Tag: God

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fulfilment repentance

Woman At The Well

https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/z/ancient-draw-well-arabian-village-uae-71733394.jpg

I’ve always related to the Woman at the well story in John chapter 4 because when I met Jesus I’d had a couple of husbands and the man I was living with wasn’t my husband. He wasn’t even the father of my child. And I met with God in this amazing powerfully tangible way that no amount of scepticism can ever take from me.

But the bit I struggled with was the “living water” thing. It was often preached that this living water would go stale if we didn’t keep giving it away and that, so long as we kept going to church, hearing sermons, doing stuff that needed doing in church and in mission, telling people about Jesus, etc then this living water was always going to be replaced. And that if we didn’t, well then the living water would go stale. It did appear that to keep this living water flowing there was a lot of stuff for us to do.

But I’ve just read Tim Keller’s book Encounters With Jesus and he thinks it isn’t quite like that. This living water is inner healing for us.

[Jesus] … is talking about deep soul satisfaction, about incredible satisfaction and contentment that doesn’t depend on what is happening outside of us

pp 26-7

The woman at the well wasn’t getting true inner satisfaction with her relationships. What made the change inside her was when she let God “quench her thirst,” let God fully fill her up in her inner most being, in that part of er heart, our hearts, that are longing for unconditional love, to be safe being ourselves, that place where total contentment comes from.

So doesn’t matter what our relationships are like, what are jobs are like, what our planet is like, etc etc, we feel this inner peace, this inner joy, this inner contentment. And we don’t need to do any of those things that church says to keep that inner healing, inner peace, that “living water”. It is a total free gift from God. In fact doing those things that some sermons tell us so that we keep that “living water”, so that we never thirst for deep contentment again, are actually us trying to sort out the outer situations when what Jesus promised is that inner deep place of our hearts; to be healed of the traumas and neglects of childhood, of other people, of misunderstanding something and so getting hurt by it, of a deep felt need for something. This is the living water, this place where we will never thirst or chase for it elsewhere.

I think the reason that the people of the town came rushing out to see Jesus is not just the words the woman said, but that they saw a change in the countenance of the woman. They saw something deep had change within her and now their husbands, sons, brothers, male relatives, were safe from her because she no longer needed a man, a relationship, to find her deep inner peace, her inner fulfilment.

Like many I do forget or am aware of that “living water” and might at times be looking to other things – relationship, a good writing session, being noticed and heard – to fill those spaces but really I need to stop. I need to remember where I was 34 years ago, remember the encounter I had with God, and allow the living water to touch that place within me again, to heal me again, to remind me again.

One definition of repentance is to turn 180 degrees and be facing the other way and whenever I’m feeling like I’m looking for something else to heal me, to give me fulfilment, to fill that hole, then I just need to turn around and stand in that living water again, that acceptance of Jesus just as I am. And remember I am loved unconditionally by the Creator of The Universe no matter what I do say or act.

Categories
Holy Spirit Listening

Really Hearing

I bet you can hear the lapping of those waves. It is the tidal pool at Cellardyke and if you look really really hard there is a tiny speck in that pool which is my husband braving the waters!!! Photographed by myself June 2025

5 Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. 6 When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard their own language being spoken

Acts 2:5-6

Ok so I know the chapter starts with saying the disciples spoke in different tongues but it is this piece about each person hearing that struck me. Although we don’t actually know what the disciples were saying in these different tongues because the people then say “what does this mean?” And Peter stands up and does his spiel.

What struck me was how often people, including myself, think we’ve heard something, let it run through our own perceptions, our own filters, and then presume we know what the person meant. It seems very rare that someone will says “what does that mean?”/“what do you mean by that?” because we’ve already decided we know. It is why couples fight because both presume they know what the other is really saying. It is a reason why nations fight – because they cannot really hear the peace talks, why people walk out of meetings or get upset in them, because we don’t really listen.

It is said that the majority of the time, when in conversation, what we are doing is waiting for an opportunity to step in and tell our story, even if it is to empathise, we are still half hearing and waiting to get our bit in.

Though for some people answering that question, “what do you mean by that?”, can be a hard one to answer because that involves us listening to our hearts and trying to understand why we say what we really mean by what we’ve said. Often, I think, we say things that we think will please others, that we’ve heard other people use, that we think we should say, rather than before we speak asking of ourselves “what do I really mean by that?”

So something happened, I think, when the Holy Spirit fell in Jerusalem at Pentecost, something that caused both the disciples to speak deeply and for people to hear deeply, caused people to stop talking and to fully listen, be brave enough to know they didn’t understand and to want to know more.

