Tag: Jesus

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Holy Week maundy thursday

Maundy Thursday

I don’t believe that Jesus’ “Last Supper”, that final Passover meal where he reveals everything was like DaVinci’s painting.

Leonard Da Vinci’s Last Supper painting – Wikiart

I think it was a much more chaotic affair with families and friends and children and noise. The nearest I could get from my photos was when they did the conga at my son’s wedding back in December 2021. Some people loved it. Others really did not. And I think the goings on at that meal would have been similar. Some would have loved it and some would have not. Maybe they wanted to hear Jesus and someone was chatting. Maybe there were kids charging about as kids can be known to do. Perhaps that was why John was leaning on Jesus chest. Not as a sign of affection but so he could hear properly!!!

I am a bit of a planner, especially when it comes to an occasion. My son and his wife were planning their wedding for nearly a year, and much of that was so they could get the venue they wanted. How many of us on a lovely Sunday lunchtime struggle to find a pub or restaurant that is free because there are only limited spaces and other people have booked in advance?

For me one of the amazing things on this Passover day is that it is only on the actual day that the disciples say “Where do you want us to prepare the Passover meal?”.

Now we know Jerusalem is packed full of people because of the crowds who greeted Jesus on Sunday and then those who shout “Crucify him” later on. This is a big celebration where families come to be together. I’m wondering if the disciples’ families had come to join them too? It would be wrong almost to celebrate this huge occasion in the Jewish calendar away from your loved ones, I think. Also would Jesus have done this big reveal to just the clique of 12 or would he have wanted to include all those people who were not in the chosen 12 but had been following and supporting him for the years of his ministry? So we’re possibly looking for a venue and food for between 13-100 people. But nothing has yet been arranged.

Now as a planner, the one who says to my husband on a Saturday afternoon that if we are thinking of having Sunday lunch out we should book somewhere on said Saturday afternoon, would have struggled not having a place to go. But had everyone got to that point, remembering things like the feeding of the 5000, etc, where they trusted Jesus that he would come through with something.

Perhaps they had learned from the tale of Mary and Martha where Martha is told she is worrying too much about other things, about preparing, when being with Jesus and listening with him is the most important. So they believed by now that Jesus would come through. Trust! Belief!

We don’t know who the two disciples were that finally asked what the plan was for that evening. Though in Luke it says it was Peter and John [Luke 22:7-13]. But when Jesus tell them to “follow a man carrying a water jar” [Mark 14:13] they don’t say “what???” as many of us might do. They trusted and obeyed.

But it is not just his disciples/followers who trust but that of the man who owns the room where they have the Passover meal. We are not told who he is or how he fits into everything [plot hole!!] but whoever he was he had kept his room free for whatever reason when there must have been people clamoring for it. He could also get hold of and prepare enough food for the 13-100 of them that came.

For my son’s wedding we had to give our menu choices about two weeks previous so the hotel could get everything in and prepare it. We were about 35-40 people in total for the main do. And even for the meal with just family before the wedding [about a dozen of us] we still had to have our menu choices in a couple of days early. But on the day Jesus says “yup this is the time and this is where it will be” and everything comes together in time.

I did first think of how long the lamb would take to cook but have you ever made flat breads and salads of bitter herbs? These things are really time consuming – especially if it was for so many people. But it was done and done well. Well enough that Jesus had time to explain what was going to happen next.

For me my “lesson learned” is to not expect to know in advance. The more I’ve gone through healing I’ve realised that having to tightly ordered plan for everything is a control thing that is to do with anxieties from past traumas and so I am learning to let it go, learning to trust the process, learning that if it doesn’t happen then the world won’t end.

I wonder if Jesus’ disciples had reached that point of not having to control things [apart from Judas], of not having to have all their ducks in a row, and had got to a point of believing that Jesus would make things happen as they were meant to happen? And if they didn’t happen then that was ok.

I can only hope and pray that I can move more towards that place so that worries are no longer there. Not that I have to give them to Jesus but that they are just no longer there because I live in a place of knowing that no matter what Jesus has it covered – like those disciples appear to have got to with the Passover meal.

