Even though this is a beautiful landscape, when one reads the tales of a large part of not just North Wales, the UK, but the whole world, there are stories of fighting which come about due to lack of forgiveness.
I have written a few posts about forgiveness on and off, especially connected around my explorations of The Lord’s Prayer, but one thing that struck me recently is “the magic of forgiveness.”
What do I mean by that?
Well we get taught a lot about how forgiveness is important as it stops us having to hold on to the other person’s wrongs, how it helps us to see clearly, but I have noticed too that it clears the air.
Often those we have to forgive most of all are those who are closest to us – partners, children, parents, other family members, close friends – because they touch our buttons most often. But what I’ve noticed is if I can feel myself getting wound up by someone, whether friend or family, if I go straight into forgiveness mode then the atmosphere lightens, generally we can chat openly about what needs to be talked about, and even if we still disagree we are together in a lighter place. If on the other hand if I decide that I am angry with that person, that they don’t deserve to have my forgiveness then actually I finish up being grouchy, the atmosphere is heavy and the other person is more obnoxious, angry, and in fighting mode.
An example is of a job I acquired as if by magic. Things were taking a while to come together and it looked, to me, as though people were deliberately trying to curtail it so I was niggled by them. Then I believe God spoke to me and told me I was being pedantic and needed to forgive. So I did. Well an amazing thing happened. Within in a day or so I got an email which basically told me the job was mine. Magic! All those barriers that they had been saying needed to be dealt with suddenly vanished. I do now believe it was me standing in the way and once I got down of my high horse and forgave then God could move things along.
So when I feel myself not wanting to forgive I just ask myself if I want to see Forgiveness work its magic. And if I’m honest there are some days when I think “yes I do” and other days when I think “no I can’t be bothered.” But hopefully as I grow more in trusting the Creator of the Universe with things rather than thinking I know best I will be able to work more of that Forgiveness Magic.
[Photograph is of my friend, Tessa, who loved life. This was taken by myself 3 months before she died. The UK November weather decided to seasonally sunny so she could enjoy her last trip to the seaside]
In the UK we love a good moan about “seasons”. We bemoan the summer when it gets too hot, too wet, too windy, too cold. We bemoan the winter when it doesn’t get enough snow, too much snow, rain, wind. You get the picture. We Brits love a good natter about the weather and how it isn’t doing what it’s meant to be doing for the time of year. I think the only time there was joy rather than whinging was the spring of 2020 when we went into lockdown and the weather was warm and dry so we were able to get out in our gardens, go for the allotted walks we had permission to do, and in rural areas maybe extend those walks.
I wonder too if we moan about “seasonal spirituality” – as in Christmas is too busy and comes round too soon, the “Church” doesn’t do Easter like it used to, in X denomination they don’t do X-season as well as Y church that we don’t attended because …..
But what does season spirituality really mean? Or at least what does it mean to me?
At the moment I’m not regularly attending a congregation and my husband has had to accept that this is the season I am in. But I do co-run a Christian youth group; although that has not taken place since May due to the majority of our young people being busy. We only have 5 young people so if 3 of them are busy and others don’t want to come because their friends aren’t coming then it doesn’t happen. Myself and my co-leader have to accept this is the season our group is in.
For me seasonal spirituality means not just going with the seasons of the land – spring, summer, autumn, winter – but going with the seasons of my heart, of what I believe God is saying to me, of what I have the energy to do. It is trusting that inner voice, checking that it isn’t just me being obtuse [as in with the not going to church] or people pleasing [as in with the going to church/getting involved with church based activities], and checking in with God to really know what God wants of me in this season of my life.
Talking of seasons, I am now in my early 60s and so I look at life differently to what I did in my early 40s even, and definitely differently to how I looked at life in my early 20s. I need to explore this new season of my life not just rush boldly forward doing whatever. And I think that is the same with spirituality – we often don’t pause, take time out to feel that change of season, but rush forward either doing the same old same old or often getting busier and busier.
Life changed in 2020. There were a lot of prophecies about “perfect vision” and I still believe lockdown, Brexit here in the UK, mass migrations, climate change, the war in Ukraine, and other things are part of the reviewing of the world. And I think we need to pause, to look, to really see what God is really seeing.