Yes there were those who said “they’re drunk” but I think those were the ones that didn’t hear properly, weren’t touched by that desire to really listen but had already made their presumptions.

Maybe we could all do with a dose though of that Holy Spirit power that would make us only speak what needs to be hear, listen fully and be willing to ask what someone really means rather than jump to conclusions.

Categories
faith simple

Why Do We Have To Make It Hard?

St Monan’s, East Neuk, Scotland. Photographed by myself June 2025

A little rant!

I’ve just read two blog posts by two people who are big in the Christian mover/shaker scene. I rate both of them which is why I get their posts but in both of them they talk about how following the Christian faith is hard work, and you know that bugs me.

I’ve been a Christian over thirty years now and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Ok sometimes I forget how amazing it all is and get grouchy about it but really it is amazing and it underpins so much of life in general.

For instance – we all know, whether Christian or not, that forgiving others and ourselves is beneficial to ourselves, often more so than it is to the others, who often don’t know we’re mad at them. We all know that to let go of things is so much easier, even if, whether Christian or not, we struggle sometimes to do that. We all know its right.

In fact most of us know, whether Christian or not, that it helps to believe in something/someone that is bigger and more encompassing than we are. Those who attend Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous or other organisations like that say that things change when they give their addictions to something/someone bigger than them whoever they identify that or call it. The main difference for me from my reading of the Bible is that I call my bigger being God and believe they love me unconditionally.

It is this unconditional love bit that for me makes being a Christian easy. I don’t accept the rules and regulations that religious streams try to say one should do, say, act like, believe. I just know that I am loved by something so much more amazing than me, some being that created the whole universe.

So if the Creator of the Universe loves me unconditionally then why should pottering along making mistakes, forgiving myself, getting hurt by others and forgiving them, doing my best to be kind, supportive, encouraging to others be hard? Why should the whole thing of trusting that all will be well and all will be well and all manner of things will be well, to quote Julian of Norwich, be such an issue?

I remember going to one gathering and the leader said that he was the leader of the church there and that Christians were a broken people and he was more broken than any, and thinking to myself “well I’m not going there.” I want to go somewhere that’s led by people who are confident that their God loves them unconditionally, that they are forgiven and so can forgive others, that they can be generous with themselves, their time, money, hearts, because they have more than enough, that they have no fear of lack. I don’t want to go somewhere where leaders find it hard work, where they struggle with their faith, where they are “broken”.

I fully believe I have been made whole by Jesus, can write my life story and all the crap that’s in it knowing I am forgiven and I am forgiving those I write about, and knowing that, through God, I can trust my heart, enjoy being with myself.

If God thinks I am amazing and worth loving unconditionally then who am I to question them????

my dog chilling after being carried in his new old dog’s backpack knowing he is safe and loved just for being him. Photographed by myself June 2025

Sometimes we all need to be more like my little dog who is accepting his limitations, allowing himself to be carried when need be, and relaxing into the safety of being loved by his two humans.

Categories
peace solitude

Content With Solitude

This is where I was sat when these thought came to me. I’m going to try to work out how to get them onto photos but just wanted to share them today

Also want to link this to blog from Deepak – Choosing Happiness in all the Wrong Places because I think we are saying similar things with different words.

Solitude – a place where you can sit with the chattering monkey thoughts and let them slowly settle to the river bottom; where you can stay in that place of peace and wait to see what rises again to the surface

Diane Woodrow – June 2025

Being alone doesn’t mean that all that random “monkey chatter” isn’t there. You don’t feel instantly serene and at peace with yourself and the world. But, I believe, if you don’t sit alone for long enough and allow those monkey thoughts to settle, then wait and allow what God/The Universe wants you to consider at that moment, you will never reach peace with yourself.

So to me when I sat by the sea, just me and my dog, I let the thoughts that were bubbling in me about various things rise to the surface then fall to the depths. I didn’t try to pick any out to think of but waited to see what rose up. I then gained some interesting insights into myself and why things unfold as they do and also about a project that looked like it was failing but was going the wrong way. But I had to sit without an agenda, without people pleasing, and trusting to listen to my heart.

Solitude is a place where you can be fully in love and fully trusting in yourself and just being

Dollar Glen, Scotland – June 2025 – photographed by myself

Solitude is glorious when you can see and know yourself in all that you are – your strengths and weaknesses, hurts and joys, mistakes and triumphs – and know that you like and love yourself just as you are at this moment in time.

Solitude isn’t a place of loneliness. Loneliness can happen in a crowd, especially when you are trying to be someone you are not, when you are trying to please others, when you are afraid to reveal who you really are, when you don’t feel like you fit in.

