As you know I love the monthly Upper Room gatherings we have in our home. We can very easily get drawn down that “good tree/bad tree” – knowledge of good and evil route – trying to decide which denomination is “closest to God’s ideal” and then picking out the bits that aren’t.
One of our number pulled us up short. She said that for her all the different denominations are like the different art styles [she is an artist]. None of them are wrong but some of them we prefer more than others, some suit us more than others.
I also know of people who have to create in a certain way because they need to make money. It is not their chosen style but they go with and hang out with it because, for that moment, it is helpful to them to progress in their field.
I think lots of us have hung out in different denominations that haven’t really suited us but that moved us onwards and closer to who God created us to be.
So we need to always remember that different doesn’t mean wrong. Let’s stop judging and start eating from the Tree of Life.
Prejudice is a fascinating thing. We’ve all got it no matter what we think. For instance how many people reacted to my idea yesterday of using the talents of young drug dealers and educating them for big business in a negative way? [Thank you Ritish for your positive response] But how many of us deep in our hearts react negatively about certain people groups without really thinking. If we realise then as educated people we do often check ourselves and say sorry but often we don’t quite notice.
I’ve been reading No Place To Call Home by Katharine Quamby about gypsies and travelers in the UK especially those evicted from Dale Farm in the early 2000s. It amazed me how many things I read that I went “oh goodness that’s what I thought” only to discover that this was a minority not the majority, encouraged by media and TV programs like “Traffic Cops”.
Interesting fact – Gypsies and Travelers are not seen as an ethnic minority group in their own right! I wonder if this is because they are mainly Catholic?? That old throw back to anti-Catholicism. Another age old embedded prejudice.
We all judge people, subconsciously by their appearance, what they say, how they say it, even where they live and what car they drive.
I’ve just started watching a series of the fictionalised life of Griselda Bianco, a ruthless drug dealer. But it is interesting how she gets missed when she starts in the 1970s because both other dealers and the Police cannot believe it is a woman running the operation. In this account it is a woman detective in the Miami police who first notices but the other detectives won’t take any notice of what she is saying because she is a woman. Again that prejudice of how it could not be a woman who would deal in ruthless drug related activities and how a woman could not have worked it out!
I could list many stories where the author uses that clever twist of it being a woman not a man who committed that crime, playing into our stereotypes, into our prejudices.
I am trying really hard to ponder how often I look at someone and judge them before knowing them, or judge a people group without knowing all the facts.
Take the idea of the kids hanging out in the park versus the old people hanging out in the park. Immediately we’ve got different narratives running through our heads for the reasons they are there – one more noble than the other!
Jesus says
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you
Matthew 7:2
So let us be careful with anyone, even if we think we know the truth, let us be careful we are not stepping into our own well-worn, subconscious prejudices.
When is something deemed vandalism and when is it seen as art?
The first article made me smile at how cross people can get about things. I’m sure remembering the war and those who were in those gunneries is not a bad thing but they do look very bleak up on the hillside. With the art work on them I think they look brighter and more interesting. I think they are well painted. Nothing rude on them. And nothing war related or political. Apart from not asking permission what is wrong? [Read the article and you can see why some people think it is wrong]
Then this next one, greeted maybe not with joy but with positivity. Why? Well probably because it looks like a “Banksy” and Banksy can do no wrong. Again no permission was asked and no one knows who did it. It also does not depict anything rude, political or war related.
No wonder young people get confused. We venerate Banksy and their crew of random graffiti artists who do seem to see any wall space as fair game. In my county of Conwy some of the Leveling up money sent to the local councils is being spent on 5 murals for the 5 main towns in Conwy county. And lots of money and time is going into going into schools and “liaising”. The council will decide where it is going and we will have to be happy with it.
The difference between the one on the Great Orme and those in the five Conway towns seems to only be that the councils have decided that these are a good thing. I know in my town they will have to go on a historic building because all of the main part of the town is part of a conservation area where we cannot change the fronts of ours houses, etc, without filling in huge forms. But it will be ok to do that. And I am sure it will look very beautiful when done.
