Tag: God

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faith freedom heart

Faith Without ….

This dog always has faith that I will be there for him. Photographed by myself June 2024

Of course our Upper Room group gathering was awesome with 5, then an unexpected arrival of one who said she might not make it. We talked of all sorts but two things remained with me. One is around thanking/gratitude, which I will try to do tomorrow, and the other was the verse from James

…. faith without works is dead

James 2:26

This came from a discussion about doing and what should we be doing and can we say No and the whole “yoke of slavery” verse that I was chewing over. If we take James 2:26 literally then if we aren’t doing and working then we don’t have faith, surely?

But how does that fit into the verses about resting in God? What is this verse really means “faith without outworkings is dead” – and those outworkings being trusting in God for all things and not having to do everything for everyone ourselves?

What if it is about showing we have faith by not worrying, not getting anxious, not fearing anything, knowing and showing we are loved unconditionally, being open and honest without fear, walking in freedom as I’ve mentioned in previous posts? What if this verse on faith has nothing to do with what we do but has all to do with how we are inside? All to do with the energies we give out to others?

If I truly have faith then I will do and not do what I believe God has for me to do and not do.

God is amazing because I’ve been pondering this post for a couple of days and it seemed to get into a bit of a rant about people doing too much and not resting, etc so which I could feel in my heart was not right. So this morning whilst I was walking the dog I asked God how they wanted this post to go and God reminded me of this song by Bananarama and Fun Boy Three song says “It Ain’t What You Do It’s The Way That You Do It! with that lovely line “and that’s what gets results”

I’ve just listen to the song and it has brought a tear to my eye. It is all about how the heart is and how we need to know the whys of why we do things. If we go in with the right energy, the right heart attitude, leaving our issues, our motives, our needs behind then we can truly do what God wants. Then we are free from that yoke of slavery but if we do good deeds with the wrong motives, with the wrong heart, with the hope that it meets our needs then we won’t get the God results, or as Isaiah says somewhere “our deeds will be like filthy rags“

So it is not about whether you’re busy or resting or saying yes or saying no but it is the way that you do it that will get the results God wants. If our hearts are right then people will look at us and say “wow! whatever they have I want because they know the why of what they are doing”. Then we will be free from that yoke of slavery and able to worship God in Spirit and in Truth!

https://dailyverses.net/

Once again the Bible and a song from beyond the Bible working in harmony! Isn’t God just amazing!!!

Now play the song from the above link and let the words wash over you 🙂

An abridged version of the lyrics courtesy of https://genius.com/

It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it
It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it
It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it
And that’s what gets results

It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it
It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it
It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it
And that’s what gets results

You can try hard (aah-ahh-ah)
Don’t mean a thing (aah-ahh-ah)
Take it easy (aah-ahh-ah)
And then your jive will swing (aah-ahh-ah)

It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it
It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it
It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it
And that’s what gets results

I thought I was smart but I soon found out
I didn’t know what life was all about
But then I learnt, I must confess
That life is like a game of chess

It ain’t what you do it’s the way that you do it
It ain’t what you do it’s the time that you do it
It ain’t what you do it’s the place that you do it
And that’s what gets results

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freedom yoke

Freedom From ….?

https://dailyverses.net/freedom

A moment to write between trips!

We’ve got our Upper Room house group tonight and I’ve been pondering what I’d like to share when this verse came to me. So as I walked the dog this morning I got to pondering about what that “yoke of slavery” really was.

Whilst away I’ve see a lot of people who are trapped, many of whom are Christians, trapped by many things; by holding on to hurts and hates from many years ago and having to regurgitate them; trapped by issues in their upbringing which makes them repeatedly behave in a certain way and where their response is to say “it must be my/our upbringing” even though actually they don’t like those characteristics both in themselves and in others; trapped by diagnoses of mental health or behavioral ways again with this “this is just what I’m like”. When challenged on all these things from the regurgitating hurts to the characteristics, etc the response can be quite aggressive and almost a “so you don’t love and accept me as I am”.

Now I believe totally that God loves us unconditionally just as we are [and from that we are to love others unconditionally] but I also think God wants us to be freed from the “yoke of slavery” that is the often the “this is just what I am, I can’t help it” especially if it holds us back from being content with ourselves and with our lives – good, not so good, bad and downright horrible.

I believe to be in the freedom that is talked about here is NOT determined by circumstance, situation, or survival [which I think is a lot of what brings on these “I can’t help it” responses]. I believe this freedom comes from showing ourselves totally to God and to ourselves as we are, warts, traumas and all, and allowing God to set us free in whatever way they see best; counseling, QEC, therapy, Alcoholics Anonymous type group, or just that touch of God without any human intervention.