Solitude is a place of calm, of peace, of being, of knowing who you fully are, of knowing what you fully want to do.

Solitude, I believe, is something you can take into a crowd and enjoy who are you with because you are being fully you with no agenda for yourself or for those you are with. Things don’t have to go a certain way because you are calm within yourself for all that time of being alone.

But this can only come about if you are willing to take time out from the noise and hassle of the life we lead, can let go of those monkey chattering thoughts and listen to your heart.

Solitude can be glimpsed through a porthole. Lady’s Tower, Elie, East Neuk, Fife. Photographed by myself June 2025

Categories
Flexible interesting

Be Flexible

https://dailyverses.net/2025/6/3

I know I’ve written about being flexible before but I love it when a Bible verse pops up in my inbox that is so relevant to my day.

Today looked like being a full day so I journaled how best to fit everything in, had my plan ready, and then the day changed shape. Firstly those who come to the writing groups I run steadily cancelled one by one so that now it looks like there might be just one person but she hasn’t got back to me just to confirm. But even if she does running a writing group for just one person is very different to running it for 5-6.

Then I drove up to school where I’m doing some emotional support work with a lad to get told that someone was in from SEN to observe him and after some discussion between myself and the deputy head we decided that it would not be beneficial if I took him out of class.

Change! Change! Change!

I know at one time I’d have been really angry about things and also not sure what to do, but today yes I did have a little “oh my what shall I do?” moment but was able to ANS [realign my autonomic nervous system], breath, and thank God for this space in my day. Not that at the moment I need great spaces because life seems pretty chilled at the moment – with even a holiday approaching on Friday.

Again at one time I would have panicked that I have all this free time and I should be filling it but now I trust to God/The Universe that they know what’s going on and that it is ok to just be rather than do.

And to also remember this from Matt Kelland

So now today I’ve done this post. Then I will do some more major decluttering of my study because I bought 3 wooden crates on Sunday and am having a revamp. It looks good but there seems to have been an explosion of paperwork from somewhere, which probably needs recycling! Either that or I’ll sit in the garden and read a book!

Categories
others self

Do It For Yourself

A fascinating tree near Red Wharf Bay. Photographed by myself May 2025

Love your neighbour as yourself

Mark 12:31

I know I’ve mentioned this verse many times before but I had a new revelation today. And this is what I love about the Bible. It is the living word of God not a static set of rules. It has something new to say to us often if we are willing to listen.

I was doing some QEC work around writing my memoir novel and exploring why I’d stopped not just sharing on Substack but stopped writing almost completely.

What came from it was that I’d got into writing for submission, for sharing with the new writing support group I met whilst on the memoir writing course, and got into wanting to make it “right” – which is another word like “enough” which is not quantifiable.

What I had stopped doing was writing it for me; writing for the joy and love of writing. At the end of last year and the start of this I just let the words pour from my finger tips and learned loads about myself as I let it flow. Yes I do have a dream of publishing it but back then my first goal was to get it written for me; was to write for myself.

So where does the above bible verse come in? Well as I’ve said before it has been translated the wrong way round. The original read “love yourself so you can love your neighbour” and as I’ve said previously if we don’t love ourselves then we can’t love our neighbours, can’t love anyone else fully because too often we are trying to love people so they like us. If I love myself then I don’t need others to love and affirm me. I like it when they do but that isn’t my reason for befriending and hanging out with them.

So it struck me in the middle of this QECing was that I need to love and want to read my book, that I need to be writing it for me and no one else, that I am doing it for me not for publication, not for anyone else, but for me. Then I will be able to write my story my way which will then be the way it is meant to be [possibly the “right” way!!]

But that isn’t just for my story but for everything I do whether that be housework, running writing groups, speaking to others, when I’m on my dog walks, driving my car, cooking tea, being with my family. I must be doing it for me not for others and if I do that then it will flow and I will be at peace and I will be kind and generous, not fearful, not checking if it “works” or if I’ve “got it right” but will just flow, will just be me, will not be doing it to get a need met.

I think it is why I enjoyed my birthday this year because everything we did was what I wanted to do. Yes there were tweaks due to dogs not being able to walk as far as they use to and my children tired due to traveling up to us. But it was tweaks for me to enjoy it more not to make it “right” and trying to please others. And guess what? Yup everyone had a good time because I was going with my flow.

Too often we are taught that we are being selfish if we do what we want to do but I think that is a lie. Most of us, if we love and respect ourselves and are doing what gives us joy, will not do harm to others but actually will be nicer people and people others will enjoy being around because we flow with what we want rather than double checking what others might want.

