I have noticed the more our new rescue dog, Willow, hangs out with us the more she trusts us. But it isn’t just that. The more she hangs out with our old dog Renly, the better they get on with each other. We are all getting to know each other and learning to trust each other.
With Willow too, the more often we go round the park the more she gets to know it and the regular people and dogs who walk there and so the more she is comfortable and trusting there. There is also the thing that the more she trusts me on a walk the more she trusts where I take her.
It is the same with God. The more we hang out with God the more we learn to trust God and the safer we are. I can’t remember who it was, maybe Henri Nouwen, who said that we need to get to know God in the calm times of our lives then we can trust God in the rough times.
Fourteen years ago now we went through a very tempestuous time and I know if I hadn’t built up my hanging out time with God before then, spent time devouring my Bible, praying, worshiping, reading about God, then I know I would not have been able to trust God during that time. Like Willow I build up my “hanging out getting to know God” time and knew then that I was safe with God wherever.
Again it is not about throwing requests at God, not about being busy doing things with God, but it is hanging out with God and just “doing life” with God, which is how the trust is built up.
[Though back on the Willow front – it is now 4.30pm and she still doesn’t quite trust that I will remember to feed her and Renly, which just goes to show we all need to work on trust 🙂 ]
this is the first stage of looking longingly but by this one she’s talking to me
and how often do you sit calmly for long enough to listen? Or can you only really hear your heart’s desires if you are delighting in God?
Aber Falls footpath March 2016
According to Googlephotos it was ten years ago today that we first walked to Aber Falls. This was a side path so we took it. That’s what we were like back then when Renly was only 4 years old and could walk for miles and miles and miles. Interestingly we’ve not walked this path since that day. Some of that is because Natural Resources Wales have been doing a major replanting scheme so the fir trees that were beyond this path have been removed and new native to the area trees are being replanted.
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
What struck me was – how many of us really know the desires of our hearts? And how many of us stick to a plan we got 10, 15, 20, 40, etc years ago and keep trying to get there even though we have changed massively since then? This is why I’ve used the above picture. Only ten years ago our dog could walk miles and now, much as he enjoys his walks, he is much slower and cannot walk as far. But also this piece of land looked like it was going to be conifer trees forever but now there are struggling beeches and ash, as a more native forest is re-established. The desires and plans have changed both for my dog and this piece of land.
We moved here 10 years ago. Back then my desire was to run our house as an Airbnb house, offering hospitality to low-budget travellers. Even before Covid the ethos of Airbnb travellers was changing and I was thinking of stopping. The desire of my heart had changed. Also a around that time I was doing lots of work with children and teens around Creative Writing but again my desires have changed.
Though in both my “desires” it was Covid and Lockdown that accentuated my need to relook at my heart and what it really wanted. And as my regular blog readers know I have done a lot of QEC healing since Covid too.
My heart has changed. My desires have changed. My circumstances have changed. My energy levels have changed. So much has changed that I cannot expect to keep slogging on with what I believed my heart wanted back then. I am always changing and always evolving.
I was emailing with someone the other day about relationships and of how hard marriage is because we are in to for a very very long time and yet we are not the same people who got married back then, and neither are our spouses. We have changed. We have evolved. Circumstances have changed us. Circumstances are often a driving force for changing the desires of our hearts.
So back to the verse – I think there is a connection too. I think the psalmist is saying that it is as we delight in the Lord that we learn what the desires of our heart are. Not what we think they ought to be, or what we think they should be, or what we think would please others, but what we really really really desire deep down inside. And I do think we need to do loads of healing to get beyond the “good girl/good boy” scenario and the people pleasing, or the “what would look good to others/friends/family”.
But I honestly believe as we hang out with God, delighting in God, delighting in the fact that we are forgiven, delighting that we are loved unconditionally, and that if we mess up on those desires we can pick ourselves up and start again and that the Creator of the Universe will still be by our side. But we have to give this time. We can’t fit it in around other things. It has to be a part of all that we do, all day, every day. Back to what the Apostle Paul calls “praying continuously”. That’s just hanging out with God and delighting in them, not mithering at them to change things. A bit like something I talk about with my writing group – of not striving but of allowing things to ponder, to touch those Alpha waves, those Eureka moments – all of which come when we are delighting in something not striving to get an answer.