Jesus talks about “those who have ears let them hear” and about people being “always seeing but never perceiving” and yet if we don’t take time out to see what the spirituality season is that we are in then we will not hear God’s voice, will not see what God is doing, will not perceive our role in this.
So are we willing to take some time to contemplate what season we are in? To not grumble that it is too busy/quiet/fast/slow/wet/dry/revival/not/etc? And will we just wait until we can really hear what God is doing, really perceive what God is doing and really know our part in all of this. And maybe it is as Christine said the other day our work is loving the world just as it is. How about giving that a go for a while?
I often hear people say “What should I do with my life?” or “What is God’s plan for my life?”. There are loads of courses on how to find out your giftings, your motivations, your best traits, your career prospects, and that doesn’t include the many life coaches out there to help with this. But this quote from a story posted on Fictive Dream really struck me. I’m not sure if this is what the author intended but it is what I got!
The basic story is of a young woman talking to a wizard to find out what she should be doing with her life as she feels like she is at a crossroads, and of how her intention is to be happy.
‘Your work is all that you do, while you’re here. The price of happiness is to remember this each day of your life.’
What struck me was that it isn’t what you do but knowing that all you do is what you do. “Your work is all that you while you are here”. Everything we do, whether we intend to do it or not is the “work of our lives/the plan God has for us/our destiny“. And that if we can remember this we will be happy.
So we roll out of bed in the morning and know that from this moment on what we do is our life’s work whether that is writing a blog, walking the dog, chatting with the woman in the shop, gazing out the window, solving the climate crisis, sending that email, doing nothing, reading a book, [add in whatever you’ve been doing this morning/afternoon/evening/yesterday/last week/tomorrow].
EVERYTHING WE DO IS THE WORK WE ARE TO DO WHILST WE ARE HERE ON THIS EARTH.
And if we can remember this then we can be content and happy.
I’ve put the two photos of my dog at the start of this post because whatever he does he is happy whether is it running on the beach or sleeping on the floor cushion he does it wholeheartedly, with joy, with happiness. I’ve just taken him in the car to the pet shop where we got out, bought dog food and bird food and came home again. He was so happy to be out with me in the car. He is now snoring on the cushion with happiness.
So without thinking, without planning, can I just accept that what I do is the work I’ve been sent to do? Can you? Can we all accept that there is maybe not grand plan for our lives accept to be content in all things?
I often think the greatest witness a Christian, or a follower of any other way of life, can show is not their preaching or evangelising but that they love where they are, what they are part of, radiate an inner peace and contentment and don’t have to keep arguing it and expecting everyone to agree. I know I started walking towards God because of what I saw in others not because of what they preached.
So whether it is following Jesus, being a vegetarian, moving to another part of the country, doing what we do, do it with happiness, with contentment, with peace, with job. Because this life is all we have, let us enjoy walking in it.
I find days where one remembers things fascinating. The mixture of things that different people remember on different days. Like the post I did back in February where cleaning out for Lent, loving your pet and social justice were all “celebrated” together.
A strange juxtapose happens again every 12th July, or has since about 2014 when it was decided to use this day to celebrate/commemorate Malala Yousafzai, the amazing young woman who at 17 was shot by the Taliban for advocating and encouraging female education in Pakistan. From around 1795 within the Irish Protestant communities 12th July was the day to celebrate William of Orange’s defeat of the last ever Catholic king of Britain, James II. A victory that is best remembered for passing that law that “no future monarch could be a Catholic or be married to a Catholic” as opposed to the establishment of a parliamentary democracy, representing a shift from an absolute monarchy to parliamentary monarchy.
I had written quite a ranty post about oppression, freedom, holding on to fears and hatreds but after reading both Lily Lewin’s post on Friday 30th June about praying for one’s country and Steve Wickham’s post about tolerance and hospitality in reconciliation I had a change of heart.
I still think that even those commemoration dates might look random God, somewhere in their infinite wisdom, wants to teach us something. Also, I believe, things don’t just happen by coincidence. So I was meant to read those two Godspace articles and I was meant to be wanting to write about 12th July and I know about both the events of the 12th July Orange marches and Malala Yousafzai. So what is God trying to say?