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Holy Week Wednesday

Holy Wednesday

My little dog, Renly, and Mikey the greyhound who I walk twice a week. Photographed 25th March 2024 by myself. Both dogs but both not only very different in size but in temperament. Mikey is very nervy and scared of his own shadow whereas Renly would take on the world

I am really enjoying working my way through Holy Week, looking at things differently and see what God reveals to me, and then sharing it with you.

Today the verses read in churches are Judas betraying Jesus [Matthew 26:14-16] and Mary anointing Jesus at Simon the Lepers house [Matthew26:6-13] Interestingly the gospel of John puts Mary anointing Jesus as six days before Passover and the day before Palm Sunday. But I’m going with the Matthew order because it suits my story letting and the point I’d like to make. See we all change things to suit what we would like to say 🙂

So there are three key people in these stories –

  • Judas, who has followed Jesus for about three years, has been picked as one of the top twelve, knows Jesus intimately, was there when Peter said “You are the Christ”, and yet wants to force Jesus’s hand. It is like he has worked out, though what he has heard from Jesus, what the ultimate goal is, and so he wants to take control, do things his way and move things along a bit. He knows that the high priests want to do something to get rid of Jesus, but I think Judas believes that if he takes control then Jesus will smite all who are oppressing the people. Really following from Jesus’s trashing of the temple the religious leaders were exploiting the people in their worship as much as the Romans were exploiting the people in their regular work life. So Judas had it worked out and “knew” he could sort things out.
  • Simon the Leper, was high up in society, has money and influence, and sees in Jesus maybe a kindred spirit. He knows this is someone he needs to get in with, to get to know better. He can pick up that there is something about Jesus that he likes and wants more of. So he invites Jesus to a meal to chat with him, to find out more about him, to work out whether he is worth supporting.
  • Mary, the woman who “wastes” an expensive perfume anointing Jesus. Tradition says she could have been a prostitute but we don’t know, but from Simon’s reaction she isn’t the sort of person who should be messing with the man he might sponsor. We never know where she gets the perfume. It has been said she saved it up from her prostitution work, but that was a lot of perfume so either she was a high-class prostitute or she was quite old. I do like the idea of her being a high-class whore and that some of the men eating with Jesus at the moment, and maybe even Simon himself, had known her intimately and it had been some of their money that had paid towards that perfume. Anyway wherever it came from she doesn’t care. She is so in love with this man and sees so much in him that she wants to just abundantly worship him and not give a stuff what anyone else things.

So we have

  • The believer who wants things done their way
  • The almost believer who wants more proof before they commit
  • The abundant worshiper who crazily worships without need control, details or proof.

So which one are you? Which one am I?

I would say I’m all three.

  • Sometimes I get mad at Jesus because I believe I know what the right way would be, what God should/shouldn’t do. But then I and either God doesn’t tell me what I want to hear, or for a situation I don’t get the answers I think are right for that given situation. This is because God see the bigger picture. But I still, at times, would like to force God’s hand.
  • Sometimes I am wary of committing and would like a bit more proof, please. Like that whole thing of not being open about what I believe, not telling people I’m praying for them. But also at times not praying or doing because I’ve felt I’ve been let down by God before and so I don’t quite trust them.
  • And then there are times when I need no proof and don’t care what the outcome is or what other people thing but just trust in Jesus and am able to worship with a free heart.

I believe all three of these people appear at this part of the story to help us see who diverse we are. None of these people are wrong [Jesus had to be crucified so it wasn’t Judas who did it but it was God’s plan – another blog maybe???] All were doing what we all do at certain times during our Christian walk – getting mad and trying to control God, wanting more proof, unhindered worship.

I think we need to learn to be kinder on ourselves and realise God knows us fully, loves us fully, died for us fully, and so it is ok to roll between these different ways that we accept Jesus, but also at the end of Monday’s post, come back to forgiving – ourselves, each other, God – and not feel guilty for “getting it wrong again”

Also when I think too often we think of singing as singing. And there is nothing wrong with that. But as when Mary anoints Jesus she is worshiping by making a bit of a spectacle of herself and giving away something important. Sometimes, I think, that for me that can listening to the old ladies I see on my dog walk and not judging, not telling them what they should do, but really listening, and then giving it to God afterwards. Sometimes it is chattering to the birds and the trees and the sea and the sky and telling it how amazing it is.

With Mary it moves back to that thing from Palm Sunday of what would I be willing to give to Jesus in extravagant worship, like with the laying of the coats in front of the donkey?