This verse isn’t about telling God what we want them to do but is about being with them and enjoying them. Delighting in them.
It is ok for our desires to change and change and even change back again but if we delight in the Lord then we can step out with confidence and do what will make us glow with joy and peace.
I’ve just been reading Butter by Asako Yuzuki translated from the Japanese to English by Polly Barton. It is much more than a book about a serial killer and food. It is a book about misogyny supported by other women, about finding one’s true self, of breaking with the norm; a coming of age book but by someone in their 30s.
But the page I am going to share comes towards the end and it is when Rika’s best friend takes her to an end of Ramadam meal put on to help Japanese people learn about Turkish culture.
It is these two pages where the women read from the pamphlet that stuck me
I’m not sure how well you can read it – maybe photographing pages from a book and editing them with a small dog sleeping in the crook of my arm isn’t the best way of doing it but …. well here it is.
I wasn’t sure where to go with these when I thought of this post last night but knew I wanted to share but then this morning the Vicar I work with phoned me up for a chat about a couple of people we know but then we moved on it trusting God and the importance of knowing one is forgiven and how there are many Christians who don’t fully believe that. As we said this hinders them not just in their Christian walk but in how others perceive Christianity to be.
Now I know this pamphlet the women are reading is about Islam but I think this is what God is like in Christianity too. But like way too many religions how we out work the love of God become a rule rather than a love based.
I’ve missed it off that first page but it is when Rika says “…It is enough if the people who can do it do it ….”
And then on the following page Reiko says,
“… God … won’t take joy or satisfaction in the sight of suffering. Which means, you don’t have to go through everything alone. You don’t have to always be growing as a person. The far more important thing is to just get through every day.”
This is what, I feel, we need to keep remembering as Christians. Firstly that God loves and forgives us, that God doesn’t take joy in our suffering, that we need to remember that God is with us so we don’t have to go it alone. Also that God has put precious friends in our way too so it isn’t just us and God, but us and God and our friends, family, those who support and encourage us with no string attached.
Too often in Churches we see rules – of having to go, of having to be involved, of having to be a part of, of having to pray, of even having to be nice to people, and of having to “grow” in God – when, especially after reading this, I think God wants us just to get through every day – and if possible in peace and knowing we are loved and forgiven.
And as happened with the unexpected phone call, God so often has some unexpected plan to help us on our journey if we are willing to stop striving and be willing to let God lead us – which only comes through trusting and believing.
If you don’t know the story then read the whole book of Esther, an amazing woman who stood up to a mighty king and saved her people.
Taken from the Velveteen Rabbi, a female rabbi I’ve been following for years who gives a great insight into my tradition and where its roots are. New Work for Purim
Yesterday at church we talked about the Temptations of Jesus but also talked a lot about things we’d given up, or taken up, for Lent – that Christian tradition which remembers Jesus time in wilderness and leads us up to Easter and used to be a time of fasting but now we cheat and do thinks like just give up chocolate, or going on Facebook, or drinking alcohol, or swearing, or take up something that seems noble!
As a child I used to get really confused that Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness and was only out for a week or so before he was crucified.
But whilst Christians are thinking of fast, or side-tracking real fasting and giving up something, the Jewish community has the festival of Purim where there is wild partying and celebrating because God saved his people from destruction via an obedient and very brave young woman who was chosen by the Persian despot Xerxes for sex purposes. The Persians ruled over the known world with a huge empire that, like the Romans, treated anyone outside the elite like they were subhuman. Xerxes has got rid of his Queen because she didn’t do as he said and then got all the beautiful virgins [teenage girls] from across his kingdom, who were then prepared for one night with him. One night where he would rape them and if he liked what he got he might have them back but if not they were defiled and put in his harem for the rest of their lives! Esther was raped by him but apparently he liked what he got and so she was invited back. She was so brave to go before him because she could have been killed but she is clever as well as beautiful and manages, though very clever means, to save the Jewish people from destruction. [Read the story]
Lots of this sounds very familiar to what we are hearing in the news at the moment – powerful rich men who choose innocent young women, rape them and then discard them, and also don’t own up to their wicked deeds.
