Tryfan taken from near Llyn Ogwen Sunday 28th April 2024 by myself
I know I said yesterday’s was the last post until after my holiday but I really wanted to tell you about what happened yesterday afternoon. To me it felt like the serendipitous moments that happen when you follow your heart.
I woke up feeling like, after I walked the greyhound mid morning, that I wanted to go to see if I could buy some new trainers. My heart also said that I should treat myself to lunch at a cafe I like. So after walking Mikey the greyhound Renly and I set off in the car. We had lunch then I dragged him round Sport Direct looking at trainers and walking boots. But I couldn’t find any I liked. So I put all the boxes down, said sorry to the shop assistant and left the shop. Outside were a group of women that I had to walk round.
One of them squealed “Mum look at that cute dog” about my Renly. She must have been in her mid-twenties 🙂 The younger women were asking about the dog and then their Mum said “It’s you. You’re the writer.”
Her and I had met at that well-being day I’d done at the end of February. She’d done the cooking for the event. She had said she wanted to come to one of my writing workshops sometime.
As we chatted it turned out things had been tough with her grown-up children and she hadn’t had the headspace to get in touch. This time I was bold enough to take her email address. This way she can come as and when she feels like it.
So I came out of the shop feeling despondent because I driven 12 miles and not bought anything but then I meet this lovely lady and also get a confidence boost; one that she recognised me; and two that she praised me to her daughters.
I got in the car thanking God and my heart for leading me there. I also thanked myself for the work I have been doing via QEC and other things to clear my heart so I can hear it clearly. Now I trust my heart even when it makes no sense.
Renly says “Happy May Day” with a glass of isle of Bute gin. Photograph taken May 2023 by myself
The sun is shining here in North Wales and it was shining last May on the Isle of Bute where we holiday this time last year. The sun is really welcoming in the season and the weather feels different. We are again about to go on holiday [so no blogs for abut 10 days]. This year we’re off to the North Yorkshire coast, to a place I’ve wanted to visit for a couple of years. Not the area but the cottage – hot tub, gin bar, 2 mins walk to the beach, properly dog friendly. I’m hoping it is as wonderful as my expectations.
I’m not sure about you but a new month always comes with expectations to me. I love to turn over the calendar, see what the picture is, see what we’ve got planned. After 20+ days the current month starts to look jaded. I’ve read what we’re doing enough by then. Many events have passed. But now we are on a new month with the first week of it taken up with holiday!
But I wonder what happens when we don’t have things to look forward to, when we don’t have expectation about some planned event.
Where there is no vision, the people perish…
Proverbs 29:18
Proverbs tells us that without a vision, without a hope for the future, people perish or cast off restraint, which can mean they just go their own way, get caught up in things that will take their minds off where they are now – drugs, alcohol, binge watching, mental health issues, etc. And I am sure it is what leads to greed, wars, fear, hatred.
As I look forward to my holiday I think about those migrants whose fears for themselves and their families outstrip even their desire to stay in their homeland. All I can do is pray for them, realise that not everyone is as privileged as I am, but also not allow myself to get drag down into that place of no hope. If I don’t have hope for a better future when I go on holiday all I am doing is escaping – like the person who gets wasted on drugs or alcohol.
Strange as it sounds, I believe, that if I can hold that juxtapose position of praying for migrants, for those who don’t have, etc, along with enjoying my holiday, my life, the sunshine, then I can be of more good to the world around me, have a more sustained prayer life than if I was either miserable and depressed about the world or totally pollyannaish about it all or escapist.
So as the sun shines, as I pack for my holiday, I hold those who don’t and can’t do this up in prayer to God. And I have found the most wonderful thing is that if I am truly trusting God then I can give this stuff I am led to pray about to God knowing that God will do what God knows best to do – day after day after day.
A random selection of photos taken by myself on my walks around my local area
This post today comes with a huge thank you to Lily Lewin and her post Discovering the Garden of Love By doing a couple of the prompts from here –
Think about walking into a garden filled with Love! What would that look like? What would that feel like to you? What would be growing in that garden just for you?
And reading through as Lily opens up about her boxes she had – of fear, of failure, of not enough, I was able to put aside all my anger and disappointment about the British government’s Migrant bill that was filling my head and heart.
I spent time imagining my garden filled with Love. There were of course abundant different coloured flowers and a babbling brook, and ponds with fish and waterboatmen and dragonflies, and meadows, and trees. But there were also people of all sorts of different shapes, sizes, colours, races, sexualities, genders, ages, walking the most gorgeous snaking footpaths, sitting on love seats and chatting, smiling, enjoying each other.
