Author: dianewoodrow

I married Ian in 2007. I have two grown up children, who I home schooled until they were 16. My son has just joined the army, my daughter has just moved to Cardiff.
I have a degree in History and Creative writing and a PGDip in using Creative Writing for Therapeutic Purposes.
Until Feb 2016 I lived in a beautiful part of England and now I live in a beautiful part of North Wales where my time is filled with welcoming Airbnb rental guests, running writing workshops, writing, serving in my local Welsh Anglican Church, going for long walks with my little dog, Renly, and drinking coffee and chatting with friends

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cat God Space

God Space

Damson, my cat. Photographed by myself July 2019

We got our cat, Damson, on 1st January 2010. She was a rescue cat and the rescue centre said they thought she was about 6-8 years old. The vet says she has a juvenile personality which is why she still plays like a kitten rather than the old lady she should be. So she is between 20-22 years old, roughly! She can’t jump like she used to so she climbs on to the furniture with her claws out sounding like someone climbing with crampons. It also means her claws get caught occasionally and she is just left hanging!!!

Because she is an indoor cat in our three story house she has lots of fun and exercise and when we go away someone pops in to feed her and empty her litter tray.

She misses us when we’re away and, instead of like cats I’ve owned before who will ignore you for a few days when you’ve been away, Damson charges at us meowing loudly and wants so much attention.

Well it also means that instead of sleeping at the foot of the bed she has decided over the last four nights she needs to be close to me. So she claw-climbs up on to the bed and then presses herself as close to me as she can. For the first two nights she was sleeping under my chin. Temperatures have risen in the UK so this is not a good place for me to get a good night’s sleep. Also if I turn over so I’ve got my back to her she climbs across my back and chest so she is back curled close to me.

So whilst I was not sleeping the other night I got to thinking. We often talk about there being a God shaped hole in our hearts that we fill when we let Jesus in but I got to pondering as to whether God has a “me” spaced hole in them that needs to me to snuggle close to. That God’s desire is for me and you and all of us to snuggle up under their chin, close to their heart, in the warmth of their body and rest there.

Once Damson is tucked up close to me she purrs away loudly and contentedly. Perhaps that is God’s desire for each and everyone of us. Maybe too we would feel like my cat – safe, loved and content and would not feel like we have to do anything to claim that love of God apart from to be close?

Categories
character of God New Season

What do you see as the characteristics of God’s new world? 

First published on Godspacelight on 4th May 2024

my local park first thing in the morning – photographed by myself April 2024

This question of Christine Sine’s about seeing the character of God in this new season challenged me after a walk around the park with my morning dog walking crew where we discussed all things from the wars in Ukraine and Gaza to climate change to Amazon deliveries and watched the Little Egrets making out on the pond. 

This is our new world – of distant wars and long mild wet winters, of excitement at the return of birds to our area and the latest series on Amazon Prime. All of it is a new world. It isn’t being a grumpy old woman to say that “things weren’t like this in my day”. Yes there were distant wars and even here in the UK we had the Falkland wars and the civil war in Ireland, and the winters weren’t all snow to play in and summers of gentle golden days. I protested about nuclear weapons and looked for a more sustainable way of life even then. But the difference in this new world is that all of the things that are going on are fed into our pockets via our phones each day. Big Brother watching you is not a sci-fi wonder but we’ve all had adverts appear on our various social media feeds after we’ve had a conversation about those things. Our data is being gathered in a way it never was before. 

We now see our politicians in all their guises. Although mainly the news outlets like to show us the worst of them, show us their faults and not their strengths. Though this was known before this new world of ours makes it instant and hard to miss. 

So what are God’s characteristics in this new world? Not just this world of emerging spring but this world of emerging surveillance technology and instant information; when if I’m not sure of something I just google it. Where is God in all of this? 