I think it is about praying with an open heart and not a closed heart. We need to have tolerance and hospitality within our hearts w hen we pray as much as when we open our homes to others. I wonder when Jesus said about letting in the beggars etc for a meal that he may have meant having our hearts open to those people rather than having already judged and boxed them into what we think we know already.
What if with the Taliban instead of praying that they cease to exist we prayed not just enlightenment but a full realisation of God and all that means in their land, in their culture. We must remember that is wasn’t that long ago that women in Western countries were deprived of education, of voting rights, of rights with their own money and property, were seen as second-class citizens. Also it was not that long ago when slavery was thought of as just part of God’s plan. And even though most Christians don’t advocate slavery hope often do we turn a blind eye?
So instead of condemning let us ask God in prayer, what is the real desire for these peoples who are remembered whether through Orange marches, through thinking of Malala, and of all the other “celebrations” that occur during July.
I often get a little pang in my heart when I am with Americans who are celebrating 4th of July and wonder what things would have been like for the UK, the US and rest of the world if a form of interdependence had been sort then rather than independence.
I often think that instead of being triumphalistic at this time, whether with the Orange Marches, the remembering of Malala and feeling superior to groups like the Taliban, of the various Independence Days that occur in July, we humble ourselves and pray.
As God clearly says in 2 Chronicles 7:14 that if we, God’s people, who are called to pray for the nations, for ourselves and for others, really humble ourselves, pray, seek God’s face, turn from our self-righteous, know-it-all, fearful, greedy, self-seeking ways, then God will hear us, will forgive us and then will heal the land, whether this is just our town, our country or our whole world.Remember our land is this whole earth we stand on.
When it comes to anything from Northern Ireland’s marching season, the Taliban and their issues with female education, and all the other issues that cover our earth, are we willing first and foremost to humble ourselves and say “God what do you really want me to pray?” Then are we prepared to be silent, to listen, to allow God’s tolerance, generosity and hospitality sweep over us and so it can then pour forth to the nations?
A nice piece of Medieval art work. I wish the Openverse [which is where I got the picture from using the “openverse” button on WordPress] would give a reference!!
Anyway why the Four Horsemen on this pleasant Monday morning? Well it comes about because on Saturday night we watched Now You See Me 2 on Netflix. A nice bit of easy listening with good morals, a bit of fighting but no horrid stuff and no sex. Yes there are only two female actors in the whole main cast, only three ethnic characters in the main cast, and other issues but that aside I found it a good easy Saturday evening watch.
But what struck me is the four key characters are known as The Four Horsemen – and automatically I’m thinking “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” from the Bible – the white horse often interpreted as Pestilence carrying a bow, the red horse of War carrying a sword, the black horse of Famine carrying scales, and the pale horse which is Death. One of the interesting things that the leader of these Horsemen in Now You See Me says as they are performing their final tricks of the film – [paraphrased] “We are the four horsemen. Our job is to reveal what is“
That really struck me. Often it is interpreted that the biblical horsemen are sent as a punishment, a judgement but what if they are there to reveal what is, to reveal what is really in our hearts. There are multiple interpretations even in the short piece from Wikipedia that I’ve shared. So I might be as “right” as anyone else.
We live in a time when we see the horrors of pollution, over mining of our plants resources, mass scale farming with its pesticides and fertilizers, plastics filling our oceans, climate change. There are wars and the mass migration of people groups caught in the horrors of war which are then rejected from the countries they run to. Again there is the migration of people due of famines which have come about because of over farming, climate change and wars. The scales are very much tilted towards those with money and not to a fair shared world. All of this leads to death. There are many colours that death can be but I like pale best because it is insipid and can fade into the background. But as well as those who die in wars, from famines, from trying to cross to safer countries, there are those who feel so hopeless they take their own lives, who die of cancers because of the lifestyles now led, who get killed by cars, planes, etc. Death is all around and much of it is violent and unnecessary.