But what I wanted to share – before I went off on a rant – was that we need to look at what Rachel says in the top image; of stepping out, of realising these are the only days we have and we need to do right in them, of showing our true colours.
I wonder if, as Christians, it might be time to use Lent to stand up and be counted, to stand before kings, before leaders, to stand up for the oppressed, to really shout “your kingdom come, your will be done” and stop all this shimmy shamming and pretence of “aren’t I good to give up chocolate/learn a psalm every day/etc”.
My prayer for myself today from the above is “strengthen in me the deep desire to stand up for what is right”.
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I’ve been looking at the Temptations of Jesus for this week’s youth group. I know them off by heart but once again I got a revelation. I feel as if God has shown me what they mean to us all personally.
[The quotes are the bits I’m going to share with my youth group later]
First temptation – turning stones into bread. I think this is where we try to do good things for people that will feed and sustain them but we don’t acknowledge Jesus in what we do. The world is filled with people who do amazing things for other people but often don’t touch their spiritual needs, those deep heart felt things. They are “fed” but not nourished.
taking something hard, like a stone, making it palatable, making it something that will feed the body, but not making it something that will nourish the soul
The second one is about God rescuing no matter what. This got me thinking of things I read recently about how when we pray we expect God will heal, give us a what we have asked for, etc and yet when it doesn’t happen we often ask “where is God?” or “perhaps I didn’t pray enough” Yet Jesus says “Do not put the Lord your God to the test”.
Yes we should pray all the time. Yes we should cast our burdens on to Jesus at all times. Yes we should ask for things. But I do not think that we should expect all things. Too often I know I have thought “if I pray for this person and they get healed then they will want to follow God” or even I have not told them I’m praying for them in case God doesn’t heal them and then what!!! I now truly believe that more often than not God is doing things within our hearts rather than our circumstances.
Always ask God but do not expect God to do something that would make people follow God. Don’t test God!
And that third one about bowing down to worship the devil. I do love the audacity of the devil in this story. Fancy asking the Son of God, part of the whole Trinity/Godhead, to bow down and worship you. Remember the devil totally knows who Jesus is.
But how often do we try to get people to admire, like and maybe not worship us but look to us in a special way that they don’t to someone else; how we love it when someone picks us out. It is seen clearly in social media with celebrities, of that whole 5 minutes of fame, of wanting to be respected, set apart from others. I must be honest and say I get a buzz when the young people I work with call me their “youth leader” or the ones in my writing group say something amazing about me.
Yes people should be given the respect, honour, credence and admiration they deserve but that cannot come from short cuts but must from who they truly are. Too many of our world leaders, major and minor leaders, see themselves as beyond reproach and want to be served and worship without putting in the grunt work to get there.
This is also the temptation Jesus where gets sharp with the devil and banishes him. I wonder if that is because this one is the most subtle and the most appealing? I wonder if Jesus, especially as he knew what his own ending on earth would be, found this one the most tempting and so went for banishing rather than engaging in debate with? And also I wonder if that is why, after this temptation, the angels came down and ministered to him? They could have come at any other point – popped in, ministered a bit then popped out again – but no they wait until this final biggie. This final most subtle one!
know who you are and be wise and humble enough not to take short cuts
I also wonder if these are the BIG THREE that really contain all the other temptations – doing good thingsso we’re noticed and liked; trying to show God in a good light rather than trusting God to be God; and wanting to take short cuts to be honoured and admired? Perhaps that’s why no others are mentioned?
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[Sorry if this is a bit disjointed. Next door’s dogs keep barking in their hallway so the sound is like it is in our house and the wild Willow child is rampaging between leaping on my lap to tell me all about it and rushing round the house trying to find the dogs and fight them. Chaos this morning!!!!]
Willow in the park a few days ago tidying up the ducks and moorhens back into the pond. Thankfully she doesn’t jump in!!!
