Tag: Trust God

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guided trust

The Yoke

I’d just read the verse “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” [Matthew 11:30] and the commentary around it was how Jesus, being the other oxen, takes the biggest load. I didn’t agree so husband and I were chatting about it in the car as we drove south on Sunday.

Most of the preaching I’d heard was around the idea that Jesus is the other oxen in a dual yoke, and talk of how a younger oxen used to be yoked with an older oxen to learn the trade and how Jesus was the older oxen. But my husband said he’d heard that the Pharisees teaching was called a yoke and that what Jesus was saying was that his teaching was easy compared to the Pharisees teachings. So the teachings were the yoke over the oxen.

Who puts the yoke on an ox? The ploughman. So this got us to thinking what is Jesus is the ploughman, which then comes back to The Greatest Sin post about letting go of control and trusting God. The ploughman knows where the ox needs to go prepare the land and then later to harvest the land. The oxen has no idea. Though I do suspect, like my dogs, they do know what they are doing after a while but still need to be guided.

So with this thought in mind we need to start trusting that Jesus/God is with us guiding us. Too often we go somewhere or do something and “invite God into the situation” with a prayer. But if we are letting God guide us then they are there with us and they have got it covered. It is them leading us to plough the furrow not us deciding which furrow to plough – if we are willing to let them. It makes it more than just acknowledging God in a situation but it means knowing God is fully in that situation and has led us that way so we are there.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/151245380/proverbs-35-6-trust-in-the-lord-with-all

Too often we do the acknowledging once we’re there but I think this is another one of those verses that should be read differently – as in “acknowledge that God is able to be trusted and is in control and that way your paths will be straight”, or something like that. Ok so it doesn’t scan quite as nicely but, for me, it makes more sense. Or maybe even “Wow God is in all of this because I let my heart trust them and let them take over“?

So it isn’t so much me taking God into a situation but Jesus guiding and leading me into the situations. Again it takes the onus off me to remember and lets Jesus be the guiding steerer to my life.

So much easier!

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let go Trust God

The Greatest Sin

for getting to put God and Jesus in the centre of all we are and all we do.

The sky on our drive home on Tuesday looking towards Eryri photographed by myself whilst in the car hence why it is a bit blurry.

When we go to the Anglican church there is always a prayer of confession which talks about repenting for things we’ve done and things we’ve not done but last week it stuck me that one of things we don’t repent of is not putting Jesus in the centre of things, of not trust that God has a plan through it all. Surely that is one of our main tenants of faith – that God works all things to good [Romans 8:28] – yet too often we don’t believe it. Instead we try to do it on our own, with our own skills, with our own strength. Ok so we might pray that prayer “Jesus help me with my work/family/this situation/this decision I have to make” but then we get back to working out the answer, of putting together pros and cons, putting together contingency plans, and worry and worry and worrying. And so we get stressed, grouchy, and of course that can lead to various health issues if we read Gabor Mate, etc.

Over the last month or so we’ve had loads of curveballs thrown our way from family issues to car issues to boiler issues to getting a rescue dog – something we wanted but maybe the timing was out? I found I was getting more and more stressed and so not being able to see through things and not being able to truly enjoy the new dog.

This is our something good – a new dog called Willow who our old dog Renly gets on well with

We all have deep-seated different motives for why we take on board what we take on board. For myself I wanted to “get it right”, to “please everyone”, and to “be a good girl”, and to “prove myself”. None of which are what God wants.

So how does one put God at the centre? It is really hard work but also really easy. For me it was to trust that God knew that all these things were going to happen at this time. God also knew I could handle them, but not in that way that I had to sort it all out by myself but that I was able to rest with God and let them deal with all the curveballs. I don’t even need to catch the curveballs. That is God’s job.

I do have to be willing to let go of controlling outcomes. Not that any of us can control outcomes anyway but, oh my goodness, we all do try very hard to keep control of all situations, which just leads to more stress. If God was willing to give each of us freewill surely we should let our family and friends have freewill, even if we think we know best or could do better.

So once I’d let go of it being my responsibility for sorting other people I could hear what God wanted me to do in those situations – to be able to leave my old and new dog peacefully with a friend as I went away, to leave relationships for God to sort and not see them as a reflection of me. And I do think we too often see the way our children, especially, behave as a reflection on ourselves and how we brought them up. Instead of being as gracious as God is with us and letting them have the freewill to do what they want. That doesn’t mean we don’t pray for them but it must be a freewill prayer filled with love and grace. I think we can pray “your kingdom come” in both personal and world situations but we cannot pray “your kingdom come and it looks like X,Y,Z” because, for one, that is controlling and, two, we really really do not know the whole situation but God does.

