Tag: relationship

Categories
being real no agenda

Tis The Season Of The Resolution

I’m randomly scrolling through Facebook and watching TV and entering into 2026 with a sense of chilledness with a dog either side of me snoring gently.

As I Facebook-scrolled I came across two contradictory posts. Now as a Christian I know there is an expectation that I should follow this one

but something in this made me uncomfortable. I also find it amusing because it is posted by a church leader. I wonder how he’d feel if I went into his church and did things to upset him????

Also I do think religious leaders are doing a great job and I wouldn’t want to deliberately upset them. There are times when, yes they do make mistakes, get things wrong, get too caught up in one theology or way of doing things, but I know I wouldn’t like the job. I’d love doing the sermons and hanging out with people but I’d hate to try to lead an organisation full of fallen, sinful, often unpopular people. So yes there are times when I know I’ve upset religious leaders but I didn’t set out to do that. Also I’m not sure Jesus did.

I think Jesus loved those people so much that he wanted to help them see that their rules and religiosity weren’t doing them any favours. Though my daughter used to say that she thought Jesus was upsetting the religious leaders of his time by doing healings on the Sabbath. To me that is a great question to debate. Maybe another blog post???

Also if we take the verse “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” [Romans 3:23] means that everyone we hang out with are sinners. Though I’m sure this person is meaning noticeable sinners, those ones we can chalk up as “look at who I’m being friends with”.

For me I choose my friends by who God places across my path and who I feel led to be with. Some are people others like and some are ones others don’t, but I can’t think of any who would be labelled “unpopular”. Also by the time they are my friends I wouldn’t notice whether they are popular or not. They are just “my friends”, the lovely eclectic mix of them. Also it is why I did personal new year messages to my close friends, because they are not a generic “friendship group”.

Unfortunately this isn’t the post that I reacted to initially but by the time I tried to find it -and it was almost directly opposite of the above about being careful who you’re friends with because you need to look after your own heart and well-being. That old adage of “put your gas mask on first” which I’ve seen many Christians think isn’t “Christ-like” and have charged in hurting and being hurt.

Anyway this the nearest I can find. It’s from Tiny Buddha – and often I find I can relate to the Tiny Buddha posts more than the evangelical Christian ones.

To me this is the God I follow, this is the Jesus I see in the gospels – someone who noticed what was around them, who loved people so much he was willing to give his whole life to them, was grateful always even to the end, saw the beauty in things and took things slowly. I think Jesus did what he did because he was going slow, was deeply observing things, and did as he knew needed to be done at that moment in time. I don’t think Jesus picked his friends because they were “sinners” or unpopular or any other criteria. I think he picked them because he saw them and knew them for what they truly were. And that’s how I want to be.

Yes I will do my best this year to walk with kindness, love and mercy, but also with peace, dignity, gratitude and trust. I’ll be my best not to pick those I see and the things I do with any agenda other than what I notice as I move gracefully through the day – with a manic dog on each arm [Definitely getting a 3 year old chug is a lesson in patience and perseverance!!! 🙂 ]

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Willow and Renly, Newborough Beach 28th December 2025

Categories
fulfilment living water

Follow Up To Woman At The Well

Not totally relevant to the post but it was the look Renly gave me as I went “yes I get it” – taken today – July 2025

So after posting yesterday’s post I was feeling a bit “blah!” and then a bit condemned. There I’d written this post about being filled with living water and I wasn’t feeling excited and joyous. So I did what always works for me and journaled around my thoughts.

Ok first off there were things about why I was feeling “blah!” which were good to acknowledged, moving on to handing them all over to God – which I try to do regularly. But then came the bit which made Renly sit up and look surprised/impressed.

Being filled with God’s living water doesn’t mean I will always feel happy, or even content. I won’t always feel joyous or wanting to be with people or even happy. It is ok to feel disappointed, upset, grieving, nervous, scared, generally pissed off with the world, with family, with the moment. All that is fine.

Christianity isn’t all happy clappy claptrap. It is sadness and sorrows, and being disappointed and things not working out as you’d like, and of being hurt, misunderstood, not listened to, of people you love dying, of putting yourself out and not getting anything back. But the deeper magic, the living water, is about accepting things as they are and of not looking to outside things, people, experiences, that do not really fill you no matter how good they way seem.

