Tag: pondering

Categories
breathing influence

Inspiration

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

The other day I learned that original meaning of the word “Inspiration” was defined as the “immediate influence of God” and the idea was closely linked to writing (rather than other art-forms) as it described how those who wrote holy books were influenced by a higher power to do so – according to the lovely Grace of Wordfoolery.

She goes on to say about how it comes from Old French and Latin to blow into or breathe upon, and figuratively to excite or inspire somebody.

She does say more about how it came into its modern usage but you can read that. What inspired me was this whole thing of this immediate influence of God, especially to writing, and this whole breathing upon or blowing into.

I just love the idea of God blowing on to my writing – whether it is these random ponderings on here or the stories, etc I write. For me God inspired writing does not have to just biblical based or mentioning God. Or even things like CS Lewis or Tolkien allegories. I think God inspired writing can be anything and for me this definition of the word “inspiration” means God can breath into or blow upon anything whether I, or other writers, acknowledge their influence.

I often do some breathing exercises before I write because it helps me focus, but I think now I might do some with intention to get some of that “immediate influence of God”.

Categories
pondering waiting

Reluctant to Say …

Stourhead gardens, Wiltshire, just before the rains came. Oct 2023

I am reluctant to say … but as you may have noticed … the blog posts are not so frequent at that moment. I’m reluctant to say that I’m taking a break from posting to process things because often once I do a post like that it seems to release a dam and I start posting again. But at the mo it looks like I’ve got some stuff to process around family stuff.

Being in my 60s with one parent gone and another coming up to mid 80s it is inevitable that thoughts move on to becoming an orphan, what ties there are with parents, what ties there are with my children, and such like. All those things need to be process. And processed slowly. And with God who sees much more clearly that I do.

So there is a lot of taking breath, of rethinking, of not speaking out too soon, of waiting. So I am allowing myself to process and to think and to have time. I also need time to visit with my family because for me one of the things I realise is that as my parents age so do I and so not only does my time with them start to come to an end I realise that my time with my children is finite and I want to make the most of that.

It is interesting to me how one of my big realisations as I see my parents age is that I want to make the most of my time with my children.

But also I realise how grateful I am to have got to my 60s and still have parents. Too many people have lost them much sooner than that.

So as I ponder, as I think, yes I’m sure thoughts to blog will come out so please don’t give up on me, but also please be kind as sometimes I’m not ready to share my thoughts so readily.

Categories
Advkce criticism

Advice/Criticism

Llyn Idwal approach photographed by myself July 2023. Not related to the post really but just a beautiful waterfall in North Wales

I submit to nycmidnight.com competitions regularly. They aren’t cheap to enter but each piece of work submitted is critiqued by three different people whether you get placed in the competition or not. But much as I loved doing this and would read the critiquing very rarely did I do anything with it until this time.

Here is the piece in the origin and then with my revisions. It’s never too late for revenge. Maybe it was because I was a runner up this time I did something with it.

Anyway this got me thinking about life etc. How often do we put ourselves out there to ask for advise, for support, for how to do something better, and then don’t do something with it? Even if we get unsolicited advice how often do we ignore that? I was even pondering on the times we’ve gone for paid counseling, paid life coaching, paid gym membership, etc, etc and then ignore the instructions, directions, suggestions. It may not be for you but it is definitely loads and loads for me.

Why?

Well with the writing I know it was because it takes time. It means going back and redoing rather than just producing more writing. A new project is more fun than looking over an old project and finding what could be improved.

I have to say with myself the more I’ve done work with QEC the more I’ve been able to listen to others, to not get hurt when I hear advise that I am not sure I like. I was chatting with my QEC practitioner about this and she thought it was that as we deal with the issues from our childhood that it is easier to listen to others and weigh up what we need to change, need to alter, need to think about, whereas with all those layers of childhood survival techniques in place we could fully hear/feel/know. As opposed to either thinking we should do all that we are told or nothing.

