natural – Aspirational Adventures

Isle of Bute May 2023 photographed by myself

Since doing QEC I have come to realise that it is the things you do regularly that become your lifestyle and it is what you choose to be healed of that helps that lifestyle. Also sometimes, I believe, you hold on to things because actually you quite like them – whether that be a way of looking at life or what you do.

The apostle Paul says about “praying continuously” [1 Thess 5:17] and I remember thinking how that must be impossible. That was because I saw prayer as something set apart, as being something one does with ones eyes closed. But once I worked out that prayer is just a jargon word for chatting with God/being with God I realised I could do this all the time. It has become my lifestyle to know that God is with me all the time and that I can talk with them or not as I feel. And sometimes it is things like “did you just read that text/email/hear that conversation with X? Can we focus on that a wee bit? Can you work with that?” type of conversation. But actually that is no different to conversations with friends, family, spouse, where we can be together talking or not talking and then the conversations veers towards something specific. Same thing.

So one part of my lifestyle is to know that God is with me all the time.

Another part is that I am working on the whole thing of The Lord’s Prayer and specifically the “daily bread” and the “forgiving self and others” parts. So when I feel myself getting anxious or into planning mode I breath, bring my autonomic nervous system back into regulation, and remind myself that what I really need for today will be there. Ok yes I forget but I am working on it.

I’m also after an argument or a time when I’ve done something wrong/upsetting/not right or when someone has done that to me I forgive myself and them. This clears the slate for me to carry on.

As my desk diary says for June “Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today” For me that works by forgiving myself and others and by knowing my daily needs will be met.

Another thing that is not a chore/a job to be done is the ANSing. The getting my autonomic nervous system into regulation and balance whenever it flips out. And let me tell you once you get aware of this it happens quite often. Before discovering this whole ANS thing when I felt anxious/fight/flight/freeze/fawn/angry/etc I used to try to do an analysis of what was wrong, what was upsetting me, who had said what and why – very much looking with my logical mind. The more I’ve done with QEC the more I’ve come to realise that some of it I might never know. I might have been a gesture, a smell, a taste, a word, that set off a memory buried in my subconscious that made my adrenalin race and it was so buried that I would never find out why. Or I was just overtired or hungry or both. Very often I would finish up either blaming myself for losing it or blaming the other person for upsetting me. But now my lifestyle choice is to ANS, forgive and let it go.

I am not perfect and I do forget. But what I’ve realised are these are not “things I ought to do to make me a better person” but things I chose to do and how I want my life to be.

My QEC practitioner talks a lot about self-help books and how she sees them as not helpful because there is a lot of psyching someone’s self up to “be a better person” and I agree. But also I think if in reading these books one picks up something that one chooses to become a natural lifestyle choice, not something you feel you “have to” do [remember I am against have tos and ought tos and should dos], then go for it.

I journal because it frees my mind. Although I used to journal to figure things out. Once I let myself run free then it was just another way to get my ANS into balance.

So for me ANSing, forgiving, believing God/The Universe will supply what they know I need daily, and allowing myself to be in a place of constant communication with God/The Universe is not something I have to do but something I just do. It is as much a lifestyle choice as walking my dog, drinking beer in the sunshine and hanging out with my friends. All of which keep me sane and at peace with the world. But also I think it only works when one does it as an “enjoy doing” rather than a “have to”.

Tessa at Weymouth beach, October 2022, photographed by me

I haven’t posted for 10 days because I have been down South visiting this friend here who is in her last days now of cancer. She is more than ready to go and is just waiting. I’ve also been staying with my Mum and her husband. Mum is 83 and her husband is 88 and has Parkinsons and is moving into early dementia. Mum is his chief carer.

I’ve had a few dear messages from people regarding my friend, most of which saying a version of “cancer is the worst”. Then I talk with my mum who is deal with deterioration of her husband and has seen other friends lose husbands to dementia and she is saying a version of “dementia is the worst”.

I think if we worked on it we could all come up with a way of seeing a friend or family member die as being “the worst”. Those poor people who got shot at that Chinese new year party in LA might be thinking that’s the worst.

But from watching my friend who is dying well I would say the worst way to die is to not be prepared and to fighting it all the way. My friend is at such peace, as is her husband and her son, and so that radiates on to the rest of us. She is calmly saying goodbye, tidying up her possessions, doing what she can and sleeping a lot. She isn’t of any faith at all but she has made her peace with the world and is ready to go.

Of course I am going to be sad when she goes but she has set me a good example, in her life as in her death. I don’t know when my time will come, though I am planning to make it as near to 100 as I can get. But when my time comes, whether it is slowly like cancer, quickly like a bullet, or many of the ways in-between, I want to meet it with peace, with knowing that all will be well, knowing that my estate is in order, that I hold no grudges, that I am at peace.

So I would say the worst death is the death you aren’t ready for whatever that is, which is also why I think we should keep short accounts, try not to hold on to anger and resentment, try not to spend our time going over our past and wonder what we could have done differently,trying not to put too much hope in the future, and just be our kind, open and naturally authentic selves.

And for myself to keep as close to the God of Creation as well as I can.