It was interesting on Sunday because our church’s “Joy” candle struggled to light. I think it was a prophetic sign that joy is one of the hardest things we can grasp this year. There’s so much going on – wars and rumours of wars – and has been really since 2020 [the year of perfect vision] things just seem to have been spiralling downwards, or so the media would have us believe.
Even if we don’t grasp it for ourselves I think we find praying for peace and love in the world is something we can and should be doing. I think even when we get to hope we can manage that. But joy when things like the Bondi beach shooting happens, when children are kidnapped to be child soldiers, when sea levels are rising that poorest are losing out, then Joy is a hard, and feels almost callous to pray.
Interesting too that it is a different colour. I wonder if that is because whoever picked the colours in the first place knew that Joy would be of a different nature?
But I do wonder if the reason we have to keep coming back to Love, Peace, Joy and Hope is that we keep forgetting it. And we keep thinking it is up to us to manufacture it. But it isn’t. It is by leaning on God that we find these things. And at this season we need to be leaning into the promised Joy that was promised with the birth of Jesus which gets hidden further and further from the actual Christmas.
Much as I do not agree with the things Tommy Robinson is saying around his slogan of bringing “the Christ back into Christmas” I do agree that we need to bring Christ back into Christmas. When I was young all you seemed to be able to buy were Christmas cards with some from the Nativity story on them. Now it is harder and harder to find anything remotely Nativity based. And it isn’t people of other religions, young people, etc who are shying away from this. I was at a local writing group, made up mainly of white middle class retired men and women and we had 3 writing exercises over a 2 hours workshop, all Christmas based, and yet, apart from one I did, there was not a single nativity based story came from it.
So I do wonder if, in and out of Church, we forget Jesus and we try to muster all these things in our own strength which is why that poor old Joy candle spluttered and went out and had to be relit a few times. I think maybe we need to put the Real Jesus – the one of love, of acceptance, of caring for the poor, the fatherless, the refugee, the one who loved the WHOLE world – back into Christmas.
I’m going to finish with a quote from Christine Sine that helped me make sense of what is being asked with Joy
Then I realized: Is the problem that my understanding of the joy of Advent is all wrong? This is not a joy of happiness or of fulfillment, but a joy of anticipation. It is best expressed in the middle of disaster and heartache and violence that destroys nature and people and cultures. In the midst of these things, our hearts long for the fulfillment promised in the birth of Christ. And in that longing we respond in whatever way we can
So I will take joy in the anticipation that what was promised at Christ’s birth – the joy to the whole world, the Christ at the beginning, middle and end of Christmas – will come to pass and wars and hatred will cease. In that I place my joy this season.
for getting to put God and Jesus in the centre of all we are and all we do.
The sky on our drive home on Tuesday looking towards Eryri photographed by myself whilst in the car hence why it is a bit blurry.
When we go to the Anglican church there is always a prayer of confession which talks about repenting for things we’ve done and things we’ve not done but last week it stuck me that one of things we don’t repent of is not putting Jesus in the centre of things, of not trust that God has a plan through it all. Surely that is one of our main tenants of faith – that God works all things to good [Romans 8:28] – yet too often we don’t believe it. Instead we try to do it on our own, with our own skills, with our own strength. Ok so we might pray that prayer “Jesus help me with my work/family/this situation/this decision I have to make” but then we get back to working out the answer, of putting together pros and cons, putting together contingency plans, and worry and worry and worrying. And so we get stressed, grouchy, and of course that can lead to various health issues if we read Gabor Mate, etc.
Over the last month or so we’ve had loads of curveballs thrown our way from family issues to car issues to boiler issues to getting a rescue dog – something we wanted but maybe the timing was out? I found I was getting more and more stressed and so not being able to see through things and not being able to truly enjoy the new dog.
This is our something good – a new dog called Willow who our old dog Renly gets on well with
We all have deep-seated different motives for why we take on board what we take on board. For myself I wanted to “get it right”, to “please everyone”, and to “be a good girl”, and to “prove myself”. None of which are what God wants.
So how does one put God at the centre? It is really hard work but also really easy. For me it was to trust that God knew that all these things were going to happen at this time. God also knew I could handle them, but not in that way that I had to sort it all out by myself but that I was able to rest with God and let them deal with all the curveballs. I don’t even need to catch the curveballs. That is God’s job.