Ok so The Four Horsemen in Now You See Me were not just about revealing corruption and bring things into the open but were about putting things right. So we can sit and bemoan the state of the world. And if you come across any group of people in the pub, on a dog walk, in a cafe, at home with friends, etc they/we are bemoaning the state of the world. Bit by bit it is revealed to us. But we need to do more than moan.
A while ago I wrote about how the world is caught up in logic and not listening to the heart, the deep heart. [Check out this post but also search “logic” on my blog page to get other posts that all roll together] And I think that is where the problem lies. Logic causes us to panic, to become overly anxious but kicks in the “freeze” mode of our automatic nervous system. So we don’t act. We get increased mental health and learning difficulties because we are focusing on logically trying to sort the situations and so our anxieties levels are running on an all time high and then we are logically trying to get them turned off!!
So how do I listen to what I hear these four horsemen reveal in my quiet little North Wales seaside town and know where I fit into the picture of not only revealing but of changing?
Firstly I can breath, ANS regularly, and keep my energy levels calm so that when I go out into the world I take a pool of calm with me.
Secondly I can pray. Not telling God what to do but by quietly listening to what God is saying. Quietly really hear in my heart not what I want the answers to be but what God, the Creator of this Universe, really wants in these situations. Some of what I hear won’t make sense to my logical brain but I have to trust the Creator that they know what they are on about.
Thirdly I can do those things that will help; turn off lights, think sustainably, buy ethically, be kind and generous to others, love my neighbour as I would like to be loved, believe I have everything for my daily needs, forgive and know that I am forgiven, not put things into judgemental good/bad boxes, etc. [ I say “etc” because I know there are so many other things that are relevant for each of you reading this. For some it is to write what they are called to write, to paint what they are called to paint, to work at the jobs they are called to work out. And sooooooo much more]
I just want to share this YouTube video from The Grays Haven Music called REST. God’s work is done and we just need to Rest, to know our part and to trust in them. I don’t in anyway think this means do nothing but, I think, it does mean don’t fuss, don’t worry, trust and listen to what your part is in the already done work of God, Jesus and Holy Spirit.
Newborough Beach, Anglesey July 1st 2023 Photographed by myself
There is no better place than a windswept deserted beach to contemplate a theological conversation that I had with a friend a few days earlier.
We were tossing around the idea from John 3 where Jesus tells Nicodemus he must be “born again” if he wants to see the kingdom of heaven. This has become a bit of a “thing” in evangelical circles about having to be “born again” to be a “real Christian”. It has become another way of judging who is really in and who isn’t.
I do remember at my wedding a gate-crasher [longer story there] asking my father-in-law who was a devout Christian and who had encouraged many people to know and follow Jesus, if he was born again. My father-in-law was flustered at this question and because he hesitated got a short sermon from said gate-crasher about the importance of being “born again”.
The beach gets “born again” twice a day. The beach I walked on yesterday will not be the same as the beach today. I am always amazed with my local beach, that I walk on regularly, how often the gullies in it change, the stones gets shifted about, the flotsam and jetsam change regular. Born again beach!
“So as Ordinary Pilgrim, Fiona Koefoed-Jesperson, says in her latest Substack post, we should spend a lot of our time asking questions like “What if this bible story can be interpreted differently?” So running with the conversation earlier in the week and the beach I got to thinking about wondering what God wanted me to see in this story.
Perhaps it isn’t a one-off-prayer-event but a daily thing. Perhaps I need to let go of my earthly birth, the things that tie me to this land, the ways of and/or issues from my parents, the things I’ve picked up – good and bad, things I’ve accepted from teachers, preachers and friends. Maybe I need to put all earthly things away and not rely on them. Maybe every moment of every day I need to be “born again” in the Spirit.
Nicodemus asked “How can someone be born when they are old?” Or maybe that is “how can I let go of my habits and hurts and feelings and ways of being now I’m an adult who leads and teaches others?” As we get older we get more and more set in our ways of doing and being. More afraid of looking like we don’t really know. We believe we have to know what is right and what is wrong.
I am loving working at the after-school club/nursery. Not just because of what I learn from the children in my care but what I learn from the young adults I am working with. The majority of the staff are younger than my children but I go with an open heart wondering what I can learn each time I go in. One could say that I am “born again” in my way of working in childcare each day.