So I would also write that verse as “do all you do with love, peace and flow, without worrying about what others might want, and then that will give others space so they can flow around with you in love and peace”

Renly by the fascinating tree. May 2025

Categories
Feet hands

Why Wash Feet Not Hands?

Photo by Yan Krukau on Pexels.com

I know why Jesus washed his disciples feet – because it was what servants did to everyone who entered the house. It was to wash the dirt of the streets off those sandaled [without socks] dirty, dusty, feet. It is something that is repeated across many churches on Maundy Thursday [yesterday] across the world, and sometimes used at other times of the year to signify someone, generally in leadership, desiring to serve others.

Back in Jesus’s day it was easy though to wash feet. I’m not sure if they did it with or without sandals but even if it was without then it was easy to slip off a sandal. I remember once being at a meeting where this woman wanted to wash all our feet. Great gesture I thought, but I was wearing long boots with buckles etc and I was worried my socks would be holey or something. For me it was a big hassle and I got grumpy about it. It would have been so much easier if she’d washed my hands instead. No faffing with taking boots off, no then having to get feet properly dry before putting socks and boots back on again. Easy!

Easy but actually doesn’t really signify anything.

I think the reason that it should still be feet is because it is more of a thing, more of a faff. And hands one should wash often.

Hands we wash ourselves on a regular basis – before eating, after the toilet, before preparing food, after craft activities, etc.

How often do you really wash your feet? Ok so you stand in the shower or lie in the bath and your feet get wet and hopefully cleaned off from the water around you. But do you really give your feet the attention that you give your hands?

Feet are really important to our daily health. Here’s a quote from the government’s Medline Plus website

Foot problems … can sometimes signal other health issues such as arthritis, diabetes, or nerve damage. Left untreated, they can even cause pain and dysfunction in other parts of your body, including your back, hips, and knees.

And this one

Our feet, containing a quarter of the bones in our body, bear the weight of our entire body daily!

Our feet, that so many of us take so little care of, look after us so much.

So I think, even though yes as I say again I know the Middle Eastern servant reason for Jesus washing his disciples’ feet but also I think whenever we are in a place that does the washing of feet Last Supper tradition that we keep it as feet and don’t turn it into the easier washing of hands. It is like remembering to say that we are going to care for those bits that get forgotten, that get hidden away and yet are so important to our whole well being.

Perhaps in this modern day when this is done as well as remembering backwards to Jesus we can also think about those people who get forgotten and often who are hidden but who are so important.

Duh that’s what servants were!

Look after your feet because they are your often forgotten servants. And look after those in your community who are hidden but important. And don’t try and skip to something easier.

Categories
Love sacrifice

Do you love me more than these? 

The Look of Love – photographed by myself March 2025

I was listening to these words from John 21:15-17 where Jesus asked Peter if he loves him more than “these”. If acted then Jesus is shown pointing to the other disciples on the beach. Often this has been taken as a counter to Peter saying before Jesus got arrested that even if the all the others denied Jesus he wouldn’t and then he goes and denies him three times, hence why Jesus asks if he loves him three times in the redemption part. So basically a “do you love me more than these other disciples do?”

But what if Jesus is asking “do you love me more than these earthly things that are important to you?” in the sense that does Peter love Jesus more than he loves his friends, more than he loves fitting in with everyone else, more than he loves being a part of this clique? Would that make a difference?

I think it can be easy to try to love/care for/honour/do better than/follow someone more than someone else. But also that is a judgement and is one of those things in self-care and mental health one is encouraged not to do – not to compare. Comparing comes with the word “enough” and then there’s some oughts and shoulds thrown in.

I could never know if I loved Jesus or even another human more than someone else because I don’t know what’s going on inside their heads. But to love someone more than loving fitting in/ being part of something/being in safe tribe now that is hard and sacrificial.

Interesting that often this is then used to encourage us to judge and compare rather than to sacrifice!

Categories
Holy Week Yr Wythnos Fawr

Yr Wythnos Fawr

[Literal translation from Welsh to English is The Great Week]

Photo by JINU JOSEPH on Pexels.com

I love the Christian Holy Week, or as the literal Welsh translation calls it “The Great Week”, that week from Palm Sunday through to Easter Sunday. I can see myself in so many of the characters – part of the crowd that gets excited because everyone else is excited on the Sunday. I often don’t need to know what’s going on to get emotionally involved – to cry at a single musical theatre song, to cheer when someone wins something even if I’m not sure of the event. People’s emotions connect with me, which means I could also see myself as part of the angry mob too because I could so easily get caught up with the moment.

