We’ve just started a house group in our dining room. One thing that stayed in my mind from last time was Psalm 23. Yes we all know it off by heart but I thought, for myself as much as anything, I fancy doing some short [maybe] blogs around it.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
Psalm 23:1
As a child I remember learning it as “the lord’s my shepherd I’ll not want” from the hymn. And did think it was odd that we were singing about someone we didn’t want. Though now I do think that often we do not want God to lead us through quiet calm places but want them to lead us to our “ministry”/”our calling”.
Now as I read this version from the NIV I know that it means that by allowing God/Jesus to lead me as a Middle Eastern Shepherd would I have enough.
That word Enough again. I have enough of everything I need always and forever and I will not be “be in want” of anything else.
And here is another quote to help us remember that with God we have enough, that we want for nothing.
“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.”
Single focus dog. Photographed by myself Cardiff April 2024
This week I have been distracted by many things. I’ve got 3 workshops I am running with funding from Creu Conwy which seemed to have taken ages to finalise but now are imminent. The first two are next week! Also they are in the evening – one from 5-7pm and the other from 6-8pm, times when I am usually in that downward curve energy-wise and just want to mooch about and watch TV. Though I have had a few nights where I have been functioning after my 6pm deadline – once with a new churchy-style group that we’ve started in my house and a couple of trips to the cinema with hubby. But I’m panicking about these workshops because I will have to be the one who is fully alert.
It has amazed me how quickly I get distracted. I’m also doing an online writing course which is great but again is making me worry about that old adage of “not having enough time”. How many times have I written about not having enough. Perhaps I need to be reading my writings not just writing them??
But it also means that, even though I have been reading my Bible meditations and thinking I’ve not been thinking deeply. Not letting things penetrate into my heart.
This week’s Henri Nouwen thoughts are about Celebrating and how one needs to be in that moment to really celebrate, how lots of what and when we celebrate is a going through the motions rather than actually celebrating. So the event is something that sits between the stress of planning and the anticlimax after the event, but that celebration should be a lifestyle thing. I need to remember that I am to enjoy running these workshops and not just caught up in the preparation and then the feedback.
So once again I am like Martha [Luke 10:38-42] where Jesus says “Martha you are worried about many thing but the better thing is to sit at my feetlike your sister“.
I was worrying about things. Ok not little things. These things are quite big – running these writing workshops, not being too exhausted because of the time I am doing them, getting the work handed in for the writing workshop I have paid for, and the having enough sleep, time, ability!
Interestingly the other night I was awake worrying about, of all things, having enough energy and enough time, exasperated by being awake from 3.30-5.30am. I had a full day in front of me and a long list of planning not just for the workshop but other things that I had to do. But, as you’ve probably already guessed, I got everything that needed to be done on the list completed and even managed to stay up till 10pm with my husband watching TV as well has having walked my 10,000+ steps. It was as if God was saying “look you can do it. All will be well”.
Also I do know I have the ability to run these workshops. I do an amazing job every Tuesday fortnight with my regular group and can pull things from the depths of my brain when needed. I know I can do it but I get distracted and once I get distracted I move away from God and also move away from celebrating the joys of being alive.
As I’ve said before though, there is an order for how this comes about. To really be able to feel I have enough I need to be at Peace. From that place of Peace comes a deep Joy and only then do I believe I have Enough. And what has gone on this week is that I had to realign my autonomic nervous system back to a place of peace – which does just take a few moments of breathing and looking at the window, of remembering what I have to be grateful for, and forgiving myself and others. For me going through the Lord’s Prayer but an Aramaic translation, helps me.
Only then do I start to remember that deeper joy that is a bedrock not a happy feeling. And it is then that I feel like I have enough. Today it means I can say “I have enough time to do a blog post – with many pictures – before going away for the weekend even though my first workshop is Tuesday”.
My whole thoughts have been consumed by these workshops to the point where a friend asked me for coffee and I said I was too busy!!! And also nearly didn’t go south with my husband to see his Mum which has now turned out to be a trip to see my Mum too. Goodness me! Fancy me thinking I don’t have enough time to see family or friends! As well as the Lord’s Prayer I did have to have a chat with my covid-bird to be reminded that friends and cups of tea are important.