But I know too that the only way I can have this attitude is if I let go of some of those issues and attitudes of my own. I can only go in and be told by an 18 year old what to do if I am walking in the Spirit of God and have been healed of hurts and issues of needing to be in charge because I’m older.
John 3 also says that one can only see the Kingdom of God if one is born of the Spirit. I am sure lots of people on the beach yesterday didn’t see the Kingdom of God but I did -whether it was in the pounding waves, the moody clouds over the mountains or the expression of my dog when he had to paddle through a pool on the beach that came up to his belly. But I also know there are days when I don’t see the Kingdom of God when I’m walking because I am walking in my human self. I’m walking in the flesh.
So I have come to believe that this story isn’t something we should base a doctrine of in/out on but should be something we incorporate into our daily lives moment by moment because we do fluctuate between walking the Spirit and walking the flesh.
But the amazing thing about God is that they don’t see us as either in or out but as fallible humans who sometimes get it and sometimes don’t.
I don’t think Jesus was talking in a teachery “you must” voice when he said this to Nicodemus and whoever else was there. But he was saying “look I know you’ll forgot so why not as you notice you’re walking in your humanness remember that you are actually Spirit people [and I think that applies to all people whether those who admit to being Christian and those who don’t] and can be reborn daily. In fact you can be reborn moment by moment as and when you need.
My dog showing how exciting it is reaching soft sand. He does this every time and during walks too. Life is just a wonderful born-again moment again and again and again for him.
What is the good way to walk? Too often I hear people say that they are at a crossroads and are waiting for God to tell them where to go. The more I go on this God journey the more I think God doesn’t worry too much where I go but how I go.
When the people in the Jeremiah story hear this from God they are not so much in the wrong place but are walking in the wrong way. The “ancient paths” are about walking in truth, in justice, in love, in supporting each other, encouraging each other, looking out for each other, being kind, generous, not being fearful, trusting that God knows the best way.
God doesn’t care what I do or where I go so long as I am walking it out in these ways. Each time I take on more than I should I have become fearful, stopped trusting, and also I get tired and snappy. I’m not being supportive and encouraging to those around me. I slide into wanting to fit in rather than looking for truth and justice. I start moving in logic rather than with my heart. I worry more – about money, about what other people think, about whether I’m “doing the right thing.”
But when I am on those “ancient paths” of truth, justice, love, trust, generosity, am not fearful, etc, then I can hear my heart more, can wander along and look at the flowers, the scenery, hear the birds, hear God, feel free and safe. I can have time to just be rather than to worry about what I’m doing.
Today I had a lovely time. I decided to go on one of my favourite walks. I took photos, enjoyed listening to the dog scampering around, and allowed my heart to chew over something I needed to sort. Interestingly the solution that I felt was not what I expected. But that was because I had let go of my logical side and was into heart mode. I also let go of my plans for after the walk. Usually my “plan” is to go for breakfast and coffee in a cafe after but I just felt my heart tell me to go home. I felt such peace and doing what I believed was the “ancient path” for this morning.
We are always at crossroads. Every moment of every day we have to decide whether to walk out in fear, in logic, in oughts and shoulds, or to walk out in truth and justice and love. And sometimes that can mean doing the self same thing but with a different heart attitude.
I believe it is our hearts that set the energy that buzzes off of us and touches others. What do we want to touch others? What do we want others to touch us with?
I’m sure I’m not the only human being who is a bit thick at times. Yes I talk about listening with my heart but as it says somewhere in the bible “The heart is fickle” or something like that. Well I’m not sure about you but my heart can get lost in its own stuff at times and it takes a few things to nudge it out again. And the nudges came in shed loads over the weekend.
As you know I’ve got this part time job 4 afternoons a week. It is great. It is right. It also helps that the rotas are not confirmed until the Friday of the previous week so I cannot get into planning because I don’t know when I’ll get that day off. The last couple of weeks it has been a Wednesday but the couple of weeks previous it was a Friday and who knows what for next week. So I have to be patient and wait.
I said to someone when I got this job that it was good because it meant I would have to say No to things but instead I have been filling up those mornings with things. Made all the more sneaky in that they are great things, all of which felt right. But what all these great things did was not only did they stopped me writing they also stopped me from pondering, from thinking, from knowing how I felt.
