Which parent?

To stop arguments with my children as to which one of them I love best I always say I love the dog best. May cause more issues than picking one of them but …. And here are some lovely pictures of my dog.

I have been watching BBC’s “Woman in the Wall” based around the awful things young girls and women went through in Ireland with the Magdalene Laundries. What really struck me was the importance of knowing the character who is a child of this period wanting to know who his mother is. It is all about the mothers, all about them wanting to know their children and the children wanting to know their mothers. Who one’s mother is is the important factor.

I understand this is because it is easier to find out one’s mother as that is the name on the birth certificate. I know as a single mum I couldn’t put down the father of my child unless he came to the registrar’s office too. Interestingly a man can go to the registrar’s alone and say who the mother of the child is!

But what struck me as I pondered this after was how in most monotheistic religious, be it Christianity, Judaism, or Islam, God is the father. In Christianity we pray to “Father God”, talk about finding the “Father heart of God”, etc. In some progressive denominations the Holy Spirit is mentioned as the feminine part of God but never the “mother”. There are more more alternative denominations who are talking about “Mother God” but until recently it was only the pagan-type religions who talked about “Mother Goddess” or “Mother Earth”.

It made me wonder if this is why we can struggle with religion. We all know it is male top heavy but maybe it is “father” top heavy too when actually what this TV program, and other places where people search for their birth parents, is that people are looking for a mother.

Yes I know in psychological studies having an absent father can have a huge impact on, especially, a girl’s sexuality as well as on a boy’s way of being in the world. And an aggressive father can lead to a son being aggressive. But I wonder with this how much is affected by the way the mother reacts to the absent father.

This is not a blaming mothers, because I am one, and was a single one for nearly 10 years of my children’s upbringing. But it is more opening up the question of why does it appear that people who are adopted want to know who their mother is yet in Christianity we talk so much about God the Father?

Would be interested to hear other thoughts on this.