Categories
new year poem

Another Year Passes

Capel Curig Boxing day 2024

I wasn’t going to do an end of year post but then came across this poem that was shared by Feasts and Fables because it sums up my year and not just this year. And also to share my response to it.

Responding to poems is something we do in the journaling group I attend once a month and it is a great way to get into those subconscious alpha waves

So here first is Brian Bilston’s “This is the year that was not the year”

This was the year that was not the year

This was the year that was not the year
I repaired the bathroom tap
and emptied out the kitchen drawer
of a lifetime’s worth of crap.

This was the year that was not the year
in which I launched a new career.
A West End hit eluded me
as did Time Person of the Year.

This was the year that was not the year
I became a household name.
Action figures were not sold of me.
I wasn’t made a dame.

This was the year that was not the year
I spent less time on my phone.
Nights of passion did not happen
in boutique hotels in Rome.

This was the year that was the year
I didn’t get that much done –
much the same as the year before,
much like the one to come.

(Brian Bilston)

And this is my response

This was the year that was not the year

I cleaned and sealed the tiles in the hall

decided what colours to paint said hall

and revamped the kitchen

This was the year that was not the year

I made a plan for the garden

removed the crap from the pots

and remembered to weed regularly

This was the year that was not the year

I cleared out the old paint tins under the stairs

took them and other detritus to the tip

and planned in the downstairs toilet

This was the year that was not the year

I chatted with some kitchen fitters

finally got rid of the dark and blistering work surfaces

and brightened up the kitchen.

This was the year that was not the year

I read more and played less on my phone

finally learned to crochet and paint

and became a household name.

This was the year that was the year

I learned to be content with myself

got motivated on my Substack account

and let myself off the hook

This was the year that was the year

I made some new friendships

did a ten week series with Write Club

and wrote the first draft of my memoirs

This was the year that was the year

that I shared some good pieces – poems and stories

self-published a book on Psalm 23

and am practising gratitude as a way of life

I’ve loved the way this poem evolved. It refused to let me finish without those three positive verses at the end. I do find writing is how explore what I’m thinking, like many well-known writers also say.

These posts are free but you are welcome to Buy Me A Coffee or similar

Blessings and peace to you all as we transition smoothly into 2025

Categories
hiraeth lake ocean

A Stake in the Ground

Llyn Idwal October 2024 photographed by myself

I feel like I haven’t blogged for a while and don’t have much in my head for blogging because I’ve been writing. But then I got a little nudge to suggest that maybe I share on here what I’m writing around and about.

My main project – which definitely has become a project thanks to my lovely ladies at the writing group I run – is fictionalising my teenage-hood. It was quite dysfunctional and traumatic and has had some long lasting influences, but recently I did some QEC intergenerational healing and that seems to have given a firm foundation to be safe writing from.

Then in Write Club – an online group I meet with at 8am on a Wednesday morning – we were commissioned to write something around lineage and our lives. So this is what I’m going to share because I feel in sharing it I am putting a stake in the ground to say “this is who I really am and I’m going to stop chasing something I’m not”.

So here goes

It is inspired by Memet Murat Idan’s phrase ‘not every lake dreams to be an ocean’, but also of discovering that my Hireath is not just a physical place but a heart place. It is as much about belong with the authentic person God created me to be as it is being in the physical place I belong. And it is from this places of belonging with the authentic me that I feel i can write about the things where I was trying to be something non-authentic – like many of us go through in childhood.

The poem is called “I am a lake not an ocean

I am a lake not an ocean

Though for years I railed against this.

I wanted to be an ocean with a capital O

Roll with the big ships, change courses of people’s lives

Kick arse with the big boys.

Be part of the noticeable team.

I despised the majestic mountains that hemmed me in

Rolled and pushed at the wild flower strewn banks that encased me.

Did not appreciate who I was and what I was called to be.

Now? Now I can look clearly.

I see where I end and where land begins

Appreciate the flora and the fauna of experience that surround me

Relish in the mountains that contain me.

Remain in place though storms blow and buffet my surface.

Let the pebbles chatter and churn on my shores without trying to hold them,

can trust the process of the flowing in and through.

As a lake I am always here, but now I know where here is.

The waterfalls flow in and the bubbling stream empties onward to the sea.

I glory in it as I watch the sky change above me.

I can contain the storms and sadnesses,

know when to release the glories and the joys.

A boat is tied to the wooden jetty that reaches into my waters

My children, family and friends are free to use it when they wish.

They can rest or row or glide or sail across my waters

Even if the waves rise high from unexpected breezes

I am always willing to keep them safe.

I maybe a lake but what happens within me eventually changes the oceans of the world

if I am willing to release the flow.

