Achievement – Aspirational Adventures

I am very proud of myself and so I thought I’d share mainly because as Brits we aren’t very good at sharing what we’ve done. We almost think it is a huge sin to say we are proud of what we’ve done. We think being humble and meek is saying we’re not really good at the things we do well.

This summer I’ve got lots I’m proud of for my own achievements – of self-publishing the booklet on my reflections on Psalm 23 – which you can find on Amazon if you wish; hubby and I went Raku glazing at the edge of Snowdonia and I came back with a couple of really cool pots; co-ordianted a Messy Church event in our local group of churches and didn’t come away thinking I had to do more than; ran dragon themed writing workshops in my town; and made this amazing sourdough loaf.

But also whilst doing the sourdough loaf, especially, I learned about me and how I learn.

So I’ve tried sourdough many times and never know quite how to get it to look good. When I was with my friends helping to declutter their loft my friend made a sourdough loaf and I watched right from the start where she started feeding the “mother”. As she did each step I thought “I can do that”. So when I got home and looked at the recipe I could see her doing each step and so was able to produce this amazing loaf.

I need to watch someone so I can learn. Tell me or showing me on YouTube or reading it from a book doesn’t work for me. I need to watch someone else do that. It explains why, no matter how many times I read a book about crochet or watch a YouTube video I still get my hands muddled and nothing happens. This doesn’t mean I’m not going to be any good at crochet but it means I need to watch someone doing it.

Also with regard to the recipe, I am not a recipe follower. To me a recipe is a guideline to give me a bit of a form of reference to see what goes with what. I skim read it and then just go for it. I change ingredients, change amounts and make it up as I go along. I can open the fridge and work out what to cook from what I see there. This of course explains too why i wouldn’t be good at making sourdough because I could potentially skip steps. But because I’ve been shown how to make it I won’t skip the steps.

Though this guidelines stuff is what does make me an awesome cook. It is also what makes my writing workshops fun – because I give myself a rough plan and then make it up as I go along. This week, in the morning of the workshop, one of the group told me it was National Welsh Rarebit day so I just reshaped the session around that – because I’m not set in stone on these things.

Flexible is good at times but with other things, like making the sourdough loaf it isn’t. But this doesn’t make me a good or bad person or for those who are the opposite doesn’t make them good or bad either.

Talking of good/bad – I hung out all yesterday afternoon with a lovely friend who says her natural resting mode is “troll” whereas I would say mine is “Tinkerbell fairy”. We are total opposites and yet we encourage and motivate and adore being together.

So I do think we should accept what we aren’t good at and be honest about it, but also, and more importantly, we should celebrate our strengths, boast loudly about what we can do. Show off a bit. After all the God who Created the Whole Universe thinks we’re amazing so what right have we to judge. So I’ll still be flexible on many things but learn that with others I need to watch those who know and then follow their example whether with sourdough or with crochet .

Picture of a broken wall and pebbled beach looking across water to a town and island. Taken by Diane Woodrow — Abergwyngren coastal path looking towards Beaumaris taken by myself – Aug 2021

I woke up feeling low this morning. Low and old. Bemoaning that I only had a handful of years left to live and what had achieved with it. So I sat on my yoga mat with my cat and pondered. Because I’m also following Christine Sine’s example of deep gratitude I did my best to move into that place.

Well to begin with I have two amazing children who are doing great in the world. I have published a book [and trying not to beat myself up over the fact that it is my only one so far. I will go back and read my last post if I get issues there]. I encourage lots of people with my writing groups, with the youthshedz project [more on that in another post]

But it is too easy to look back and think of all the things I haven’t done – not had a great career, not entered politics, not invented something that would change the world, not some recognised person in the media.

But what really is achievement? What does it really mean? As a Christian I have come to believe that it means knowing God deeper and myself as well so that I can love others.

Doing the work with the Youthshedz young people I realise like them that I am luck to be alive. At 25 I didn’t like myself but now, 35 years on I can say that I like myself. I trust myself, and I have noticed the more I trust myself the more I trust God and also other people.

There is a verse about “judging as you will be judged” [Matthew 7:1] and I think that when one is striving to “achieve” something noteworthy one is too often looking at others, judging what they are doing, rating them as better or worse than oneself – generally better than – rather than just getting on and doing the stuff.

So I may not change the world and neither may my children or the young people I encourage, but you know I think if I make my world a more contented place by being more contented myself – by creating that energy around me of acceptance and contentment – then I have achieved enough.

Like the harbour wall in this picture one day all will be gone and I will be forgotten and you know that is ok.