I’m going to be away until Wednesday visiting my daughter in Cardiff but I want to do a series next around the Lord’s Prayer. Yes I know I’ve done it before but this time I’m going to slowly work through line by line, like I did with Psalm 23, but using a version translated from the original Aramaic.
But I want to leave that space between now and later in the week with this quote from Richard Rohr
From Sunday 21st July Prayer is a symbiotic relationship with life and with God, a synergy which creates a result larger than the exchange itself. We ask not to change God, but to change ourselves. —Richard Rohr
As one of the ladies at our house group last night said “the Holy Spirit is the symbiont living within us.”
I think with this thought in mind the whole “Lord teaches us how to pray” and Jesus responding with Matthew 6:9-13 makes sense.
Prejudice is a fascinating thing. We’ve all got it no matter what we think. For instance how many people reacted to my idea yesterday of using the talents of young drug dealers and educating them for big business in a negative way? [Thank you Ritish for your positive response] But how many of us deep in our hearts react negatively about certain people groups without really thinking. If we realise then as educated people we do often check ourselves and say sorry but often we don’t quite notice.
I’ve been reading No Place To Call Home by Katharine Quamby about gypsies and travelers in the UK especially those evicted from Dale Farm in the early 2000s. It amazed me how many things I read that I went “oh goodness that’s what I thought” only to discover that this was a minority not the majority, encouraged by media and TV programs like “Traffic Cops”.
Interesting fact – Gypsies and Travelers are not seen as an ethnic minority group in their own right! I wonder if this is because they are mainly Catholic?? That old throw back to anti-Catholicism. Another age old embedded prejudice.
We all judge people, subconsciously by their appearance, what they say, how they say it, even where they live and what car they drive.
I’ve just started watching a series of the fictionalised life of Griselda Bianco, a ruthless drug dealer. But it is interesting how she gets missed when she starts in the 1970s because both other dealers and the Police cannot believe it is a woman running the operation. In this account it is a woman detective in the Miami police who first notices but the other detectives won’t take any notice of what she is saying because she is a woman. Again that prejudice of how it could not be a woman who would deal in ruthless drug related activities and how a woman could not have worked it out!
I could list many stories where the author uses that clever twist of it being a woman not a man who committed that crime, playing into our stereotypes, into our prejudices.
I am trying really hard to ponder how often I look at someone and judge them before knowing them, or judge a people group without knowing all the facts.
Take the idea of the kids hanging out in the park versus the old people hanging out in the park. Immediately we’ve got different narratives running through our heads for the reasons they are there – one more noble than the other!
Jesus says
For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you
Matthew 7:2
So let us be careful with anyone, even if we think we know the truth, let us be careful we are not stepping into our own well-worn, subconscious prejudices.
Because Keir Starmer has the first name as one of the founders of the Labour party, Keir Hardie, there have been a few articles about the original Keir. Do read more about him.
But what struck me was that Keir Hardie was only 14 when he became chairman of a miners union and only 23 when he co-founded the Labour party. This was not unusual for people to be becoming leaders and politicians at a young age. William Pitt the younger was standing for election when he was 21 and was Prime Minister by 24. Lord Nelson had his own command of warships at aged 20. And these are just a few. Ordinary people were having families in their teens.
I know we could say that happened because they died younger. But there is more too it.
Lots of the laws passed to stop children working were good but did things go to far? I do wonder if there would be less young people – aged 12-20 hanging about in parks, in high streets, in gangs, if we treated them more less like children and encouraged their potential.
We keep children young for much longer than they used to be. Ok yes back in Hardie and Pitt and Nelson’s times often these men were fighting and leading but were not able to vote so that has changed. But now we keep our young people as children at school until they are 18, followed by the expectation of many to go to university where they are still hanging out with people mainly their own age. After having a stint at university from 2011-2014 it did seem like not much, apart from getting 1st or 2.1’s in their degrees, was expected of the young people.
This year Nadia Whittome is the youngest MP in the UK parliament at 23 and is being called “the baby of the house” is some papers. And it is being made into quite a big thing. [There was a woman of 18 from Scotland who won in the previous elections but she step down not very long after being elected]
I think if you call someone the “baby” you are making them feel young, feel small, feel maybe not as able as “the old timers“. Being 23 and in the House of Commons at one time was not a big thing.
We need to stop holding our young people back!
I wonder if we harnessed some of the energy of these young gang leaders who do run drug businesses that are well-coordinated and make lots of money – if we could take that energy and, instead of holding it back by saying they must be in education until they are 18+ – by which time they are off making money – I wonder what a difference our world would be?