The mixture of nature and humanity lifted my heart this morning. This I believe is what heaven will be like. All fear and war and greed and “not enoughness” and disappointments, etc, will be gone. All peoples will be at peace with each other, will be enjoying each other, will love each other.
I found it interesting that I could not write about this Garden of Love without putting people in it. But I think that is because I asked God for their heart and God’s heart is people. Humanity was made as the pinnacle of God’s creation so why would there be a Garden of Love without people?
This does not mean that I won’t send emails with Freedom From Torture or Christian Solidarity Worldwide or Greenpeace or Friends of The Earth or the anti human trafficking group, Anit-Slavery, but I will do it in a way that does not hurt my heart, does not make me consumed with anger and wanting to fight someone. And you know what those emotions leave me tired and not able to calmly protest.
So when I feel that anger rising I will go and have a sit in my Garden of Love with all that beauty of nature and beauty of humankind.
Here’s some Bible verses to help us all remember –
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other. John 15:12-17
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a]38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b]40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[d] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:43-44
18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I finish with my garden back in July 2023. A riot of colour plus a local squirrel sampling from the bird feeder
No connection to the post but a cute picture of my dog taken Saturday 13th April 2024 exploring the storm swept beach close to our house
I will put enmity between you and the woman, between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will bruise his heel
Genesis 3:15
I have been a follower of Jesus for 32 years now and I’ve never understood this verse until Sunday night a youth group. I’d sort of knowing it was Jesus crushing the serpent’s head and brutally destroying sin – though of course the brutal bit hadn’t occurred to me until Sunday night.
I might be telling you something you already know but if I am humour me. For me this was an awesomely exciting moment.
My lovely vicar friend pointed out to me, as I openly struggled with this verse and slowly gained realisation, that Jesus’s heel was bruised by mankind’s sin which of course the serpent represents here.
I’d often wondered if it had been the serpent/sin having a nip at Jesus as he was on the cross which is why he said some of the things he said. But know it was my sin, your sin, the world’s sin, that was causing the bruising to Jesus. And … now here’s the really exciting bit that I knew anyway …. Jesus took all that sin – mine, yours, the worlds – all those bits where we had missed God’s mark, gone our own way, done hurtful things to others and ourselves. He had taken that. But he was hurt by it.
It was not a blase-this-is-my-role sort of thing. And it wasn’t just the nails and the beatings etc that hurt. It was taking those things that came in through the serpent, thought the deceiver, that have then caused our world to be filled with wars and pollution and greed and selfishness and fear and [add your own because there are so many more]
So Sunday night I went from “that’s an odd verse and I don’t get it” to “oh my I can understand now why we need to memorise this verse”. The Six Beats One Story even suggests the young people colour in the verse to help them remember. Well now I can understand why they suggest that.
And again Sunday’s youth group just showed me that the Bible always has new things to reveal to us!
I’m just back from my visit to my Mum’s and have lots to catch up on but yesterday was youth group night. It has been a while since we’ve done youth group due to people being away and what not. As always it was a breath of fresh air.
We’ve decided to work through a booklet by from the Bible Society by Dai Woolridge called Six Beats One Story. That’s always a challenge for me. I’m a bit of a one for going off on tangents but also can get a bit task orientated and rush through it. Thankfully the vicar I work with is great at slowing me down or stopping the tangents going too far off piste.
Yesterday we were at the beginning – Genesis 1-3 where God makes the world, God makes humans, the serpent tempts the people and people leave the perfect place with God, sin goes wild, Noah and the ark!
In every part of this study there is a spoken word poem to go with it. I think you might be able to listen to “Beat 1” if you click on the link! After telling the tale and reminding us the Genesis 3:15 foreshadows Jesus it finishes with
Where the raucous chant of evil gets hushed
as the seed’s heel gets bruised
but the serpent’s head … gets crushed
There was silence at the end then one of our girls says “that was brutal”as to the serpent having it’s head crushed in this age of David Attenborough, etc and caring for animals. There then followed a great discussion of how we do need to be harsh and brutal in crushing sin in our lives and helping others to do it in theirs. As someone’s son said in the family service previously he doesn’t like it when his dad says No but actually sometimes saying No though harsh helps!