Oh we all see sleeping around, drink, drugs, overeating, etc as bad for you and of “not putting God first” but there are other things too – jobs, volunteering, hobbies, relationships, even ministry. All those things can be put before allowing God to hold, to fulfil and to love.

The “living water”, the inner healing and fulfilment, is a gift, an unearned gift, and we need to stop looking elsewhere for it. We need to stop trying to manufacture the gift.

So I have pondered the things that have made me feel how I feel today and I have let God hold those things with me. And you know, together we can make plans on this. Together, with God’s living water, I don’t need to go do anything else.

October 2024
Categories
others self

Do It For Yourself

A fascinating tree near Red Wharf Bay. Photographed by myself May 2025

Love your neighbour as yourself

Mark 12:31

I know I’ve mentioned this verse many times before but I had a new revelation today. And this is what I love about the Bible. It is the living word of God not a static set of rules. It has something new to say to us often if we are willing to listen.

I was doing some QEC work around writing my memoir novel and exploring why I’d stopped not just sharing on Substack but stopped writing almost completely.

What came from it was that I’d got into writing for submission, for sharing with the new writing support group I met whilst on the memoir writing course, and got into wanting to make it “right” – which is another word like “enough” which is not quantifiable.

What I had stopped doing was writing it for me; writing for the joy and love of writing. At the end of last year and the start of this I just let the words pour from my finger tips and learned loads about myself as I let it flow. Yes I do have a dream of publishing it but back then my first goal was to get it written for me; was to write for myself.

So where does the above bible verse come in? Well as I’ve said before it has been translated the wrong way round. The original read “love yourself so you can love your neighbour” and as I’ve said previously if we don’t love ourselves then we can’t love our neighbours, can’t love anyone else fully because too often we are trying to love people so they like us. If I love myself then I don’t need others to love and affirm me. I like it when they do but that isn’t my reason for befriending and hanging out with them.

So it struck me in the middle of this QECing was that I need to love and want to read my book, that I need to be writing it for me and no one else, that I am doing it for me not for publication, not for anyone else, but for me. Then I will be able to write my story my way which will then be the way it is meant to be [possibly the “right” way!!]

But that isn’t just for my story but for everything I do whether that be housework, running writing groups, speaking to others, when I’m on my dog walks, driving my car, cooking tea, being with my family. I must be doing it for me not for others and if I do that then it will flow and I will be at peace and I will be kind and generous, not fearful, not checking if it “works” or if I’ve “got it right” but will just flow, will just be me, will not be doing it to get a need met.

I think it is why I enjoyed my birthday this year because everything we did was what I wanted to do. Yes there were tweaks due to dogs not being able to walk as far as they use to and my children tired due to traveling up to us. But it was tweaks for me to enjoy it more not to make it “right” and trying to please others. And guess what? Yup everyone had a good time because I was going with my flow.

Too often we are taught that we are being selfish if we do what we want to do but I think that is a lie. Most of us, if we love and respect ourselves and are doing what gives us joy, will not do harm to others but actually will be nicer people and people others will enjoy being around because we flow with what we want rather than double checking what others might want.

So I would also write that verse as “do all you do with love, peace and flow, without worrying about what others might want, and then that will give others space so they can flow around with you in love and peace”

Renly by the fascinating tree. May 2025

Categories
christian different

Are Christians That Different?

a bit of a rant!

first snowdrops. Early Feb 2025. Photographed by myself

I’ve had the above question buzzing round in my head since a post came up on Facebook from someone I admire who slipped in about her parents being stressy, angry, not wanting to heal of their trauma, but also of how she was “dragged” to church every Sunday. And I was like “how can I show her that Christians are different?” And I’m not sure that I can because every thing that I’m told Christians should be – kind, generous, supporting others, at peace, filled with joy, sure of their direction and decisions, know they are totally loved, know they are fully forgive, fully forgive others, etc – I see in those who are not Christians and often’ don’t see if Christians.

