This is my faith mustard seed grown. As you can see it has grown really fast but it is a bit limp. That, and a message I got from a friend asking for prayer this week, got me thinking about my little old mustard shoot.
Often we set off with great enthusiasm with our faith in what God can do with us, through us and for us. We plant that faith and it sprouts. But then instead of growing into a tree it goes a bit limp and wobbly. That’s because we can’t go it alone.
Look at these healthy mustard plants all crowded together
Lots of mustard plants on farm with cleared sky
They are all holding each other up, supporting each other. We cannot be a lone mustard seed. We need others to help and encourage our faith.
Like with my friend, not just the one who messaged by many other of my friends, we don’t need to go to the same church. We don’t even need to go to church at all – though that helps. But what we need, whether we attend a church or not, is faith-filled friends who will help us stand strong in God, stand strong in our faith. We need friends on a similar wavelength to us that we can share openly and honestly with, who won’t judge us, or label us, or box us, but who also know us as well as it is possible to know someone else.
Faith isn’t meant to stand alone. Yes it can and it will but it will get tired. Faith stands better and stronger in communities.
This is John the Baptist in full rant by the Jordan river.
Something happened last night that made me read this verse this morning in a different light. So I’ve always seen this verse to be about doing good things, about not breaking the 10 commandments and much more. I’ve thought it meant doing good deeds, of helping the poor, of being cheerful, etc, etc. But last night I was grappling with being put in a position I’m not comfortable with.
This is the uncomfortable position – I came up with an idea about a family event with music and food at a local park. I’ve since realised that I am being expected to coordinate and organise everything and last night that sent me into a tailspin and I was awake from about 3am. I am a visionary and an encourager but I am not great at going into places and asking people to do things. Ask me to get people together so they can do an event [which is what I do with the local areas different Messy Church leaders] and I’m great. But then someone else has to sort out the how, what, when, where, etc.
I did pray and what came to my head was to ask people to pray for someone to help me and to be open about my vulnerability. I sent the request to a group of ladies I’ve only just connected with, as well as to close friends.
Then this morning I read this verse.
I am sure I am not the only person who struggles to ask people to help.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who tries to push through when I’m not comfortable doing so.
I’m sure I’m not the only who doesn’t like to say “I can do this but cannot this”.
But if I am a new creation, if the Son of The Creator God has truly set me free, if I am truly repentant of my old life, then I should be able to be vulnerable, should be able to say “I can’t do that” and should be able to ask for help.
To me this is “producing fruit in keeping with repentance” or showing that I have given up my “sin” of self-reliance.
A friend mention about being a leaf and not tree [I’ve got a poem coming together around this] and I think this is part of repenting of being self-reliant, of producing the fruit of connectivity and community. It is repenting of “going it alone” and producing fruit of “needing others even if they hurt at times.”
After reading this verse this morning after my sleepless but revelatory night I am now going to have a ponder what other areas in my life I “miss God’s mark” and where I need to “turn around” and see what fruit is really there.
There’s more to producing the fruit of repentance than just going good things.
I’ve been pondering this overuse of the phrase “we are family” or “our community” or even “finding your tribe” because recently I was hurt by that usage of those phrases expecting more than was to be given. Then we went to see Ben Elton, the comedian, who is a year older than me and on a similar wave length. He went on about how when we were young community meant those people in our location that we had to get on with whether we liked them or not. I would say similar for family – a group of people we are related to by blood that we have to tolerate whether we like them or not.
I have been in churches where there has been great emphasis on “we’re all family” then we move away and that whole connection ends. The same with work families. Once one leaves the connection is gone. It is a business relationship working towards a purpose not that tolerating and supporting relationship. This is fine but we must be careful not to confuse the two.
I was chatting to someone about this and we think it is because everyone is so busy and so disjointed . For instance if I leave a church or work then I get involved with something else then I become too busy with that to keep up the relationships, and those I’ve left behind are too busy too. It isn’t that they don’t like me but they don’t have the time.
These supportive/business transactional relationships are about finding places we feel safe from the others, those who disagree with us, but we’re all so busy we don’t really connect. Yes when we write we say profound things and sometimes we all do share our hearts back and forth. But we are all too busy doing the connecting to have time for the depth too often.
I am blessed with my life at the moment because even though I’m busy it isn’t too structure. I have time to hang out with those small handful of people who I can share my life with, and who also have 2-3 hours or more just to “chew the fat”.
I was lucky to spend 3+ hours with a friend the other day. We talked about loads and both of us as we came to the end said “now I understand what I’ve really been wondering about” and “I’ve change my mind on that point of view”. We have time to challenge each other because we have made time to put in the hours to hang out.