For most of us we will see God in the Egrets mating and the sunrise, as well as in the random groupings of friendships on the park and elsewhere. But I believe God is also in the emerging technologies and even in the constant media streams. But we need to step back, as we would have had to do with God in previous ages, and breath the Spirit of God in. 

God has been easy to find or a rapid quick fix for our lives. God has always only ever ask for our hearts and not our deeds. 

So for me in this age of new world/new season I think God’s characteristics haven’t change. God is unchangeable, always with us, always waiting for us to look to them. God wants us to know and love ourselves so we can open up and let God love and look after us fully. 

So as my friends pontificate on issues micro and macro I see God in them, in their concerns and their humour, in the joy we have of being together, in the fear that are expressed and the longings that slip out. I do see God in the opening blossom and the shafts of sunlight and the mating egrets but I do see so much of God in my dog walking crew. 

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Listen to my heart serendipity

Serendipity

Tryfan taken from near Llyn Ogwen Sunday 28th April 2024 by myself

I know I said yesterday’s was the last post until after my holiday but I really wanted to tell you about what happened yesterday afternoon. To me it felt like the serendipitous moments that happen when you follow your heart.

I woke up feeling like, after I walked the greyhound mid morning, that I wanted to go to see if I could buy some new trainers. My heart also said that I should treat myself to lunch at a cafe I like. So after walking Mikey the greyhound Renly and I set off in the car. We had lunch then I dragged him round Sport Direct looking at trainers and walking boots. But I couldn’t find any I liked. So I put all the boxes down, said sorry to the shop assistant and left the shop. Outside were a group of women that I had to walk round.

One of them squealed “Mum look at that cute dog” about my Renly. She must have been in her mid-twenties 🙂 The younger women were asking about the dog and then their Mum said “It’s you. You’re the writer.”

Her and I had met at that well-being day I’d done at the end of February. She’d done the cooking for the event. She had said she wanted to come to one of my writing workshops sometime.

As we chatted it turned out things had been tough with her grown-up children and she hadn’t had the headspace to get in touch. This time I was bold enough to take her email address. This way she can come as and when she feels like it.

So I came out of the shop feeling despondent because I driven 12 miles and not bought anything but then I meet this lovely lady and also get a confidence boost; one that she recognised me; and two that she praised me to her daughters.

I got in the car thanking God and my heart for leading me there. I also thanked myself for the work I have been doing via QEC and other things to clear my heart so I can hear it clearly. Now I trust my heart even when it makes no sense.

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may day prayer

May Day

Renly says “Happy May Day” with a glass of isle of Bute gin. Photograph taken May 2023 by myself

The sun is shining here in North Wales and it was shining last May on the Isle of Bute where we holiday this time last year. The sun is really welcoming in the season and the weather feels different. We are again about to go on holiday [so no blogs for abut 10 days]. This year we’re off to the North Yorkshire coast, to a place I’ve wanted to visit for a couple of years. Not the area but the cottage – hot tub, gin bar, 2 mins walk to the beach, properly dog friendly. I’m hoping it is as wonderful as my expectations.

I’m not sure about you but a new month always comes with expectations to me. I love to turn over the calendar, see what the picture is, see what we’ve got planned. After 20+ days the current month starts to look jaded. I’ve read what we’re doing enough by then. Many events have passed. But now we are on a new month with the first week of it taken up with holiday!

But I wonder what happens when we don’t have things to look forward to, when we don’t have expectation about some planned event.

Where there is no vision, the people perish…

Proverbs 29:18

Proverbs tells us that without a vision, without a hope for the future, people perish or cast off restraint, which can mean they just go their own way, get caught up in things that will take their minds off where they are now – drugs, alcohol, binge watching, mental health issues, etc. And I am sure it is what leads to greed, wars, fear, hatred.

As I look forward to my holiday I think about those migrants whose fears for themselves and their families outstrip even their desire to stay in their homeland. All I can do is pray for them, realise that not everyone is as privileged as I am, but also not allow myself to get drag down into that place of no hope. If I don’t have hope for a better future when I go on holiday all I am doing is escaping – like the person who gets wasted on drugs or alcohol.