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Holy Week Tuesday

Holy Tuesday

Exploring new paths. Near Ryde, Isle of Wight. Saturday 9th March 2024. Photographed by myself. This is what I hope to do with my look through Holy Week, to explore new paths, and to walk them whether they look inviting or not. I hope you enjoy my journey with me

So as we progress through “Holy week” we reach Tuesday, which is like a down-day. You know that day when you’re on holiday when you’ve done all the best things first because you were so excited to be away then you want to save things for the rest of the week. There is that day mid-week where you just chill out, chat, read books and take stock. Well I think Jesus used this day for just that reason.

This is the day where he spends time preparing his disciples for what is going to happen and how to cope with it all. He explains not just his death but how the worship of God has gone astray in Israel and how he is to redeem it. It is those sort of stories that one hears but probably doesn’t fully understand until after it has happened.

We seemed to spend this past weekend bumping into people who shared about theirs or a close family member’s impending operations or about their parents aging and how they were coping. Most seemed to get the facts but then were in gentle denial about what was really going on. As an outsider it was easier to see more rationally then those closer to the issue.

I think that was the same with the disciples. They could probably have recited everything Jesus had said to someone else but that doesn’t mean they fully understood the implications. They were too close. We, on the other hand, stand 2000 years beyond the events. We know the outcome. But we also don’t have that same relationship with the living Jesus as those disciples did; no matter what we say about having “a relationship with Jesus”. I don’t believe it is the same as the walking physical relationship those disciples had.

So Jesus does his best, as a caring loving friend, to prepare his friends for what he knows to be the inevitable end of this facet of his relationship with them.

As I’ve explored in The Trauma of Grief, there was huge difference in the processing methods of my grief when someone close died traumatically compared to how I coped with the death of my friend from cancer who was able to give away her possessions and say goodbye to everyone. Yes I do have a goodbye email from Tessa sent on the Sunday before she died.

Even though Jesus’s death was humongously traumatic, he used his last fully “down day” to do the equivalent of sending that goodbye email. He did his best to let them know the whys and the wherefores and the whatevers of what he knew was going to happen. I’m sure he did it so that they could grieve his death fully and be ready to be reunited with him rather than them getting stuck in the trauma of grief.

This day isn’t Jesus last time of showing compassion but, as each of the gospel writers writes, it appears to be a day he takes out just for those closest to him.

Could we do that? I hope I can. I hope I’m not too busy wanting to do but can just spend time being with those I love, saying my goodbyes and giving my reassurances. For me this is the lesson I am learning from this day of Holy Week

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Holy Week Monday

Holy Monday

A wild sea has pulled a bouy from wherever it was attached. For me this is what Jesus does on “Holy Monday”. He causes a storm and pulls things that people were using for protection loose.

My two favourite stories happen on “Holy” Monday. One that no one can get their heads round where Jesus curses the fig tree and then when Jesus really lets loose in the temple and kicks arse.

The cursing of the fig tree is told in one go in Matthew 21:18-22 but in Mark it is split into two halves with the trashing of the temple put between the curse and the explanation, which I think is great story telling. {Mark 11:12-26]

Picture Mark’s storytelling. Get him sat with you in a room. You are gathered round waiting to hear all this. You also know that this is the week leading up to Jesus’ death.

So Mark tells of the glorious peaceful procession into Jerusalem. Then it is like Jesus has one of those blips like we all do when something wonderful has happened. We get grouchy at the deflation of things. How many times have you done something amazing, celebrated your success then felt like you could fight the world the following day? Or is that just me???

But remember Jesus knows that is going to happen in a couple of days time. Or maybe he doesn’t know it is this Passover but knows that his death has to come one a Passover soon and it could be this one.

This past week I’ve had a cough, been shivery and also felt just yuck, but I remembered it was the anniversary of both my sister and my friend’s deaths. Both of which were unexpected and traumatic. My body was reacting and going into fight/flight/freeze mode because it was remembering what was going to happen.

Jesus knew what was going to happen. And I suspect he knew it was going to be this Passover because it is said that this one was a long one [Might explain more in a later post]. The signs were right. I think, if Jesus was truly human then he was scared too.