I managed to justify it all by saying to myself that these were the right things to do. In fact a couple of them were things I had been hoping to do for years. Why is it sometimes those things you had set your heart on are not what you should be doing? At least not at this moment in time because they get in the way of the bigger thing.
The bigger thing in my writing. Not just these blogs but the other projects that need peculating time. But not just that. I have also learned that I need, like we all do really, to have time to feel my feelings and to really know my heart.
It is always interesting how taking time out to know ourselves and be the best version of ourselves is so overlooked!
So on Saturday I’m at a writing workshop and am saying to one of the group that I haven’t written much and she almost gives me reassurance that this is ok because we are all busy. My heart jumped. Busy is a key word and so I tucked it away.
Then on Sunday we went to a ceramics show. Firstly I chatted to a woman who now makes huge slab bird baths and she told me her story; of how she had once been a renowned collectable potter but had felt a call to something else and she’d had to spend time pondering until she found out how all her things connected. Again I felt that heart bump and had to stop and write down the key things that she said
Follow your interests. It is your interests that will take you where you should go. But take time out to find what they really are. It is about being brave enough to take time out.
Then I came across a lady who made the Caretaker bird in the photograph. Some of the info about these birds says how they came out in lockdown but now have disappeared. This bird is about resting, being, drinking tea, listening. I could not leave it behind. I was going to keep it in my study but it now sits on the hall table so I see it as I come and go. And it reminds me to take things slower, to listen, to drink tea, to be rather than do, to have time to look around, to not have to fill my day, my diary, with stuff.
I sat on the grass, wrote a bit on the backs of the business cards I’d picked up and listened to God/The Universe as my husband continued round talking to potters. I realised again I had filled my time so I did not have to listen to my emotions. They had been telling me for a while to give up a voluntary position but I had been ignoring it because I really wanted to do this. But I had to listen when I was getting bombarded on all sides to slow down.
So I cancelled something that only took up 2 mornings of my week but actually took up a lot of my headspace. Once I had made that decision emotions around a family thing came flooding in. All I could say was it was like slit being disturb on the river bed. Now if I hadn’t stopped this thing I think the slit would have stayed put. I think that’s why we keep busy. To stop the slit being disturbed. But the silt isn’t good. It stops the river of me from flowing freely.
So I’ve put in place some QEC time and also been able to spend the last 2 mornings pondering and being. I have felt such peace and not having to fit things in around other stuff. Pondering isn’t something you can fit in anyway. Neither is listening to your heart.
Yes we do all have things we have to do but too often we fill our days up with things we think we ought to do – to look good, to be busy, to feel we belong, etc. Stopping does hurt for a bit but it is better to know and to feel truly than to keep blundering through and taking one’s unhealed bits forward into something new.
I know I’ll falter at this. I know I’ll fill time up again. But I am hoping Beaty, the Caretaker bird on my hall table will keep reminding me of my true purpose.
Reminded me of a bridge a didn’t cross! Isle of Bute May 2023 photographed by me
After writing Saturday’s post I was reminded of something I regretted. Something I did not take on board as a lifestyle and I wondered why.
Over the course of my Christian life I have done various Christian healing courses – Freedom in Christ, Sozo to name but two. Yet when I started with QEC I was dismissive of these. I must say I just thought it was because QEC was a better fit for me, and at times was maybe a better tool. But I realised recently it was me.
I was expecting someone to “fix me”, to do the work for me, to be my ‘parent’ in all this. Even when I started QEC I wanted my practitioner to be that person I could turn to, be my ‘best friend’, be the one to remind me of what I had to do and when things went wrong I could go to her and she would sort things.
The longer I’ve been doing QEC [4 years now] the more I’ve realised that in fact it is about me not about my practitioner. This whole QEC stuff will not become a lifestyle unless I take the responsibility – not my QEC practitioner, not the Freedom in Christ book or group leader, not the Sozo facilitator, not the person who prays with me, not my church leader, not my husband, not my friends, etc, etc. In fact not even God/The Universe.