But what got me thinking was how attractive the serpent must have been. Imagine you are living with God, you are fully understanding of what unconditional love truly is, you want for nothing. What would tempt you to turn from that? What would tempt you to do what was asked for you not to do?
I really don’t think some slimy snake [ok yes I know snakes aren’t slimy but I mean so low-life] just popped up one day and say “hey eat that thing you were told not to do”. I don’t think you would just say “yes ok”. I think the serpent deceiver was about chatting with Adam and Eve, whispering things to them, chatting away. Hanging out with them when God wasn’t about. It does say God only walked with man in the cool of the evening. So maybe Mr Cool Snake was hanging around during the day.
Also I think that deceiver did what it is still doing now – told us that actually we didn’t need to wait to ask God whether this was not so much a good/bad idea but whether it was what God had for our lives. The attractive wily deceiver suggested that we knew best, that we could just plough on and do this because it was a good idea. Like I said it doesn’t matter whether it is a good/bad idea but whether it is right for us.
I’ve just had recently a really great thing put to me that sounded perfect for who I am. I did the thing of saying Yes and moving forward with it without checking in with God. All the bodily things that happen to me when I’ve done thing that isn’t right for me started going on so then I took it to God. And of course now I have to slowly slide out of that thing that seemed to good.
Yes there are a lot of really evil, wicked, sinful things that people do that need to be brutally crushed. But I think we also need to brutally crush that tendency inside of each and everyone of us to do things our independent way instead of God’s way.
Sin is missing God’s mark and going our own way and we need to crush that serpent brutally each and every day!
This is a photo from April 2015 when the dog and I were off on a train to see my daughter in London but he still has that same excited face whenever i start to pack.
My husband can go off on trips and the dog doesn’t seem to get so excited by it, or nervous. But if I put a bag of any kind – whether holdall or suitcase – but my side of our bedroom and start to add clothes to it Renly gets clingy and won’t leave my side. He knows something is going on.
Well this week we aren’t going far. It is my first trip to see my Mum this year. We left it would be good to leave it until the storms of winter had passed so it was safer driving down. The last time I went in December I had a storm follow me down the M6/M5 most of the way. Well tomorrow we travel down in the aftermath of Storm Kathleen, which I think is the first storm since the one I drove down in at the end of the last year!!!!!
If it rains I have to pray more, not just for my safety but because my faithful traveler, who used to enjoy a good road trip, has got scared of the noise of the swish of the rain under the car as we drive along. So it will be 4-5 hours of the radio up loud and me praying that angels calm my dog.
To me honest last time it was only the praying that angels hugged my dog and kept him calm that stopped him barking not the £15 calming spray I lathered the inside of the car in!!!
Again it seems a bit of a lesson still being learned – Pray sooner!!! Hopefully this trip I will learn that and trust that God and the angels will travel with us and keep my road-trip companion calm and quiet.
So even though I’ve got a growing list of things I have ideas for blogs on they are going to have to wait until I return next week and see if they are still ideas I want to pursue or whether things have moved on.
Last night this little man was not very well [This is not a photograph from last night :)] He woke about 10.30 and we were up and wandering the streets till about 1pm with him with a squiggie tummy. Thankfully I live in a very safe area and did not see a soul whilst wandering about. And also the promised rain did not appear during the times I was out.
Eventually we crawled back into bed again and he wrapped himself around me like a child with a bad tummy needing a hug. It was then that I prayed for Jesus to heal Renly’s tummy and for me to get a good night’s sleep – what was left of it. Of course Renly was asleep in seconds and slept in until gone 7 and I was asleep not long after and woke when the next door neighbour started his car to go to work just before 7.
What struck me was why didn’t I pray sooner?
From the moment Renly woke I work through a range of emotions. Some of which were: resigned that this is what I had to do; being mad at him for eating some that had upset his tummy; being angry that once he was outside he seemed more than happy to be going for a walk on a street light pavements; gratitude that we live in a safe neighbourhood and do have grass pavements; fed up with myself that I kept getting dressed and didn’t just make him go in the backyard rather than the street; to just a bit fed up with it. Nearly 3 hours it took me before I thought of praying!!!
How often do we all do that? Especially if it is a situation we can cope with? We take the “I can handle this on my own” attitude rather than “Ok Father I need someone to lean on”.
It wasn’t lack of faith or lack of trust because once I prayed I truly believed God would heal my dog and give me the sleep I needed. I just took a while to get there. Perhaps it comes from something deep seated about not wanting to worry God about trivial things when there is so much else going on in the world?