Maybe we need to use different words than community, tribe, family? Or maybe give those words different meanings? If we all listed the groups we are apart of then we could be honest and say things like “I love writing with you one Saturday a month/every Tuesday fortnight” or “I love chatting about Bible stuff and God once a fortnight/once a month” or “I love your regular post on WordPress/Substack/Facebook” then follow it up with “but that’s as far as our relationship goes”. Be honest enough to say “I’ve got lots of other things I love doing and people I love being with and areas of live I want to explore so once every month/week/fortnight/occasionally and only in this specific area”. Perhaps that would let go of the disappointments.
So taking it back to the group where I was hurt it would have been great for the leader to say “it is awesome the things we are sharing over this period together. Make the most of it because I’ve got a busy life and I suspect you have to. You also all live miles apart. Enjoy this but don’t be sad when it finishes because finish it will” would have been much nice than to talk of us all “finding our tribe” and being “family”.
It is a bit like when on the radio a DJ will end a phone call to a random caller by saying “love you, bye”. I think it makes the words “I love you” become trivial too. And I think that’s what is happening with community and family.
Perhaps, if we were honest about the lack of depth in some of these online or business type relationships and groups it would give us all time to find those few special people that we can share deeply with, that know enough about our lives to poke us when we’re out of order, to hold us when we’re hurting and hiding it. I think we all need people we can trust to hold us when we’re trying to hide our hurts but that takes time to get. That is not the same as someone who responds to a blog post or even that we meet on Zoom for a group or even those we meet in groups monthly.
So let’s not get confused with family and tribes and communities and expect them to fulfill our needs. Maybe I’m saying this to myself!!!
And also let’s leave time for our families even when they annoy us, push those buttons, don’t meet our needs. Let’s not forget them in our busyness to replace them with some other online community.
Well there were repercussions from the Airbnb guests that I mentioned in my last post. They wrote a very damming review about their stay. Needless to say it really upset me. I think I was still feeling vulnerable from their time with us anyway. What upset me most about the review was that most of what they said was not true. Anyway I got on to the Airbnb community forum. Well what an amazing bunch of people. No one made me feel daft for having let them stay and everyone who responded to my post was helpful. Airbnb said that unfortunately they could not take the review down because it didn’t quite break their guidelines. But with the help of the online community from around the world I was able to put up a succinct response to the review which actually, so the community said, took the sting out of the review and gave me the higher ground. And also helped others to see that here was someone just ranting. But it took me a while to potter through all this and come out feeling ok.
Being a well-being writer I of course did my own journaling and explored my thoughts and feelings about what had happened via writing. I realised that I got upset because it was not true and I did not like someone saying things that were untrue. As always timing is amazing and I was meeting with my spiritual director and so I told him all this. His response was that we all feel like that, which I sort of know to be true, and that it was ok.
On Monday I was facilitating a writing for well-being group and it came up about the glass half full/glass half empty explanation for pessimist and optimist, when someone said that in an Eastern philosophy (sorry I forget where) they talk about emptying yourself so that you can be filled. So with that thought an optimist would be someone who was happy to be a glass totally empty. But then I thought Jesus talks of us being like streams of living water and of how we need to be constantly emptying ourselves so He can fill us. Very similar philosophy. I can hold on to my half full glass and oscillate, as most of us do, between feeling like glass is half empty or half full. Or I can go to that total place of letting go where I am happy to give away everything in my glass and wait for the Holy Spirit to fill it.
As I’ve had time to chew this over I have realised that I had to look at the guests from the weekend as ones who did drain me and leave me empty but that then I had a choice what I filled up with. I could have filled up with fear and not ever hosted anyone again unless they were people we knew. I could have filled up with anger and responded from that place both on the response to the review and in a message to the man himself. I could have filled up with hopelessness and just sat and cried. Instead I chose to fill up with forgiveness for the man for being so defensive and so angry, with hope that actually the world is full of some really lovely people who I want to met and I will carry on host and a joy about the world.
Mind you this does not come about by being on my own. The Airbnb Community Forum helped as did various open and honest posts on Facebook from my daughter, from a friend whose total openness about his struggle with his sexuality was amazing, but not just that but the love with which his friends responded. As well as friends I have who are willing to let me be myself and my spiritual director, and my time being able to walk with my dog and think and ponder with God. And also we have just had two Airbnb guests who’ve stayed who have been totally lovely and have reminded me why we do this. So it is by community that we survive and can choose.
So I have to sometimes empty myself and let those who support me, whether I know they are or not, fill me with hope and wisdom and peace. And I do often think when this happens that the Kingdom of God is bigger than just those who profess to be Christians 🙂