All this came about from something that was triggered the other day from something on Facebook of all places. It has made me realise how the things I did with the other healing type ministries were stepping stones to where I am now and I am grateful for that. And grateful for the style of those healing ministries. But also I realised that QEC and ANSing have been working for me because I do not expect someone else to take responsibility for me. I have. somewhere along the line, let go of needing to be a part of something, to be something special in the group, expect someone to care about what I am doing.
I looked back just now on the emails I have saved from when I started QEC and I was having to message in between sessions to say how I was doing. I do now WhatsApp my practitioner but there isn’t quite that “need” now.
So I now realise that I did not get the full benefit from those other forms of healing, not because they weren’t as good, but because I was not as ready to be solid, safe human being and know that working together with God/The Universe and the tools from these healing type things I could stand on my own.
That isn’t in an independent “I don’t need anyone” individualistic way. But in an “I am a whole person and these are things that are helping me become more whole and solid myself”
Since doing QEC I have come to realise that it is the things you do regularly that become your lifestyle and it is what you choose to be healed of that helps that lifestyle. Also sometimes, I believe, you hold on to things because actually you quite like them – whether that be a way of looking at life or what you do.
The apostle Paul says about “praying continuously” [1 Thess 5:17] and I remember thinking how that must be impossible. That was because I saw prayer as something set apart, as being something one does with ones eyes closed. But once I worked out that prayer is just a jargon word for chatting with God/being with God I realised I could do this all the time. It has become my lifestyle to know that God is with me all the time and that I can talk with them or not as I feel. And sometimes it is things like “did you just read that text/email/hear that conversation with X? Can we focus on that a wee bit? Can you work with that?” type of conversation. But actually that is no different to conversations with friends, family, spouse, where we can be together talking or not talking and then the conversations veers towards something specific. Same thing.
So one part of my lifestyle is to know that God is with me all the time.
Another part is that I am working on the whole thing of The Lord’s Prayer and specifically the “daily bread” and the “forgiving self and others” parts. So when I feel myself getting anxious or into planning mode I breath, bring my autonomic nervous system back into regulation, and remind myself that what I really need for today will be there. Ok yes I forget but I am working on it.
I’m also after an argument or a time when I’ve done something wrong/upsetting/not right or when someone has done that to me I forgive myself and them. This clears the slate for me to carry on.
As my desk diary says for June “Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today” For me that works by forgiving myself and others and by knowing my daily needs will be met.
Another thing that is not a chore/a job to be done is the ANSing. The getting my autonomic nervous system into regulation and balance whenever it flips out. And let me tell you once you get aware of this it happens quite often. Before discovering this whole ANS thing when I felt anxious/fight/flight/freeze/fawn/angry/etc I used to try to do an analysis of what was wrong, what was upsetting me, who had said what and why – very much looking with my logical mind. The more I’ve done with QEC the more I’ve come to realise that some of it I might never know. I might have been a gesture, a smell, a taste, a word, that set off a memory buried in my subconscious that made my adrenalin race and it was so buried that I would never find out why. Or I was just overtired or hungry or both. Very often I would finish up either blaming myself for losing it or blaming the other person for upsetting me. But now my lifestyle choice is to ANS, forgive and let it go.
I am not perfect and I do forget. But what I’ve realised are these are not “things I ought to do to make me a better person” but things I chose to do and how I want my life to be.
My QEC practitioner talks a lot about self-help books and how she sees them as not helpful because there is a lot of psyching someone’s self up to “be a better person” and I agree. But also I think if in reading these books one picks up something that one chooses to become a natural lifestyle choice, not something you feel you “have to” do [remember I am against have tos and ought tos and should dos], then go for it.
I journal because it frees my mind. Although I used to journal to figure things out. Once I let myself run free then it was just another way to get my ANS into balance.
So for me ANSing, forgiving, believing God/The Universe will supply what they know I need daily, and allowing myself to be in a place of constant communication with God/The Universe is not something I have to do but something I just do. It is as much a lifestyle choice as walking my dog, drinking beer in the sunshine and hanging out with my friends. All of which keep me sane and at peace with the world. But also I think it only works when one does it as an “enjoy doing” rather than a “have to”.
Aspirational Adventures 