As with the joy, peace and love, I believe Freedom is a gift from God that is set before us waiting for us to take hold of. This doesn’t mean we will always be safe from falling back into that slavery of comparing, of judging, of fear, of feeling inadequate unless …, but it gives us a rock, a safe place, to crawl back on to, a place to remember that we are not bound by the slavery of being pitched by the waves of thoughts and feelings and situations. But we are totally free.

https://dailyverses.net/freedom

I had a few times over the past week where I could feel myself sliding back into old patterns of behaviour which came from fear, from survival, from old habits, but I either reached to God or asked others to pray from me and that put me back on that rock of freedom away from those “yokes of slavery” that would have dragged me back into old patterns of behaviour which were not wholesome either to myself or to those I was with.

Even today I had to stand on this rock because instead of the regular 10-12 people coming to our Upper Room evening there are only 6, 2 of which are myself and my husband! I heard the “old me”, the “enslaved me” saying things about how it wasn’t worth preparing for, how we ought to have invited more people to allow for there always to be a “crowd” coming, and fear of how it might not work out. Because I had already had to deal with these thoughts in regard to my writing groups – where I used to cancel if only 2 people were coming but now happily run them even if only 1 person is there, so long as that one person is happy about it – I was able to bonk these thoughts on the head very quickly. Or as the Bible says “take these thoughts captive”, which seemed to release this blog and so bless many more than those who will turn up tonight.

Son and dog safe on a rock – March 2018

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house of the lord joy peace

The House of The Lord

View from Y Shed, Melidin August 2024

I’ve been pondering “And I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever” [Psalm 23:6] ever since writing my last thoughts on Psalm 23 and the idea that Paradise is here and now if we just look around and see it.

It’s been a tough couple of weeks with family stuff and things going on – and moving into a busy period but, as I said in Control, I do have to just love on those round me, know I am loved unconditionally by The God who created the Universe, and just let what will be will be.

Then there have been some posts from Henri Nouwen about how so many things we have been taught – like peace of the Lord, joy of the Lord etc – are up to us to manifest when actually they are gifts from God and that we have to trust that we have received them.

So our role isn’t to manifest them but to trust that peace/joy/love is there for us “to claim even in the midst of our moments of despair.”

So in the midst of all this that is going on, even when I am sad, disappointed, upset, even angry, I have to believe that I have already received this overwhelming peace and overwhelming joy and I just need to trust that I can place all of this in God’s hands without worry.

Ok so that doesn’t stop me feeling those emotions but “an emotion is an emotion and then it passes“. So I let the emotion go through my body, acknowledge and accept it rather than think that as a “good Christian” I shouldn’t be feeling things like this to those I’m supposed to love.

So what if the House of the Lord is actually living in that “Peace that transcends all understanding” [Philippians 4:7] and resting in the “Joy of the Lord that is my strength” [Nehemiah 8:10]? What if the “place Jesus has prepared for us“[John 14:3] is here and now and not some unknown place after we’ve died? or what if it is both???? – accepting that we won’t live forever!

Perhaps this is the whole thing of why we need to meet with Jesus this side of death so we can live out our hard work human lives with all their ups and downs and hassles and joys and hard bits and easy bits and relationships within the House of the Lord walking in God’s peace and joy no matter what shit is going on around us?

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control freedom peace

Control

Dog on a train to Cardiff as always giving me all control – photographed by myself July 2024

I said I was going to come back from Cardiff and start on a series around the Aramaic version of the Lord’s Prayer but …. that was me making a plan and trying to be in control. Nothing is coming and if I wrote it would be dull without life. So I’m not doing it.

This, and a recent incident, got me thinking about control – controlling others, controlling outcomes, keeping control of ourselves.

Whenever I think of control the Gossip’s Standing in the way of Control song slides through my mind. Lots of crashing guitars, angsty singing over mega meaningful lyrics.

But what does standing in the way of control look like in my life?

Well, I had a recent incident where I had come up with a plan to make everyone happy on a family weekend then one part of the team refused to submit to my plan. Yes that’s now how I see it. They would not submit and say what a great plan it was. I know them well enough that I could have used all those old techniques to manipulate and guilt trip them into my way of control. Instead, because I am walking through this healing journey, which includes letting go of controlling situations and controlling others and stopping letting old patterns and ways control me, I had to accept this person’s decision, lovingly release my plan, and actual stand in the way of my control.