Renly 12 years ago. He would only have been 5 months old. Photographed by myself April 2012
Renly, my little dog, has not been well the past few days. He had a bad stomach and didn’t eat much, had diarrhea, and had to sleep in the dining room because I was exhausted by taking him out in the night many times and decided it was better to clear the dining room floor and get some sleep. He seems to have slowed down with his illness. He is over 12 which actually puts him a similar age to me this year!!! But it got me thinking about his mortality and that thing about pets not living forever.
I’ve also been doing some journaling around questions from Speaking into the Chaos, a Josh Luke Smith course that I would highly recommend. From that came this
For the question “what one wound of humanity’s heart I would heal” I wrote –
“the one wound I would heal in humanity’s heart is the fear of not having enough – enough time/money/friends/health/food/space/resources. I believe if we believe we have enough then we actually appreciate, treasure and are generous with what we have rather than squander or horde it as we do now. We squander and horde in equal measure because we are afraid there is not enough. Fear makes us consume more than we need. Once humanity can truly believe there is enough to go round then there will be no need to horde, squander or fear others will take it, take what we do not need. There will be no need to fight for it or over it.”
Then Friday afternoon I read The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom. which challenges thoughts about measuring time, worrying about time, trying to control time, not wasting time, etc. One of the characters wants to live forever, another wants not live any more and the main protagonist wanted to measure time. I want to give you this quote though from near the end
“Do you understand now?” he asked [Dor speaking to Victor who wanted to live forever] “With endless time, nothing is special. With no loss or sacrifice, we can’t appreciate what we have.”
p 218 The Time Keeper
I think these thoughts sit together and are something that I pondered in yesterday’s blog, and which, I think, Jesus’s followers on that first Pentecost were healed of. They didn’t need to control time, to worry that there wasn’t enough time or enough resources. They were at peace with what they had or maybe held each other accountable, reminding each other that there was enough.
And it that knowing there was “enough” time, money, resources, food, friends, space, etc that meant they could go off across the world taking what they knew of Jesus freely and without control to other nations. That let them be able to morph and adapt what they knew of Jesus not into a religion but into a way of life. They had no fear of there not being enough or of having to control things. They were free. And that freedom meant they were able to die wherever and whenever the Spirit led them
Sometimes I think we encourage each other to be afraid that there isn’t enough time, money, space, food, friends, etc, etc. Our accountability isn’t to be free of that fear but to make sure we do lots and keep busy because … well because God might catch us just hanging out and being!!!
We need to find that freedom of encouraging each other to accept and believe there is “enough”and that we do “enough”, to remind each other we are loved unconditionally and that all of life is special.
Last night this little man was not very well [This is not a photograph from last night :)] He woke about 10.30 and we were up and wandering the streets till about 1pm with him with a squiggie tummy. Thankfully I live in a very safe area and did not see a soul whilst wandering about. And also the promised rain did not appear during the times I was out.
Eventually we crawled back into bed again and he wrapped himself around me like a child with a bad tummy needing a hug. It was then that I prayed for Jesus to heal Renly’s tummy and for me to get a good night’s sleep – what was left of it. Of course Renly was asleep in seconds and slept in until gone 7 and I was asleep not long after and woke when the next door neighbour started his car to go to work just before 7.
What struck me was why didn’t I pray sooner?
From the moment Renly woke I work through a range of emotions. Some of which were: resigned that this is what I had to do; being mad at him for eating some that had upset his tummy; being angry that once he was outside he seemed more than happy to be going for a walk on a street light pavements; gratitude that we live in a safe neighbourhood and do have grass pavements; fed up with myself that I kept getting dressed and didn’t just make him go in the backyard rather than the street; to just a bit fed up with it. Nearly 3 hours it took me before I thought of praying!!!
How often do we all do that? Especially if it is a situation we can cope with? We take the “I can handle this on my own” attitude rather than “Ok Father I need someone to lean on”.
It wasn’t lack of faith or lack of trust because once I prayed I truly believed God would heal my dog and give me the sleep I needed. I just took a while to get there. Perhaps it comes from something deep seated about not wanting to worry God about trivial things when there is so much else going on in the world?
I am grateful that even though I was independent to begin with God didn’t tell me I should have asked soon. No God just got on and healed my dog’s tummy so that we could both sleep.
There’s no reprimanding with God. No blaming. No if onlys. No “you should have asked sooner“. God just always turns up when we turn to God and is there for us. And for that I am more than grateful.
