stephen king – Aspirational Adventures

We are all guilty of procrastination at some point. Procrastination is not the same as listening to our hearts and leaving things to another day. Procrastination is when you know you want to do something but you put it off yet you can feel your heart telling you to do it.

Procrastination is a voluntary deal. As writers it is when we do all the chores, etc before sitting down to write and then wonder why we’ve run out of time. Procrastination is to do with emotional disregulation, of lacking emotional clarity, so we put it off and give it to our future selves as if they can deal with it better than our present selves. But of course if our present selves couldn’t handle it why would our future selves be any better at it, especially with the guilt that then comes with it for not having done it in the first place. And so as we all know we then put it off again, and again and again, which explains why so any things get harder to impliment as we get older.

It is almost a kind of self harm, but a self harm of our future selves.

So we need to ask our present selves the “why” question rather than trying to get through our procrastination with grim determination. Perhaps the “why we’re procrastinating” question will reveal that we don’t think we’re good enough to, that we have doubts that we’re up for the task. But if we feel we’re not good enough [that enough word again] then our future selves will feel even less like they can do it!

So what do we do?

We ask the questions of where did this idea that I’m not good enough come from and then we treat ourselves with compassion as the answers come up.

If we are kind to ourselves, compassionate with ourselves, give ourselves the grace to forgive ourselves for believing we are not good enough, then we can start slowly to move forward. We can learn to be curious about ourselves in a gentle way not a condemning way, and what we must do is keep ourselves safe from allowing the procrastination to hold us back.

Also we must not compare. I’ve been reading Stephen Kings “On Writing” book. He started submitting stories in his teens and has been writing prolifically in, at times in challenging circumstances, for over fifty years. His philosophy is to write about 2000 words before doing anything else. I could so easily have been doing that if I hadn’t been procrastinating, but I didn’t. Instead I am 63 and have put off the “big write” till now.

So I could sit here condemning myself and giving my 63 year old self a hard time for not putting in more time and effort beforehand. But, you know what, I cannot go backwards. I can only start where I am now. I can use the present to move forward because the past is the past and it is gone. What good is it going to do me if I spend all my present energy trying to change the past? Daft idea when you see it written down but it is what a lot of us try to do a times – that whole “if only” syndrome.

So each day as I feel myself wanting to go and do something else, to procrastinate with my own writing, I gently ask myself why, and slowly, slowly I am moving forward with writing what I want to write with a confidence I have never had before.

Perhaps it also helps to know I am a lake not an ocean and am secure in that.

What It’s Really Like To Be A Writer

Barefoot At The Kitchen Table logo

The Bridport Prize newsletter today asks people to send in their thoughts on “what it’s really like to be a writer”. So I thought I would make my thoughts public on here.

I hope that must of us will put down something different. And I think that is when we have achieved what it means to be “a writer”. To stop comparing ourselves with others and be the writer we are meant to be. Also for me to be a writer means so much more than – to be a published writer!

I’ve just read Stephen King’s “On Writing” and he says that one has to write 1000 words a day, but I am no Stephen King. My writing day also contains walking the dog, housework, cooking, shopping, supporting friends, looking for freelance work, planning and advertising writing groups. So I have more going on in my day than Stephen King.

I know of some writers who work outside the house full time, have a family and yet still are amazing and complete a book and get published. I am not like that. I get easily distracted by the shiny things – an email to answer, a WhatsApp from my kids or from a friend, a website I want to explore. I think if I’d been at school now they would have labeled me as ADD. I cannot sit and look at the keyboard waiting for a thought to transpire into a word/words/story. I flit off and check out Wordle or Solitaire or emails!

But on a walk, just me and dog, or in my car or led in bed the words come. Most times I cannot write them down, especially not when driving. But I trust that I will remember what I am meant to remember and will find the time to write it down when I do. I know one of the greats, but can’t remember who, said re-waxed the stairs in the huge house he lived in whilst writing one of his best known books. Wish I could remember who that was!

I am part of a group called The Write Place who meet in person in Frome but also meet on Zoom and just write. I knew them when I lived near Frome but not that I am over 250 miles away I connect via Zoom. Just we say a quick hello but then just get on and do the stuff. That does help but my nature is that, once I cannot think of anything to write I still get distracted. So good though it is for me it still cannot keep me staring at the screen waiting for that word to come.

But I love to write. I would say I’ve always written. I’ve always been a writer. I write to explore what I am thinking, to record an event, when something makes me laugh or cry or I feel passionate about. All these blog post are things I want to share with others. For me writing is a way to share my thoughts with others. I feel that if it’s written down then it has been a true thought.

I love to encourage others to write, which is why I run writing groups in my area under the name Barefoot At The Kitchen Table – barefooted so that one is connected with the land and the kitchen table because it is always where the best conversations happen. I could probably do more writing if I didn’t do this but I so love this. And I would say running these groups is also part of what makes me a writer.

So for me “to be a writer” means that I must write. And write I do though do get “confused” between what counts as writing. Take this morning for example – I was up at 6.30, wrote a plan for a short story I’m working for homework for a course I’m on, did 2 pages of “Morning pages“, then got dressed, walked the dog, read emails, had breakfast, wrote up the notes for my story, sorted the website I use for my writing groups and then am writing this. All writing and all part of me exploring me through my words but very little of it will be published but that is ok.

Being a writer means being ok with being me and who I am.