Anyway he is going into Jerusalem on those days of preparation for this long Passover and sees a tree looking good but with nothing to feed anyone from. Then he turns up at the Temple and it is a mess of capitalism and corruption. Looking good but not feeding anyone. The temple laws are being obeyed – people having to have the right things for the right sacrifices – but it was not being obeyed with the loving heart of God.

Jesus needs things right before he dies. This is not how people should be called into worship and connect with God. They need to be free of rules and be able to come as they are. Jesus was preparing the temple for his death and resurrection. Like giving it a spring clean.

Slight detour but …. before I go on holiday I like to give my house a super clean, tidy, change the bed, having everything tidied, clean and in order. So that when I come back from holiday I come home to a lovely looking house. It is a reason why I don’t have house sitters. They might keep it clean but things won’t be as I’d like them. I do wonder if this is what Jesus wanted with the temple – for it to be spring cleaned and as it should be so that when he rose again the following week things were “in place”.

But also I wonder if he was setting things up so the leaders were angry enough to want to get rid of him. Was this another of those God-plots where God makes sure everything is in place for what they want to do?

I do love how Mark bookends the temple episode with the fig tree. It gets cursed on the way in and then on the way out Jesus use the dead tree as a metaphor to talk about having faith. It finishes with Jesus saying

Whenever you stand up to pray, you must forgive others for what they have done to you. Then your Father in heaven will forgive your sins.

Everything you ask for in prayer will be yours if you only have faith

Mark 11:25-26 and 24

It is great storytelling. Clear out the greed and need for order and to “get things right”. Stop looking good but not being nourishing to others. Then forgive those who’ve done you wrong [people and God] whether they are sorry or not. And then you can ask for anything in prayer with faith. And God will answer you as God knows best. Trusting in your heavenly Father and not in what you think is a good idea.

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Holy Week Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday

I planning, at least at this end of the week, to do a blog post for every day of what the Western Christian Church calls Holy Week. So we start with Palm Sunday.

Being brought up in an Anglican church every Palm Sunday we would get give Palm crosses. Little things of dried palm leaves woven into a cross.

As children we would then use them as swords and fight each other on the way home. The meaning totally missed!

But it got me thinking about the palms that were allegedly strewn as the feet of the donkey Jesus was on as he rode into Jerusalem. How big were they? Where did they come from? Who thought of it first?

Did you know that is it only in John’s gospel that it states palm leaves? In the other three gospels it says people lay their garments or cut rushes to lay in front of Jesus’ path. Always interesting how Church tradition picks on one thing and we all decide that was what it was.

I have just googled palm leaves and found out they are not as big as I thought. They would not have been that hard to gather and wave and strew.

They are a good size but not huge. I think this procession is a bit awesome. Though its a shame they aren’t stood at the side of the road so we could see how a donkey would have managed walking over them

But then this morning my husband went to church and this is what he came back with – being held by a small cuddly donkey I bought from the Isle of Wight Donkey sanctuary.

My first thought when I saw it was the Doug Horley song “Have we made our God too small?” Do click on the link and have a listen.

But in truth I do wonder if we have made our God too small. We give out small dry crosses when at the time the people grabbed whatever was nearest and acted out an honouring. In ancient Near Eastern cultures it was seen as customary to cover the path of someone seen worthy of honouring. So here were the local people maybe not quite realising who Jesus was but understanding he was something worth honouring, and so they honouring him with whatever they had at hand; whether their cloaks, palm leaves or reeds. That doesn’t matter. But they took what they had to hand to honour Jesus as he boldly but peaceably rode into the main capital city just a few days before the biggest Jewish festival of the year.

We do do this. Look at pictures of when our royalty die or are crown.

Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral parade. See the flowers being thrown.

But we almost keep the whole doing that for Jesus as something quiet. I do know some churches do parades on Palm Sunday. The ones I’ve been involved in have been small, almost embarrassed affairs where we all huddle together for safety and talk to each other hoping not to engage with anyone else!!!

I was going to say if we really got the enormity of the whole Palm Sunday thing what would we do, but we have to remember these people mention in the gospels – whether fully true or exaggerated by writerly poetic license – did not know what the significance of Jesus riding on a donkey into Jerusalem meant but they still turned up. They still made a bit of a fuss. They still gave of what they had.