I am grateful that even though I was independent to begin with God didn’t tell me I should have asked soon. No God just got on and healed my dog’s tummy so that we could both sleep.
There’s no reprimanding with God. No blaming. No if onlys. No “you should have asked sooner“. God just always turns up when we turn to God and is there for us. And for that I am more than grateful.
And I only hope I can remember this and pray sooner, give the whole thing to God sooner, and be able to rest in the situation. And not think that my stuff isn’t important ‘enough‘ to bother God with!
Abergwyngregyn Nature Reserve, Gwynedd, North Wales. Photographed 2nd April 2024
I want to say a huge thank you for journey with me and my random thoughts through Holy Week and beyond. I don’t know about you but I’ve really enjoyed marking this space and looking at things a bit differently. I’m not sure about you but for me, sometimes, to turn things on their side helps deepen my faith, whereas looking at things the same way as I’ve always done can make things a bit stale.
This morning I cemented my Holy week and beyond thoughts by taking myself for a walk at one of my favourite places. It is a walk of about 3-3 1/2 miles and takes about 90 mins. It is by the sea looking across the Menai Straights but with the sounds of the A55 North Wales Expressway and the main Holyhead to Cardiff railway line running always to the other side. It is a place where my dog can be off the lead for the whole 90 mins which I enjoy for him as much as for myself. Also a 3 min drive from the walk is the most wonderful community cafe where the dog gets a free sausage and I get a wonderful breakfast so very much a win-win!
I saw one other person on the whole walk and he was standing peacefully looking out to sea and we just exchanged that polite “Morning” before going back to our own thoughts. I have lots of thoughts from it which I will share later on, maybe.
But I will end these Holy Week and beyond ponderings with a prayer by Walter Brueggemann that Joshua Luke Smith shared on yesterday’s The Main Event email
On Generosity
On our own, we conclude:
there is not enough to go around
we are going to run short
of money
of love
of grades
of publications
of sex
of beer
of members
of years
of life
we should seize the day
seize our goods
seize our neighbours goods
because there is not enough to go around
and in the midst of our perceived deficit
you come
you come giving bread in the wilderness
you come giving children at the 11th hour
you come giving homes to exiles
you come giving futures to the shut down
you come giving easter joy to the dead
you come – fleshed in Jesus.
and we watch while
the blind receive their sight
the lame walk
the lepers are cleansed
the deaf hear
the dead are raised
the poor dance and sing
we watch
and we take food we did not grow and
life we did not invent and
future that is gift and gift and gift and
families and neighbours who sustain us
when we did not deserve it.
It dawns on us – late rather than soon-
that you “give food in due season
you open your hand
and satisfy the desire of every living thing.”
By your giving, break our cycles of imagined scarcity
So maybe this happened Easter Sunday but there’s enough going on I thought I’d share this to. Found in Luke 24:12-35
Scholars like NT Wright and Wayne Grudem have argued that maybe Cleopas was walking home with his wife Mary The artists are Sr Marie-Paul Farrar OSB and Maximo Cerezo Barredo who painted several versions of the meal. Thank you to David Pott for bringing this to my attention.
How often does someone take something, decide they are seeing it as it should, gone on to tell others and that has become fact? It isn’t just in preaching from the pulpit but in many areas of life.
In this story it mentions “that same day two of Jesus’ disciples were going to the village of Emmaus”. It then goes on to mention Cleopas by name. Cleopas has never had a mention in any Jesus stories up to now but he is named by Luke the historian as a disciple. The other disciple never gets a name. It also never says if they were traveling just the two of them. They may have been with a crowd of friends who were not classed as disciples by Luke. So to just says “two of Jesus’ disciples” is accurate but not necessarily the whole story. It could have been just Cleopas and a friend; just Cleopas and his wife, who was also a disciple; Cleopas, his wife and a friend, two of whom were disciples; Cleopas with a small group of people heading home dejected after what had gone on, where Cleopas and someone else were disciples.
It amazes me how we are so quick to make assumptions, which with many of the Bible stories then get “set in stone” by years of preaching. And even with this new thought with these paintings and two amazing scholars making us look at it differently. We do still have to be very careful we don’t take this as the true and accurate picture.
The other day a friend of mine was talking about someone who was self-harming. God led me to pray for this person and I was able to suggest an idea to help my friend help her friend. My friend said this was very helpful because this friend of hers was very intelligent and was a retired professional. Well because I’d been told this person was self-harming I had a picture of her in her 20-30s, brassy blond hair with money problems. My friend hadn’t said that. There was nothing in her narrative that told me that but that was my stereotype from the information I have bubbling around in my brain.