Ok so it wasn’t easy and I had to a lot of realigning and regulating my autonomic nervous system so all the adrenaline was not pushing me to my usual defensive “safe” positions. Of course the old patterns did try to peek out but I have let go of so much through QEC and talking with God that I knew they had been beaten and were just those old pathways not the new green pathways I was now free to walk.

If I am a whole person, loved unconditionally by God/The Universe, and can make my own decisions by listening to my heart, then I have to trust that others can also make their own decisions whether I like them or not.

Interestingly even though there is a little sadness in my heart I feel at total peace about the coming event. There is no angst within me at all. And, from what I remember, when I have had a tightly controlled plan for a family type event I have felt tense because I then need to coordinate it all. Letting go of control means that I can now just be and let all those I love who will be there just be themselves around me.

I have stood in the way of my own control and it is good. It is freedom. Perhaps it is also another thing to add to the True Freedom post 🙂

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fickle gratitude

Easy To Be Ungrateful

Newborough Beach, Anglesey, June 2024

I had a free day and it had been warm for a few days so I decided to set off for my favourite beach within an hour from my home. But when I got there the wind was blowing wildly and it was cold and overcast. So I still did a stamp along the beach scowling into the wind. Then on the way back I thought I’d check out a coffee shop we’d been meaning to go to. I’d checked its reviews and I was sure it was dog friendly. So in I trot with the dog and was told by the very nice owner that they were not dog friendly inside but I was welcome to sit outside. I was cold and fed up after not having a fun walk on the beach and so did not want to get blown away outside. They sent me to another cafe they were sure were dog friendly which wasn’t!

So there I am in my car grumbling about what a waste of a morning I had had, made worse by the sun then coming out and one of my closer beaches looking blissfully sunny. But of course by then the dog had walked enough and was dozing on the back seat. Also I was grumpy and sullen.

But of course then the revelation came as to what an ungrateful person I was being. Firstly I had been able to drive all the way to this beach, had the time to do it as well as the money. I could afford to stop for a coffee without having to worry about money. So many things to be grateful for – not just the time and the money, but my super little car, my super little dog for company, being safe on the road. And all those things were just for that morning. Lunchtime I was meeting a friend who is one of those true friends who encourages, supports, reprimands and challenges, is open and kind and sharing too. And that doesn’t include all the other great people I have in my life and the great things in my life.

It is so easy to dip down that slipper slope of moaning and complaining, of seeing the negative and not the possible rather than being grateful.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! [or in other versions “Rejoice in all things”]

Philippians 4:4

It doesn’t say just rejoice when things are going well but “always/ in all things”. But we are a fickle and perverse people and we very quickly go into grumble or worry mode.

But there is no reason to feel guilty because the amazing thing with God is we can repent/say we’re sorry and turn the other way. So at that moment in the car, when I got that revelation that I was being a grumpy, ungrateful mare, I said I was sorry and turned around [repented] and moved into being grateful not just for that morning but actually for the revelation that I was being ungrateful. Sometimes the revelation is as brilliant as the change of behaviour, I think.

But of course, because I am perverse and fickle I have had a few more times when I have been unnecessarily ungrateful when actually I should have “rejoiced” and let deep joy fill my heart. But again I repent and move. Again it is interesting how looking at the world with different eyes makes the world look different. It doesn’t change but I do!

So much of the real deep healing I’ve done has been about turning around and going the other way, of seeing situations in a different light.

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freedom Love

True Freedom

I keep writing and rewriting this post, which is why it has taken a long time. Sometimes posts just fly out of me and other times they struggle. One of the things is that at times I think about who I’m writing to and then almost contain the words that I don’t think would fit that person, which seems a very interesting revelation to myself when I am wanting to write a post about being really free.

So yesterday I got myself a can of Dr Pepper and sat in a cafe looking out the window with pen in hand and waited to see what happened. And here are my thoughts

True freedom is about going with flow and not worry about what other people think.

True freedom is not about achieving or ambition or even having stuff.

True freedom is about being content in your own skin and knowing that what you’ve done is what you’ve done.

True freedom is not about being a success or about succeeding in a world that is always changing its boundaries, goal posts and rules of the race.

True freedom is about not caring what the race is or what the imposed boundaries are.

True freedom is not caring about what other people think so they will love you.

True freedom is not caring about who takes the credit for the success that happen with or around you.

Not caring is not the same as not loving especially if the love comes with strings attached.

True freedom is

Finally able to

Receive

Everything

Envy-free

Devoid of the ties

Of other people’s [and your own]

Motives and expectations

And, I believe, True Freedom can only be obtained when one loves oneself unconditionally and when one knows one is loved unconditionally – especially when one knows that unconditional love comes from the Creator of the Universe/The Universe. But I also think one will struggle to receive that love unless one loves oneself unconditionally and stops comparing oneself to others.