But again my question comes back to, I suppose, judgement. Who are we to judge what is art, what is a bit of fun and what is vandalism?
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Husband and son enjoying karting for son’s birthday. Lots of judging went on during this afternoon as we watched groups of other people also enjoying their day. Many were stage and hen parties. March 2023. Photo taken by myself
I think this might fit in with the last few blogs.
I’ve been pondering judging others and Jesus comment about “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judgeothers, you will be judged” Matthew 7:1-2. Yet we do all judge on a regular basis. We are continually putting others into that “good box/bad box” But I think we do it so we can be safe, because we’re scared.
It is easier to make a judgement call on others than really get to know them, easier to put them in a box than lift the lid on them. But I think that is because we want to belong.
Jesus as that we will be judged in the same way as we judge others. I think too often we’ve thought of that as God doing the judging but I think it is each and everyone of us. So if I think of myself with my own internal labels of good/bad behaviour, of what makes a good Christian/writer/person of my age/add your own then I judge that person over there as being either part of my clique or not then I decide if I am going to like them or not, if I am going to let them get close or not. But I do it all much more for my benefit than for theirs. I want to be surrounded by people who will affirm my beliefs, behaviours, tastes, etc so that I have a group I am apart of.
I think there are not just Christian denominations but others groups, but it is the Christian ones I know best, who say if you do x then you are a better Christian than those over there. If you get involved and do things, behave like someone else, but in actuality it is when we are truly who we were made to be, our genuine selves, that we belong fully, especially to God.
I’ve just started a new job four afternoons a week. It is the first job I have ever had, I think, where I haven’t wanted to “fit it” and because of that I am being my genuine self. Yes it has helped that I have got rid of some of the things that held me back from being genuine. I am finding that I am really enjoying the job and I think that is because, even though I am hearing that things are not perfect and that there are things that the old-needing-to-fit-in-me would have been hurt by, I am not judging, but also not needing to temper myself to be “part of the clique”.
There is a freedom in not judging others, in not being fearful of not fitting in with culture one is in. It is not stepping out of the culture but not needing to be part of it, or even not needing to oppose it. Opposing is a judgement call as much as needing to know the “rules” to fit in.
The need to judge other and to belong is a survival mechanism but there is so much more freedom in not having to judge and being one’s genuine, authentic self.
Much of this post came from thoughts I had from a video and newsletter from the daughter of friends of mine who is on mission with Ywam in the Pacific. I felt the only way to end this was by taking a quote from our email conversation.
“I think it is very common to want to do things to get peoples validation and feel like you belong. But in the Kingdom of God you belong by simply abiding. My friend, Julie, introduced me to the song abide by kingdom culture. I love it! It says “there’s no striving, just abiding“, how beautiful that all we have to do is abide in the Lord. And with abiding in the Lord comes being yourself and not having to worry.”
I have been reading this book about Betsy Cadwaladyr, an amazing Welsh lady, who worked as a nurse in the Crimea but was never as famous as Florence Nightingale. What has struck me through reading this is how Betsy is pigeon holed as a “Balaclava Nurse” and yet she did so much more. She left home before she was 10 and hired herself out as a maid. She leaves North Wales in her teens and works as a maid, cook, lady’s maid, and more, in London. She is still under 20 when she is hired as a lady’s maid and general dogsbody on a merchant ship. She sails to Australia. New Zealand, Singapore, India, South America and more. She doesn’t just stay on board ship but takes up any opportunity to travel inland in these various countries. She is bold enough to tell her different employers what she thinks and will take no nonsense from anyone. She gets various offers of marriage but turns them down because she wants to travel. She doesn’t accept anything that distracts from her vision of traveling. She isn’t afraid of anything.
There is so much more to Betsy Cadwaladyr than being a Balaclava nurse. I am nearly 3/4 if the way through the book and Betsy is back working in London after losing lots of money and being called a liar by her merchant boss. She doesn’t put up with nonsense there even if that means she has to stop traveling. She has not yet got into nursing or gone to Crimea.