When I read this to The Write Club group I felt something shift in the atmosphere as if now I had spoken it into the world something had shifted. I am now the most contented little lake ever with no desire be anything else

Some references –

Hiraeth is a longing for one’s homeland, but it’s not mere homesickness. It’s an expression of the bond one feels with one’s home country when one is away from it. The only English word that comes close to translation would be longing/longingess https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-English-equivalent-to-the-Welsh-word-Hiraeth-I-come-from-a-Welsh-speaking-family-so-I-know-what-the-word-means-in-Welsh-but-I-am-stuck-for-an-appropriate-English-translation

Find out more about Memet Murat Idan on https://mehmetmuratildanresmiwebsitesi.wordpress.com/

Categories
autumn season

Autumn Tide

Photos from my walk this morning at Betws-y-Coed, a lovely town on the edge of Snowdonia, about 20 miles from my house. Dog and I were walking there at 8am watching the mist lift off the river. Was about 3 degrees with that lovely fresh autumnal/winter feel to it. Not quite a nip but almost. The sort of weather that makes dog walkers smile.

Today looked like it could be the first dry morning of the week so, even though I have quite a few other things to do today I thought I’d drive the 40 minutes to Betws-y-Coed, do the 40 mins walk around the golf course and see the two rivers meet, then go to the Alpine Cafe for breakfast and write some poetry. Renly likes both this walk and this cafe [there is a sausage involved so he gallops around the walk 🙂 ] I felt now that I had stopped working in the nursery/after school club, and Mum is doing ok for now, I thought I’d get back to at least once a week taking myself off to write poetry.

It is very much free writing from what I’ve seen and the photos I feel led to take so there is never a plan.

What came from today’s was all about autumn, understandably. But more about my autumn. Not that “oh I’m in the autumn of my life and the end and winter are coming“. Much more a “this is an autumn season where I need to shed my leaves”

I’ve just googled what goes on with leaves in the winter. [Here’s my take on it so all your biologists and amateur biologists hush!!] As light fades the tree sucks in as much goodness as it can from the leaves because they are no longer photosynthesizing and so they turn all those amazing colours.

So I’ve reached a place where I have been taking a lot of goodness from the projects and work stuff that I’ve been doing over the last few years but that means I need to be looking inside of my “tree-self” a bit more. I need to let those dead leaves go, let those projects and things fall.

But what I noticed as I pondered about walking in mulch and compost was that most of the leaves don’t fall that far from the tree so really the leaves are going full circle and being the compost to help the tree keep going.

I feel I have been fighting this process for a while. Trying to keep going under my own steam instead of letting go. I think I’ve been afraid that if I let everything go then there will be nothing. But in fact all that I’ve done will fall at the “base of my trunk” and so give me sustenance for whatever comes next.

Via QEC, God, and a book called Don’t Believe Everything You Think, I’m doing my best to give all my dreams to God/The Universe and let them bring them to fruition. I know there will be things I have to do but I must only do the things I feel deep in my heart and know to be from God/The Universe. It all comes without striving.

These trees don’t strive. They are just the best trees they can be. They don’t plan the seasons, the winds, the droughts, the floods. They just get on and do their thing.

The walk I did today is one I do every couple of months and today I noticed things I hadn’t seen before, but that was because there were very few leaves on the trees. I was looking through the bare branches and seeing the road, seeing houses, seeing sheep and things. If I am wise, as my leaves fall for this season, I can see other things and who knows what might come from my quietly just being, just really seeing and waiting?

Oh and I took this last photograph because the plant in the foreground has brown and green leaves and red berries too!

Categories
poems Self-Publish

Inspirations From Walking in North Wales

Front cover of my book of poems Inspirations from Walking in North Wales. Photograph from above Aber Falls taken by myself, Diane Woodrow
This is the front cover of my book of poems!

I decided to have a go at self-publishing last week. Man, it is hard work. It took about 20 hours to get the poems all collated, into a PDF, and uploaded on to Amazon’s print of demand page. It is now available on Inspirations From Walking in North Wales for £5 per copy. Though the book is longer than I expect but that is because I’m not good at checking sizes. I would be the person who bought a cheap chest of drawers on ebay only to discover that it was for a doll’s house!

I’m not a great fan of Amazon but, after doing a wee bit of research I decided this was the easiest way to get it out there. I do still need to sort out the e-book but even the support blogs I’ve been looking at say it is difficult.

So why did I decide to go for self-publishing? Those who know me will know I am a bit snobbishly anti-self-publishing. But this weekend coming I am part of the Jubilee Arts Festival Abergele/Gŵyl Gelfyddydol y Jiwbilî Abergele. When the organisers first told me about it they asked if I’d be willing to read some poetry and it was whilst planning that the idea came to me to sort out a book that I could then sell. I am now running a writing workshop instead of reading poetry, which is great but the book is done.

I must say I am very proud of it and I would recommend anyone to do it. It is free to put together – just taking up my time – and I can purchase ones at author’s rates. But because I left it so close to the festival to sort I have had to buy a full price copy so I can have something to show for it. But others are on the way. And I’ve also put together a flyer to share.

I have gone from being anti-self-publishing to now being a bit more pro it. I have a great sense of satisfaction for now seeing my poems with the photographs I took with them [some of which can also be found on My Writing page] in a proper book.

I love The Little Yellow Boat as I would my first born but that was a collaboration and a bit scary because I wanted to get it right for the illustrator too. But then also I think I’ve had a bit more healing of issues to do with success and things like that which probably helps. With Inspirations From Walking in North Wales I feel a bit more confident, a bit more assured, and also dead proud that I have done this on my own.

So from being a “don’t do it” I would say “give it a go” and see what your work looks like in print.