I do have to be willing to let go of controlling outcomes. Not that any of us can control outcomes anyway but, oh my goodness, we all do try very hard to keep control of all situations, which just leads to more stress. If God was willing to give each of us freewill surely we should let our family and friends have freewill, even if we think we know best or could do better.
So once I’d let go of it being my responsibility for sorting other people I could hear what God wanted me to do in those situations – to be able to leave my old and new dog peacefully with a friend as I went away, to leave relationships for God to sort and not see them as a reflection of me. And I do think we too often see the way our children, especially, behave as a reflection on ourselves and how we brought them up. Instead of being as gracious as God is with us and letting them have the freewill to do what they want. That doesn’t mean we don’t pray for them but it must be a freewill prayer filled with love and grace. I think we can pray “your kingdom come” in both personal and world situations but we cannot pray “your kingdom come and it looks like X,Y,Z” because, for one, that is controlling and, two, we really really do not know the whole situation but God does.
So for me with all that was going on I was able to turn my heart toward God, to trust them in all things, to let go of trying to control and to hear what I am to do. Interestingly this has made settling the new dog into the family much easier and has helped me sleep better. Has it sorted the other things out? No! But, even though I care, I know they are not mine to sort.
So I have put Jesus back into to the centre of my heart and my life – though of course have to keep turning back to doing that again and again and again – and my life becomes much simpler.
AI has created this angelic picture of Jesus as a boy in the temple. It seemed intent on making sure he had a beard. Perhaps for AI Jesus with born with a beard??? Who knows!
I was reading Luke 2:41-49 in which Jesus is about twelve. The whole wider family has all gone to Jerusalem for Passover and on coming home, when they stop for the night, Mary and Joseph notice Jesus isn’t with them so they travel back to get him.
Now I’ve heard sermons about this which say that because Jesus was now twelve he would have been traveling with the men and no longer with the women and children so Mary wouldn’t have been keeping an eye on him. But this sort of shifts the blame then to Joseph for not keeping an eye on him. Almost back to that thing you hear about fathers “baby sitting” their own children. I like to think that Joseph was better than that. I mean after all he gave up when Jesus was born – not just his reputation by marrying a girl who was pregnant, but also going into exile in Egypt and probably losing his business and having to restart when the family returned to Nazareth – would he really have forgotten to keep an eye on his eldest who had now entered the company of the men? I don’t think so.
I’m suspecting as all good parents we would have just presumed our lad was hanging out with his mates and would join us when he was hungry. And that’s where my next point comes in – so it says that they’d travelled for a day before they noticed he was missing and then when they got back to Jerusalem it took them three days to find Jesus. The throwaway line is that he was “sitting amongst the teachers and asking them questions” – for the whole time? Really?
We are told that Jesus was fully human, well I remember my son, his friends and teenager boys of my friends and they never seem to stop eating. My son would eat a whole meal then sneak tins of baked beans into his room or eat a whole block of cheese. I’ve known others who can demolish a packed of Cornflakes in an evening or a whole loaf of bread. If Jesus really was fully human then he would have needed food. Also where did he sleep? Was the temple open all night? Did someone take pity on his and take him home when it got dark? Did he really really sit for three or four whole days with nothing to eat and no sleep asking questions all the time?
Also was it the same learned men he spoke to or did they come and go? And were any of those learned men still alive twenty years later when Jesus was doing his ministry? Was one of those learned men in the temple back then Nicodemus which is why he chose to follow Jesus?
And what were those questions? Was he doing what he then did in later life and asking questions that challenged and made people think?
Then I always wonder when Mary and Joseph find him what was his tone of voice when he responds? I know how my teenage son would have responded to an obvious question – with a touch of sarcasm. I’m hoping Jesus’ response was compassionate and that he was sorry he’d upset his parents even though he did need to be in the temple but we aren’t told.
There are so many details that are left out. Why? I often wonder if the Bible had been written by women instead of men would it have had more details in, more of those day to day things that I’d like to know? I remember using the bible once to try to do a kid’s writing workshop and in the end felt that it has so many plot holes and details missed out it made it hard work to use.