Strange as it sounds, I believe, that if I can hold that juxtapose position of praying for migrants, for those who don’t have, etc, along with enjoying my holiday, my life, the sunshine, then I can be of more good to the world around me, have a more sustained prayer life than if I was either miserable and depressed about the world or totally pollyannaish about it all or escapist.

So as the sun shines, as I pack for my holiday, I hold those who don’t and can’t do this up in prayer to God. And I have found the most wonderful thing is that if I am truly trusting God then I can give this stuff I am led to pray about to God knowing that God will do what God knows best to do – day after day after day.

Categories
garden Love

Change Anger For Love

A random selection of photos taken by myself on my walks around my local area

This post today comes with a huge thank you to Lily Lewin and her post Discovering the Garden of Love By doing a couple of the prompts from here –

Think about walking into a garden filled with Love! What would that look like? What would that feel like to you? What would be growing in that garden just for you?

And reading through as Lily opens up about her boxes she had – of fear, of failure, of not enough, I was able to put aside all my anger and disappointment about the British government’s Migrant bill that was filling my head and heart.

I spent time imagining my garden filled with Love. There were of course abundant different coloured flowers and a babbling brook, and ponds with fish and waterboatmen and dragonflies, and meadows, and trees. But there were also people of all sorts of different shapes, sizes, colours, races, sexualities, genders, ages, walking the most gorgeous snaking footpaths, sitting on love seats and chatting, smiling, enjoying each other.

The mixture of nature and humanity lifted my heart this morning. This I believe is what heaven will be like. All fear and war and greed and “not enoughness” and disappointments, etc, will be gone. All peoples will be at peace with each other, will be enjoying each other, will love each other.

I found it interesting that I could not write about this Garden of Love without putting people in it. But I think that is because I asked God for their heart and God’s heart is people. Humanity was made as the pinnacle of God’s creation so why would there be a Garden of Love without people?

This does not mean that I won’t send emails with Freedom From Torture or Christian Solidarity Worldwide or Greenpeace or Friends of The Earth or the anti human trafficking group, Anit-Slavery, but I will do it in a way that does not hurt my heart, does not make me consumed with anger and wanting to fight someone. And you know what those emotions leave me tired and not able to calmly protest.

So when I feel that anger rising I will go and have a sit in my Garden of Love with all that beauty of nature and beauty of humankind.

Here’s some Bible verses to help us all remember –

34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. 17 This is my command: Love each other. John 15:12-17

36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:36-40

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[d] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, Matthew 5:43-44

18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19 We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:18-19

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I finish with my garden back in July 2023. A riot of colour plus a local squirrel sampling from the bird feeder
Categories
migrants refugees UK government

Salt To The Sea

I’ve been trying to write a post about this book Salt To The Sea, which is set at the end of World War Two in the Baltic.

While the Titanic and Lusitania are both well-documented disasters, the single greatest tragedy in maritime history is the little-known January 30, 1945 sinking in the Baltic Sea by a Soviet submarine of the Wilhelm Gustloff, a German cruise liner that was supposed to ferry wartime personnel and refugees to safety from the advancing Red Army. The ship was overcrowded with more than 10,500 passengers — the intended capacity was approximately 1,800 — and more than 9,000 people, including 5,000 children, lost their lives.

Sepetys also says, in her notes at the back of the book, that two other refugee boats were bombed or torpedoed as well as two boats carrying Jewish prisoners of war. All destroyed by either Russian, British or American fire. She says how divers do not like to go near that area because there is a strange atmosphere due to the over 20,000 innocent lives drowned there.

Straight after that I read Slaughterhouse Five another atrocity by the Allies towards the end of WWII which murdered refugees who had fled to Dresden believing it to be the city no one would bomb because it had not strategic value. Over 10,000 people were murdered there! As many as in both atomic bombs in Japan!