And I only hope I can remember this and pray sooner, give the whole thing to God sooner, and be able to rest in the situation. And not think that my stuff isn’t important ‘enough‘ to bother God with!
My dog’s biggest decision/resolution for any day of the week is what toy shall he play with from his two new ones. And each decision is “new every morning”
On a Facebook group I’m part of my QEC practitioner suggested instead of feeling like we are being forced into New year resolutions – that most of us feel guilty about breaking by mid-January – why not QEC a vision of Peace, Joy and Plenty for 2024. This is working with that principle that what we believe will come to pass will come to pass. This isn’t a “pollyanna” “pie in the sky” way of thinking. This isn’t saying that we will be protected from bad things happening. But it is saying that we will ride through them with peace, with deep joy [not the silly giggles but something deep and fundamental] and that we will know we will have plenty/enough of whatever we need to see us through.
All this is what God says to us through the Bible – that “the joy of the Lord is our strength” [Nehemiah 8:10], “my peace I give to you” [John 14:27] and Matthew 6:25-34 which tells us not to worry about anything because God has it all for us. God has what we need in abundance. Though too often we do not see Christians living this out so find it hard to believe. But it is there!
But I realised as I was free writing around this that there is an order to have this happens. I felt that one couldn’t just dive into believing there is plenty/enough/an abundance because it is so hard to believe. It is why we have to QEC things and put in new beliefs so we can start on that journey.
But that QEC journey starts, I think, with us having peace with our past, with our upbringing, with our mistakes.
From this place comes deep joy that we are such amazing people, even if that has been lost in things that have been said to us as children.
Then once we are at this place of deep joy and gratitude, then we can believe we have plenty for what lies ahead each and every single day.
To succeed with this we need to be like those who go to Alcoholics Anonymous believe, that what we have this for each day and we rejoice in the dailiness of it and not have to stake it up for longer than today.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; … Amen.
Note the “living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at at time” or as Lamentations 3:23 says God’s blessings are “new every morning” because “great is your faithfulness”
By not trying to put it in resolutions – that we aren’t doing at the moment anyway and so won’t stick to because there are reasons why we didn’t start now – but listening to our hearts and going day by day doing our best to live in peace, from which follows joy and gratitude, givings us the hope of living in plenty/enough then we can move in harmony with ourselves, with God, with The Universe, and with each other.
This is just a good excuse to put a photo of my friend Tessa on my blog post. She has been very ill and since before lockdown wasn’t able to get to the sea side. She lives about 50 miles inland and it was all too much for her. Well she has since been diagnoised and getting treatment so my daughter and I took her on the train to her nearest seaside just to show her she could do it. This was the place on our walk on beach where she said “that’s enough. I’d like to turn round now.” So enough and no more. [Picture was taken about 11.30am but it was a dark old day!]
Today I was reading a book about women in history. I had been struggling along with it and its many references to Mother Goddess. Not because I believe God is male but more because it was being placed as a fact. I then reached a line which quoted John 1:1 “In the beginning was the Word and the Word was God”. It went on to say that this was a lie and that history had invent him.
Now as I’m sure I’ve mentioned in previous blogs I think we’ve missed something amazing by giving God a gender and that when the Bible says about how God made man and women in God’s image then God must be male and female, all genders and none. So I’ve got no issues with the argument that God isn’t a “he” but I do have issues with then the creator god being a “she” as though that makes it alright.
But the for me what has made me stop is that sometimes we all have to say “enough and no more”. It is not that I want to make this author believe that God is male but also I find that I reach a point in reading where I had to say this is enough for me and put the book down. I come across this sometimes in historic books or programs, where I feel that author or presenter has gone too far off piste and I am not ready to go with them.
My son used to ski. My husband went out to join him once. My son skis off piste. My husband doesn’t. My husband had to go his way and let my son go his own. Both within their comfort zones so to speak.
So it isn’t that I am not open minded. I hope that I am. But sometimes it gets to a point where I am not ready to go as far as the author or presenter and you know that is ok. So I would not say this author is wrong, but I would say, like with my friend and the walk on the beach, that this was enough and I’d like to go back now.
I was reading some stuff about listening to your heart and going with your gut feelings and how too often we don’t do that. Well for me my heart says that is enough and so I will listen to it. Something I am learning more and more to do.