I can understand why the disciples asked Jesus why he was curing the fig tree, why he trashed the temple, wonder what he was on about when he said the temple would be rebuild in three days; have traveled with him for so long and yet still not got the message.

I could so easily have been Judas, not so much betraying but trying to force Jesus’ hand in, what I saw was a safer or more effective way; could have been Peter who one day totally gets it and calls Jesus Messiah then later on denies him when he’s afraid of the consequences.

Knowing the end of the story I’d love to say that I would have just done the cheering, just done the Messiah acknowledging, not denied, not thought Jesus wasn’t sure what he was doing, would have totally got what was going on. But that’s because I know what happens next.

I realise, if I’m totally honest with myself, if I was there and didn’t know what came next I would be as fallible as the rest of those there. I would have slept when I should have been awake, would have run away when I should have stayed, would have hidden behind locked doors rather than have walked boldly.

So this year as I listen to the Bible Society read to me the The Great Week stories – I try to remember how fickle and fallible that I truly am. And then remember that God knows that anyway and loves me unconditionally anyway.

Categories
Uncategorized

What Sort of Slaves were the Hebrews?

This is what AI came up with when I asked for a picture of Hebrew slaves. This was its 5th attempt all of which featured men interestingly enough.

Today’s Bible Society Lent reading was about all the stuff given to the temple. Now I know there is a verse in Exodus that says about how the Egyptians gave gold, silver and jewelry, etc to the Hebrews after the last plague, but there is an awful lot of stuff here.

I think we have always been led to believe from various Hollywood depictions and various sermons, that those descendants of Jacob, Moses’ family, lived in appalling conditions of starvation and over work. But then early on in the Exodus they are moaning about not getting certain food types, which means they must have enjoyed those foods not just picked up scrapings from the ground. Then in the reading today it says

with him [Belalel] was Oholiab son of Ahisamak, of the tribe of Dan – an engraver and designer, and an embroiderer in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen

Exodus 38:22

Where did Oholiab learn to be an engraver and designer and embroiderer? Or for that matter Belalel learn all he knew? We are often made to believe that when the Spirit of God feel on them suddenly they were able to do these things. Or that as these dirty smelly lowlife slaves were leaving the city suddenly very rich people were thrusting their riches on them to get rid of them.

I think those people who gave the gifts didn’t just give it to get rid of the Hebrews and hope to stop the disasters [the plagues] that were going on but I think they gave them because these were people who had worked with and for them, who they knew and trusted and who were leaving them.

Too often we see slaves as dirty, mistreated, doing menial jobs, living in squalor because this is what Britain and other Western European counties in the 17th-early 20th Century did to Black Africans and their descendants, but if one reads about the ancient civilizations they had servants who ran their businesses, were in high standing positions, were respected though owned members of their households.

To me though this gives a very different impression of the Hebrews leaving Egypt and why they were so quick to moan as they crossed this bleak wilderness between Egypt and the Promised Land. Maybe they weren’t going because the conditions were awful. Maybe they were going because they were suffering religious persecution for one, but maybe the big thing was that they believed they had been promised the area that became known as Israel. Maybe they left because they didn’t want to be slaves any more but wanted their own autonomy?

To me this fits in with thoughts on “Are Christians That Different?” and my own journey of following Jesus and learning that I am unconditionally loved by The Creator of the Universe. It was about a freedom from things that held me back from being free to be fully me, to have autonomy in my life, to not be held in slavery by having to fit in, etc, etc, etc. It is about learning to trust The Creator rather than myself.

For me now thinking that it is more to do with leaving something that was actually ok and going on a journey of trust and acceptance makes so much more sense to me than wondering why those Hebrews in the story moan so much in the desert. They were slowly learning to trust.

We’ve a friend who has long covid, is only in his late 30s, can only work 15 hours a week and isn’t able to socialise much because he’s exhausted, but says that now he understands about how “God works all things to the good of those who love him”. He’s had to go through that hardship to come to that place. He’s come from the good and being self-sufficient to walking with next to nothing but now believes he fully knows God’s love.

To me this fits in with the Hebrews being well-cared for slaves and leaving that behind to wander in a desert place trusting God for their next meal. Makes so much more sense to me.

I also think that whether we would say we are Christians, of other faiths or none I think there comes a point where we need to travel that road away from the comfortable, away from fitting in with the status quo, and need to be thinking our own thoughts, listening to our own hearts, having our own autonomy, and I think that will take a wander through things that are a bit dry and barren so that we can come to our Promised Land. [Richard Rohr calls it part of maturing in his book Falling Upwards]