So for me with all that was going on I was able to turn my heart toward God, to trust them in all things, to let go of trying to control and to hear what I am to do. Interestingly this has made settling the new dog into the family much easier and has helped me sleep better. Has it sorted the other things out? No! But, even though I care, I know they are not mine to sort.

So I have put Jesus back into to the centre of my heart and my life – though of course have to keep turning back to doing that again and again and again – and my life becomes much simpler.

God is good when we acknowledge that they are.

Categories
ego Trust God

Prayers or Wishes?

A selection of pictures related me driving – perfect parallel park, Luton van, a couple of walks early in the morning just me and my dog, and then my writing retreat week

I went to a local opticians this past week and she did very through tests on my eyes and found that I might not have great peripheral vision. It is not confirmed as yet. I need some more tests. But for now I cannot drive which has come hard because I so love driving. But in the grand scheme of things it isn’t the end of the world.

What has amazed me is some people’s reactions. Most have been really kind and supportive but from one person I got that I needed to be positive and keep saying that there is nothing wrong with my eyes and get rid of all negative believes that my eyesight is bad. This is hard one because I have always been really shortsighted until 13 years ago when I had lens replacements and went from a minus 21 to minus 0.5 which was totally amazing. But my cornea are stretched and are the cornea of an almost blind person!

I sort of know that if I tell this that my eyes are still bad she will tell me that I didn’t do my statements correctly or didn’t believe enough. That somewhere along the way it will be my fault.

I remember my father-in-law saying that, after his major traffic accident where he suffered brain injuries, people would pray for him and, because he didn’t get better, they would say it was his fault for not believing, or that there was sin in his life. Not helpful at all.

Even though the person who told me to believe in the healing isn’t talking about prayer to me it feels like a similar idea, that there is that potential that if we wish it/believe it hard enough then it will all sort out. And then if it doesn’t sort out then it is our fault. It is all very ego-centric

I was very pleased to come across this phrase this morning in Richard Rohr’s daily meditations which seems very apt

….that the greatest enemy of ordinary daily goodness and joy is not imperfection, but the demand for some supposed perfection or order. 

https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-mystery-of-the-cross/

Ok there is more going in the meditation but this stood out to me. When one does some of these positive statements or healing prayers or whatever one can get into the trap of calling down what we see as perfection. Note the “we see as perfection.” For me personally, to have perfect peace with whatever the outcome of these eye tests in a fortnight are is the greatest thing I could get. Yes of course I would love to be driving again, would love that freedom of just taking off and being on a beach to watch the sun come up, to pop to the Farmer’s market without having to get a lift, etc, etc. But if that doesn’t happen I want to be able to be so at peace I can feel it in my bones.

So I will ask God for my eyesight to be ok and to be able to drive again because that would be silly not to check in with the Great Creator of the Universe and not ask. And if I wasn’t a Christian I would probably do those positive statements and hope for the best.

But what I want deep down is for this daily goodness, this joy, this peace that passes all understanding, to be settled in my heart no matter what happens.

I’ll post an update in after 28th August to let you know how I get on.

Categories
Flexible interesting

Be Flexible

https://dailyverses.net/2025/6/3

I know I’ve written about being flexible before but I love it when a Bible verse pops up in my inbox that is so relevant to my day.

Today looked like being a full day so I journaled how best to fit everything in, had my plan ready, and then the day changed shape. Firstly those who come to the writing groups I run steadily cancelled one by one so that now it looks like there might be just one person but she hasn’t got back to me just to confirm. But even if she does running a writing group for just one person is very different to running it for 5-6.

Then I drove up to school where I’m doing some emotional support work with a lad to get told that someone was in from SEN to observe him and after some discussion between myself and the deputy head we decided that it would not be beneficial if I took him out of class.

Change! Change! Change!

I know at one time I’d have been really angry about things and also not sure what to do, but today yes I did have a little “oh my what shall I do?” moment but was able to ANS [realign my autonomic nervous system], breath, and thank God for this space in my day. Not that at the moment I need great spaces because life seems pretty chilled at the moment – with even a holiday approaching on Friday.

Again at one time I would have panicked that I have all this free time and I should be filling it but now I trust to God/The Universe that they know what’s going on and that it is ok to just be rather than do.

And to also remember this from Matt Kelland

So now today I’ve done this post. Then I will do some more major decluttering of my study because I bought 3 wooden crates on Sunday and am having a revamp. It looks good but there seems to have been an explosion of paperwork from somewhere, which probably needs recycling! Either that or I’ll sit in the garden and read a book!

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Trust God Wait

Jael – Judges 4

From Bryn Cannon’s Pintrest – Ancient World Bedouin Tent

Last Sunday at church we were asked to pick our favourite Bible stories. This story from Judges 4 popped into my head!