I think, because it is mentioned in all four gospels, it did happen and it was a big enough event for many people to say they remembered it. It is alleged that Mark interview Peter for his gospel, and also we have to remember that both Matthew and John were there. So even if they remember it slightly differently once they knew the significance it still happened.

Oh and I’ve also realised that we see Sunday as a day off or a day to be at church but for those ancient Near Eastern peoples it was a working day. For the Jews it was the first day back at work after Shabbat. They took time out of their working day to watch this enigmatic person ride by on a symbol of peace when they were in a country oppressed by a strong military junta. Now that is even more amazing!!!

So again what would I do, what would you do, if we were there and if we knew Jesus was coming to our town? We don’t know this is his final Sunday but we do want to do something honouring. We are willing to take time off work for this.

What would we do? I don’t think we would just shyly wave and fiddle with these woven things we get given at church on Palm Sunday. I’d like to think I’d take off my new DryRobe and let his donkey trample over it and not feel either disgruntled or proud that I had done that. What would you give?

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2020 vision apocalyptic

Apocalyptic Times

Llyn Crafnant 3rd March 2024 photographed by myself

Yes apocalyptic can look as much like a sun-kissed Welsh llyn [lake] as it can those “end of the world” movies some of us love to watch.

Do you get it sometimes when you’re listening to something and someone says something and you want to jump up and down and tell the world? This is my space to tell the world – or at least you my dear subscribers. Some posts I really really hope get out there to loads of people and some I’m a bit embarrassed by and some, like this one, I am writing because I cannot contain what is going on in my head and cannot yet find a way of bringing it up when out dog walking 🙂

I was listening to Drew Jackson [yes I have been banging on about Drew and the podcast on Godspace but, for me, it has been amazing]. There is one point, in talking about his poetry that he calls it apocalyptic, and then says that we are living in apocalyptic times. He then explains that, for him, apocalyptic times mean “unveiling times” and not so much as we’ve come to think of them as “end of the world as we know it times” – though it is a bit like that too. But it is much more about things, structures, being unveiled.

I was so excited because I had written around this from 2020 onwards in various forms, and keep saying to my husband when another “unveiling” of something corrupt comes on the news that, I think, the whole of the 2020s – until the end of 2029 – will be a time of unveiling, a time of relooking at things and saying “that’s not right” – governments, health care, education, racism, sexism, gender issues, climate change, nature issues, homelessness, poverty, materialism, the whole Israel/Palestine, Russia/Ukraine, and more that are not coming to mind at the moment. And more that I’m sure you can name.

This is what the book of Revelation talks about, what Jesus talked about when he said about the end times. It may not mean the world is going to end and we will all go off to heaven, or wherever. It means, as Drew said, apocalyptic times are times of unveiling, times of revealing what’s wrong in our systems. A time to change.

At the event I was at last week one of the women speaking said about how things are changing with regard to clairvoyants and how the understanding of spirituality is changing. She said how she believed that the control of religious structures was lifting and people are starting to explore different ways of being. All the way through that day there was an understanding that people are starting to realise that we buzz with energy, and that we do affect others by our energy and other people’s energy affects us. A lot of QEC is about changing your energy as you are healed from your traumas.

Again these things are unveilings, are changes, are seeing things that were there all along but were hidden. As Christians we need to make sure we don’t stay in our safe boxes but that we get rebellious, get out there and explore what is being unveiled. Get out there and really live in these apocalyptic times without fear. I believe it is what God talks of in the Bible but there has been a fear about it. Instead we need to view it as exciting, as change, as seeing things differently.

Also the reason for the above photo is that the sun still shines, the lakes are still beautiful, families still go out and walk their dogs. Things being unveiled does not mean the end but the in-between space before we go into a new beginning.

But again for me personally the most exciting thing from all this was that Drew was saying what I had been thinking. So if he is and I am and things on Christine’s Liturgical Rebels podcasts are saying things then … let’s be awake and aware and responsive.

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forgiveness sorry

Sorry/Forgiveness

My beautiful dipstick dog stuck under the throw
My beautiful dog after being released from captivity

Yes I know one picture is from the other day but I thought you’d like to see the sequence

I think the dog forgave the throw for capturing him but I’m not sure. As the “kind” dog-mummy I am I did make him wait for his release until I had taken the first photo.

