and trusting God to sort things – which can be easy to say when we’re in a good place but remember these people were oppressed.
So over what is now known as Easter Saturday which is a bit of a down day it was the time period – of probably 3 days and nights – when Jesus was battling with various things that stop us trusting and believing in God – slaves to our own ways of thinking and being, to our own issues and ways of dealing with life, caught up in our own debts and over work of ourselves and our land.
Whether Jesus was battling a real life devil and gaining those keys of hell from that devil we will never know, but there is enough “sh*t” in all of us that needs battling with to set us fully free that Jesus would have his work cut out there.
So instead of using this is an “oh my what do I do with it day” I’m going to do some journaling and free writing around what things I need to battle with in my life and hand over the Jesus. Remembering all the time that he has already won the battle but he won it in secret.
In the gospel of Matthew [Matt 27:46] Jesus is quoted as saying Psalm 22 “My God, my God, why did you forsaken me?” which has allowed for many debates, books, and sermons about what was really going on that this moment of Jesus’ crucifixion and why Jesus said those words and why he felt/was abandoned by God.
But what if he didn’t actually say those words! Have a conversation with someone and then an hour later both of you sit down and write down what was said. I bet both accounts are different.
Here’s a thing – when one writes historical fiction the writer only has so much to go on and so will, using the information they have from many sources, will put words into the historical character’s mouths. These are real people who did say real things but maybe not as is written in the books.
But what if that is the same with Jesus? Jesus, I believe, is a real historical person who really did stuff, who really died and really did rise again. But I’m not 100% sure he said what he is quoted as saying.
Each of the gospel writers has an audience they are writing for so each pulls in from difference sources the message they want to convey; the same as all writers do. Also every thing about Jesus came from memory because I don’t think anyone understood really who he really really was until after his resurrection.
To go against this feeling of God forsaking him on the cross Henri Nouwen says
Jesus suffered and died for our sake. He suffered and died, not in despair, not as the rejected one, but as the Beloved Child of God. From the moment he heard the voice that said, “You are my Beloved, on you my favor rests,” he lived his life and suffered his pain under the Blessing of the Father. He knew that even when everyone would run away from him, his Father would never leave him alone.
Henri Nouwen DAILY MEDITATION | MARCH 20, 2024
I think instead of saying “this is what Jesus really said” we need to say “this is what the gospel of Matthew quotes Jesus as saying” and we then wonder what Matthew’s reasoning behind that was. Did Matthew feel that way when Jesus was crucified?
Nouwen is saying, and does in many of his meditations, that once one knows one is a beloved child of God, loved unconditionally, then one knows that even when one screws up God doesn’t leave. Read Job. He knows that no matter what God is God doing God stuff that Job will never understand.
Maybe Matthew misquoted or had an agenda in his gospel writing that we do not know today. Don’t you wish you could talk to the gospel writers, all of them even the ones the early church didn’t put in the Bible, and ask them why they wrote what they wrote and what it meant to them?
Aspirational Adventures 