Although I often think it is these lack of details that give us space to ask God to help fill in the gaps and lead us to their truth – though also can lead to disagreements over the whole argument of “this is what the Bible REALLY means” – which people have killed and died for.
So as AI decides Jesus must have had a beard from boyhood we have to make up our own pictures of what went on, not just over those few days at Passover twenty odd years before Jesus died, but through so much of Jesus’ life.
Interesting aside – one of the few details is it took his parents three days to find him. Was this detail to correlate to the three days he was in the tomb from crucifixion to resurrection? Another question! Another detail missing!
My daughter now works at Everyman cinema and when I was visiting her recently we went to enjoy the decadence that is Everyman Cinema – comfy seats, free popcorn with one’s very expensive ticket, a cup of mint tea with real mint in it. And we watched One Battle After Another It is fun, cliqued, predictable in places, and gently shoot-em-up. Very escapist.
But this is what struck me. So when they go into hiding Bob is told codes and passwords that he must remember just in case. But he gets disillusioned, fed up, complacent, and becomes an alcoholic drug addict and forgets the codes and passwords. So when their old enemy resurfaces years later he can’t remember what to do.
It made me think about our Christian life. Along the way we do learn ways of keeping in touch with God, of casting our burdens, families, problems etc on to God. Then life gets easy and we get complacent. We often think it is how we do things and that we can pray harder, be better, work harder, do more, etc and then things will sort themselves out. We forget the “codes and passwords” that hold us there with God. We forget that there is something more out there than just us and it is “not my might nor power but by [my] Spirit says the Lord”[Zechariah 4:6]
Like Bob we fill ourselves with things that numb us rather than keep us alert. We miss what is going on around us, miss when the enemy swoops.
As the film unfurls and the enemy gets more intense so Bob connects with others who, even though they don’t know the codes know honour and friendship, and it is through this that slowly but surely he remembers the codes at the right time.
We all need people around us who are going to befriend us, and that we befriend, whether we can remember the “codes and passwords” back to God or not. Care and love for each other whether we say we are Christians or not is one of the key codes, I think.
I am grateful for this film for reminding me to keep myself awake and remembering all that God has done, is doing, and will do for me. Just a few days after watching that I’ve been hit by the enemy’s tsunami and could so easily have been sideswiped but I remembered that there is someone greater than I who created the whole universe who knows the beginning from the end, who knew this was coming and knows what the outcome is, who has promised to work to the good of all who love them. So as this latest tsunami tries to sweep away my foundations I shall remember the codes and passwords and will pray, will hand everything to the Creator of The Universe who loves me unconditionally and will hide in the shadow of their wings. [Psalm 57:1]
There are also many different types of mustard seed, as this picture above shows. There are those that are made into mustard, those we put on salads, black mustard seeds, yellow mustard seeds, and there are ones that grow into those big trees. But that is like our faith. We all have many different types of faith. Some are different types of faith in different people and some are different faiths in the same person.
For instance you can have faith for healing, for people to come to know Jesus; faith for a peaceful death, for a word of knowledge for someone; faith in trusting God that they will lead you the way you are meant to go, that you’ll have enough money; etc etc etc.
When I was with YWAM on mission I had faith that it was the right thing for me and my children, that we would always have enough money for what we needed [actually I had that in general every day life which made being a home schooling single mum much more peaceful because of the faith that God would provide – and we never went without]. Now my faith is a different shape and size and I have faith for different things because life is different now I’m married and my children are over 30!
So like the mustard seeds faith comes in different shapes and sizes for different people and for different seasons in life. Someone once said that more people get healed by prayer in developing countries because the people have to have faith in God and prayer because they do not have the medical services we have – which we often come to rely on more than God and prayer.
Sometimes the better off we are the less we rely on God and our faith can be wobbly and falling over because we think we can do it ourselves. But there is so much in our Western world that we need faith for – God to provide the right leadership for a start because it is often the decisions made in the West that affect the developing countries more than it does here.
But each of us must take our faith the size of a mustard seed and, I think, ask God firstly what we need to have faith in and secondly who we need to be leaning against
Aspirational Adventures 