Dancing silver birch trees in my local park. Taken by me 8th August 2021
Enough! How often do we start our day believing we have had enough sleep and will have enough time to do all that we think we have to do during the day? Very rarely I would say.
Too often we wake thinking we haven’t had enough sleep – especially if we are menopausal women who have restless nights, or have babies that keep us awake half the night or more. We then look at our “to do” list and think we don’t have enough time.
For me this contentment with “enough” comes from Brene Brown’s “Daring Greatly” book, QEC coaching and also really praying the Lord’s Prayer after doing yoga most mornings.
The “give me today my daily bread”, for me, can only come from a place of “enough”. But that was not how I was taught this prayer. I was taught it from a place of “lack”. A place of begging God to “please give me my daily bread”. Believing that unless I really asked God properly I wouldn’t have enough to make his Kingdom purposes come!
I have now started praying “help me believe I have all that I need, my daily bread allowance, to do all that I am meant to do today” or “thank you that I have already got all that I need for all that I will be doing today” or “I start today grateful for the daily bread I have been given for my day.”
It is a knowing that I have already been supplied with “enough” for today; whether that is energy, time, patience with others, grace, food, etc. Even those I meet will be part of my “daily bread” for today; people who enrich me, that need me, that I need, that help me and I help. All are part of my daily bread. And I come from knowing that I have enough to give and to receive all through the day.
It also means that at the end of the day when I’m tired and don’t feel like doing the washing up and can’t read as many pages of my book as I would like that is ok. I’ve done my “enough” for today and it is ok to curl up and go to sleep. I can end my day feeling grateful for what I did and knowing it was all that I was meant to do for today.
I have just read this amazing book – “Borders & Belonging” by Pádraig Ó Tuama and Glenn Jordan. It is about the book of Ruth and how it relates to our times. Our times being Brexit and, because they are both Irish, about the border between northern and southern Ireland. But for me it meant so much more.
They talk about how the story of Ruth tells how the law was changed through the actions of Ruth, which to me means God is saying that these “rules” we read in the Bible are not set in stone. The book of Ruth is read by the Jewish people every Shavuot, which corresponds with the Christian festival of Pentecost. Shavuot celebrates the spring harvest and comes 50 days after Passover. Pentecost celebrates the coming of the Holy Spirit to all people. Each year Jewish people remember, as well as the blessing of the spring harvest – which all who are gardeners know is so important as it comes at the end of the “hunger gap”, the time when there are just boring root veg that has survived over the winter – also remember this young woman from a despised tribe coming to their town and being accepted into their lineage and changing what was written in the Torah, which said that a Moabite cannot enter the nation of Israel. Yet at the end of her story we read that Ruth’s descendant is King David.
I think this is why she is included in Jesus’ lineage at the start of the Gospel Matthew – to show that Jesus came to remind us all that the law is not static, and I also think one of the reasons the Holy Spirit came on Shavuot is to show that again the law is not a static thing; that to follow God is not all about rules to follow but about grace and kindness.
As it says towards the end of “Borders & Belonging” “kindness is not constrained by rules” and that the law and traditions changed so that “kindness and grace is extended.” But how often are the “rules of Christianity” so fixed that kindness and grace are excluded? How many times have those in the LGBTQ community being told they are wrong and need healing? Or the young heterosexual couple who cannot afford to get married are told that they are wrong for wanting to live together? How many people feel they have to “clean up their act” before they can follow God?
How often do we, as church, hold on to the laws and traditions of our community because we think that is the right thing to do? When Boaz met with a man in front of the village elders who had, according to the Law, a stronger claim on the land that belonged to Ruth’s late husband, this unnamed man was willing to let go of that because he was afraid that his children would be outcasts as they could have been looked at as half Moabite, the despised tribe. As Pádraig says he was “willing to be poorer in order to be purer”. How often we do that – follow the right way but miss out on a bigger blessing because we weren’t able to share kindness and grace?
Interestingly around reading this I was on a long car journey and listened to a series of podcasts from Orphan No More, a community of Christians based in Bath, which were loosely based around the question of “do I have enough?”
Unless we can believe that we have “enough” I believe we cannot walk in kindness and grace. Am I willing to believe I have enough? Are you willing to believe it? Are we willing, during this Eastertide season to learn to walk more like Jesus – in kindness and grace?
Aspirational Adventures 