But instead these young men and women, who our school system does not agree with, are in and out of prison, have babies, are “lost”, vilified, and seen as no good and a waste of space.
[My tutor friend of mine was paid by the local council to worked with a young man of 14 who classed as a “school refuser” because he was running his own decorating business, including doing all the accounts, getting the correct amount of materials, etc, and could not see the point of saying at school. She understood!]
Read Keir Hardie’s story of being an the child of a single mother, working class, living in the slums, and look where he got to with not being held back as he matured and saw the things in the world that needed changing.
But how do we get to those young people have been told for so long that they are a waste of space and no good and give them something positive to aim for?
Man has all too quickly reclaimed the garden, the natural chaos is trimmed back. It’s neat, it’s tidy. It’s now very sellable. But to me it has now lost its magic.
His neighbour’s house was being tidied up after the neighbour had died to make it sellable because no one really wants a wildlife garden, even though we talk about making our gardens wildlife friendly we do more often than not mean it in a domesticated way.
It reminded me of an interpretation of the story of the Selkie I’d just read. The woman wants this wild man she had met on the beach for her own and so hides the selkie’s skin which tames him. She then isn’t so keen on him once he is tamed.
It also made me think of the children I worked with in June who really enjoyed their creative writing session once they got their heads round the idea that I didn’t need neat and tidy but wanted something wild and creative.
How often do we spend ages tidying ourselves up, making ourselves presentable, sorting out our natural chaos so we are liked by the world? Because that was what was happening with this house here, with the woman and the Selkie, with the children and their story telling; all were making it presentable to the world.
Too often we get taught as children to “pipe down”, to “stop messing about”, to “behave ourselves”. And so we learn that being wild is not really acceptable. So we try to make ourselves “sellable” and in doing so we lose the magic – the magic of ourselves, the magic of how we see the world, the magic of just being alive.
Gary goes on to say
Some called it overgrown, most called it wonderful. To me it was like a magical corner from a chapter in The Secret Garden. A place that made me smile.
So why don’t we stop trying to tidy ourselves up for a world, enter that place of Freedom, and allow our natural chaos, our wild, magical selves out. And maybe create a smile for other people as they enjoy us being our true selves.
I had a free day and it had been warm for a few days so I decided to set off for my favourite beach within an hour from my home. But when I got there the wind was blowing wildly and it was cold and overcast. So I still did a stamp along the beach scowling into the wind. Then on the way back I thought I’d check out a coffee shop we’d been meaning to go to. I’d checked its reviews and I was sure it was dog friendly. So in I trot with the dog and was told by the very nice owner that they were not dog friendly inside but I was welcome to sit outside. I was cold and fed up after not having a fun walk on the beach and so did not want to get blown away outside. They sent me to another cafe they were sure were dog friendly which wasn’t!
So there I am in my car grumbling about what a waste of a morning I had had, made worse by the sun then coming out and one of my closer beaches looking blissfully sunny. But of course by then the dog had walked enough and was dozing on the back seat. Also I was grumpy and sullen.
But of course then the revelation came as to what an ungrateful person I was being. Firstly I had been able to drive all the way to this beach, had the time to do it as well as the money. I could afford to stop for a coffee without having to worry about money. So many things to be grateful for – not just the time and the money, but my super little car, my super little dog for company, being safe on the road. And all those things were just for that morning. Lunchtime I was meeting a friend who is one of those true friends who encourages, supports, reprimands and challenges, is open and kind and sharing too. And that doesn’t include all the other great people I have in my life and the great things in my life.
It is so easy to dip down that slipper slope of moaning and complaining, of seeing the negative and not the possible rather than being grateful.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! [or in other versions “Rejoice in all things”]
Philippians 4:4
It doesn’t say just rejoice when things are going well but “always/ in all things”. But we are a fickle and perverse people and we very quickly go into grumble or worry mode.
But there is no reason to feel guilty because the amazing thing with God is we can repent/say we’re sorry and turn the other way. So at that moment in the car, when I got that revelation that I was being a grumpy, ungrateful mare, I said I was sorry and turned around [repented] and moved into being grateful not just for that morning but actually for the revelation that I was being ungrateful. Sometimes the revelation is as brilliant as the change of behaviour, I think.
But of course, because I am perverse and fickle I have had a few more times when I have been unnecessarily ungrateful when actually I should have “rejoiced” and let deep joy fill my heart. But again I repent and move. Again it is interesting how looking at the world with different eyes makes the world look different. It doesn’t change but I do!