Quick summary of Judges 4 – King Jabin, a ruler in a kingdom in North Galilee comes down to attack Israel. Deborah is a prophet and leader in her own right [Yes God is ok with women leaders!] She summons Barak, who we are led to presume is an army commander. She tells him God is going to give him victory over King Jabin’s commander, Sisera. But Barak is a bit of a woose and says he won’t go off to fight unless Deborah goes to. Deborah prophecies that because Barak isn’t going to trust God in all of this then God will give the defeat of Sisera to a woman. When the battle commences Barak, or God, manage to frighten not just the regular soldiers but Sisera as well. Sisera runs away! His entire army are destroyed. Sisera goes to the came of Heber, a Kenite, a descendant of Moses’ father-in-law. Sisera does, what he thinks is a sensible idea, and goes straight to Heber’s tent seeking refuge. Now Jael is Heber’s wife, or possible one of his wives.

Now this next bit, I think is where things get a bit sketchy and are left to the imagination. It says that Jael invites Sisera into the tent. Now we don’t know at this point where her husband, Heber, is, or where the rest of the Kenites are. As you can see from the above picture this isn’t a one man tent.

It says Jael “covered him [Sisera] with a blanket”. Now this is often led to be that they had sex together. I’m thinking, from things I’ve read about soldiers, when they have been fighting their adrenaline is up, their sex drive is up. And here is a woman of interminable age inviting him into her tent. And we know they are alone because of what happens next. I think Jael willingly has sex with Sisera. Not because she is enamoured by his status but because she knows this is the best way, along with the drugged milk, that will cause him to fall into a deep sleep. Remember she is a woman, and maybe a youngish woman but we don’t know. And Sisera is a strong fighting man. She needs him not just drugged but totally sated.

The text says that after covering him with a blanket, then him asking for water and her giving him the milk she covers him with a blanket again. At this point he is exhausted and falls into a deep sleep.

According to the text Jael then takes a hammer and a tent peg and drives it through Sisera’s temple. Now Sisera went to Heber because they were on friendly terms with Jabin and he thought he would be safe. What possessed Jael to kill him? That we will never know. But kill him she did thus fulfilling Deborah’s prophecy.

Why do I like this story?

Well firstly is is two women who are the stars of it all. Even though they are at either end of the status scale – Deborah a leader, Jael possible one of many wives – both go with their strengths. Both of them live out who they are. Deborah doesn’t keep God’s word to herself and hope that Barak, because he’s an army commander, hears God. No she goes and tells him. She does reprimand him but still goes with him into the battle.

But it is that key role that Jael plays that would not have happened if she had been somewhere else. If she had decided that she shouldn’t just sit around in her tent but was off, say, tending the goats, looking after the children, staying close to her husband so she looked like the better wife, or any number of things that a woman of that time, culture and status could be doing. No for some reason she stayed put. For some reason she was willing to entice Sisera under a blanket twice and then kill him. She was willing to be waiting in her home to be used by God, used to bring a victory to a battle.

Also Deborah trust that God will outwork this as God knows best. She gives the prophecy that victory will come by the hand of woman but she doesn’t then go and round up a bunch of women to go into the battle trusting that God will keep them safe. No she says the words, supports Barak, but waits to see what God will do.

I like this story because it reminds me that waiting is good. Not this weird active waiting that seems to be said at times where one isn’t really waiting but is doing things, but just being in situ and seeing what happens. It reminds me too that often I pray for others and get a “word” but then I need to just sit back and let God bring it to pass as God knows best.

For me this is a story of being willing to be in situ and be willing to be used rather than rushing about trying to make things happen.

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positioning Trust God

Happy To Be Second

No matter what this looks like it is definitely my cat saying she comes first.

I was reading 24-7’s Lectio this morning. Josh Luke Smith is looking at John the Baptist especially John 1:6-8

There was a man sent from God whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light.

Sometimes with known Bible passages we can switch off or tune into a familiar sermon about them but it was reading Josh’s comment ….

I’m a musician and I’ve been on many tours as ‘the support act’. People haven’t primarily bought tickets to see me, but to see the artist or band that’s headlining the show. My role on stage is to warm up the crowd and set up the headline act for success.

What struck me is how often many of us have wanted to be the headline act but that is not our job. But we get caught up in the shove and grind of pushing to the top. So we trample over others. We elbow our way through. Some do make it to the top whether they are meant to be there or not but because they can push harder, shove better, are louder.

As Josh goes on to to say

God wants me to be fully, creatively myself, without shame or passivity. There is no higher calling, or expression of who I am, than to point towards Christ

But I also think an equally high calling to to encourage others to get to where they are meant to be – whether that is leading a church, leading a group, being a great musician, writer, etc. And it is to say “look at them. Haven’t they done great” instead of feeling that quiet stab of jealousy and wanting to say “you should have known them when ….”