I’ve had an incident at work where I know that my old gut reaction would one of the following; to leave because why should I stay if they don’t value me; be super super nice and people pleasing so they wouldn’t sack me; spend loads of time feeling awful that I did that and beating myself up about it; and maybe even thinking “how dare they speak to me when I am older than they are?”. Instead I listened to what my manager said, saw my errors, said sorry, we were also able to talk about how it wasn’t totally my fault and that there were things needed ironing out in this area. Together we have been able to put together a plan that works for who I am and the situation. I feel fine about going to work and have not spent the weekend stressing about it. In fact it has only come back into my mind when I was thinking through how I could share my flash fiction writing within a blog.

I’ve been able to listen clearly because a lot of the rubbish that I didn’t even know was there has been cleared away. Maybe though it is also why I was able to read the comments about my flash fiction and see which ones I wanted to take and which ones I did not find helpful. I was even able to put this in the feedback NYCMidnight asked for about the comments.

So I think it is not that we don’t want to take the advice given, or feel we have to do everything we were told. We do but we have so many issues from our past that cause our nervous system to kick in that we don’t fully hear. So my advise to myself is to think about why I get uptight when someone gives me advice, whether unsolicited or asked for, really listen to my heart [that again], see what has made me either fight, flight, fawn or freeze, and get rid of that bug in my system.

Then I can change what I really know needs changing but also not get hurt is someone has misread me totally and doesn’t “see who I truly am”. [That feels like a title for another blog piece soon 🙂

Categories
Amazon Delayed gratification Sunday working walking the dog

Sunday Delivery

nutribulletI waited until I got my most recent credit card bill through because it had got a bit maxed out due to needing new glasses, car being MOTed (which it passed magnificently again), and husband’s birthday, and then I bought myself a Nutribullet. I have wanted one for ages and had got a cheap one from Aldi which I had used to death but now for the main article. So Saturday morning I went to the dreaded Amazon site, the place we all love to hate but that fits the bill for all our needs, and ordered a little bullet. I couldn’t quite bring myself to go the whole hog but have gone for the magic bullet. Amazon promised it would be delivered between Weds and Fri of this week. Excited!!!

Then I got an email to say it was coming Sunday. No not Sunday! I didn’t want a Sunday delivery. I felt that Sunday should be a day of rest. Postman get the day off so why not white van man? Though the day off thing does not work for my local Tesco, which I often pop into on my way back from church, or cafes or pubs. Hum! Something to think on there!

So Sunday about 2pm, which I was pondering taking the dog for a walk, the doorbell goes and man trusts parcel and electronic signing thing into my hand. I say thank you and he is gone. I wanted to say something like “I’m sorry I didn’t want it delivered today” or words to that effect but he was gone. But as I was walking on the beach with the dog I DSCF0754.JPGpondered – how was I to know whether this man was maybe a Jew or a Muslim. Maybe he had Friday or Saturday as his day off? Maybe he didn’t want Sunday off at all. Maybe he had a horrid home life, or lived alone, or ….? How was I to know what his life was like and whether he was happy or not to work Sundays? I used to work in hotels and bars and restaurants and used to love working Sundays when I was single. I used to like working over Christmas because, at the time, I didn’t want to spend it with my parents and their new partners. I used to love the camaraderie and fun of working over Christmases. Sundays were often a bit of a slog. We didn’t get extra money because it was a weekend or holiday time. In fact we got nothing extra at all, not ever time off in lieu. Most of the time we were just casual staff in the days before minimum wage so had to work to pay the rent!

I know there is the thing about delivery people not getting well paid but they get badly paid from Monday through to Saturday, as do those in hospitality. I suppose the thing is DSCF0762.JPGthe delivery drivers have to work to fulfil what is seen as the “need” to get a parcel immediately. And for me I think that’s where the rub is, that we should have a bit of delayed gratification. Just occasionally.

Thought – but then I suppose I did buy from Amazon because I didn’t want to make a trip to Argos and pick it up from there. I did want it now! Hum!