Freeing – Aspirational Adventures

Stratford on Avon May 2023 photographed by myself

[This blog is inspired by a Jane Evans podcast on Facebook from this morning]

I used to be a mega planner. I’d have everything down to the last detail and would stick to it. Unfortunately I’ve passed this on to my children, especially my son.

Why do I say “unfortunately”? Because I am discovering, the more I do QEC, that arch-planning isn’t a good thing. It leads to stress.

As you may have caught on I’ve been enjoying being caught in the lines of the Lord’s Prayer for a while now. It has become my “go to” with the lines “give us today our daily bread” and “forgive us as we forgive others” being key lines.

We were in Guildford for my nephew’s wedding over the bank holiday weekend and the line that came to me before leaving was “I am loved unconditionally each moment of every day, I am safe because I can trust God/the Universe to meet all my needs day by day”

I repeated this as we hurtled down the motorway with huge lorries thundering along. I said it was we were rushing to meet up with my Mum the evening before the wedding and then was ok when we only saw her for 10 mins before she was whisked off it meet her grandson’s new family. The big one was then on Saturday morning when I got up with the dog and he couldn’t open and eye and was refusing food. For Renly to refuse food is a biggie. Well this is where I saw God/the Universe had my back. Our Airbnb host had dogs so recommended her vets which was the only vets in Guildford that were open as normal on a Saturday so no huge emergency fee. We got an appointment for 10.30 which gave us time to go, give the drops to the dog, pick up my daughter and walk to the wedding venue on time. The Airbnb hosts then popped in on Renly during the afternoon and messaged to say he was doing great. And now he is back to normal.

Each time and change of plan, each curve ball thrown, would at one time have sent me into a downward spiral of angst but instead, when I felt my panics coming I calmed myself, brought my autonomic nervous system back into a place of calm and repeated that “I was safe and I could trust God/the Universe to sort things as they knew best”.

On a lesser note today things looked hectic and I had prayed into them and found a calm way through. Then a friend had to cancel our morning meeting. Now again at one time this would have made me angry that they had cancelled because I had spent so long making plans but instead I took a breath, repeated that I “knew the plans God/the Universe had for me” and then waited. Suddenly I had two hours spare in my morning so I asked my heart what it wanted to do. Well what surprised me was the urge to clean the kitchen and wash the kitchen floor. Now as we all know this is often a “have to” chore. Well today it was a joy and a blessing. I finished feeling proud of my gleaming kitchen but also knowing that I had followed my heart.

I know why I used to have to plan. I did it because I needed to feel secure, to feel safe. Now I am secure within myself and the outside world can spin around me and I latch on when my heart leads me to.

A couple of years ago I wrote a piece called Freelancing, in which I extol the virtues of “going for it as a freelancer”. But it was a lot of a pushing for doors to open, for people to notice me, of getting upset when they didn’t. In the last couple of months that has changed. I felt led to take on an afterschool club job four afternoons a week and from there things just seem to have opened up. Those things I was pushing for are coming to me – working with young people, leading writing groups, etc. I think it is because I have stopped planning and pushing for them. Now I am open to see what comes and how it fits into the things I am doing. I am also sure that because I didn’t plan to take the afterschool club job but went because my heart led me that this is why I am happily enjoying it.

Since stopping planning I feel so much more secure than I ever did before. So go on give it a go. Explore those things that hold you back. Trust your heart. Trust God/the Universe.

Enthusiasm

A blue curtain waiting to be raised in Theatre Cymru for the performance of The Rocky Horror Picture show. Taken by Diane Woodrow — Waiting for Act two to begin

Last night I went to see “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” on my own. I had a seat right at the back and could watch not just the performance well but also see the audience. People were not as dressed up as I remember 35 odd years ago and the production didn’t seem to be as rude and raunchy as I remember. But that could just be me that had changed. I was a bit nervous of being in a theatre full of people with no distancing, which again is why I picked a seat at the back. There were 5 empty rows before there was anyone else. But I suppose viruses can travel.

Anyway when it came to the end the cast came back on stage and led everyone in iconic dance of the show, “The Time-warp”. I would say the whole audience leapt to their feet and danced for a good five minutes. We’d all taken our masks off because we were sitting down. So lots of singing, dancing, a bit of sweating I’m sure, and no fears or even thoughts of catching the virus. It was just the full joy of having seen a great show, enjoyed the enthusiasm of everyone else and just wanted to let off some steam. I must say I then skipped to the car and sung all the way home. I was even dancing and singing when I got back and had to take the dog for a pee.

Now I know I haven’t been to church since March 2020 but even before the fear of this awful virus there wasn’t that level of enthusiasm. Even when I went to a charismatic church back where we used to live it was rare to get that level of carefree abandonment through the whole congregation. As one crazy guest musician once said “you all think you’re being wild but you are all staying in your seats, the same seats you sit in every week.” It was true.

So I’m not saying that we need to infect other people but how often when we are in church do we get that level of carefree abandonment where we just want to let go and just have fun. It isn’t about being undignified. But, like with last night, it is about being caught up in the craziness, the enthusiasm, the fun, the joy, and also the whole thing of being in something you know so well that you know what to do.

Because, as I started this thought, I wondered if maybe last night was because it was different, but as I listened to people talking, for most people they came because they loved this iconic show, which is why it is still going after 40+ years. I was there because it was something I knew. So if, as Christians, we say we know Jesus, say we love Jesus, say we have gained so much from our lives from Jesus [which is much more than being the audience in a show we love] why don’t we go wild, feel such joy and abandonment.

I don’t know about you but I know that I now need to have a re-tweak of how I walk out my following of Jesus and have more of what I had last night in it.