This isn’t a crisis of faith but I think that is because I had the most amazing conversion experience where I was totally swamped by God’s love for me even when I was a total mess and didn’t even like myself. There have been many times over this 33 year journey where I’ve not stayed under that safe motherly wing of God’s love, of where I’ve not given God all my sh*t to deal with, where I’ve been afraid, angry, totally out of order, but always known deep down that I was loved.

So what is my issue?

Well I think what I want is so that people like this person on FB, others that I know, will be able to see the difference in those who profess to being Christians but I don’t think that will happen.

Like I say it has been 33 years since I had that first amazing God encounter and I’ve been lucky enough to have others since but I’ve been on this Following Jesus journey for over half my life, have loads of Christian friends of all different persuasions. I think I’ve “got used to it”. It is now my norm and I often forget where I was beforehand. Perhaps I also want to see a bigger difference in my life???

I think I have to go back to why I became a follower of Jesus and it wasn’t because of any person but was because of meeting with God in a way that worked for me. I know others who it has happened to differently. Just last weekend one of our Upper Room ladies said she’d taken a woman to church who had gone up to make Jesus her Lord and Saviour at that church meeting. The Upper Room lady is amazing but also she was faithful to take this woman to church at the right time.

And the more I ponder this the more I think that there is nothing noticeably different about being a Christian – even the “having Jesus to talk to/to know how to follow” is a bit tenuous at times and I know others, including the FB person who started my line of thought, who would say they listen to their heart or to the Universe for guidance, for peace, for healing, etc.

But what I do think is that we need to be faithful to God’s leading and be willing to do things to help put people in the way of God. It is actually quite egotistical to think we have to “lead people to Christ” even though that is how a lot of us were brought up in evangelist/charismatic traditions.

In these traditions, a lot of the time there is either openly or subversively that idea that we have to be different to draw people to Jesus. I think that’s why there can be so many “don’t” rules, because there is that underlying idea that it is our responsibility whether people want to follow Jesus or not.

Jesus told his followers to heal, to cast out demons, to share the good news [though that can be vague at times] and to make disciples. We should be making disciples not converts too. We should be putting in the hours to help people heal from their traumas as well as their physical issues, helping people work out their journey with God, walking with people as they stumble, even calling them out when they do and say and act a certain way, and be willing to be challenged ourselves.

So as I’ve pondered it, as I’ve wound up my lovely Christian friends by throwing this into as many conversations as I can, and now as I write it, I believe we need to get out of the way and let God in.

So how will I respond to my FB friend? I won’t. I won’t try to argue God’s case for them. I will step out of the way. I will keep on praying and keep on hoping that one day God gets them to turn and face God’s way. Also I will live out the good news of God as best I can, will continue on my own healing journey with God, will be willing to disciple others, and be the fallible human being I am.

Categories
being relational

Relationship with God

A cafe somewhere in the UK. Photographed by myself sometime in 2024

A group of us were talking about our relationship with God and someone had heard a couple of stories from nuns who say that they are so encouraged to think of other people and other people’s needs that they forget that they have a personal relationship with God.

So does that mean we need to be self-centred to have a relationship personal relationship with God?

Well, as I’ve explored before, it does say that we are to “love our neighbour as ourselves” which, I believe, means that we can only love our neighbour as much as we can love ourselves. We can really only give to others what we can give to ourselves. I know many who would say that you see people doing good things for others who are then hard on themselves. But my question would be, firstly, why are they hard on themselves? And also wonder what their motive for being kind to others is?

For some people, and I know because I’ve been there, we are kind to others in the hope that they will like us more, will be kind back to us, others will think we are good people when deep down we know we’re not. For others, like the nuns, they have been taught to value others higher than themselves, even though this isn’t what God is saying – possibly isn’t walking in “The way, the truth and the life”

I got a great example of how we should be with God from my dog. I’d done some housework and was taking a break to finish a book I’d been reading. So I gave him a shout and said I was going up to lie on the bed and read. Well you have never seen anything so excited. He bounded up the stairs, leapt on to the bed, jumped on me when I sat down, and the curled himself up between my legs and was asleep snoring gently perfectly surrounded by me.

Now I think that is what God wants for us, for us to be excited when God says “let’s go hang out together and do nothing”. We should then be rushing to be in that place on God’s lap and then we can just let go of what is going on in our world, trust that God has it covered, whatever else God might be up to. We don’t need to talk to God, ask for things, do things. We just need to contentedly lie with God just like my little dog does with me .