I’ve been wanting to write about how these things have been hidden and explore ideas around the so-called-good-guys narrative and why this happens. But I’m afraid on Tuesday morning I was staying in a cheap hotel, put on the TV for the dog to watch whilst I had a shower and saw the news that the British government had passed the atrocious Illegal Migration Bill had been passed.

I spent the morning writing angry poetry that I must edit and do something with and I still can’t quite get my head around it all. So for now I am going to park it safely, not blog any more about it, but work on something to say because I believe, even though you are a smallish audience, I have something to say. But I need to speak clearly.

There maybe other blogs to come on other subjects that drift through my sphere but I will get back to this and will expand more on what I see is the connection to the two books mentioned and what has just been passed by the UK government

Categories
control shame

The Need For Control

St Asaph Monday 15th April 2024 Photgraphed by myself

What’s your default mode? What’s the place you go back to when you are feeling tired, stress, anxious, attacked?

In some of the Josh Luke Smith “Speak into the Chaos” stuff he talks about how our shame causes us to want to control our situations. And the more we let go of our shame, forgive ourselves and others, accept as Gabor Maté says that lots of what we do was programmed into us before we had logical thoughts, forgive into those situations and take agency with them, the more we change our belief systems about the world, the more we can let go of needing to control.

I’ve had a few interesting situations over the last couple of weeks where I have firstly felt myself wanting to take control but have ANSed, let gratitude roll through me and let go of the need to control. But then I have spoken something that rock the boat a bit, unintentionally. I was just saying how I saw the situation. I have then been met with a barrage of the other person regaining control in a quite forceful way.

For each of us, until we can let go of our shame and need for control we will all have a default method of dealing with that.

  • There is the person who goes tight lipped and says nothing
  • There is the one who comes out fighting – either with fist or with tongue
  • There is the explain it all away
  • There is the person who will suddenly change tact and agree with everything their supposed attacker is saying
  • There is the person who just walks away and won’t talk about the situation again.

For each, and the myriad of other types, it is a way of keeping control.

My default rolled between going in with words to fight my corner or cutting the person out of my life. I have now come to see that a lot of the time I don’t care. Like with a meeting recently where I’d voiced an issue and the other person was defending themselves way beyond what my concern had been and they gave no hint to the issue I had raised and whether it was valid to me.

Before QECing my default would have been to no longer have anything to do with this person and their organisation. I would have dismissed the whole lot, bad mouthed them to other people, and ignored emails etc from them or emailed to tell them exactly what I thought of them. Instead, no longer needing to have that control over the situation, I allowed myself to feel sad and disappointed that they did not hear my concern, allowed them to waffle on till they had finished, and then went on to the next point I had on my agenda that needed dealing with.

Because I did not go into my old default way of keeping control I could let things wash over me, decide what was important, forgive them for not hearing me, and move on.

Too often we lose the most important thing because we “throw the baby out with the bath water” because we need to keep control, because we refuse to give ground to the other person.

I think Jesus did that. When challenged he didn’t come out fighting but would tell a story to emphasis the point. He’d bring the energy of the encounter down a notch or two. But I think that’s because Jesus knew and trusted his own heart. Too often our hearts are full of shames and hurts and wounds that we ignore them, we don’t see them as important. We don’t see they are trying to communicate with us. So we shut them away. We hold on to our shame, our hurt, our wounds.

For those old enough do you remember the “What Would Jesus Do” [WWJD] bracelets, mugs, etc used to help us know what to do? Well I think in any and every given situation that arises Jesus would breath, not rush to an answer, would check his autonomic nervous system was in balance and regulation, know he carried no shame, guilt or hurts, and would be able to respond with a gentle, strong, clear heart.

If we want to get to be more like Jesus that is the place we need to get to.

Version 1.0.0

Categories
comfort zone peace

Comfort Zone!