It got me wondering how many people we judge on what we see them as at a certain moment in time. For instance I love the people who attend my writing groups because meet these people who live in my town, who are often over 60, often seem set in their ways, then as they get to know each other, as they write, as they share, the tales appear of their past lives, of the amazing things they have done before getting to my dining table to write. It would be so easy to judge them as they are but that is not who they fully are.
It can be too easy to box someone, to stay they are – as in Betsy’s case – a Balaclava nurse but to miss the strength of character that got her to that point. So let us all please be careful in judging what we see at the moment – whether it is people we think we know well, people we meet in passing, people we hear about from others, and remember that everyone has a past that has got them to their present. We need to be open to hear more than what their biggest achievement is. Though I am tempted to wonder if going to nurse in the Crimea was really Betsy’s biggest achievement. Maybe it was walking out of a good employment because they were rude to her, turning down offers of marriage because she wanted more than, maybe it was saying Yes and saying No to things and following her heart. Yes that is the thing I notice most in Betsy’s story; she followed her heart each time.
So let us not judge,. Let us really listen to others when we talk with them. Let us really see what they have done. Let us also do that with ourselves. I might be here and now but I have a huge past behind me that has led me to here too.
But most importantly also let each of us be brave enough to follow our hearts and not do what we think we ought to do.
This photograph of my dog has no relevance to this post – apart from him never being time poor or time rich – but it for one of my readers who told me how much she loves my posts but especially the ones with photos of Renly, who she knows personally!
I was a meeting the other night and there were people there who kept saying they were “time poor“. I had heard the expression before but not really engaged with it. I think what they meant was they were doing lots of things and so were busy.
I response in my head in the meeting was to think that maybe they should be thinking about what they are meant to be doing and asking their hearts if this was what they should be doing. And then my next thing was to want to boast and say that “now I’m healed/healing I am time rich“. But then I realised that both those responses are wrong. I am comparing and being proud. Neither of which is being respectful to the people I was with who are working really hard for my little town.
As I pondered it and did some journaling around my thoughts I realised I often panic that I don’t have time to do things and that this is what is stopping me getting some work that I should have because I’d be great at it. But I am also worried that I won’t have that allusive “enough” time to do all I think I ought to be doing. So in reality I was no better. I still think I could be “time poor“.
So more listening to my heart, listening to God who Created the Whole Universe, listening to the Universe. Then I realised that if I listen to my heart then I do have enough to do each day the things I am meant to do each day – whether that is keep house, run workshops, visit an ill friend down south to relieve her husband, see my mother, have coffee with my friends, be in school to do the things I am great at doing there. I will do what I am meant to do with the energy and time I need to all that.
So not “enough” as in the worrying that there isn’t enough but trusting that each and every day what I choose to do from listening to my heart will be what I am meant to do, and that I will not do too much or too little, will not be too busy, too time poor, but will glide through calmly knowing that I am being what I’m meant to be with enough time, energy, resources, experience, etc that I need. And then like my little dog I can enjoy the moment, seize the day, and live life to the full of who I am and what I love to do.
An aside – too often we see “living life to the full” as being super busy, but I am finding that the more I listen to my heart, to God, to the Universe, the more I am filled with deep joy, deep contentment, deep peace and a freedom to trust, the more I know that I am living life to a fullness that I never had when I was busy.
Photographed on a beach in Cornwall by myself August 2022
There are some talents that are noticeable and some that aren’t. If you can sew, knit, etc then people notice what you do. We’re having two rooms in our house painted this week and next and our painter has talent.
Other people’s noticeable talents made me a bit insecure. I thought I had no talents, which is a blatant lie. I have many talents but they aren’t things that can be noticed. I wonder how many of us can be like that; that we only see ourselves as talented if it is something that can be noticed, gets published, wins prizes, and now in this digital age, has lots of followers and likes.