This is a follow on from my post the other day looking at Sorry. Please, if you haven’t read Beth’s comments about what they get up to at her kindergarten with their children around forgiveness/sorry do go back to read them. They are awesome. I wish I’d done that with my children when they were little

As I’ve said before there are times when God/The Universe just keep highlighting things and this is what has happened with the Sorry/Forgiveness things. I was watching The Way on BBC iplayer the other day and there is a part towards the end where one character says to the other – “I forgive you” and the response is “But I didn’t say sorry”. [I won’t tell you who says what to who because you might want to watch it. Be warned the link has spoiler alerts!]

What stuck me in following on from that previous Sorry post is that it is the forgiving that releases us rather than the saying sorry. The forgiver is able to let go, to move on, and to find their own direction. It doesn’t need someone to say “Sorry” for each of us to be able to forgive.

As happened on the Cross Jesus says “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” Luke 23:34 [which is actually quite similar to the thing the one character does to the other. She thinks she was doing a good thing but he did not see it that way] Jesus didn’t wait until the people who crucified him said they were sorry. And it is possible some of them never were sorry because they did not see what they had done was wrong.

As with Beth’s children it is not about saying Sorry and moving on but about the child who has been hurt being able to say what they need to make them feel better.

Within the context of the TV program she had said and done things along the way that had help restore his self-worth, had given him the things that made him feel better for the slight that had been committed.

As with all things we have to slow down, to understand what our hurts are and what would make us feel better. As I heard on Drew Jackson’s podcast about Poetry as a Spiritual Practice often anger can be the surface emotion to something much deeper. But we do have to slow down to be able to really find that – whether that be through poetry, free writing which is my go-to, prayer, long walks, or whatever – find that thing that helps us explore deeper what we are really feeling and what will make us feel restored.

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connected loving kindness

Loving Kindness

Renly just emanating love and kindness especially after being released from under the throw on the spare room couch!!! Photographed by myself 1st March 2024

Yesterday I spoke on using creative writing for therapeutic purposes at an event on self-care. It finished with a meditation of which the key words that stood out for me were “loving kindness“. Loving kindness to ourselves, to our families, to our friends, to the random people we come across in our daily lives.

A lot of what I caught of the day was of how the energy we emit affects those around us. So if I feel at peace I emanate peace and so hand on peace to others. Again if I emanate fear then that is what I will pass on to others. That was along with like grounding ourselves, realising our own energy, loving ourselves, knowing our own power, trusting in our hearts, listening to guides.

It has always been something I have believed for a long time and the more I read and study the Bible see all the above as a total God/Jesus thing.

Yet it is so rare to hear talks in Churches or with other Christians about their energy, of living out their beliefs, of trusting that still small voice, of being grounded and connected with Earth and Spirit, when I think those things should be paramount.

I truly believe that if we could talk more about this and explored it from a non-judgemental stand-point we would understand it better. And then we would believe more about how connected we are to God and their Universe in a more holistic way. I think, again if we were open and non-judgemental when we talked with others about these things more people would see the connection of all this amazing stuff they are exploring with the God who created the Universe who loves each of us unconditionally.

So to give the Creator of the Universe a bit of a chance in this world that is looking for that connected unconditional love we need to believe it more. Also Christians need to stop seeing these lovely people I mixed with yesterday as outsiders who need to be converted to the Christian “norm” of whatever theology we believe. Instead we need to get into dialogue with them, and with others who have no spiritual leanings at all, again in the non-judgemental way. I think this will lead to us growing and learning and realising how diverse God actually is. And maybe it would increase our faith?

With all things we must put LOVING KINDNESS at the centre of all we do and say and believe so that this is what springs from us and flows to others.

To hear some Christians talking outside of the religious box and sharing deep connected beliefs in our modern world check out Christine Sine’s Liturgical Rebels podcasts

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forgiveness sorry

Say You’re Sorry

My dog on our local beach back in Feb 2018. When Google photos showed me this memory I had to say sorry for moaning about it being a wee bit windy and chilly today. Definitely not as cold as it was 6 years ago!

Not sure if you had it when you were a kid but I know I did and I know I did the same with my children – “Say sorry” and then “tell them you forgive them” followed by “now go and play together nicely”. As if the perpetrator saying sorry made things alright and the one who had had wrong done to them just had to accept that.