Renly in his comfort zone 🙂

The phrase “you need to get out of your comfort zone” has always bothered me and I seem to be hearing it more and more especially within well-being self-care type settings.

As you can see my dog looks happy and content in his comfort zone. He is calm. He can sleep well. His heart is regulated. In our local park if he sees a dog he is nervous of he will rush around barking loudly. He is out of his comfort zone and so he isn’t happy. Though actually he is less frenetic within our park than if we see a big scary dog somewhere he isn’t used to.

So if we see this with animals why do we think we should push ourselves out of our comfort zones? What is wrong with being comfortable?

I can hear voices shouting “but you won’t reach your full potential” as if that is the most important thing to reach. Whereas reading some of the Henri Nouwen’s meditations he says that to know you are loved unconditionally by the Great Creator is the key. And it is from that place that you can test the waters as to what your giftings and talents are. From that place you can explore your comfort zone and see what it truly is.

I know I write at my best when I’m content. In fact a lot of info on how to write well is to make sure you are in a comfy place and are regulated. Then it gives your deepest thoughts a space to flow. If you are out of your comfort zone, in an uncomfy place, then it is hard to be creative. Always when I run a workshop I make sure people are comfy first. In fact that is my key to running good creative workshops, and probably why I run them in my own house. That way I am comfy to start with.

So why this thing of saying we need to “get out of our comfort zones”?

QEC is all about getting you from your uncomfy place, the place where your fight/fight/freeze/faun nature is running on autopilot, to a place where you are comfy with yourself, with your past, present and future, and can work from a place of calm and safety. QEC is all about “getting into your comfy place“, of no longer running from that place of fear, of unsafety, of haves and oughts and shoulds, away from that place of if onlys.

I used to do prayer days with someone who was very good at staying in her comfort zone. She did do a hard job and was very clear on her hours of doing extracurricular things. She never did the early or late sessions. She was a great intercessor, a great one for helping come up with ideas, but she did it all within her comfort zone. It was a safe creative space for her.

I do wonder, after having read things like The Myth of Normal and other books like that, if we have, as a society, come to believe that to be at peace, to be calm, to not be running at speeds beyond our comfort., is not “normal”. But that “normal” is that we should be pushing ourselves all the time, be achieving all the time, be doing something different, something “worthwhile” all the time. With the unfounded belief that this is the only way to “leave a legacy.”

People like Einstein, Da Vinci, Curie, and others great inventors, achievers, etc spent a lot of time thinking, a lot of time doing nothing and allowing their brains and hearts to be open to new thoughts and different ideas. They knew that the way the best ideas came to them was by not thinking, by walking, by just being. Interestingly too each one of them stayed within their comfort zones of knowledge rather than trying to be all things to all men.

They achieved great things by staying within their comfort zones and exploring them.

How will I, how will you, how will any of us, know what the deepest desires of our heart are if we keep pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones?

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Genesis youth group

Genesis 3:15 – I Get It!!

No connection to the post but a cute picture of my dog taken Saturday 13th April 2024 exploring the storm swept beach close to our house

I will put enmity between you and the woman, between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will bruise his heel

Genesis 3:15

I have been a follower of Jesus for 32 years now and I’ve never understood this verse until Sunday night a youth group. I’d sort of knowing it was Jesus crushing the serpent’s head and brutally destroying sin – though of course the brutal bit hadn’t occurred to me until Sunday night.

I might be telling you something you already know but if I am humour me. For me this was an awesomely exciting moment.

My lovely vicar friend pointed out to me, as I openly struggled with this verse and slowly gained realisation, that Jesus’s heel was bruised by mankind’s sin which of course the serpent represents here.