So much of the real deep healing I’ve done has been about turning around and going the other way, of seeing situations in a different light.
I keep writing and rewriting this post, which is why it has taken a long time. Sometimes posts just fly out of me and other times they struggle. One of the things is that at times I think about who I’m writing to and then almost contain the words that I don’t think would fit that person, which seems a very interesting revelation to myself when I am wanting to write a post about being really free.
So yesterday I got myself a can of Dr Pepper and sat in a cafe looking out the window with pen in hand and waited to see what happened. And here are my thoughts
True freedom is about going with flow and not worry about what other people think.
True freedom is not about achieving or ambition or even having stuff.
True freedom is about being content in your own skin and knowing that what you’ve done is what you’ve done.
True freedom is not about being a success or about succeeding in a world that is always changing its boundaries, goal posts and rules of the race.
True freedom is about not caring what the race is or what the imposed boundaries are.
True freedom is not caring about what other people think so they will love you.
True freedom is not caring about who takes the credit for the success that happen with or around you.
Not caring is not the same as not loving especially if the love comes with strings attached.
True freedom is
Finally able to
Receive
Everything
Envy-free
Devoid of the ties
Of other people’s [and your own]
Motives and expectations
And, I believe, True Freedom can only be obtained when one loves oneself unconditionally and when one knows one is loved unconditionally – especially when one knows that unconditional love comes from the Creator of the Universe/The Universe. But I also think one will struggle to receive that love unless one loves oneself unconditionally and stops comparing oneself to others.
Letting go of self is NOT the same as losing control 🙂
I wish I’d waited till today to write about letting go of self because there was a great example in the Netflix series I was watching.
It all starts to unravel as secrets are reveal. One husband says things like “how are you feeling now?” and “I’m so pleased you are finding you” and even though he looks sad when she says that she truly loved the other guy he reaches out to put his hand on her to comfort her. This character let go of self and cared more for his wife than for himself.
The other husband lost it completely with his wife. He screamed and railed at her, refused to let her be with their daughter, and kept shouting “what about my reputation?” “how am I going to walk down the street now?” “I a ruined”. Even their sister talks all about how this revelation has ruined her life.
Letting go of self is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and, even if it hurts, put their comfort and their needs first. How many of us could really do that?
Interestingly as the series continues it is those who are angry at their own hurts that the story concentrates on. The self-less husband disappears from the story. It makes me wonder if in reality we like to blame others and keep our feelings in the centre.
Only with healing, by knowing we are loved unconditionally and being accepting of ourselves are we ever going to be willing to let go of self, I think.
How many times in a conversation do you get frustrated when you want to unload about something and the other person butts in with their unload? Or how often are you talking with someone and you realise that either they or you have turned it round to self? Or how often do you get upset when things don’t go your way? Or don’t happen as you want them too?
I think one someone dies we grieve for ourselves rather than for them. If someone doesn’t get healed we take responsibility worrying that we didn’t “pray hard enough”.
Each time we do that we are putting “self” , our ego, at the forefront.
How often do I want a dry day, at least for those times when I’m out dog walking without any regard for what my country really needs? Or get narky because a friend is busy when I’d like to see them? Or the traffic is snarled up and I want to get home early?
Jesus tells us to “die to self” – which I think just means letting go of wanting to control the world.
I like to control my world. It makes me feel safe. I’m sure that is the same for all of us. We don’t like to not have a handle of things.
My friend in AA says one of the biggies is when they reach the step that talks about letting go of needing to be in control/letting go of self.
Only when we let go of self and our need to control a situation can we really let God/The Universe/A Higher Power than ourselves into the situation; into our lives.
It is scary letting go of self.
More and more I’m learning to let go of self and let God, but often this means more times I have nothing to do. This is because I don’t go looking for work or actively volunteering for things or even actively finding things to do. I now sit and wait and listen. Though often I spend times distracting myself from the listening by playing games on my phone, reading books, even reading the Bible can be just a distraction to be busy rather than finding what God really wants me to do in that moment.
I think most people are scared to let go and wait and trust in God. I wonder if it is back to that thing of not knowing we are loved unconditionally just for who we are and feeling like we have to work at being loved by God?
One reason I think is that if you aren’t filling your life and your head with other things you get time to ponder and then you see things in the “unseen” world.
Two you have nothing to tell anyone when they ask you “what did you do today?” How often do we all greet each other with “what have you been up to today/yesterday/last week/last month/etc?” Those yearly newsletters which have to put in what we have been up to. It is rare for someone to say “how are you really feeling today?” and really want to listen.