I love to write and it is one of my gifts. I’ve only had two books published – one that I self published and one that I paid towards being published. I have won a few competitions, interestingly with poetry rather than stories. But I am not going to be a renowned author because I don’t have the push and drive to get to that place, and I am not good at marketing myself. But I have many hidden talents.
I am great with teenagers, that species that many adults avoid. I love going into schools or running youth groups to chat, challenge and encourage young people. I have also been told I am a good listener, which means my walks round the park can often take much longer than the 45 mins they should . When I’m in the mood I am a good cook and do enjoy feeding people. I also love doing these blogs and have been told they encourage other people too. I love taking photos and writing poems about what they make me feel, which is where the Inspirations From Walking In Wales book came from
But it is hard sometimes not to compare ourselves to others, to see talents as a hierarchy rather than gifts we’ve been given. Again I think it comes down to wanting to put things in good and bad boxes rather than look at what gives us life. Once we get into comparing ourselves to others we are saying this is a good talent and this is a not-so-good talent. We have then judged ourselves and found ourselves wanting. Would God do that? Also once we have seen ourselves as not-good-enough we don’t allow ourselves to just be.
We need to know that what we have been given is good enough for who we are and what we are to achieve with this “one precious life” [Mary Oliver “The Summer’s Day”] and then go for it, be our true selves and enjoy it along the way.
Note this is not one of the people I am talking about but a free Pexels.com image to I don’t show real people.
On the weekend a message came up on a local neighbourhood group about “dodgy men” going door to door in various streets. Well two of those “dodgy men” came to my door. They were actually boys not men and were very honest about the fact that they were ex-offenders and were doing this for a charity to gain credits for careers advise and driving lessons. Now my main worry was that they were being made to do this against their wills as a form of human trafficking/slavery. And I did talk to the boys about this and said I could put them in touch with people who would help.
I did buy some stuff from them and had to pay by cheque as we don’t have cash any more. One of the lads gave me his name and I did google him afterwards. He came from the town he said and yes he had been in prison for fighting. But actually some of the young people I work with in Youthshedz have criminal records. It is often very much a case of “by the grace of God/good luck/being born with different parents in a different part of the country” it could have been me.
But too many people are brought up to be fearful, to panic when they see young men with large black bags door knocking. They worry for themselves and not for the young men. Of course I did not let these boys in my house or do any thing that would endanger myself or my home. But actually that is wise and fair to them as much as to me. It is like not leaving the alcoholic to take charge of the wine cellar. I would be wrong to put temptation before these men but they need my/our support as much as anything.
But also what makes us in a place to judge? We see where someone is at that moment in time but not how they were or how they could be. I have to laugh because I am now running lots of youth based activities but in my youth I was into all sorts of things and was not a “good person” as some would say. But for those I work with and for and who see me dog walking I am a good person now. And yes I am a good person now but when I was in my early 20s the same could not be said.
I think with these “dodgy men” and other people that many fear we need to give them a chance, see the good that is in them, realise they have made mistakes due to circumstance, personality, home lives, and so much more, but they can, with help, support, determination and expectation become more than you see at the moment.
For myself the turning point was giving birth to my son, wanting to change my lifestyle for my boy and then meeting with God in a very powerful way. But for other people it is different things but all seem to include meeting with something bigger than themselves.
Let us all try to give these “dodgy men” and women a chance to desire to meet with something bigger than themselves, to tell their stores and to find a place of belonging.
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone – Jesus
Post first published on Saturday 30th October 2021 on GodspaceLight.com
When I was a child Guy Fawkes night on 5th November was the big fireworks thing. Halloween was not really on the radar at all in the UK. When I started going to church I got introduced to the “Festival of Lights” children’s parties on 31st October, but it was still not a big deal really. Then when I moved to Belfast in 1996 I met Halloween in a big way. The road outside my house exploded with fireworks as soon as it got dark on 31st October and kept going for hours. We had only arrived three weeks earlier and wondered what we had let ourselves in for! There the Baptist church saw it as just a thing, though it was very much just an overload of fireworks.