As those who know my dog will know that he is at his most content when he is with me. My husband says if I go out without the dog then he’ll stand and look at the back door and he has to really encourage him to come upstairs and wait somewhere more comfy.

To have this personal relationship with God we need to remember that God doesn’t go out without us, is always there, and for a lot of the time really does just want us to snuggle close and enjoy being together.

Categories
The Jesus Way Way

I Am The Way, The Truth and The Life – Part One

Near Capel Currig, photographed by myself December 2024

I have the privilege to meet with two 15-16 year old girls in McDonalds on a regular basis to discuss things from the Bible. We’re using the Alpha guide “Why am I here?” as kick-starts to discussions.

We’re starting with the verse

Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life”

John 14:6

One of the sentences in the booklet is “Jesus is the lens through which we see God” but that got me thinking “how do we see Jesus?”

If you listen to the evangelical American right then Jesus is brutal, full of rules and knows best. If you listen to those who have left organised religions then you get a very different picture. But are either “correct2?

My mum sent through a reflection from her vicar for this Sunday and in that he talks of how we need to see God in creation and also in the troubles of the world; in the good, the bad and the inbetween; to see Jesus turning water in to wine and in gifts of the Holy Spirit, which he lists as

Wisdom, Understanding, Counsel, Fortitude, Knowledge, Piety, and
the Fear of the Lord.

Jesus is found in the miraculous and the ordinary, the individual and the community.

Interestingly another verse on the first page of the Alpha booklet was

Jesus said, “I am the bread of life.”

John 6:35

And the immediate response from my girls was that Jesus is sustaining and filling.

So if we take their thoughts and other bits from our discussion then, I think, if following Jesus isn’t sustaining and filling is it really the Jesus Way? [and remember that the early followers were called “Followers of the Way” and the term Christian was used as an insult] If following Jesus doesn’t encompass the troubles and the joys of this world is it really the Jesus Way? If following Jesus can’t be done in a group and alone is it the Jesus Way?

So to me when Jesus says “I am the Way” he is talking about a life that is sustainable, filling, can be found in the troubles and the joys, and is something I love to do alone and also love to do with others. To me this is the The Way Jesus talks about here.

Categories
Believe present

God is with me ALL the time

Sunrise Christmas morning over my park December 2025 Photographed by myself

I was led in bed the other morning thinking about praying when a thought struck me. What if I really believed God was with me all the time? How would that change my thoughts?

It took me back to those thoughts around why organised religion likes the idea of Jesus being born in a stable away from the family so that one would have to go to him to worship him. But it is probably Jesus was born in a safe warm place with family around him. Yes the shepherds and wisemen went to him but for everyone else he was just there.

What if I believed that the Creator of the Universe was just here with me as promised?

The first thought is “I would behave ‘better'” whatever ‘better’ means.

But actually if I really believed that the Creator of the Universe was fully with me it would change my thoughts. How could I not like myself if God loves me? How could I think negative thoughts about myself when God wants to be with me? How could I regret the life I have if God is here with me?

That doesn’t mean my life is perfect, or for that matter has ever been perfect. I have made loads of mistakes, doing things I wish I hadn’t, had things done to me I wish hadn’t been done, but as and when those things cross my mind I repent and forgive – forgiving myself as much as others. Releasing myself and others from any hold that our pasts might have on us [and past can be in the last 10 minutes!!]

I am now working on getting my head round fully believing that God is with me all the time not in some place I have to go to; that I can talk with them all the time because they are here with me and not is some far off place.

I need to be aware of what I think and feel about myself then that good energy can go outwards and onward to others. Remembering always that we can only love others as we love ourselves, only forgive others as we forgive ourselves. And all this is possible because the Creator of the Universe is not just walking with us but is in bed with us, watching TV with us, eating with us, going to work with us, going for a walk with us, and even going to church with us. This not because they are some creepy voyeur but because they love us so much they cannot bear to be apart from us because we are AWESOME just as we are.

Categories
Feelings Thinking

It’s About The Thinking!