Am I willing to come second? I know I can be ok about point towards Jesus but am I happy about seeing someone in a similar field to myself doing well. Or what is often a biggie – seeing someone’s children “making it” [whatever that really means] when your own are bumbling along just being!

When I first had this amazing encounter with God and realised that, even though I was a mess in the world’s eyes, God thought I was awesome and loved me as I was, I was given a bookmark with “Be Still and KNOW I am God” Ps 46:10. Then when I was with YWAM Scotland one of those on my team drew me a picture of me lying with a cuppa watching the sun rise or set. But still I kept busy, kept elbowing, kept wanting to be more than God intended.

That picture from Mrs Kim on my study wall

After a turbulent year that I made more stressful by getting a part time job to fill a gap God has shown me that I am at my fullest for them when I am calm, resting, there for others.

Yes much as I would love to be a leader, run a ministry, work hard, my calling, my ‘fully creative self’ is being able to have time for others, to drink coffee with them, to listen to them, to be a safe space for them, to encourage them, as well as my writing. So 30+ years from that encounter with God in all their gentle acceptance I think I am finally coming to accept and realise that verse of being still and just knowing God. It follows on then with “and I will be exalted in the nations.”

God is going to be more exalted if I stop putting to be first, stopping pushing for the noticeable ‘ministry position’, that ‘accepted place in a church setting’. So hopefully I am going to enter 2024 being more still, more able to point towards Jesus, more able to be fully, creatively who I am, and just letting God rise into my nation, into those they have placed around me without me having to go looking.

So are you willing to come second?

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Distractions Trust God

Thoughts on Martha’s Worries

Small dog with concerns about being in the water but needing to cool off. Llanfairfechan, Conwy. Photographed by myself Sept 2023

When I wrote this I was staying in a Travelodge in Cardiff. On my first night I was woken at 5am by a lorry doing its plaintive “stand well clear this lorry is reversing” cry. Last night I lay awake worrying that I would be woken by said lorry at the same time so hence did not sleep well. Take note I am on the first floor in a locked room with a window that doesn’t open far. No one, apart from maybe Spiderman could get in. And the lorry did not get in the night beforehand either! Also the lorry did not reverse in the early hours of this morning. There was silence until about 7.30am! Well as silent as a city is.

But it got me thinking of the “bigger picture” and our “concerns”

This got me thinking about the story of Martha [Luke 10:38-42] where Jesus says “Martha you are worried about many thing but the better thing is to sit at my feet like your sister“.

We always thinking, or are told by the preacher so it gets into our common belief, that Martha was worrying about the meal she was preparing but I wonder. Often we say things, like Martha did, that are not related to our current situation. I had a row the other day about there not being enough water in the kettle to make a pot of coffee but really what I was saying was something different, or maybe I was just tired. If this Martha was really the one that is the sister of Lazarus, maybe he was sick already and she was worrying about him. When Jesus comes to raise Lazarus from the dead it is Martha who says she knows Jesus is the son of God [John 11:20] . Maybe because Lazarus was sick people had stopped trading with them? Maybe people were shunning them because of the type of illness he had?

Or she could have been worried about the local synagogue. Remember Jesus wasn’t that popular with the authorities. We don’t know how much of Martha’s family’s economic security rested with their place in their community and with the local synagogue leaders. So even though she was pleased that Jesus was at her house with his followers maybe she was also concerned. I wonder sometimes if we get concerned when people notice we are Jesus followers and make assumptions. I had someone the other day say to me that I was religious but he was spiritual and could not get his head round the idea that one could be a Christian and be spiritual. Now that sounds like a piece for another blog around what has gone wrong with the church, with Christians, that people don’t see us as spiritual beings!

I’ve got friends at the moment who are going through some stuff but seem to have taken their eyes off the bigger picture of God. Yes they pray. Yes they ask for prayer. But really they are worrying about the little things. They are worrying rather than trusting. I’m not saying this in a condemning way but I think Martha has much to teach us about how easy it is to lose sight of Jesus in the midst of the God-given ministry and life we have. She managed it with Jesus physicality with her so it is easy for us to do the same when we can’t actually see Jesus.

I think in the midst of everything we have to come back to something I feel that I keep going on about – so I might be talking to myself rather than anyone else. I was the one worried about a lorry outside my hotel – we need to start sitting at the feet of Jesus, at the feet of God, the Creator of the Universe, and we need to just listen and be and stop worry.

What is that verse about tomorrow having enough worries of its own? It isn’t like bad things won’t happen but by sitting at the feet of God we can walk through the things that go on in and around us in peace, contentment and that deep resounding joy.