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others self

Letting Go Of Self

How many times in a conversation do you get frustrated when you want to unload about something and the other person butts in with their unload? Or how often are you talking with someone and you realise that either they or you have turned it round to self? Or how often do you get upset when things don’t go your way? Or don’t happen as you want them too?

I think one someone dies we grieve for ourselves rather than for them. If someone doesn’t get healed we take responsibility worrying that we didn’t “pray hard enough”.

Each time we do that we are putting “self” , our ego, at the forefront.

How often do I want a dry day, at least for those times when I’m out dog walking without any regard for what my country really needs? Or get narky because a friend is busy when I’d like to see them? Or the traffic is snarled up and I want to get home early?

Jesus tells us to “die to self” – which I think just means letting go of wanting to control the world.

I like to control my world. It makes me feel safe. I’m sure that is the same for all of us. We don’t like to not have a handle of things.

My friend in AA says one of the biggies is when they reach the step that talks about letting go of needing to be in control/letting go of self.

Only when we let go of self and our need to control a situation can we really let God/The Universe/A Higher Power than ourselves into the situation; into our lives.

It is scary letting go of self.

More and more I’m learning to let go of self and let God, but often this means more times I have nothing to do. This is because I don’t go looking for work or actively volunteering for things or even actively finding things to do. I now sit and wait and listen. Though often I spend times distracting myself from the listening by playing games on my phone, reading books, even reading the Bible can be just a distraction to be busy rather than finding what God really wants me to do in that moment.

I think most people are scared to let go and wait and trust in God. I wonder if it is back to that thing of not knowing we are loved unconditionally just for who we are and feeling like we have to work at being loved by God?

One reason I think is that if you aren’t filling your life and your head with other things you get time to ponder and then you see things in the “unseen” world.

Two you have nothing to tell anyone when they ask you “what did you do today?” How often do we all greet each other with “what have you been up to today/yesterday/last week/last month/etc?” Those yearly newsletters which have to put in what we have been up to. It is rare for someone to say “how are you really feeling today?” and really want to listen.

I think that brings us to the third reason why we don’t want to let go of self, of being in control. Don’t want to wait. If we stop rushing around being busy – which I think is what holding on to self equates to – then we get to think how we really feel about a situation, our lives, our towns, our relationships, our relationship with God. And then maybe we might see the gaps, what’s lacking.

Maybe too by letting go of self we won’t just be putting God/The Universe/A Higher Power first but will start putting each other first.

What would a conversation look like if I bit my tongue and really listened to the other person?

What could the world look like if we took the time to really hear what each other was saying without thinking how that relates to us and jumping in with our anecdote?

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oughts writing

Walking Away from “Oughts”

Write from your Passion

First published on Godspacelight 9th July 2024

Writing workshop about dragons and myths run by myself – Barefoot At The Kitchen Table – June 2024

In Christine Sine’s newsletter to those of us who write for Godspacelight she talked about writing into her passion. This is probably one of the bests prompts I’ve had in ages. I have tried writing what I ought to write. I even set up a Substack account to write about writing for well-being but it’s failed. Why? Because, much as I love free writing for my own well-being, I wasn’t writing into my passion. I was trying to be something I wasn’t. I even tried putting in a regular structure to when I blogged but I’m afraid that isn’t me. 

How often do we do that – try to be something we are not? Whether it is in what we write or what we do? I think of many times when I have done something – job or ministry – that is so significant but isn’t me. Too many times to remember. It could even be something I’m good at, have talents in, but it isn’t my passion. I suppose if one jargoned it up I could say it wasn’t “my calling.”

As I’ve got older I’ve learned more and more not just what my skills and talents are but what I am passionate about. I love people, though I need time alone with a book too. If I’m honest my perfect day would be to go for a dog walk, coffee and breakfast with a friend and have a rolling, random conversation that covers deep and meaning as well as trivial and silly; come home and write a blog piece on something that either the conversation has triggered or that was buzzing in my head; and finish the afternoon on the couch to have a read of a good book, then maybe some intense Netflix drama with a glass of red wine to finish the day. Somewhere in that I’d like to ponder writing a short story or flash fiction, though maybe never get to write it; I’d like to email someone I enjoy writing to; run a writing workshop where I encourage others to get the most from putting pen to paper; and probably free write or journal myself. 

But I can get into thinking I “ought to” write X, Y or Z; I “ought to” be connecting with a certain person or group and “ought to” be doing something with them. But that is my “oughts and shoulds” and not my passion coming through. 