A continuation from yesterday’s post – because I found the picture I was looking for. Interestingly it came to me when I’d stopped thinking about it and was walking the dog. Just popped into my head. I find lots of my ideas do that – just pop into my head. But I do forget that. Yesterday I spent the morning pondering what to put on my Substack for the coming week and then was sorting supper and it popped into my head so I wrote a 500 word pieces around memories of Christmas.

I also had more thoughts, after find the above, and from comments by Matt on yesterday’s post around the “How do you know?” thought which is similar to the fortune telling idea.

Too often we “know” what someone is thinking or why they have done X,Y or Z. But we don’t. We often don’t really know why we are doing what we are doing because much of it, I believe, is around triggers. For instance we suddenly lose our temper with someone, or a friend that we don’t lose our temper with but have horrid thoughts about, but we don’t really know why. Oh we do all the pondering and putting forward ideas to ourselves, generally that revolve around blaming them or ourselves, but it can be because what they said or did reminded us of a hurt from a parent, a teacher, a situation we were scared it. But instead of accepting we feel hurt, sad, whatever, we try to justify it.

Take this morning – I woke up feeling sad. Like really sad. And a bit snarky and looking for a fight. Thankfully it was only me, the dog and the cat about at that time. Though the cat can wind me up greatly at times!! The dog is an angel. Anyway I left the cat at home and took the dog for a walk in the dark just as the sun was waking behind the hills. Instead of trying to work out why I was feeling as I was – that whole thinking thing – I just accepted that this was how I felt and let it go.

A feeling is just a feeling. It is a chemical reaction in your body which, apparently takes only a few seconds to go through you unless … you decided to hold on to it and think about it.

So I’m not sure what was causing my feelings of sadness and crankiness but I know they’ve gone now because I didn’t chew them over and think about them I just accepted that was how I felt.

It saves so much time too. I’m not going over who might have said, or not said, done or not done, anything to me, or imagining what they are “really” thinking about me. For all I know my sad feeling this morning could have been because of a chemical imbalance that changed when I got out walking. Who knows? And I’m getting to the point of “Who cares?”

Though with all things, as Matt says about “How do you know?” it is “really hard in practice, though, because our brains are hardwired to make assumptions”. Though now there is a part of me that is going – is that our brains that are hardwired or is it our conditioning?

A thought for another time 🙂

And picture of the dog to finish with – especially for Gina who I know, and am not presuming, seconded guessing or fortune telling, loves my posts if I put a picture of Renly on them 🙂

Categories
oughts writing

Walking Away from “Oughts”

Write from your Passion

First published on Godspacelight 9th July 2024

Writing workshop about dragons and myths run by myself – Barefoot At The Kitchen Table – June 2024

In Christine Sine’s newsletter to those of us who write for Godspacelight she talked about writing into her passion. This is probably one of the bests prompts I’ve had in ages. I have tried writing what I ought to write. I even set up a Substack account to write about writing for well-being but it’s failed. Why? Because, much as I love free writing for my own well-being, I wasn’t writing into my passion. I was trying to be something I wasn’t. I even tried putting in a regular structure to when I blogged but I’m afraid that isn’t me. 

How often do we do that – try to be something we are not? Whether it is in what we write or what we do? I think of many times when I have done something – job or ministry – that is so significant but isn’t me. Too many times to remember. It could even be something I’m good at, have talents in, but it isn’t my passion. I suppose if one jargoned it up I could say it wasn’t “my calling.”

As I’ve got older I’ve learned more and more not just what my skills and talents are but what I am passionate about. I love people, though I need time alone with a book too. If I’m honest my perfect day would be to go for a dog walk, coffee and breakfast with a friend and have a rolling, random conversation that covers deep and meaning as well as trivial and silly; come home and write a blog piece on something that either the conversation has triggered or that was buzzing in my head; and finish the afternoon on the couch to have a read of a good book, then maybe some intense Netflix drama with a glass of red wine to finish the day. Somewhere in that I’d like to ponder writing a short story or flash fiction, though maybe never get to write it; I’d like to email someone I enjoy writing to; run a writing workshop where I encourage others to get the most from putting pen to paper; and probably free write or journal myself. 

But I can get into thinking I “ought to” write X, Y or Z; I “ought to” be connecting with a certain person or group and “ought to” be doing something with them. But that is my “oughts and shoulds” and not my passion coming through. 