In a book I was reading recently this young couple go from hating each other to not being able to get enough of each other when both say sorry and accept the others apology and forgive them. But I also have a friend who was in a bad accident in which he over took three cars and then hit a tractor that was the lead vehicle which was turning right. Either the tractor was not indicating or my friend did not see the indicator. As he says the road was long and safe for the overtake he just did not think the tractor was going to turn. So yes he was in the wrong and has apologized but the person he hit, he feels, has been antagonised by his apology. The tractor driver’s response has upset my friend greatly.

My friend is very genuine in his apology but I think the person he ran into was so badly shaken by the accident that he is not yet in a place to accept the apology.

I do wonder if, especially as Christians, we think that if we say sorry that will ease the situation but sometimes it makes it worse. I don’t know the driver of the tractor but I wonder if he’s thinking “it might be ok for you to be sorry but I could have had your death on my conscious for the rest of my life. And also I’ve now got to wait for the insurance company to sort things out before I can carry on with my job” I don’t know if that is what he’s thinking of if it is just a “f**k you” response because he is still shaken by it, still dealing with his trauma.

Jesus says we should forgive seventy times seven [Matthew 18:21-22] and forgive us our sins as we forgive others who have sinned against us [Matthew 6:12-14] – these verses are about asking God to forgive us not another human being. God, I think, is amazing and forgives us all things if we are genuinely sorry, but that’s because God doesn’t have all sorts of issues lurking about in God’s psych that inhibit that. All of us human beings come with traumas, hurts, played out scenes that our primordial brain goes to first and we react from there. We run through scenarios that often we don’t even realise we are doing but our primordial brain [elephant brain] does not forget and then tells our conscious brain how to react. From there we go into fight, flight, fawn, freeze, etc [meerkat brain] and from there react.

Some people will respond to an innocent request with anger because it has trigger something deep inside that they don’t even know about. So when we say sorry for something we don’t know what we are triggering within the person we are speaking to.

So I think we need to yes ask for forgiveness but then leave it there and not get upset if the person doesn’t respond to how we would like. Almost like leaving it in their porch and they can decide if they want to open it or not. And then we go to God to ask them to forgive us and to search our hearts. And maybe we also need to then forgive the person who did not accept our apology as we would have liked.

So we clear everything away from our hearts, give it all to God, realise it is about forgiveness rather than just saying sorry then who knows how much calmer and more peaceful we will feel?

keeping the door ajar for forgiveness
Categories
hospitality seeing

Seeing part II

Renly deciding he should be navigating. Because I know his limitations I had to move him to the back seat.

Seeing someone for who they truly are doesn’t mean that we let them do what they want. But also it doesn’t mean we penalise them for things they don’t yet know.

As always when God wants to highlight something for me it comes at me from all sides. I’ve been reading Henri Nouwen’s daily meditations and there has been a recurring theme of letting go of one’s own fear to really see and accept others as they are. Here is today’s piece:

Hospitality means primarily the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines. . . . The paradox of hospitality is that it wants to create emptiness, not a fearful emptiness, but a friendly emptiness where strangers can enter and discover themselves as created free; free to sing their own songs, speak their own languages, dance their own dances; free also to leave and follow their own vocations. Hospitality is not a subtle invitation to adore the lifestyle of the host, but the gift of a chance for the guest to find his own.

https://henrinouwen.org/meditation/

It is about truly seeing each other and truly allowing each other that space to explore. In the story in Acts 3 John and Peter gave the man what he wished for – being able to walk. They did not try and covert him. In fact when there is a bit within the early church of trying to get people to conform that is when issues occur. Jesus didn’t want his church to be homogeneous but did want them to be loving and accepting.

In this week’s Velveteen Rabbi Rachel talks about Exodus 25:1-8 where all the Israelites bring different things to build the temple and of how this creates community. And she goes on to say that even when a community disagrees about major issues each still needs to come together as they are in God.

When we hold space for our differences, we make community holy.

Community Means .. .. Velveteen Rabbi

So hold space for our differences, give hospitality to explore and to fully be within those difference but do it all with the love and respect of God and of our love for each other as a whole.

Truly see each other and truly accept each other and then, like the lame man, we can be truly healed and then go on to heal our world