I’ve just read Timothy Keller’s The Prodigal God in which he talks of the older brother attitude being the one that says “it’s not fair” when God doesn’t do as we think they should do because we were “good Christians”. My “ought to” comes, I think, from a place that is where I’ve decided what a  “good Christian” or a “good writer” would/should do. It isn’t coming from a place of my passion. 

I think for all of us there are times when we do not run with our passions for many reasons; a need to fit in, a fear of missing out, having been told by a parental figure that life isn’t meant to be about fun, or whatever. I’m sure we all, if we allow ourselves to really hear our hearts, can come up with many reasons why we don’t follow our passions in work, in writing, in church stuff, in life in general. All of them have some truth in them but remember the devil goes around like a angel of light. The one who keeps us away from our true selves does it subtly not overtly. If it was overtly we would notice and rise above it. But it is filled with limited truths and comes from people who do care for us and want the best for us. But it is still lies if it keeps us from our passions and our true selves. 

I’m grateful to all the healing that I’ve received so I can hear God clearly, hear my heart clearly, and be bold enough to step out into my passions. I’m also bold enough now to walk away from when I’ve try to do something that looks good but isn’t me; when I’ve done an “ought”. But this has come about because I know God loves me unconditionally all the time – not just when I get it right/write 🙂 

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house of the lord paradise psalm 23

Psalm 23 – part 9

Various pictures of my house taken over the last couple of month by myself

First big cheer to me!!! I’ve made it. I’m not great at committing to doing something from beginning to end so I am feeling pleased with myself. Perhaps I might even do it again. I have discovered on thing that has helped me – scheduling posts. Some days I have ploughed on and done 2-3 in a day. I am writing this on 6th July and it won’t be posted until 11th. So maybe I have learned something about myself through this?

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Psalm 23:6b

So this last part – I don’t think it just means a “happy in heaven living with God” experience. David says “forever” not “forever after I’m dead”. In fact this line comes after being in green pastures, calm rivers, dark valleys, making peace with enemies, being refreshed, knowing one is anointed, knowing God loves us unconditionally and that love and goodness follows us all the time and watches our backs.

I think that “the house of the Lord” is the green pastures, is the still rivers, is the dark valleys, is the room/table where we can make peace with our enemies, is the anointing, is the being kept safe from anything attacking from behind by goodness and love/mercy. I think it is all those things.

I think this might just be the “room” Jesus talks about when he says he has prepared a room for us in his Father’s House [John 14:2]. It isn’t a tiny bedsit room but it is the whole world – with pastures and rivers and dark valleys and hard places.

This is the room – the space – God has for us. This is the “House of the Lord“. And we live in it now – if only we open our eyes!

I am just blown away by this. I am grateful that my house group started this journey off for me. I have tears in my eyes as all this settles into my heart. It isn’t just that God is so much bigger than we too often make them to be but that what we have got by being with God is so much bigger, safer, amazing, than we could even imagine.

This takes me back to the song one of our house group mentioned last time – Pure Imagination from Willy Wonka especially the lines

If you want to view paradise simply look around and view it

Paradise is here and now, this is the House of the Lord – if you would simply look around and view it

Categories
peace psalm

Psalm 23 – part 6

lovely wine bar in Cardiff that used to sell oysters on a Tuesday along with toasted cheese sandwiches. Photographed by myself Sept 2023

You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.

Psalm 23:5a

What does table mean to you here? Too often we’ve been told by the preacher that it is a food table. And yes The Message version of the Bible does say ” You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies” which actually sounds a bit smug!

Of course being told it is a meal table conjures up images of having to be hospitable to your enemies, or smug to your enemies because God is feeding you and they are just looking on. But what if this table is a table for parleying around, a table for making peace around, like used to done between kings to end battles? What if it is for inviting in those things that are against you – your fears, your needing to be loved, your needing to “get it right”, your needing to believe you have “enough”, your lack of trust in yourself and in God, your issues and traumas?

It comes right after the shadow of the valley of death and before being anointed.

You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.

Psalm 23:5b

I think we presume it to be a food table because of the “cup” line that follows. I wonder how often we forget that the Psalms are poetry and are to be read as such. And not – as I am doing – dissecting them line by line.

At the house group we’ve started my friend pointed out that verse 5 is where the psalm changes from God doing [He] to becoming more personal [you]. But this gets missed if we don’t read it together.

It’s almost like a “yes yes I can understand with my head that God leads me and I don’t need to fear” but then switches to “oh my goodness it’s you leaving space for me to make peace with my issues and fears”.