I’d often wondered if it had been the serpent/sin having a nip at Jesus as he was on the cross which is why he said some of the things he said. But know it was my sin, your sin, the world’s sin, that was causing the bruising to Jesus. And … now here’s the really exciting bit that I knew anyway …. Jesus took all that sin – mine, yours, the worlds – all those bits where we had missed God’s mark, gone our own way, done hurtful things to others and ourselves. He had taken that. But he was hurt by it.

It was not a blase-this-is-my-role sort of thing. And it wasn’t just the nails and the beatings etc that hurt. It was taking those things that came in through the serpent, thought the deceiver, that have then caused our world to be filled with wars and pollution and greed and selfishness and fear and [add your own because there are so many more]

So Sunday night I went from “that’s an odd verse and I don’t get it” to “oh my I can understand now why we need to memorise this verse”. The Six Beats One Story even suggests the young people colour in the verse to help them remember. Well now I can understand why they suggest that.

And again Sunday’s youth group just showed me that the Bible always has new things to reveal to us!

Categories
Brutal Genesis

That Snake!!

Adam and Eve Albrecht Durer by Los Angeles County Museum of Art is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Would you trust that snake?

I’m just back from my visit to my Mum’s and have lots to catch up on but yesterday was youth group night. It has been a while since we’ve done youth group due to people being away and what not. As always it was a breath of fresh air.

We’ve decided to work through a booklet by from the Bible Society by Dai Woolridge called Six Beats One Story. That’s always a challenge for me. I’m a bit of a one for going off on tangents but also can get a bit task orientated and rush through it. Thankfully the vicar I work with is great at slowing me down or stopping the tangents going too far off piste.

Yesterday we were at the beginning – Genesis 1-3 where God makes the world, God makes humans, the serpent tempts the people and people leave the perfect place with God, sin goes wild, Noah and the ark!

In every part of this study there is a spoken word poem to go with it. I think you might be able to listen to “Beat 1” if you click on the link! After telling the tale and reminding us the Genesis 3:15 foreshadows Jesus it finishes with

Where the raucous chant of evil gets hushed

as the seed’s heel gets bruised

but the serpent’s head … gets crushed

There was silence at the end then one of our girls says “that was brutal”as to the serpent having it’s head crushed in this age of David Attenborough, etc and caring for animals. There then followed a great discussion of how we do need to be harsh and brutal in crushing sin in our lives and helping others to do it in theirs. As someone’s son said in the family service previously he doesn’t like it when his dad says No but actually sometimes saying No though harsh helps!

But what got me thinking was how attractive the serpent must have been. Imagine you are living with God, you are fully understanding of what unconditional love truly is, you want for nothing. What would tempt you to turn from that? What would tempt you to do what was asked for you not to do?

I really don’t think some slimy snake [ok yes I know snakes aren’t slimy but I mean so low-life] just popped up one day and say “hey eat that thing you were told not to do”. I don’t think you would just say “yes ok”. I think the serpent deceiver was about chatting with Adam and Eve, whispering things to them, chatting away. Hanging out with them when God wasn’t about. It does say God only walked with man in the cool of the evening. So maybe Mr Cool Snake was hanging around during the day.

Also I think that deceiver did what it is still doing now – told us that actually we didn’t need to wait to ask God whether this was not so much a good/bad idea but whether it was what God had for our lives. The attractive wily deceiver suggested that we knew best, that we could just plough on and do this because it was a good idea. Like I said it doesn’t matter whether it is a good/bad idea but whether it is right for us.

I’ve just had recently a really great thing put to me that sounded perfect for who I am. I did the thing of saying Yes and moving forward with it without checking in with God. All the bodily things that happen to me when I’ve done thing that isn’t right for me started going on so then I took it to God. And of course now I have to slowly slide out of that thing that seemed to good.

Yes there are a lot of really evil, wicked, sinful things that people do that need to be brutally crushed. But I think we also need to brutally crush that tendency inside of each and everyone of us to do things our independent way instead of God’s way.

Sin is missing God’s mark and going our own way and we need to crush that serpent brutally each and every day!