On returning to England three years later Halloween had grown and “trick or treating” was becoming a thing. The charismatic, evangelical churches were saying Halloween was wrong, evil, satanic, demonic, etc. Then I joined YWAM and lived in a community house filled with mainly American evangelical Christian families and was introduced to a different take of Halloween, where children were encouraged to dress up as scary creatures, garner sweets from strangers and see it all as a big thing. Without this introduction twenty years earlier my reaction to Lily Lewin’s post FreerangeFriday: Halloween Candy Prayers would have been that she was not a “proper” Christian. Knowing Lilly as I do, I know she definitely is a Proper Christian with capital P and C. 🙂
This got me thinking of how we box and judge other things and other people without taking time out to know the heart behind them; “signed and sealed” as either good or bad. This led me to Matthew 7:1&2 where Jesus says “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged ...”, which I thought I would look at in context. In the preceding verses, Jesus says that God cares for us so much that we are not to worry about anything. ANYTHING!! Then he goes on to say not to judge. Coincidence?
My suspicion is that God knows we judge because we worry about things, about how we’ll be perceived, whether we’ll “get into heaven”, be “good” witnesses, etc, etc. We think we’re looking at others to “help” them but actually, we’re also looking and judging ourselves. Jesus says “in the same way you judge others you will be judged”. Many sermons talk about it being God who judges us by the standards we judge others, but I think Jesus might just be saying that in the way we box and judge others so we are boxing and judging ourselves. And living in fear because of that.
As Christianity swept through Europe and into Britain many early Celtic Christians saw the pagan practices of the people of the lands they were engaging in. They were not afraid of what was going on or how they would be judged. They also did not judge the people but showed that they were “missing the mark” [which is what the word sin really means] then showed how to adapt what they were doing to show Jesus in all fullness.
So for me this Halloween I am going to use it as a time to see where I am judgemental, where I miss the mark, and work out how I can change myself rather than looking outwards judging and trying to change my fellow human beings–whether professing Christians or not.
A Festival of Light for myself that will sparkle out to those around me rather than the darkness of judgment.
Reeds blown over in a storm at my local park. They were all standing up right the following day. Very much a bruised reed he will not break. Photo taken by me July 2021
So to carry on with my thoughts on how I am praying The Lord’s Prayer at the moment.
The reason I’ve picked this picture is that when we judge ourselves and so don’t forgive ourselves, we are like these reeds; knocked over, lying flat, struggling to function. But, if we tune into what I believe Jesus is trying to tell us in The Lord’s Prayer, we will recover, stand up again, and be all we are meant to be.
“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” we recite. I need to forgive me before I can forgive you. Jesus talks about judging others and being judge, which I think goes with this. And it isn’t God judging us or not forgiving us, but ourselves. I don’t believe I follow a judgemental God but I do believe that I can be a judgemental person.
Here is a trivial for instance of me being judgemental. I used to judge what people were wearing so if I had to go out with the dog when I was still in my pajamas [he won’t pee in the garden so sometimes if he’s bursting he has to be rushed to the small patch of grass at the end of our road] I would be convinced people were looking at me and judging me for being in my pjs. I’m not sure anyone noticed or cared. But it did mean when I went out I was often looking at what people were wearing, but now I’ve stopped looking at what people wear and judging whether it is the “right” thing to be out in, and so this morning when I had to rush the dog out I didn’t think what anyone would think of me.
But also the “forgive myself and forgive others” thing is also that if I can’t forgive myself for screwing up I am not able to forgive others for it. So in my morning post-yoga praying I adapt this line “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” to “help me to forgive myself through today as I screw up, which I know I will, and help me to be kind to others who will also screw up, upset me, hurt my feelings or generally do something I don’t like. Help me to keep short accounts and keep my heart open to knowing when I’ve not forgiven myself and also have allowed someone else to upset me” It is all a bit long winded and I can see what the gospel writers shortened it. But actually for me I see the lines in The Lord’s prayer as almost like journal prompts to lead me to something bigger and deeper.
Also starting the day like this means I do spend my day being able to forgive others quickly because it is already in my head.
Aspirational Adventures 