So this is why I think we have to be really careful about how we stereotype and pigeon-hole things. Just because the person in authority in church has been telling us this for many years does not make it true.
But as I was reading this story and writing this blog it suddenly struck me – why did Jesus go and meet up with these people; be they 2 or many? What was it about them that was special?
In Luke’s account we have the women going to the tomb with spices and being told by the angel that Jesus was risen. They then go back to tell the “eleven apostles” [Luke 24:12] who think it is nonsense. Though Peter does go to have a look for himself. So why is Luke’s next scene of the risen Jesus with these two disciples on the road to Emmaus – a place that is not named previously and a disciple who is not named previously?
I think this is why we need to really get lost in the scripture. Most of the Bible is not a great way to learn about storytelling because it comes with many plot-holes. But it is an amazing place to not take things as given, to spend time listening to many different opinions but also spend time exploring it for yourself.
And the exciting thing, because the Bible is called the LIVING WORD of God then it will keep changing depending on how you read it and what God needs to highlight for you. Now that is exciting.
Would you have got up at dawn on Easter Sunday to anoint a body that had been dead for 3 days?
I’ve only ever seen one dead body and that was of my sister who had been dead only two days and had something done to her that made her look like she was sleeping. I know there are some traditions where burial is an open coffin but again the body had been preserved and made to look nice. This was Palestine in spring. I’m presuming the women knew Joseph of Arimathea had taken Jesus’ body and laid it in the tomb was because they did know where to go.
I still think they were really brave to be willing to go to deal with that level of decay, to speak with Joseph of Arimathea- not just a man but who was probably above their station. Jesus is continuing his ministry, even in death, of breaking down gender, cultural and class barriers.
Now as we know from an article I wrote a while back, I love a good sunrise. But I like that because it is my time out, my time to connect with the world, my time alone. Would I have wanted to visit the tomb of my friend who I had seen murdered on a cross for all to witness knowing there would be guards around? But also I think there would be other people there too. I don’t think the women who went to Jesus’ tomb were the only people to go to their loved ones to either anoint their bodies or just be visit their grave.
I do think we often think it was just the women, however many of them it was, who were there. Like no one else would have died over that period. Like no one else would have had to be buried quickly because of the Passovers.
We build up this serene picture of the Marys and maybe a couple of other women, going to this garden type place, as the sun rose and there being no one else about.
I think Mary didn’t recognise Jesus because she wasn’t looking at him because he was one of many others there. She was not surprised or perturbed that there was a gardener in this graveyard. I do think she only spoke to him because he was walking alone. I don’t think she even looked him in the face. It was him speaking her name that made her look up at him and really see who it was.
How often do we walk around and not really see? We don’t see the pain, the love, the fear, the masks, etc on people because we have our heads down dealing with our own sh*t, our own losses and grievances, wanting our own questions answered – which is where Mary was when she asked this man if he knew were Jesus was.
The other day I bumped into an older lady I hadn’t seen in ages and as we were chatting. I don’t know how it came about but said something along the lines of how her eyes are dry where she is crying often. [She lost her husband 4-5 years ago and her daughter 2-3 years ago] and I just made some joke about how when I laugh I cough. I was thinking of something else, wanting to get to the park in the hope of bumping into a friend, and had just stopped to make polite conversation. I was not really looking at her. I was not really listening to her. I wonder how often I do that and God doesn’t highlight it for me?
We all are busy. We all are caught up in the moment. I think we are often too frightened to be vulnerable ourselves so we hide behind our control.
To me this whole scene around Jesus’ tomb talks about going where we feel called no matter who else is about, not being afraid to ask the questions even if we don’t know who we are really asking them of, but then being willing the whole time to keep our heads up, our eyes open, be really present in that moment and who knows what or who we might really see.
In churches across the country today the person at the front will say “He is risen” with the congregational response of “He is risen indeed” but I have started doing my best to say that every morning. Jesus did rise on Easter Sunday but he is now fully risen all the time which means for me to really see him and all his amazingness I need to be continually in the moment of knowing “He is risen indeed” and being able to be vulnerable, to not need to control the situations but to just see what happens.
Taken at Easter 2022 on my local beach and in my local park. Abergele, Conwy. Photographed by myself
Aspirational Adventures 