I’ve just read Timothy Keller’s The Prodigal God in which he talks of the older brother attitude being the one that says “it’s not fair” when God doesn’t do as we think they should do because we were “good Christians”. My “ought to” comes, I think, from a place that is where I’ve decided what a  “good Christian” or a “good writer” would/should do. It isn’t coming from a place of my passion. 

I think for all of us there are times when we do not run with our passions for many reasons; a need to fit in, a fear of missing out, having been told by a parental figure that life isn’t meant to be about fun, or whatever. I’m sure we all, if we allow ourselves to really hear our hearts, can come up with many reasons why we don’t follow our passions in work, in writing, in church stuff, in life in general. All of them have some truth in them but remember the devil goes around like a angel of light. The one who keeps us away from our true selves does it subtly not overtly. If it was overtly we would notice and rise above it. But it is filled with limited truths and comes from people who do care for us and want the best for us. But it is still lies if it keeps us from our passions and our true selves. 

I’m grateful to all the healing that I’ve received so I can hear God clearly, hear my heart clearly, and be bold enough to step out into my passions. I’m also bold enough now to walk away from when I’ve try to do something that looks good but isn’t me; when I’ve done an “ought”. But this has come about because I know God loves me unconditionally all the time – not just when I get it right/write 🙂 

Categories
Holy Week pondering

Thank You For Walking Through Holy Week with me

Abergwyngregyn Nature Reserve, Gwynedd, North Wales. Photographed 2nd April 2024

I want to say a huge thank you for journey with me and my random thoughts through Holy Week and beyond. I don’t know about you but I’ve really enjoyed marking this space and looking at things a bit differently. I’m not sure about you but for me, sometimes, to turn things on their side helps deepen my faith, whereas looking at things the same way as I’ve always done can make things a bit stale.

This morning I cemented my Holy week and beyond thoughts by taking myself for a walk at one of my favourite places. It is a walk of about 3-3 1/2 miles and takes about 90 mins. It is by the sea looking across the Menai Straights but with the sounds of the A55 North Wales Expressway and the main Holyhead to Cardiff railway line running always to the other side. It is a place where my dog can be off the lead for the whole 90 mins which I enjoy for him as much as for myself. Also a 3 min drive from the walk is the most wonderful community cafe where the dog gets a free sausage and I get a wonderful breakfast so very much a win-win!

I saw one other person on the whole walk and he was standing peacefully looking out to sea and we just exchanged that polite “Morning” before going back to our own thoughts. I have lots of thoughts from it which I will share later on, maybe.

But I will end these Holy Week and beyond ponderings with a prayer by Walter Brueggemann that Joshua Luke Smith shared on yesterday’s The Main Event email

On Generosity

On our own, we conclude:

there is not enough to go around

we are going to run short

of money

of love

of grades

of publications

of sex

of beer

of members

of years

of life

we should seize the day

seize our goods

seize our neighbours goods

because there is not enough to go around

and in the midst of our perceived deficit

you come

you come giving bread in the wilderness

you come giving children at the 11th hour

you come giving homes to exiles

you come giving futures to the shut down

you come giving easter joy to the dead

you come – fleshed in Jesus.

and we watch while

the blind receive their sight

the lame walk

the lepers are cleansed

the deaf hear

the dead are raised

the poor dance and sing

we watch

and we take food we did not grow and

life we did not invent and

future that is gift and gift and gift and

families and neighbours who sustain us

when we did not deserve it.

It dawns on us – late rather than soon-

that you “give food in due season

you open your hand

and satisfy the desire of every living thing.”

By your giving, break our cycles of imagined scarcity

override our presumed deficits

quiet our anxieties of lack

transform our perceptual field to see

the abundance………mercy upon mercy

blessing upon blessing.

Sink your generosity deep into our lives

that your muchness may expose our false lack

that endlessly receiving we may endlessly give

so that the world may be made Easter new,

without greedy lack, but only wonder,

without coercive need but only love,

without destructive greed but only praise

without aggression and invasiveness….

all things Easter new…..

all around us, toward us and

by us

all things Easter new.

Finish your creation, in wonder, love and praise.

Amen.