I think that brings us to the third reason why we don’t want to let go of self, of being in control. Don’t want to wait. If we stop rushing around being busy – which I think is what holding on to self equates to – then we get to think how we really feel about a situation, our lives, our towns, our relationships, our relationship with God. And then maybe we might see the gaps, what’s lacking.
Maybe too by letting go of self we won’t just be putting God/The Universe/A Higher Power first but will start putting each other first.
What would a conversation look like if I bit my tongue and really listened to the other person?
What could the world look like if we took the time to really hear what each other was saying without thinking how that relates to us and jumping in with our anecdote?
One of my super encouraging supporters keeps nagging at me [in that lovely God given way] to turn some of my posts into booklets so she can keep them and reread them. I thought seeing as I made it from beginning to end with Psalm 23 I’d give it a go.
Oh my Goodness!!! Fighting to the death with Amazon Kindle Direct Print [Amazon KDP] was like fighting a bear. Every time it looked like I’d won it would rear up again and do something to stop the process!!! I don’t remember it being so hard when I did my poetry book Inspirations From Walking in North Wales but that was back in the spring of 2022 so maybe I’d forgotten the stress!
But I persevered and here is it.
Thoughts on Psalm 23 Paperback can be found by clicking the link and is found either in paperback priced £3.50 or Kindle from 0.00 from Kindle Unlimited or £2.50 if you don’t have unlimited. Or you can purchase it from me for £3.50 [+P&P] or pick up from myself and I’ll sign it for you.
Writing workshop about dragons and myths run by myself – Barefoot At The Kitchen Table – June 2024
In Christine Sine’s newsletter to those of us who write for Godspacelight she talked about writing into her passion. This is probably one of the bests prompts I’ve had in ages. I have tried writing what I ought to write. I even set up a Substack account to write about writing for well-being but it’s failed. Why? Because, much as I love free writing for my own well-being, I wasn’t writing into my passion. I was trying to be something I wasn’t. I even tried putting in a regular structure to when I blogged but I’m afraid that isn’t me.
How often do we do that – try to be something we are not? Whether it is in what we write or what we do? I think of many times when I have done something – job or ministry – that is so significant but isn’t me. Too many times to remember. It could even be something I’m good at, have talents in, but it isn’t my passion. I suppose if one jargoned it up I could say it wasn’t “my calling.”
As I’ve got older I’ve learned more and more not just what my skills and talents are but what I am passionate about. I love people, though I need time alone with a book too. If I’m honest my perfect day would be to go for a dog walk, coffee and breakfast with a friend and have a rolling, random conversation that covers deep and meaning as well as trivial and silly; come home and write a blog piece on something that either the conversation has triggered or that was buzzing in my head; and finish the afternoon on the couch to have a read of a good book, then maybe some intense Netflix drama with a glass of red wine to finish the day. Somewhere in that I’d like to ponder writing a short story or flash fiction, though maybe never get to write it; I’d like to email someone I enjoy writing to; run a writing workshop where I encourage others to get the most from putting pen to paper; and probably free write or journal myself.
But I can get into thinking I “ought to” write X, Y or Z; I “ought to” be connecting with a certain person or group and “ought to” be doing something with them. But that is my “oughts and shoulds” and not my passion coming through.
I’ve just read Timothy Keller’s The Prodigal God in which he talks of the older brother attitude being the one that says “it’s not fair” when God doesn’t do as we think they should do because we were “good Christians”. My “ought to” comes, I think, from a place that is where I’ve decided what a “good Christian” or a “good writer” would/should do. It isn’t coming from a place of my passion.
I think for all of us there are times when we do not run with our passions for many reasons; a need to fit in, a fear of missing out, having been told by a parental figure that life isn’t meant to be about fun, or whatever. I’m sure we all, if we allow ourselves to really hear our hearts, can come up with many reasons why we don’t follow our passions in work, in writing, in church stuff, in life in general. All of them have some truth in them but remember the devil goes around like a angel of light. The one who keeps us away from our true selves does it subtly not overtly. If it was overtly we would notice and rise above it. But it is filled with limited truths and comes from people who do care for us and want the best for us. But it is still lies if it keeps us from our passions and our true selves.
I’m grateful to all the healing that I’ve received so I can hear God clearly, hear my heart clearly, and be bold enough to step out into my passions. I’m also bold enough now to walk away from when I’ve try to do something that looks good but isn’t me; when I’ve done an “ought”. But this has come about because I know God loves me unconditionally all the time – not just when I get it right/write
Aspirational Adventures 